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The no-pants guide to spending, saving, and thriving in the real world.

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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.
Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?
Me: Yes?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: May I ask what that was for?
FMe: Of course.
Me: What was that for, jerk?
FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.
Me: What?!?  I’ve never even met you, before.
FMe: Of course you have.  I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.
Me: Huh?
FMe: Listen close.  You’re not  the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.
Me: ???
FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.
Me: I don’t appreciate….
FMe: Shut up.  I was dumb then, too.  Remember?  You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year.  On top of many other expensive decisions.  Do your recall?
Me: Yes, I do.  So what?
FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car.  Your kids wear new clothes.  You’ve got a house full of new furniture.  How did you pay for all of that?
Me: Naturally, I charged it.  Zero payments, zero interest for a year!  Pretty smart, huh?
FMe: What happens in a year?
Me: I don’t know.  I’ve got a full year to figure that out.
FMe: <Slap!>  I’ll tell you what happens!  Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed!   Your raise didn’t come through.  You had a baby. The truck broke down.  Your wife took maternity leave.  A roommate moved out.  You took a loss in the stock market.  You didn’t plan!  You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.
Me: How was I to know?
FMe: <Slap!>  Life happens!  You never know what is coming next.  You need to plan and save for what might happen.  Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly.  That is not acceptable.
Me:  So?  What are you going to do about it?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: Really?  Again?
FMe: <Slap!>  I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help.  Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux.  My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford.   You’ve screwed me, dude.
Me: I’m sorry.  What can I do to fix it?
FMe: Buy me dinner, first.
Me: Huh?!?!?
FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change.  No credit.
Me: None?
FMe: None.  Nada.  Zip.  Zilch.  Only spend what you can afford. Budget.  Pay off those nasty bills.  Don’t leave me hanging.
Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?
FMe: Exactly.  That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence.  Live in the real world.
Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me!  Now I know.
FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

 

Sunday Roundup: The Giant Marketing Fail

Misc

A mound of Girl Scout cookies. This mound cont...
Image via Wikipedia

When I was a kid, there were 44 cookies in a box of Thin Mints.   Now?  I’ve lost 16 cookies and that makes me sad.

When I was a kid, Girl Scouts went door-to-door selling cookies and freezing.  Now? Coworkers bring in the cookies to sell.

When I was a kid, there was a 6 week wait in between ordering cookies and eating them, creating a fantastic urge built on anticipation.  Now?  They are right there.

Girl Scout cookies have been an undeniable success as a fundraiser.   Entire generations have grown up waiting for that wonderful time of the year(February) when the little crack-hustlers come knocking on the door, trying to score some cash for their treats.

Remember the myth about drug dealers putting LSD on stickers and passing them out at elementary schools to hook children and make them addicts for life?  That was actually based on the true story of Girl Scouts and Samoas/Carmel Delites.   They came into our classrooms, plying their wares and hooked their classmates, a generation at a time.

Fast forward 20 years, and who are they marketing to?  The established addicts.   Now, it’s family, friends, and coworkers selling cookies, instead of the girls themselves addicting their classmates.    Who’s going to buy the cookies in 30 years?  Nobody.  The addicts are going to be falling out of the market and their replacements will be imaginary.  Really, who wants to buy half a box of cookies for $3.50 when the choice isn’t driven by nostalgia or addiction?

30 Day Project Update

This month, I am trying to do 100 perfect push-ups in a single set.  I’m recording each session in a spreadsheet.  I am currently up to 50 in a set and 145 in a session.

Weight Loss Update

I am on the Slow Carb Diet.   At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing.   For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms.   My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils).    There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism.   The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind.  There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.

I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs.   Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.

Weight: I have lost 36 pounds since January 2nd.   That’s 1 pound since last week.  I’m not surprised the rate of loss is down.  I’m doing a lot of push-ups, almost 1500 in the last week.

Total Inches: I have lost  21 inches in the same time frame, down 1.5 inches since last week.   Interesting tidbit:  I’ve lost 7 inches off of my waist since I went on the diet.

Best Posts

Have you ever used a credit card‘s concierge service?  Beats Google for some things.

Did you know that the TARP(Troubled Asset Relief Program/bank bailout administration) has its own armed police force?  Don’t defraud TARP, or a SWAT team could come knocking on down your door.

From now on, any story I read that doesn’t involve psychotic tree rats will lose a few points on the Jason Scale of Awesomeness.

LRN Timewarp

This is where I review the posts I wrote a year ago.  Did you miss them then?

I wrote a post about eliminating junk mail and spam phone calls.  I still smile when I think about the section on guerrilla warfare.

There’s also a timeless post on avoiding identity theft.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

Things to teach your kids about money was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

How to Deal with Debt While You’re Out of a Job was included in the Totally Money Carnival.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Get More Out of Live Real, Now

There are so many ways you can read and interact with this site.

You can subscribe by RSS and get the posts in your favorite news reader.  I prefer Google Reader.

You can subscribe by email and get, not only the posts delivered to your inbox, but occasional giveaways and tidbits not available elsewhere.

You can ‘Like’ LRN on Facebook.   Facebook gets more use than Google.  It can’t hurt to see what you want where you want.

You can follow LRN on Twitter.   This comes with some nearly-instant interaction.

You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of.   I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.

Have a great week!

 

 

 

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Sunday Roundup: Varsity Punk

Misc

Löwenmaul
Image by stee via Flickr

I moved this roundup to Sunday to give myself a bit more time to track my weight-loss and push-up goals, since I weigh in on Saturdays.   Yesterday, however was super busy.  It was all good, but full.

Starting Friday:  After work, I rushed my oldest to the B-squad wrestling tournament, where he took first place in his weight bracket.  When I got home, I fell asleep almost immediately.

Saturday, we woke up and rushed to the varsity tournament.   It was his first time wrestling varsity.   Now, he wrestles for a youth league.  Participants vary from 3rd to 8th grades.    My son is 11, 5′ 7″, and 150 pounds.  Guess who he wrestles?  Almost exclusively eighth graders.  He lost both of his matches, but he put in a great showing.  He lasted a round and a half against the top-rated kid in his bracket and managed to get quite a few points.

After that, we rushed home, made dinner for some friends and went to a movie.   Red Riding Hood is worth seeing.   We got home at 1 and immediately fell asleep.   This is the first time I’ve had the computer on at home since Thursday night, other than to check movie times and prices.

30 Day Project Update

This month, I am trying to do 100 perfect push-ups in a single set.  I’m recording each session in a spreadsheet.  I am currently up to 91 in a set and 261 in a session, spread across 5 sets.  I’m expecting to be down in my next session, since I’ve totally slacked off the few days.

Weight Loss Update

I am on the Slow Carb Diet.   At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing.   For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms.   My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils).    There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism.   The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind.  There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.

I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs.   Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.

Weight: I have lost 40 pounds since January 2nd.   That’s 2 pound since last week.   I’ve dropped 7 pounds in March, while doing an insane amount of push-ups and packing on a few pounds of muscle.

Total Inches: I have lost  24 inches in the same time frame, down 1.5 inches since last week.   I’ve lost 7 inches each off of my waist and hips.   It’s time to go clothes shopping, which sucks.  I manage to avoid doing that for a year or more at a time, but now, my pants have stopped fitting.   When I cinch my belt to where it actually fits, my jeans have pleats.

Best Posts

The recording industry has sued Limewire for damages totaling more than the economic value of…Earth.

Making money line is easier when you’re not bing conned.  PT has a list of legit paying survey sites.

I’d love to raise chickens.  It’s technically allowed in my city, but only with a permit that the city refuses to issue.

LRN Timewarp

This is where I review the posts I wrote a year ago.  Did you miss them then?

I wrote Fall from Grace, a post about how and why I got into debt.

There was also a post on credit repair.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

You’re Gonna Die, Part 1 was included in the Totally Money Carnival.

Getting Out of Debt: The Prime Rule as included in Carnival of Personal Finance.

Financial Pet Peeve: Fees To Receive Paper Bank Statements was included in the Festival of Frugality.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Get More Out of Live Real, Now

There are so many ways you can read and interact with this site.

You can subscribe by RSS and get the posts in your favorite news reader.  I prefer Google Reader.

You can subscribe by email and get, not only the posts delivered to your inbox, but occasional giveaways and tidbits not available elsewhere.

You can ‘Like’ LRN on Facebook.   Facebook gets more use than Google.  It can’t hurt to see what you want where you want.

You can follow LRN on Twitter.   This comes with some nearly-instant interaction.

You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of.   I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.

Have a great week!

 

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5 Steps to Save

Finance

neighbor of the beast
Image by BitHead via Flickr

“Saving is too hard.”

“I don’t know where to start.”

“How much should I save?”

“Who the heck are you to tell me what to do with my money?”

“Shut up, Jason.”

These are the things I hear when I start talking about getting a good strategy in place to save some money.   Financial matters are intimidating to a lot of people.  They’d rather not think about their money any more than they absolutely need to, if that much.   Here, I’m breaking it down to some simple steps to make saving easy.

1.  Get motivated. Why do you want to save some money?  Are you trying to make a secure future, or do you just want to buy a new toy?  These are the kind of questions you have to ask yourself.  Nobody else can tell you why you want to make changes to your lifestyle, and nobody else’s reasons matter in the least.   Saving money is something you have to do for you.

2.   Figure out how much you can save. Generally, you’re going to need a budget so you can figure out what you can afford to save, but not always.  If you are making ends meet, then you get a raise, you can obviously afford to bank the difference.  If you do that, you’ll never even notice the missing money.  If you try to save so much your mortgage goes unpaid, you’re plan is doomed to failure.

3.  Open an account at a new bank. The biggest problem I used to have when I was trying to save was that it was too easy to get the money.  Every time I checked the balance of my checking account, I saw the balance in the savings account.   Worse, it took seconds to transfer that money from my savings account to my attached checking account.    Every time I wanted to see if I could afford whatever toy I was looking at, I’d see money that wasn’t earmarked for anything in particular.  Naturally, that money got spent more often that it was ignored and allowed to grow.   Now, I can completely forget about the money.

4.  Automate. I’ve automated everything I can.  All of my bills are paid automatically, except for one company that insists on quarterly paper invoices.    I’ve got $665(neighbor of the beast!) automatically transferred to my INGDirect account, to get divided between my various savings goals, including a fund for my semi-annual property tax payments and a fund to pay for the braces we haven’t actually had to buy yet, but will in a couple of years.   The money disappears into a bank I don’t use for my day-to-day expenses and grows completely out of sight.    Every once in a while, I look at the account and get surprised by how much has accumulated.

5.  Get rich. Once you’ve got the other four steps in place, all you’ve got to do is let it work.  Over time, you will build wealth in a way that may surprise you.    Your goal at this point is to do nothing new.    Every once in a while, you can pull out some money and tuck it into an investment account to get some real growth going for you.

“Thank you.”

“You’re the best.”

“What would I do without you?”

“How can I show you my appreciation? <wink><wink>”

“What the heck are you doing with my wife?”

These are the things I always hope to hear after sharing my strategies to save money.

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Money Problems: 30 Days to Perfect Finances

Welcome to the series, Money Problems: 30 Days to Perfect Finances.   The series consists of 30 things you can do, each in one setting, to perfect your finances.  It’s not a system to magically make your debt disappear.  Instead, it is a path to understanding where you are, where you want to be, and–most importantly–how to bridge the gap.

Day 1: Setting Goals

To start with,  we look at 3 questions:

  1. What is your financial goal?
  2. Why?
  3. How can you get there?

Day 2: What’s Going Out?

On day 2, you’re going to find out what you are spending.  For most people, this will be a bit of a surprise.

Day 3: What’s Coming In?

For day 3, you’re going to examine exactly how much money you bring in each month and think about how you can make more.

Day 4: Making A Budget

On day 4, you’ll build a basic budget.   This doesn’t have to be intimidating.

Day 5:  Boosting Your Income

This is the day we really dig into ways to make more money, whether that means getting a raise or finding work on the side.  Nothing beats more income for balancing your budget and getting out of debt.

Day 6: Reducing Expenses

Second only to more income, reducing expenses is the best way to save money.

Day 7: Paying Off Debt

If you’ve got debt, you are in interest-slavery.  Make that go away!

Day 8: Insurance

On day 8, you’re going to look at the insurance you have and the insurance you need.

Day 9: Health Insurance

On day 9, you’ll spend some time learning about your health insurance options and how to examine what you’ve already got.

Day 10: Debt Insurance

Debt insurance is insurance you pay for that will pay your lender in the event of your death, dismemberment, disfigurement, disembowelment, or unemployment.

The rest is yet to come.  Check back often!