- RT @ramseyshow: RT @E_C_S_T_E_R_I_: "Stupid has a gravitational pull." -D Ramsey as heard n NPR. I know many who have not escaped its orbit. #
- @BudgetsAreSexy KISS is playing the MINUTE state fair in August. in reply to BudgetsAreSexy #
- 3 year old is "reading" to her sister: Goldilocks, complete with the voices I use. #
- RT @marcandangel: 40 Useful Sites To Learn New Skills http://bit.ly/b1tseW #
- Babies bounce! https://liverealnow.net/hKmc #
- While trying to pay for dinner recently, I was asked if other businesses accepted my $2 bills. #
- Lol RT @zappos: Art. on front page of USA Today is titled "Twitter Power". I diligently read the first 140 characters. http://bit.ly/9csCIG #
- Sweet! I am the number 1 hit on Ask.com for "I hate birthday parties" #
- RT @FinEngr: Money Hackers Carnival #117 Wedding & Marriage Edition http://bit.ly/cTO4FU #
- Nobody, but nobody walks sexy wearing flipflops. #
- @MonroeOnABudget Sandals are ok. Flipflops ruin a good sway. 🙂 in reply to MonroeOnABudget #
- RT @untemplater: RT @zappos: "Do one thing every day that scares you." -Eleanor Roosevelt #
Fighting Fair
This was a guest post on another site early last year.
Everyone, at times, has disagreements. How boring would life be if everyone agreed all of the time? How you handle those disagreements may mean disaster.
This is particularly true when you are arguing with your spouse. You spend most non-working moments with this one person, this wonderful, loving, infuriating person. Your emotions will naturally run high while discussing the things you care most about with the person you care most about. Arguments are not only natural, but inevitable.
How do you have an argument with someone you love without lasting resentment?
You have to argue fairly. There are a few principles to remember during an argument.
- When your partner is talking, your job is to listen with all of your energy. You are not interrupting. Your are not planning your rebuttal while waiting for your turn to talk. Your are listening, nothing else. If you don’t listen, you can’t understand. If you don’t understand, you can’t find a resolution.
- Remember that your partner cares. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t feel so strongly about the argument. This isn’t a war, just an argument. She still wants to spend the rest of her life with you. Keeping this in mind will change the entire tone of the argument into a positive interaction. You will still disagree, but you will be looking for a solution together, instead of finding a “win” at any cost.
- Search for the best intent. Remember #2? There is an incredibly good chance that, if there are two ways to interpret something your partner has said–a good way and a bad way–your partner probably meant the good way. Even if you are wrong, it is far better to err on the side of resolution than the side of antagonism.
- When your partner has finished speaking, it’s still not your turn to argue. Your job now is to repeat your understanding of the issue, without worrying about problem-solving. Before you can refute the argument–or even establish your disagreement–you have to know that you understand her position and she has to know that you do. Without understanding, there can be no path to resolution that doesn’t cause resentment. If you have too much resentment, you won’t have a marriage.
After all of this, it will finally be your turn to make your point. Hopefully, your partner will be following the same rules so you can solve your problems together, without learning to hate each other.
Arguments in your marriage aren’t–or shouldn’t be–intended to draw blood. Fights happen. If your goal is to win at any cost, you will both lose, possibly everything.
5 Life Altering Lessons I Learned From My Debt
Several years ago, my wife and I dug ourselves into debt pretty deep. It wasn’t as bad as some, but it was much worse than anybody could actually want. Recognizing the problem as a problem was a life-changing event. From there, I’ve been examining every thing else about my life. As part of that examination, I’ve spent a lot of time really thinking about the ultimate causes of the debt and what it has taken to motivate ourselves to get rid of it.
I’ve realized a few things:
- The things I want right now do not matter. I own around 2000 movies. Up until last spring, every time I went into a store that sold movies, I’d peruse the cheap rack and buy 2-3 moves. I’d watch them all, but the vast majority were only ever watched once or twice. The rest may as well have been rented. I wanted them and I wanted them “right now”, but after watching them once, the value vanished. Most things I’ve bought on a whim lost their value to me shortly after bringing them home. Planned purchases are enjoyable longer.
- The things I care about do not cost money. I cannot buy a kiss from my kids, or a hug from my wife. The school project my son did on his hero(Me!) is absolutely priceless. The TV, the smartphone, a new car, these things are fleeting. Teaching my kids to read or ride a bike, getting beat by a 6 year old at chess, these things will last us all forever. It took $30,000 of unsecured consumer debt to drill that lesson home.
- Instant gratification is easier than security, but not nearly as gratifying. It is incredibly easy to buy what you want when you want it. It is much harder to postpone buying something until you can afford it. Once you build that habit, and see the savings of delayed gratification, it’s worth it. There is a comfort in having a few months worth of expenses in an emergency fund that no amount of knickknacks can match.
- I like getting stuff more than I like having stuff. It’s easy to succumb to the temporary high of a quick purchase. It’s easy to train yourself to crave that high to the point that it’s impossibly to walk out of a store without buying something. I did that. When I cleaned out my entire house this spring, I came to the realization that I don’t need–or even want–most of the things I own. I wanted it once, but once I had it, the infatuation was gone. I didn’t have many problems unloading most of my crap. It felt good to get rid of it.
- Owing money sucks. The borrower is slave to the lender. When our debt exceeded our annual income, we were working 3/4 of the time just to stay afloat. Instead of being able to spend my time and money on the things that matter, I was forced to spend thousands of hours just covering interest and pretending to make progress on my shackles. That’s not how I recommend spending your life. Time is the one thing you have that you can never get back. Don’t waste it on crap like debt.
Have you learned anything from your debt?
Charity is Selfish
I try to give 10% of my income to charity. I don’t succeed every year, but I do try.
I don’t give because I’m generous. I give because I’m selfish.
If you give to charity, you are too.
I’m not talking about people who give to charity strictly for the tax deduction, though that is selfish too. I’m referring specifically to the people who give to charity out of the goodness of their hearts.
If I give a thousand dollars worth of clothes to a homeless shelter, I get a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that I helped people stay warm.
If I send $100 to the Red Cross for whatever terrible disaster happened shortly before I made the donation, it makes me feel good to have contributed to saving those lives.
The put-the-inner-city-kids-on-a-horse thing we do? Makes me happy to get those kids into a positive situation.
Donating blood? Yay, me! I’m saving lives!
While it’s nice to help other people, that’s not the ultimate reason I’m doing it. I do it because it makes me feel good about myself to help other people, particularly people who–for whatever reason–can’t help themselves.
That’s the basis of altruism. It’s not about helping others, it’s about feeling good about helping others.
The truly selfish, the evil dogooders, are the ones who want to raise taxes to give it away as “charity”. They get to feel like they are doing something and helping others while not actually contributing themselves and, at the same time, stealing that warm fuzzy feeling from the people who are providing the money to start with.
Evil.
Charity has to be done at a personal, local level or the benefits to the giver are eliminated while the benefits to the receiver are lessened. Bureaucracy doesn’t create efficiency.
For the record, if it’s taken by force, by tax, it isn’t charity. Charity cannot be forced. Forcing charity is, at best, a fraudulent way for petty politicians, bureaucrats, lobbyists, and activists to feel they have power over others.
Again, evil.
My Net Worth
While I find it fascinating to read about other people’s net worth, I’ve never bothered to figure out my own. With the start of the new year, I thought it would be fun to do. This is me, upping my personal transparency bar.
Assets
- House: $255,400. Estimated market value according to the county tax assessor.
- Cars: $23,445. Kelly Blue Book suggested retail value for both of our vehicles and my motorcycle.
- Checking accounts: $2,974. I have accounts spread across three banks.
- Savings accounts: $4,779. I have savings accounts spread across a few banks. This does not include my kids’ accounts, even though they are in my name. This includes every savings goal I have at the moment.
- CDs: $1,095. I consider this a part of my emergency fund.
- IRAs: $11,172 (Do you know your IRA contribution limits? Do you have a Roth IRA?)
- Total: $298,865
Liabilities
- Mortgage: $33,978
- Car loan: $1,226. This will be paid off this month.
- Credit card: $23,524. This is the next target of my debt snowball.
- Total: $58,728
Overall: $240,137
Update: I wrote and scheduled this before I paid off my car loan.
The Best Financial Advice I Ever Received
Read through any financial book, newspaper, magazine, or blog and you’ll find no shortage of advice. It seems everyone has their own opinion on what you should be doing with your money. One book tells you to invest in real estate. Another says index funds. Another says tax liens.
After awhile it can become pretty frustrating trying to figure out what exactly is the best course of action. If all these experts have different opinions, whose advice do you trust?
Personally, the best financial advice I ever received didn’t come from a financial guru. It didn’t come from a personal finance book or magazine. It didn’t come from the Wall Street Journal or the New York Times.
It came from my dad.
I was probably about eight or nine years old and I was sitting on the floor playing with my Star Wars action figures while he sat in his chair flipping though a trade magazine. Out of the blue, he asked me for ideas on what kind of products he could sell for extra income.
Being an 8 year old boy the only things that came to mind were whoopee cushions and magic sets. But that wasn’t exactly what my dad had in mind.
“Why do you want to sell stuff anyway?” I asked him.
“To make extra money. Gotta keep food on the table,” he replied.
“But you already have a job. Just ask for a raise or something if you need more money.”
My dad just shook his head. And then he sat me down and gave me the best financial advice anyone has ever given me.
“Mike, my boss doesn’t give a damn about me. He cares about himself and his own job. If it helps him to have me around then that’s good for me. But if he decides he’s better off without me, then I’m gone. That’s the way it is. It will be the same when you get older and get a job. You’ve got to look after yourself because no one else is looking out for you. You can’t rely on your boss, or the government, or anyone else to help you look after your family. You’ve got to take the bull by the horns and do it yourself.”
Now, my dad wasn’t a financial guru. In fact he was practically broke when he died. Several years after we had our talk his company decided they could hire someone younger to do his job for a lot less money and they laid him off. Several attempts at entrepreneurship failed and he ended up burning through the family savings while racking up debt.
But his words still echo with me today. I harbor an inherent mistrust of corporate America and the knowledge that no matter how well I perform my job I could be let go without warning if they decide to send my job overseas to India or the Philippines.
But my father’s words also fill me with a need for independence and the need to build multiple streams of income to protect myself against the loss of one. Without that little speech all those years ago I might not have learned how to make websites to supplement my income. And I wouldn’t be progressing toward my ultimate plan of quitting my day job so I can focus solely on my own business while having the freedom to spend more time with my family.
Most importantly, I have goals and a plan to reach them. Without that I would be like so many of my friends who march off to work day after day with no real sense of power or purpose.
What about you? What was the best financial advice you ever received?
Written by Mike Collins of http://SavingMoneyToday.net
