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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.

Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?

Me: Yes?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: May I ask what that was for?

FMe: Of course.

Me: What was that for, jerk?

FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.

Me: What?!? I’ve never even met you, before.

FMe: Of course you have. I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.

Me: Huh?

FMe: Listen close. You’re not the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.

Me: ???

FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.

Me: I don’t appreciate….

FMe: Shut up. I was dumb then, too. Remember? You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year. On top of many other expensive decisions. Do your recall?

Me: Yes, I do. So what?

FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car. Your kids wear new clothes. You’ve got a house full of new furniture. How did you pay for all of that?

Me: Naturally, I charged it. Zero payments, zero interest for a year! Pretty smart, huh?

FMe: What happens in a year?

Me: I don’t know. I’ve got a full year to figure that out.

FMe: <Slap!> I’ll tell you what happens! Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed! Your raise didn’t come through. You had a baby. The truck broke down. Your wife took maternity leave. A roommate moved out. You took a loss in the stock market. You didn’t plan! You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.

Me: How was I to know?

FMe: <Slap!> Life happens! You never know what is coming next. You need to plan and save for what might happen. Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly. That is not acceptable.

Me: So? What are you going to do about it?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: Really? Again?

FMe: <Slap!> I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help. Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux. My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford. You’ve screwed me, dude.

Me: I’m sorry. What can I do to fix it?

FMe: Buy me dinner, first.

Me: Huh?!?!?

FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change. No credit.

Me: None?

FMe: None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Only spend what you can afford. Budget. Pay off those nasty bills. Don’t leave me hanging.

Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?

FMe: Exactly. That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence. Live in the real world.

Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me! Now I know.

FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

5 Ways to Force Your Spouse to Get Frugal*

Finance, Relationships

Communication is important in a marriage. If you can’t communicate, how are you going to get your way?** I’ve helpfully compiled the best possible ways to get your spouse on board with your budget plans.

Don’t include her. When I absolutely, positively cannot afford to be working towards a different goal than my wife, I do my best to ignore her. I don’t tell her how much we’ve paid off, how much we have left, or what we can afford to spend on groceries. I think she enjoys not having to worry about the petty details like “Are we overdrawn?” or “Will we be eating Alpo next week?” I’ll do anything to make her life easier.
Nag. Nothing convinces my wife to do things my way like unending scolding. If I just remind her, day and night, surely she’ll cooperate with my budgeting plans and ideas to save money, right? Every body loves the attention, and, since we got a text messaging plan, I can shoot her a message every five minutes while she’s at the store. In all seriousness, this is actually a problem and a source of friction at my house. Reminding her every time she goes to the store is not an effective strategy.
Whine. If nagging fails, I always try to take the advice of my toddlers and whine until I get my way. “But Ho-uh-neee-eee! Why’d you buy tha-at?” It’s always been a big hit at my house. My wife appreciates the effort I put into getting the third, screechy syllable into simple words, just to try to convince her to give up or see things my way.
Obsess. This goes hand-in-hand with both #2 and #3. If I never giver her the chance to forget about our goals, she can never stray from them. A memo in the morning, hourly text reminders, and a daily summary of our account balances and month-to-date budget compliance just keeps us working together. Everything we do can be tied back to our frugal choices and debt repayment, whether it’s a game of Sorry or a trip to a wrestling tournament.
Yell. If all else fails, just turn up the volume. If there’s a problem, I nag at level 10. Whining loudly enough to wake the neighbors will convince her to comply with my wishes next time. This has the added benefit of allowing my kids to receive the wisdom of my experience, even if they are in the basement playing games with their friends.

*This obviously isn’t a gender-specific article, but, as a man, I write from a man’s perspective and my pronouns match my perspective.

**Sarcasm. Really. Following these rules should result in divorce, NOT happy agreement. If you are operating under this action plans, get therapy.

Update: This post has been included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

Money Problems – Day 2: What’s Going Out?

Finance

Today, I continuing the series, Money Problems: 30 Days to Perfect Finances. The series will consist of 30 things you can do in one setting to perfect your finances. It’s not a system to magically make your debt disappear. Instead, it is a path to understanding where you are, where you want to be, and–most importantly–how to bridge the gap.

I’m not running the series in 30 consecutive days. That’s not my schedule. Also, I think that talking about the same thing for 30 days straight will bore both of us. Instead, it will run roughly once a week. To make sure you don’t miss a post, please take a moment to subscribe, either by email or rss.

On this, day 2 of the series, you need to gather all of your bills: your electric bill, your mortgage, the rent for your storage unit, everything. Don’t miss any.

Go ahead, grab them now. I’ll wait.

Did you remember that thing that comes in the plain brown wrapper every month? You know, that thing you always hope your neighbors won’t notice?

Now, you’re going to sort all of the bills into 5 piles.

Pile #1: These are your monthly bills. This will probably be your biggest pile, since most bills are organized to get paid monthly. this will include your credit cards, mortgage(do you rent or buy?), most utilities and your cellphone.

Pile #2: Weekly expenses. When I look at my actual weekly bills, it’s a small stack. Just daycare. However, there are a lot of other expenses to consider. This stack should include your grocery bill, gas for your car, and anything else you spend money on each week.

Pile #3: Quarterly and semiannual bills. I’ve combined these because there generally aren’t enough bills to warrant two piles. My only semi-annual bill is my property tax payment. Quarterly bills could include water & sewer, maybe a life insurance policy and some memberships.

Pile #4: Annual bills. This probably won’t be a large pile. It will usually include just some memberships and subscriptions.

Pile #5: Irregular bills. The are some things that just don’t come due regularly. In our house, school lunches and car repairs fall into this category. We don’t have car problems often, but we set money aside each month so our budget doesn’t get flushed down the drain if something does come up.

Now that you have all of your expenses together, you know what your are on the hook for. Next time, we’ll address income.

$1500 Luxury

Finance, Relationships

I’ve got some expensive habits. Not like Charlie Sheen snorting $2500 of blow of a hooker’s boobs, but still expensive.

Charlie Sheen in March 2009 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My latest one is dancing lessons. Linda surprised me on one of weekly date nights a few months ago. She found a Groupon for the dancing studio we used before we got married. It was $69 for a month of unlimited group lessons.

When the month was up, we signed on for their beginner cycle of lessons, which cost another $400.

And now we’re starting the Social Foundation program.

Social Foundation is a series of classes that teach some advanced moves, but also to teach dancers how to lead and follow properly and how to dance socially and look respectable on a dance floor in any number of situations. Leading and following are important because every single dance move out there has specific cues that tell your partner what’s coming next. If she doesn’t know, you both look clumsy.

So we chose the four dances we’re going to learn better and signed up. We’re going to learn the Rumba, Waltz, Tango, and Swing. We’re already pretty good at Rumba and Swing, but we’re going to get better. Personally, I’m hoping to also figure out how to use the Tango on an open dance floor without crashing into people. That way, we can pretend to be Gomez and Morticia, my heroes.

Now, the thing is, dance lessons aren’t cheap. They cost about $100 per hour, where an hour is defined as 45 minutes. We’re rolling the last half of our beginner lessons into our social foundation lessons and paying $1400.

Ouch.

They gave us the option of financing it over 3-4 months, but I didn’t want to pay an extra $200 for the privilege. I think we’ll be tapping the vacation fund to pay for the lessons.

Why am I willing to pay this much?

Dancing is one of the very few things Linda and I both enjoy. We’re pretty good at it, it’s great exercise, it’s fun, and (shhh!) it counts as foreplay. It also doesn’t hurt to have the sidelines of the dance floor lined with people watching us dance, wishing they could do what we’re doing…or wishing their husbands were willing to learn how to dance. This also isn’t just something we’re doing at the studio. We are out on a dance floor dancing to a live band almost every week. That usually comes with about $25 in cover charges and drinks.

Fun, exercise, have sex, and inspire jealousy. That’s a winning combination. And finding things to do that we both love to do is difficult and easily worth the $2000 we’ve paid the dance studio this year.

Money Problems – Day 6: Reducing Expenses

Finance

Today, I am continuing the series, Money Problems: 30 Days to Perfect Finances. The series will consist of 30 things you can do in one setting to perfect your finances. It’s not a system to magically make your debt disappear. Instead, it is a path to understanding where you are, where you want to be, and–most importantly–how to bridge the gap.

On this, Day 6, we’re going to talk about cutting your expenses.

Once you free up some income, you’ll get a lot of leeway in how you’re able to spend your money, but also important–possibly more important–is to cut out the crap you just don’t need. Eliminate the expenses that aren’t providing any value in your life. What you need to do is take a look at every individual piece of your budget, every line item, every expense you have and see what you can cut. Some of it, you really don’t need. Do you need a paid subscription to AmishDatingConnect.com?

If you need to keep an expense, you can just try to lower it. For example, cable companies regularly have promotions for new customers that will lower the cost to $19 a month for high-speed internet. Now, if you call up the cable company and ask for the retention department, tell them you are going to switch to a dish. Ask, “What are you willing to do to keep my business?” There is an incredibly good chance that they will offer you the same deal–$20 a month–for the next three or four months. Poof, you save money. You can call every bill you’ve got to ask them how you can save money.

I called my electric company and my gas company to get on their budget plans. This doesn’t actually save me money but it does provide me with a consistent budget all year long, so instead of getting a $300 gas bill in the depths of January’s hellish cold, I pay $60 a month. It is averaged out over the course of the year. It feels like less and it lets me get a stable budget. Other bills are similar. You can call your credit card companies and tell them everything you take your business to another card that gave you an offer of 5% under what ever you are currently paying. It doesn’t even have to be a real offer. Just call them up and say you are going to transfer your balance away unless they can meet or beat the new interest rate. If you’ve been making on-time payments for any length of time–even six months or a year–they’re going to lower the interest rate business, no problem. Start out by asking for at least a 5% drop. In fact, demand no more than 9.9%.

Once you’ve gone through every single one of your bills, you’ll be surprised by how much money you’re no longer paying, whether it’s because somebody lowered the bill for you or you scratched it off the list completely.

Money Problems – Day 5: Boosting Your Income

Finance

Pizza Delivery Bike — Image by Kevin H. via Flickr

Today we’re going to look at ways to boost your income.

People spend a lot of time talking about ways to reduce your expenses, but there is a better way to make ends meet. If you make more money, you will—naturally—have more money to work with, which will make it easier to balance your expenses. I’ve found it to be far less painful to make more money than to cut expenses I enjoy.

I can hear what you’re thinking. It’s easy to tell people to make more money, but what about telling them how? Guess what? I’m going to tell you how to make money because I rock.

By far, the simplest way to make more money is to convince whoever is paying you to pay you more for what you are already doing. In other words, get a raise. I know that’s easy to say. Money’s tight for a lot of companies and layoffs are common. None of that matters. Your company knows that hiring someone new will involve a lot of downtime during training. If you’ve been visibly doing your job, and the company isn’t on the brink of failure, it should be possible to get a bit of the budget tossed your way.

The first thing you need to do is get visible. If you habitually come in 15 minutes late, make it 15 minutes early. If you are working an alternative schedule, consider switching to the standard schedule, so everyone who matters can see you are at work. Start sending status updates to your boss, including copying him on emails to other people you work with, if those emails signify important milestones in a project.
Next, log your work. Keep track o what you do, what you’ve accomplished, and—most important—how much money you have made or saved for the company.
Third, do your research. Hit the salary survey sites to find out what other people in your field are making. Don’t worry if you are on the high side. There is always someone making more than you. If you are the exception to that rule, try using a similar variation of your job description and title. What’s the concrete difference between a software engineer I and and a software engineer II? About $15000.
Finally, schedule a meeting with your boss and ask. Lay out the things you’ve done, the amount you make for the company and what other companies are paying. Chances are, your boss will have a hard time refusing your request.

Another simple idea is to get a second job. Personally, I hate this idea, but it works wonders for some people. Gas stations and pizza stores offer flexible schedules and they are always hiring. If they aren’t willing to work with your schedule, or it doesn’t work out, you can always quit. This isn’t your main income, after all.

My favorite option is to create a new income stream. What can you do?

Take a piece of paper and a close friend and brainstorm how you can make some money. Write down every type of activity you have ever done or ever wanted to do. Then write down everything you can think of that other people who do those activities need or want. Remember, during a brainstorming session, there are no stupid ideas. Take those two lists and see if there is any product or service you can provide.

You can start a blog—although don’t expect to generate much money early—or try writing for some revenue-sharing article web sites, like hubpages or squidoo. Other options include affiliate marketing, garage sale arbitrage(buying “junk” at garage sales, fixing it up and selling it), or even doing yard work for other people.

One interesting business I’ve seen lately is a traveling poop-scooper. These people travel around and scoop poop out of ddog-owners’ yards. Business booms in the spring when the snow melts, but it can be an ongoing income, since dogs don’t stop pooping.

Raising your income can make it easier to pay your bills, pay off your debt, or even taking nice vacations. How have you made some extra cash?