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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.
Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?
Me: Yes?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: May I ask what that was for?
FMe: Of course.
Me: What was that for, jerk?
FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.
Me: What?!?  I’ve never even met you, before.
FMe: Of course you have.  I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.
Me: Huh?
FMe: Listen close.  You’re not  the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.
Me: ???
FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.
Me: I don’t appreciate….
FMe: Shut up.  I was dumb then, too.  Remember?  You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year.  On top of many other expensive decisions.  Do your recall?
Me: Yes, I do.  So what?
FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car.  Your kids wear new clothes.  You’ve got a house full of new furniture.  How did you pay for all of that?
Me: Naturally, I charged it.  Zero payments, zero interest for a year!  Pretty smart, huh?
FMe: What happens in a year?
Me: I don’t know.  I’ve got a full year to figure that out.
FMe: <Slap!>  I’ll tell you what happens!  Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed!   Your raise didn’t come through.  You had a baby. The truck broke down.  Your wife took maternity leave.  A roommate moved out.  You took a loss in the stock market.  You didn’t plan!  You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.
Me: How was I to know?
FMe: <Slap!>  Life happens!  You never know what is coming next.  You need to plan and save for what might happen.  Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly.  That is not acceptable.
Me:  So?  What are you going to do about it?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: Really?  Again?
FMe: <Slap!>  I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help.  Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux.  My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford.   You’ve screwed me, dude.
Me: I’m sorry.  What can I do to fix it?
FMe: Buy me dinner, first.
Me: Huh?!?!?
FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change.  No credit.
Me: None?
FMe: None.  Nada.  Zip.  Zilch.  Only spend what you can afford. Budget.  Pay off those nasty bills.  Don’t leave me hanging.
Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?
FMe: Exactly.  That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence.  Live in the real world.
Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me!  Now I know.
FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

 

Money Problems – Day 4: Making a Budget

Finance

Fiscal Year 2010 Budget Briefing (200905070001HQ)
Image by nasa hq photo via Flickr

Today, I continuing the  series, Money Problems: 30 Days to Perfect Finances.   The series will consist of 30 things you can do in one setting to perfect your finances.  It’s not a system to magically make your debt disappear.  Instead, it is a path to understanding where you are, where you want to be, and–most importantly–how to bridge the gap.

I’m not running the series in 30 consecutive days.  That’s not my schedule.  Also, I think that talking about the same thing for 30 days straight will bore both of us.   Instead, it will run roughly once a week.  To make sure you don’t miss a post, please take a moment to subscribe, either by email or rss.

This is day 4 and today, you are going to make a budget.

Now that you’ve got your list of expenses and you’ve figured out your income, it’s time to put them together and do the dreaded deed.  Your going to make a budget today.  Don’t be scared.  I’ll hold your hand.

Here are the tools you need:

  1. Your list of expenses from Day Two.
  2. Your list of income from Day Three.
  3. A spreadsheet.  I recommend the spreadsheet included in Google Docs, but Excel or the Open Office alternative, CALC, are acceptable substitutes.

Setting up the spreadsheet is dead simple.

Create a column for the label, telling you what each line item is.  Create a column to hold the monthly payment amount.   At the bottom of column 2, create a formula that totals your expenses.   If you are including a bill that isn’t due monthly, use a formula similar to the day 3 income formula to figure out what you need to set aside each month.  To figure a quarterly bill, multiply the amount by 4, then divide by 12.  To figure a weekly bill, multiply by 52 and divide by 12.

Scoot over a few columns and do the same thing for your income.

Scoot over a couple more columns and set up a total.  This is easy.  It’s just a matter of subtracting your expenses from you income.  Hopefully, this gives you a positive number.

To make this even easier, I’ve shared a blank budget spreadsheet.  No excuses.  If that simple spreadsheet doesn’t meet your needs, I’ve got a much more detailed version that includes categories.   I use the detailed version.

Making a budget may be the most intimidating financial step you take, but everything else is built on the assumption that you understand where you money came from and where it is going.  Without,it, your navigating a major maze based on a coin flip instead of a map.

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Saturday Roundup – Dirty Beggar Edition

Misc

Ninjas killed my father
Image by Chris Pirillo via Flickr

I have a favor to ask.  Free Money Finance is running his annual March Money Madness blog contest.   Please drop by and vote for me. Just comment with “Game 6: Bags”.  Thank you!

Starting next week, my roundups will be happening on Sunday.   I weigh in on Saturday, and that just makes me feel rushed on Saturday mornings.

Free Money Tip

INGDirect is having a sweet promotion.  Open a checking account, use it three times in 45 days, and get $50 free.  Free money is the best kind.  I love my ING account and keep all of my savings there.  If you don’t have an account there, yet, now is a great time to open one.

30 Day Project Update

This month, I am trying to establish the Slow Carb Diet as a habit.   At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing.   For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms.   My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils).    There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism.   The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind.  There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.

I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs.   Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.

Weight: I have lost 20 pounds since January 2nd.   That’s 3 pounds since last week.

Total Inches: I have lost 10 inches in the same time frame, down 1 since last week.

That is kind of a disappointing week, after losing 17 pounds in the two previous weeks.  Still, it’s progress.   Should I blame it on getting sloppy with the supplements and timed exercise, which aren’t(technically) necessary, the vagaries of losing weight, or the fact that I(gasp) had some feta cheese on a salad yesterday(Dairy is out, but I didn’t recognize it until it was too late and I was happy.)?   I’ll go with B.  Weight loss is never completely consistent.

Best Posts

If some puny little constellation can mess up our zodiac signs, what will a second sun do?

Everyday Tips and Thoughts ran a post on cell phone etiquette.  I agree wholeheartedly with the bathroom talkers.  I’m in there trying to concentrate, and you’re yammering to your bank, or your girlfriend?  Expect me to flush every 2 minutes.

Important question: what caliber for land shark?

Do you juggle too much?   Project Happily Ever After explains the difference between balls that bounce and balls that break.

Buy Like Buffet is giving away an iPad.

LRN Timewarp

This is where I review the posts I wrote one year ago.

I wrote a post about saving money on health care.  It’s still a good post, but the HSA/FSA rules have changed.  Now, you need a  prescription to stock up on OTC meds at the end of the year to spend out your account.

When you buy something, do you ask yourself if you really need it? I wrote a post to help answer that question.

I also posted lesson 4 of my budget series.  This is where I go over my “set aside” funds, the money for bills that are not regular or for set amounts.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

5 Things to Do in the New Year was included in Crystal’s rockin’ Totally Money Carnival.  I’ll be hosting it in a couple of weeks.

Quit Smoking: My First Frugal Move…Ever was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Get More Out of Live Real, Now

There are so many ways you can read and interact with this site.

You can subscribe by RSS and get the posts in your favorite news reader.  I prefer Google Reader.

You can subscribe by email and get, not only the posts delivered to your inbox, but occasional giveaways and tidbits not available elsewhere.

You can ‘Like’ LRN on Facebook.   Facebook gets more use than Google.  It can’t hurt to see what you want where you want.

You can follow LRN on Twitter.   This comes with some nearly-instant interaction.

You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of.   I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.

Have a great weekend!

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Money Problems: Day 10 – Debt Insurance

Finance

Mortgage debt
Image via Wikipedia

Today, I am continuing the  series, Money Problems: 30 Days to Perfect Finances.   The series will consist of 30 things you can do in one setting to perfect your finances.  It’s not a system to magically make your debt disappear.  Instead, it is a path to understanding where you are, where you want to be, and–most importantly–how to bridge the gap.

I’m not running the series in 30 consecutive days.  That’s not my schedule.  Also, I think that talking about the same thing for 30 days straight will bore both of us.   Instead, it will run roughly once a week.  To make sure you don’t miss a post, please take a moment to subscribe, either by email or rss.

On this, Day 10, we’re going to talk about debt insurance.

Debt insurance is insurance you pay for that will pay your lender in the event of your death, dismemberment, disfigurement, disembowelment, or unemployment.  Exactly what is covered varies by insurer, type of debt, and what you are willing to pay for.

Private Mortgage Insurance(PMI) is a common form of debt insurance.   Generally, if you take out a mortgage with a down payment under 20%, you’ll be expected to pay for PMI.    According to the Homeowners Protection Act of 1998, you have the right to request your PMI be cancelled after reducing your loan amount to 78% of the appraised value of the property.  That ensures that the lender will be able to recoup their money by seizing the mortgaged property if you should happen to fall under a bus or get hit by a meteorite.

Another common form of debt insurance is for your credit cards.  Card companies love it when you buy their insurance.   If you buy their life insurance, your card is paid off when you die.   Disability insurance pays it if your get hurt.  Unemployment insurance…you get the idea.

Here’s the deal:  Get life insurance and disability insurance separately.  It’s cheaper than getting it through your credit card company and let’s you get enough to actually live on if something tragic happens.   Unless, of course, you die.  Then it will leave enough for your heirs to live on.

As far as unemployment insurance, build up your emergency fund instead.  That’s money that gives you options.   Credit card insurance is money flushed down the toilet.  Many of these policies cost 1% of your balance.   If you’ve got a $5,000 balance, that will mean you are paying $50 per month.  By comparison, if you’ve got a 9.9% interest rate, you’ll be paying about $40 per month in interest.

Debt insurance is a bad idea, if you can possibly avoid it.  A combination of life insurance, disability insurance, and an emergency fund provide better protection with more flexibility.

Your task for today is to review your credit card statements and mortgage agreement and see if you are paying debt insurance on any of it.  If you are, cancel and set up the proper insurance policies to protect yourself and your family.

3 Reasons You Hate Your Budget

Finance

Ice-cream dessert
Image via Wikipedia

One of the first steps in clearing up your financial mess is to set up a budget.    You need to figure out how much money you are making, how much you are spending, and what you can do to keep one of those numbers smaller than the other.   If your income is smaller than your expenses, you’ve got work to do.   If not, yay!

Even if you don’t obsessively cling to your spreadsheets and calculator, you need to spend the time to establish a budget–at least once–to know where you stand.  When you do, you’ll find out it sucks.  With good reason.

1.  It takes too long to set up. Setting up a budget can be a long, drawn-out pain in the butt.   Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be, but you won’t know that until after you make your first budget, then see some fairly drastic changes, and make a second budget.  That one will be easier.    For the first one, just concentrate on making a list of all of you regular bills and how often they are due.    Don’t be surprised when you miss some.   I missed a couple of our quarterly bills.  All told, it took a year to get our budget completely done.

2. It doesn’t lie. Once you have all of your expenses down on paper, you are done hiding.  You can’t tell yourself it’s all puppy dogs and ice cream when you are staring at the giant red pit that is the negative balance of your bad decisions.  Nobody likes the messenger who brings bad news.  When your budget shows you how big the hole is, you are going to hate it.   That’s when it’s time to confront the problem head on and get out of the hole.   Find the problems and rip ’em out.    Cancel the cable, taxidermize the cats, and start buying generic underpants.   It’s time to take an honest look at your situation.  If you can’t handle where you are, how are you going to get where you want to be?

3.  It’s not fun. When your friends go out, but you stay home because you’re broke, you will hate it.    Y’ou’re also gonna hate comparing your old cell phone to the iPhone in the hands of the d-bag contemplating bankruptcy.   Like Dave Ramsey says, “Live like no one else, so that later you can live like no one else.”   Skipping some of the fun now will turn into security later.  When you get to that point, it will have all been worth it.

Why do you hate your budget?

Sunday Roundup – Nook Failure

Misc

The manga section at Barnes & Noble at The Sho...
Image via Wikipedia

This week, I spent more than 2 hours, 20 emails, and 30 miles trying to convince UPS and Barnes & Noble to get me a Nook that I paid for 3 weeks ago.   Hopefully, I’ll have it early this week.  If not, I’m giving up.  The only other action I’m willing to take to get this resolved is to call my credit card company and file a chargeback.

Fun!

Weight Loss Update

I am on the Slow Carb Diet.   At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing.   For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms.   My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils).    There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism.   The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind.  There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.

I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs.   Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.

Weight: I have lost 41 pounds since January 2nd.   That’s no progress since last week.   I’m still doing push-ups every day, so it’s not surprising that I’m flunking weight loss.

Total Inches: I have lost  22.5 inches in the same time frame, up half an inch since last week.

Best Posts

Five Cent Nickel had a post on tipping.  I always tip, but I don’t consider 15% to be a requirement.  If the service sucks, I tip just a few cents.  If the service is great, I easily and always clear 20%.  A friend tried telling me that servers expect 20% to be standard, but that’s nuts.  They aren’t the people who get to make that decision.

Money Crashers talked about traveling for free.  In anticipation of the Financial Blogger Conference in October, I opened a travel rewards card.  I’m hoping to make the trip for free.

I watched a TedTalk yesterday about teaching kids about electricity with homemade play-dough.   This is a project that will be happening.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

Narrow Bridge Finance ran my post, Monsters, while I ran his, Living the High Life, for the Yakezie blog swap, answering the question “What motivates you financially?”

Negotiating Superstar was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

5 Ways to Change Your Spending Habits was included in the Totally Money Blog Carnival.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Get More Out of Live Real, Now

There are so many ways you can read and interact with this site.

You can subscribe by RSS and get the posts in your favorite news reader.  I prefer Google Reader.

You can subscribe by email and get, not only the posts delivered to your inbox, but occasional giveaways and tidbits not available elsewhere.

You can ‘Like’ LRN on Facebook.   Facebook gets more use than Google.  It can’t hurt to see what you want where you want.

You can follow LRN on Twitter.   This comes with some nearly-instant interaction.

You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of.   I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.

Have a great week!

 

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