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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.

Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?

Me: Yes?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: May I ask what that was for?

FMe: Of course.

Me: What was that for, jerk?

FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.

Me: What?!? I’ve never even met you, before.

FMe: Of course you have. I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.

Me: Huh?

FMe: Listen close. You’re not the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.

Me: ???

FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.

Me: I don’t appreciate….

FMe: Shut up. I was dumb then, too. Remember? You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year. On top of many other expensive decisions. Do your recall?

Me: Yes, I do. So what?

FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car. Your kids wear new clothes. You’ve got a house full of new furniture. How did you pay for all of that?

Me: Naturally, I charged it. Zero payments, zero interest for a year! Pretty smart, huh?

FMe: What happens in a year?

Me: I don’t know. I’ve got a full year to figure that out.

FMe: <Slap!> I’ll tell you what happens! Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed! Your raise didn’t come through. You had a baby. The truck broke down. Your wife took maternity leave. A roommate moved out. You took a loss in the stock market. You didn’t plan! You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.

Me: How was I to know?

FMe: <Slap!> Life happens! You never know what is coming next. You need to plan and save for what might happen. Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly. That is not acceptable.

Me: So? What are you going to do about it?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: Really? Again?

FMe: <Slap!> I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help. Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux. My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford. You’ve screwed me, dude.

Me: I’m sorry. What can I do to fix it?

FMe: Buy me dinner, first.

Me: Huh?!?!?

FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change. No credit.

Me: None?

FMe: None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Only spend what you can afford. Budget. Pay off those nasty bills. Don’t leave me hanging.

Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?

FMe: Exactly. That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence. Live in the real world.

Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me! Now I know.

FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

Hayden Panettiere Gets Engaged – Crazy Wedding or Not?

Gossip

Hayden Panettiere has formally announced her engagement! The starlet will be marrying Vladimir Klitschko, who is a world renowned boxer that has won an Olympic gold medal. The unexpected public revelation has sparked rumor trails regarding glitzy wedding plans. While no date has been set, and nothing has been confirmed, there is widespread speculation that the event is going to be glamorously over-the-top.

A decadent gala may very well be in the planning stages. The “Nashville” actress, age 24, is one of America’s most idolized entertainers. She appeared on “Live with Kelly & Michael” to declare her commitment. During the show, she flaunted an extravagantly oversized engagement ring. This fancy display could be the precursor to an expensively ostentatious wedding.

Although Panettiere’s fiance is 13 years older than her, it is the first marriage for both partners. This may instill extra incentive for the couple to make their officiation an extremely flashy occasion. Because Klitschko is a famous Ukrainian athlete, he will also be anticipating a magnificently choreographed wedding. Both individuals could invest fortunes in perfecting their walk down the aisle together.

Of course, one of the biggest decisions that Panettiere faces is the selection of her gown. All eyes will be on the fabric that she chooses for this special day. If they go through with a public wedding, the dress will be permanently immortalized in global media. She is going to want to show off flawless class, glimmering austerity and sizzling sultriness. Fashion critics are eagerly anticipating her selection. The high-end designer that she picks will receive a tremendous boost in popularity, especially if she pulls off a beautiful presentation.

A crazy wedding would be completely in character for the young television star. Her most known role was a bubbly cheerleader on the long-running series, “Heroes.” With vivacious charm, she became a sex symbol across the country. Explosiveness is simply a part of her personality, so a bombastic celebration is to be expected. Furthermore, Ukrainian wedding parties have a tendency to be more raucous than American traditions. If they follow any of the groom’s cultural practices, the event could become out of control.

The massive ring on Panettiere’s finger indicates no desire for privacy regarding this affair. In fact, it was an invitation for the mainstream media to cover the entire ordeal. This hints that the couple might be planning a gigantic wedding event. They can easily afford it, and the public celebrations will rapidly enhance the star’s critical acclaim.

In contrast, a private exchange of vows would disappoint her legions of fans. Furthermore, paparazzi could still infiltrate the wedding to snap pictures. To avoid any uninvited intrusions, the couple should be open to media coverage during their nupital arrangements. This will let them control the event, and allow them to recoup some of the expenses through lucrative network contracts. Regardless of how they conduct the wedding, it is certain that the whole world will be diligently watching with admiration, and perhaps a slight tinge of jealousy.

Sunday Roundup: Father’s Day

Finance

Father's Day Cake 2009 — Image by Jim, the Photographer via Flickr

On Father’s Day, 3 years ago, my third and final kid was born. My kids are all horrible brats and I love them dearly.

I wouldn’t give up fatherhood for anything. Watching my kids grow and learn, steering their development, and teaching them how to navigate life is the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever been a part of. Also the most frustrating. I can’t imagine being anywhere else, not being with my kids. I have no respect for deadbeat parents.

I am incredibly grateful that I had a proper model for manhood and fatherhood. My dad taught me the concepts of honor, integrity, and responsibility. I couldn’t be the man I am now, if he wasn’t the man he is. Thanks, Dad.

Best Posts

Sometimes, the coolest things in the world are the things most likely to kill you. Call me crazy, but I’d happily strap a 1200 cc propeller to my crotch and find out what 10,000 feet looks like.

Via Budgeting In The Fun Stuff, Super Frugalette reminds us that, when there’s a significant amount of money involved, spending a few hundred dollars on an attorney isn’t wasteful.

Fivecentnickel discuss multi-level marketing. It doesn’t matter which company you are in, if your downline is more important that your product, it’s a bad business model.

Keith Ferrazzi shows us how to improve our body language when it really matters.

When I started driving, I tossed my car in a ditch going way too fast. Naturally, it was my parents’ fault for giving me the curfew I was trying to beat. They never would have bought it if I would have told them I was driving like my grandma and it jumped into the trees by itself. Why does the FBI think that’s believable? Corruption, maybe?

Financial Samurai talks about living a life without regrets, which is a personal goal of mine.

Food storage will become critical when the zombies come.

Beer is good. Even the cave-men thought so.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

3 Ways to Keep Your Finances Organized was an Editor’s Pick in this week’s Festival of Frugality. Thanks!

5 Reasons Your Wealth Isn’t Growing was included in this week’s Carnival of Personal Finance.

Money Problems: Insurance was included in the Totally Money Blog Carnival.

Unlicense Health Insurance was included in last week’s Carnival of Personal Finance.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Yakezie Blog Swap

Last week, the Yakezie shared what they would do with a single financial do-over.

– Melissa from Mom’s Plans shares her biggest financial mistake at Barbara Friedberg Personal Finance: Opening an eBay Store and Using Credit. It is a great story about how not to grow your business and how competing priorities can pose a real challenge.

– Budgeting in the Fun Stuff shares her biggest financial mistake and potential do-over at Super Frugalette: Investing in a Friend’s Business. Its a good, but costly lesson learned about small business.

– Eric from Narrow Bridge Finance shares how He Wouldn’t Have Paid Down His Student Loans So Fast at The Saved Quarter. This may seem counter-intuitive, but he has some good points. Check it out.

– Mr. S from Broke Professionals shares how He Wouldn’t Have Bought a New Car at My Personal Finance Journey. This has some great analysis, especially considering the new car was a hybrid!

– The College Investor posted at Wealth Informatics: What you should know when you are investing?

– Wealth Informatics posted here: If you had one financial do-over, what would it be and why?

– Barbara Friedberg shares how She Was Scammed at Mom’s Plans. You have to watch out for the hard sell!

– Joe at Retireby40 tells us about How He Invested his 401(k) in Company Stock right before the dot com crash, at Financially Consumed. A financial adviser may have helped avoid this one!

– Financially Consumed shares his Car Purchase Do-Over And Over at Retireby40. Car addicts have it tough!

– LaTisha from FSYA shares her do-over story in It’s Never Too Late at Little House in the Valley. Sometimes the do-over is quicker and more painless than most.

– Little House yell’s Do-Over! Do-Over! at FSYA Online. It looks at the road to saving more, starting on an elementary school playground!

– The Single Saver asks, What Are The Long Term Consequences of Small Purchases at Totally Money. A cool post on how past purchases cost future returns!

– Miss Moneypenniless from Totally Money shares her story of Vacationing to the Brink of Bankruptcy. Sometimes a vacation can be fun, but the bills afterward may be daunting.

– Super Frugalette shares How a Lawyer Could Have Saved Her $24,700 at Budgeting in the Fun Stuff. Maybe lawyers are worth it sometimes?

– Jason from Live Real, Now shares how he Amassed $90,000 of Debt at Debt Eye. A good lesson in living a little more frugally.

– Kevin from Debteye shares his do-over: Not Buying a House Right Out of College at Live Real, Now. I have said it before that buying a house can be challenging right out of college.

– Penny from The Saved Quarter shares how She Would Have Finished College Before Having Kids at Narrow Bridge Finance. An awesome story that has will soon have a happy ending!

– Jacob from My Personal Finance Journey shares how he was Scammed on eBay at Broke Professionals. An important lesson for anyone selling or buying online.

– Marissa from Thirty-Six Months shares how she Accumulated a Ton of Student Loan Debt at So Over Debt. If you are going to live the life, you’re going to pay the price!

– Andrea from So Over Debt shares How She Would Have Started Saving for Retirementat Thirty-Six Months. I would love to read a post on each of the stories you mentioned getting to where you are now!

– Below Your Means shares his story about A Missed Investment Opportunity. There are so many times I wish I could have gone back and bought a stock!

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Have a great week!

The 10-Step Saving Action Plan

Finance

: Image via Wikipedia

Getting started saving money is hard. It’s easy to get used to instant gratification and impulse purchases. Postponing material fulfillment takes discipline and deferred enjoyment. I don’t like deferring my enjoyment, but I do it. The path to successful savings isn’t always easy, but it is gratifying, when you give it the time and effort required to see actual results.

Here’s the 10 step plan to successful savings:

Recognize the need. If you don’t understand why you need to save, you won’t do it for long. If you think it’s more important to buy a new car, a new TV, or the fanciest portable gadget out there, you won’t prioritize saving. You need to think about how saving a solid nest egg will benefit you and your future self, before you can be sure you will stick to your savings plan.
Pay yourself first. When you get paid, whether it’s a traditional paycheck or a surprise windfall, immediately drop 10-15% in a savings account you keep completely off-limits, no exceptions. If you make this an unbreakable habit, you will have a surprising amount of money in a surprisingly short amount of time.
Prioritize. Prioritize your expenses. If you don’t care about a particular optional expense, get rid of it! Examine the rest of the bill for things you can trim. Do you really need 5000 channels? Can you make do with just 300 specialized versions of ESPN?
Compare prices. If you buy from the lower-priced store, you save money. No s****, huh? Doing this requires that you forgo impulse purchases and do some research before you buy most things. Shop online, at least enough to know what you should be paying.
Save your change. When you get home at night, put your change in a jar. When the jar gets full, bring it to the bank. A medium-sized mason jar full of silver-colored coins will bring in about $100. Put that directly into savings.
Save your dollars. I pay cash for everything I buy in person. When my money clip gets too many one-dollar bills, I put them all into a box. This would be a phenomenal addition to my savings account, if I weren’t planning to use it for spending money on our vacation next month.
Save the extra $$. If you get unexpected money, don’t let it enter you regular cash flow. Get it straight into a savings account. You weren’t expecting it, so you won’t miss it.
Save the new $$. Save your raise. If you start making more money, save the difference. Like #7, you’ll never miss it. Don’t give yourself a chance to expand your lifestyle.
Club the naysayers in the knees. There will always be people who denigrate your choices. If they tell you it’s crazy to live within your means, or get upset because you don’t want to go to the fancy restaurant, screw ’em. Not literally of course. We’re trying to apply a punishment here, after all. If they don’t like your choice, kick them in the shins.
Reward yourself. Don’t be afraid to schedule rewards at certain savings goalposts. When you get $5000 saved, let yourself take $300 to the high-end steakhouse. When you get $10000, look at buying the camera you want. Give yourself a reason to stay motivated. It is, after all, your money.

This is how we’ve managed to build up a small-but-comfortable emergency fund and tackle a nice chunk of our debt. Do you have plan to save?

Dreams

Finance, Life

Ever since she was a little girl, my wife has wanted to be a horse. Err, work with horses.

The problem is that most jobs working with horses pay horse-crap. It’s hard to raise a family on a stablehand’s income.

Her alternative was to own horses. This comes with a different set of problems. The biggest problem is that we live on 1/8 of an acre in a first-ring suburb. That’s not a lot of room to graze, though I would be willing to give up my spot in the garage.

I rock like that.

Boarding a horse costs a minimum of $200 per month. Two girls means two horses, otherwise, they won’t both be able to score in the saddle club. For the math challenged, that’s $400 per month, plus about $300 in preventative vet care per year.

$5100 for a year of boarding an extremely obsolete car.

Then, you need a trailer to get the horse to shows. You need saddles and reins and and short-legged stirrups and feedbags and muck-rakes and brushes and combs and hoof-cleaning-thingies and other stuff that will catch me by surprise for years to come.

Expensive.

My rough estimate is that it costs at least $10,000 to get into horse ownership, and that’s not counting the horse itself.

You can buy a horse for well under $1000 if you aren’t concerned about registration or speed. A 15 year old horse can last 10-15 more years, so it’s not money down the drain.

That’s $12,000 to get in and $5100 per year to stay in. Minimum.

Never let it be said that I’m not a pushover. Last month, we bought an SUV that can pull a horse trailer. Last weekend, we bought the trailer. That’s two major steps towards making my wife’s dreams come true. The rest of the plan culminates in a hobby farm in the sticks.

There are several steps in between.

I just need to put the brakes on every other step. We’ve been offered the free use of one pony next season, and we may be able to get another for the same price. Beyond that, we need to be patient. There will be no ponies purchased until the new truck and old mortgage are paid.

Period.

Kids Are Temporary

Life, Parenting, Relationships

Have you ever watched someone go nuts after they have kids?

I mean, even after the I-haven’t-slept-more-than-20-minutes-in-a-row-for-3-months stage of babydom?

These people dedicate their lives to their kids. They sacrifice all of their hopes and dreams and focus on the brats. They can’t have a date night because little Sally might get lonely without mommy and daddy. Can’t have a hobby because Johnny’s on the traveling soccer team. Can’t get laid because it’s a family bed and that’s kind of creepy when the kids are right there.

Everything for the kids.

As they grow, it gets worse. You spend more time helping with homework and less time talking to your wife. More time playing chauffeur, less time playing doctor.

It’s a nasty cycle, and it comes with an abrupt stop.

What happens when school’s out? Little Johnny graduates with a dual degree in Practical Philosophy and Experimental Art History, gets a job at the local Stab-and-Grab, gets married, and starts a family.

When that happens, parents suddenly become “extended family”. The kid has a life of his own and probably doesn’t need his clothes picked out in the morning, a ride to soccer practice, or someone to write his name in his underwear.

This is planned. It is–in theory–the reason we raise our kids. It shouldn’t be a surprise, even if it is a bit of a shock.

Can you survive it? Can your marriage?

If you’ve spent the last 20 years of your life pretending you are nothing but a system for delivering food, rides, and gadgets for your kids, what are you going to do with your time when they are busy pretending they are that system for their kids? If you’ve never developed a hobby, are you going to go extra-special, bat-**** crazy now?

For 20 years, have all of your conversations been about your kids? Have all of your outings been birthday parties? Will you have anything to say to your spouse when the kids are gone?

Your kids are temporary.

They are important. They are your genetic legacy and the people who will choose your nursing home. Don’t neglect them, but you do have to hold something back. Make time for yourself. Make time for your husband or your wife. Or both, if you can make that work.

When your kids are working 90 hour weeks building a new career, or hustling 4 kids to 10 after-school activities, your life doesn’t get to revolve around them.

All you’ve got is yourself and your wife. If she’s not feeling secure about your feelings now, when she loses the distraction of puke in her hair, that insecurity will blossom in unpleasant ways. If you can’t find a conversation that doesn’t involve the kids now, the silence will be blistering when you eventually lose that crutch.

If you don’t have a hobby, get one.

If you don’t have a relationship with your wife, get one. Take her on a date tonight. Your kids are temporary, your marriage shouldn’t be. This is the rest of your life. Make it worthwhile.

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