Live Real, Now

The no-pants guide to spending, saving, and thriving in the real world.

Search Results for: slow-carb-diet-how-to-avoid-going-bat-crazy/what-happens-when-you-save/INGDirect/living-the-xbox-life-on-an-atari-income/medical-costs-and-choices/4-ways-we-keep-wasting-money/ignore-your-budget/5-steps-to-save/future-dreams

Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.
Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?
Me: Yes?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: May I ask what that was for?
FMe: Of course.
Me: What was that for, jerk?
FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.
Me: What?!?  I’ve never even met you, before.
FMe: Of course you have.  I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.
Me: Huh?
FMe: Listen close.  You’re not  the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.
Me: ???
FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.
Me: I don’t appreciate….
FMe: Shut up.  I was dumb then, too.  Remember?  You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year.  On top of many other expensive decisions.  Do your recall?
Me: Yes, I do.  So what?
FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car.  Your kids wear new clothes.  You’ve got a house full of new furniture.  How did you pay for all of that?
Me: Naturally, I charged it.  Zero payments, zero interest for a year!  Pretty smart, huh?
FMe: What happens in a year?
Me: I don’t know.  I’ve got a full year to figure that out.
FMe: <Slap!>  I’ll tell you what happens!  Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed!   Your raise didn’t come through.  You had a baby. The truck broke down.  Your wife took maternity leave.  A roommate moved out.  You took a loss in the stock market.  You didn’t plan!  You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.
Me: How was I to know?
FMe: <Slap!>  Life happens!  You never know what is coming next.  You need to plan and save for what might happen.  Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly.  That is not acceptable.
Me:  So?  What are you going to do about it?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: Really?  Again?
FMe: <Slap!>  I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help.  Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux.  My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford.   You’ve screwed me, dude.
Me: I’m sorry.  What can I do to fix it?
FMe: Buy me dinner, first.
Me: Huh?!?!?
FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change.  No credit.
Me: None?
FMe: None.  Nada.  Zip.  Zilch.  Only spend what you can afford. Budget.  Pay off those nasty bills.  Don’t leave me hanging.
Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?
FMe: Exactly.  That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence.  Live in the real world.
Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me!  Now I know.
FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

 

The Things That Bring You Here

Misc

Google Appliance as shown at RSA Expo 2008 in ...
Image via Wikipedia

I’ve been walking though my analytics data.  That is the Big Brother software I use to know everything about each one of my dear readers.  It’s all part of my master plan to rule the world.  Muwahaha!

Some of the results are interesting.

The single most-used search term to find this site is “slow carb diet“, which is great, because I really enjoyed writing that post.   I’ve been slacking on the diet lately, but I’m still down more than 30 pounds.   I’m currently ranked #3 in Google for this term. If I move up 2 more spots, I’ll outrank Tim Ferriss for his own product.   If I aggregated all of the “slow carb” variations, this post probably accounts for more than half of my traffic from Google.

Many of you come here by searching for “how to have a perfect life“.   I’ll do everything I can to help you achieve that, but it’s going to take work on your part.  There are no shortcuts.

“Beat the Check” is another popular search term, but a very bad game to play.  It’s almost impossible to win it, since the Check 21 Act of 2004.

It’s interesting that “trained husband” brings a few of you each month.  My question: are you shopping, or exploring a new fetish?  Don’t be shy.

I’m a bit amazed that “zombie wheels” is something people actually search for, but 140 people hit Google looking for that term every month, and a few of them make it over here.

“How to stretch a meal“, “things you should buy online“, and “unsecured loan advice” are some of the top personal finance terms bringing you all in, though “how to make a bunker” and its variation are popular, too.

“Hoe can you force your wife” is a bit disturbing.  Most of the results are naturally for sex.  I can’t help but hope that I’ve either really disappointed this visitor, or convinced him that force is a bad idea.

“How much did a pound of gold weigh in 1854?” is a search that makes me giggle.  To the best of my knowledge, the troy scale has been used to weigh gold for a lot longer than that.

That was a fun little stroll through my statistics.   Hopefully the fact that I used “fetish” and “sex” in a post will draw more crazy search terms.

How did you find me?  Inquiring minds want to know, so please tell me in the comments.

Enhanced by Zemanta

How to Save

Finance

Saving is hard.  For years, we would either not save at all, or we’d save a bit, then rush to spend it.   That didn’t get us very far.  Years of pretending to save like this left us with nothing in reserve.   Finally, we’ve figured out the strategy to save money.

Save your money

 

First and foremost, make more than you spend. This holds true at any level of income.  If you don’t make much money, then you need to not spend much, either.   Sometimes, this isn’t possible under current circumstances.  In those cases, you need to either increase your income or decrease your expenses.  Cut the luxuries and pick up a side hustle.  The wider the gap between your bottom line and your top line, the easier it is to save.

Next, make a budget and stick to it.   There is no better way to track both your income and your expenses.  I’ve discussed budgets before, so I won’t address that in detail today.  Short version:  Make a budget.  Use any software you like.  Use paper if you want.  Make it and use it.

Pay yourself first.  The first expense listed on your budget should be you.   Save first. If you can’t afford to save, you can’t afford some of the other items in your budget.   Cut the cable or take the bus, but save your money.   Without an emergency fund, your budget is just a empty dream when something unexpected comes up.   And something unexpected always comes up.

Automate that payment to yourself.    Don’t leave yourself any excuse not to make that payment.   Set up an automated transfer to another bank and forget about it.    Schedule the transfer to happen on payday, every payday.

Now comes the hard part:  Forget about the money. Don’t check your balance.   Don’t think about it in any way.   Just ignore it.   For the first month or two, this will be difficult.  After that, you’ll forget it exists for a few months and come back amazed at how much you’ve saved.

If you don’t forget about it, and you decide to dip into the account, you are undoing everything you’ve worked so hard to save.   Do yourself a favor and leave the money alone.

Enhanced by Zemanta

First Steps – Ramsey was Wrong

Finance

Day 161: Taking <a href=Baby Steps” width=”180″ height=”240″ />
Image by bonnie-brown via Flickr

Fixing a lifetime of financial mistakes can be an intimidating process.  Scratch that. It’s always an intimidating process.  Where do you start?  You’ve got a pile of bills, a dozen messages from bill collectors and two bi-weekly paystubs.  What next?

Traditionally, and according to Dave Ramsey, the first step to fixing your finances is to make a budget, but he and tradition are wrong.   The first step is to get everybody involved in your finances on the same page.  If your spouse isn’t on board with paying off the debt and spending responsibly, nothing else will work.

Once you have that out of the way, you can move on to the traditional first step, making a budget. I’ve gone over my process to build a personal financial plan in quite a bit of detail, so I’ll just hit the highlights this time.

First, make a list of all of your expenses.   Include all of your utilities, debt payments, tax payments and absolutely everything else.  You need to know the amount of the payment and the frequency.  If a bill is due quarterly, divide it by three and you’ll know what you need to set aside each month.   Round up in all cases so you can build an automatic cushion.

Next, make a list of your income sources.  For most people, this is far easier than tracking their expenses.   Figure out your monthly income.  If you get paid weekly, that that amount times 52, then divide by 12 to get your monthly income.

Finally, subtract your expenses from your income.  If your total is a positive number then you are golden.   If you total is negative, you have been a bad monkey. You need to make some cuts, and they may be painful.  If your outgoing money is more than your incoming money, it is not possible to get ahead.

Once you have your income and expenses recorded, and you have made the cuts necessary to have a positive balance at the end of the month, you have a successful budget.  Congratulations!

Kids Are Temporary

Life, Parenting, Relationships

Have you ever watched someone go nuts after they have kids?

I mean, even after the I-haven’t-slept-more-than-20-minutes-in-a-row-for-3-months stage of babydom?

These people dedicate their lives to their kids.  They sacrifice all of their hopes and dreams and focus on the brats.    They can’t have a date night because little Sally might get lonely without mommy and daddy.  Can’t have a hobby because Johnny’s on the traveling soccer team.   Can’t get laid because it’s a family bed and that’s kind of creepy when the kids are right there.

Everything for the kids.

As they grow, it gets worse.  You spend more time helping with homework and less time talking to your wife.   More time playing chauffeur, less time playing doctor.

It’s a nasty cycle, and it comes with an abrupt stop.

What happens when school’s out?  Little Johnny graduates with a dual degree in Practical Philosophy and Experimental Art History, gets a job at the local Stab-and-Grab, gets married, and starts a family.

When that happens, parents suddenly become “extended family”.  The kid has a life of his own and probably doesn’t need his clothes picked out in the morning, a ride to soccer practice, or someone to write his name in his underwear.

This is planned.  It is–in theory–the reason we raise our kids.   It shouldn’t be a surprise, even if it is a bit of a shock.

Can you survive it?  Can your marriage?

If you’ve spent the last 20 years of your life pretending you are nothing but a system for delivering food, rides, and gadgets for your kids, what are you going to do with your time when they are busy pretending they are that system for their kids?   If you’ve never developed a hobby, are you going to go extra-special, bat-**** crazy now?

For 20 years, have all of your conversations been about your kids?  Have all of your outings been birthday parties?  Will you have anything to say to your spouse when the kids are gone?

Your kids are temporary.

They are important.  They are your genetic legacy and the people who will choose your nursing home.  Don’t neglect them, but you do have to hold something back.   Make time for yourself.  Make time for your husband or your wife.  Or both, if you can make that work.

When your kids are working 90 hour weeks building a new career, or hustling 4 kids to 10 after-school activities, your life doesn’t get to revolve around them.

All you’ve got is yourself and your wife.   If she’s not feeling secure about your feelings now, when she loses the distraction of puke in her hair, that insecurity will blossom in unpleasant ways.    If you can’t find a conversation that doesn’t involve the kids now, the silence will be blistering when you eventually lose that crutch.

If you don’t have a hobby, get one.

If you don’t have a relationship with your wife, get one.  Take her on a date tonight.   Your kids are temporary, your marriage shouldn’t be.    This is the rest of your life.  Make it worthwhile.

Enhanced by Zemanta