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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.

Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?

Me: Yes?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: May I ask what that was for?

FMe: Of course.

Me: What was that for, jerk?

FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.

Me: What?!? I’ve never even met you, before.

FMe: Of course you have. I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.

Me: Huh?

FMe: Listen close. You’re not the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.

Me: ???

FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.

Me: I don’t appreciate….

FMe: Shut up. I was dumb then, too. Remember? You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year. On top of many other expensive decisions. Do your recall?

Me: Yes, I do. So what?

FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car. Your kids wear new clothes. You’ve got a house full of new furniture. How did you pay for all of that?

Me: Naturally, I charged it. Zero payments, zero interest for a year! Pretty smart, huh?

FMe: What happens in a year?

Me: I don’t know. I’ve got a full year to figure that out.

FMe: <Slap!> I’ll tell you what happens! Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed! Your raise didn’t come through. You had a baby. The truck broke down. Your wife took maternity leave. A roommate moved out. You took a loss in the stock market. You didn’t plan! You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.

Me: How was I to know?

FMe: <Slap!> Life happens! You never know what is coming next. You need to plan and save for what might happen. Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly. That is not acceptable.

Me: So? What are you going to do about it?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: Really? Again?

FMe: <Slap!> I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help. Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux. My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford. You’ve screwed me, dude.

Me: I’m sorry. What can I do to fix it?

FMe: Buy me dinner, first.

Me: Huh?!?!?

FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change. No credit.

Me: None?

FMe: None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Only spend what you can afford. Budget. Pay off those nasty bills. Don’t leave me hanging.

Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?

FMe: Exactly. That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence. Live in the real world.

Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me! Now I know.

FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

How to Save Money On Anything

Finance

Haggling (Photo credit: pritzkerphoto.com)

There is a little-known secret to saving money on almost anything. If you want to know what it is, please send a case of beer and a self-addressed, stamped envelope to my house.

No takers?

In that case, I will share the secret that has been passed down from father to son since the Mesopotamians landed the Santa Maria at Plymouth Rock.

Ready?

The secret is to…ask.

That’s right, just suck it up and say “Pretty Please”.

How does it work?

In the easiest version, you call up one of the companies you pay regularly and you say “How can I save some money?”

Allow me to give you some examples.

How to save money on insurance

Call up your insurance company and ask, “How can I save some money with you?” You may be offered a multi-line discount if you let them insure your home and your car or you might be told to raise your deductible. If you have a $1000 emergency fund, you can afford a $500 deductible. They may recommend that you drop some coverages that you don’t need or they may ask you some questions that will allow them to lower your rate. For many years, I lived 2 miles from work and got a discount for the low mileage.

How to save money on utilities

When you call your electric company to ask the magic question, they may offer to conduct a home energy audit to determine where you home is leaking energy. If they try to charge you for the audit, remind them how long you’ve been a customer in good standing.

Another option they may offer is to install a remotely-triggered switch on your air-conditioner. Around here, that switch is good for a 15% discount off of my bill in the summer.

How to save money on your cell phone

If you are out of a contract or near the end of your contract you have leverage. Look up the best comparable deal from another company. Then, call your cell phone provider, ask to be transferred to the retention department, then ask them to convince you to stay. They will.

If you aren’t near the end of your contract, you can still call and ask. If that doesn’t work, watch the mail and any emails from the company. If they change the terms of your contract, you can get out of it without paying a penalty. If you get that opportunity, call and ask for the retention department.

How to save money on credit cards

I am assuming you have a credit card with a balance that gets carried from month to month.

Credit card companies are competitive. Find a competing deal and call your company. Ask them to beat the deal. If the competitor is offering 9%, ask for 8%. If they refuse, call up the competitor. Tell them you will transfer your balance over if they will waive the transfer fee. A surprising number of companies will be happy to do so.

Most bills can be reduced in some way. All you have to do is ask.

Have you had any luck pointing the shrink ray at your bills?

Extra Money? What Do I Do With Extra Money?

Finance

A couple of months ago, I started a new job. The new job has bonus potential every month, and

getting that bonus is largely under my control. Effectively, if I’m not a total slacker, I’ll get
about $500 every month, but it’s not guaranteed.

We’re also getting a small 4 figure tax refund this year. I wasn’t expecting that at the beginning
of last year, but one of my side hustles has taken a turn down a path I didn’t plan for, which
lowered my tax liability considerably.

Both of these things are money that we can’t plan for, so it’s not in the budget. It is extra
money.

What the heck do you do(responsibly) with extra money? It’s easy to take the money and run to the
spend it someplace fun.

Easy.

And tempting.

Very tempting.

But that wouldn’t be responsible at all.

The Dave Ramsey plan says we should put it on our debt, but our debt is down to just a mortgage,
and that’s down to $9000.

Retirement?

I actually over-contributed to my retirement last year, and had to file a form to get the
overpayment back instead of paying a penalty on that money. My wife’s account isn’t getting maxed,
yet, but she’s also way ahead of me in retirement savings.

So what to do with it?

I added a calculator that let’s me punch in a number and it breaks it out by our optional goals.

It has 6 categories:

Extra mortgage payment: 25%. My goal is to pay off the mortgage completely this year.
Retirement contribution: 25%. I do want to max Linda’s retirement contributions this year.
Emergency fund: 15%. We have an emergency fund, but I want to grow it to 6 months of our expenses.
Family: 15%. This if for whatever family thing we’re planning to do. It could be pushed into a down payment for another rental property, or a vacation, or a camper. We’ll decide this each time we get the extra money.
Jason’s Fun Money: 10%. This is for me to blow on something fun, like a 3D printer.
Linda’s Fun Money: 10%. This if for my wife to blow on something fun, like a present for me.

So, if we get $2500 randomly dropped in our mailbox, we’ll put $625 on the mortgage and a
retirement fund, $375 to the emergency fund and the family fund, and $250 to Linda and I for fun
stuff.

That lets us see progress on a few of our goals, while still rewarding how hard we’ve worked and
how much we’ve done without while becoming financially stable. 65% of it is pure grown-up &
responsible spending. 35% is generally fun, but can be repurposed if necessary.

What do you do with surprise money? Do you blow it or do something responsible with it?

Sunday Roundup

Misc

I know I haven’t been doing the Sunday roundups very regularly. Do you miss them? Would you like to see something else here? When I do post them, I use it as a place to post some updates about my life that aren’t necessarily finance-related, and I post some links worth visiting.

Please let me know, I love feedback.

In the meantime….

Here are some great Yakezie sites to check out.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked

Vacation, Shmaycation, Staycation? was included in the Canadian Finance Carnival.

The Unfrugal Meal was included in the Yakezie Carnival and the Totally Money Carnival.

Annoying Your Wife: 5 Ways to Succeed was included in the Carnival of Financial Planning.

Money Problems, Day 11 was included in the Best of Money Carnival.

Is that the best you can do? was included in the Totally Money Carnival, by a different host.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

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You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of. I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.

Have a great week!

Budget Lesson, Part 7

Finance

It’s been a month(again!) since I’ve written a post for the budget series, so I’ll be continuing that today. See these posts for the history of this series.

This time, I’m looking at how to reduce my “set aside” funds. These are the categories that don’t have specific payout amounts and happen at irregular intervals. One of the convenient features of our set-aside funds–also a feature of our non-monthly bills–is that the money sits in our checking account, providing a buffer against overdrafts. The buffer is big enough that I can withdraw our entire month’s discretionary budget on the first of the month.

Parties – Twice a year, we have large parties. We have a barbecue(not necessarily low and slow, I’m in the midwest) and a Halloween party. We also have three kids with birthdays. Each year, we try to do something exotic at the barbecue. One year, it was a turducken. This year, we’ll be skipping the show-off portion of the show. The Halloween party is never expensive. I don’t drink much, so the bar stays well-stocked without frequent expensive shopping trips. We throw two large parties for less than $300 combined, and our guests start RSVPing a year in advance. We’re fun. The kids are getting gypped this year. I am over my addiction to expensive birthday parties for my kids. There will be a small party for one, a sleepover for another, and a party combined with some cousins’ birthday parties for the third. It sound horrible but all of them will have fun.
Gifts – We set aside money for presents, but we don’t feel we need to spend all of the money we have set aside. Anything left over stays here. Eventually, it will be something nice for all of us.
Pet Care – We have 4 cats and a dog. Cat litter and food are expenses that we can’t make disappear. We don’t buy the fancy food, but we also don’t buy the stuff that uses cardboard as filler. We have set a new limit at 3 pets, but that limit will only be reached through attrition. There’s nothing to cut here for a few years.
Car Repair – This is another category with nothing to cut. If we don’t spend it, and something catastrophic happens to a car, we’ll be covered. If it doesn’t, we’ll have a bit more cushion in our checking account.
Furnace Warranty – When we bought a new furnace and air conditioner, we got the extended warranty. This is an unlimited renewal warranty, so, in 5 years, we’ll have to buy it again to keep it. If we keep it forever, they will eventually replace our furnace when it dies.
Medicine/Medical – It’s a sad fact that people get sick. We set aside a small amount to cover our costs. The costs rise and fall, but over any given quarter, I don’t think I’ve been off by more than $5.

I’ve taken a hard look at most of the bills over time, so there isn’t always a lot to cut. Next time, I’ll be addressing our discretionary spending.

20 Lazy Ways to Save Money

Finance

: Image by Paul Vivier via Flickr

Investopedia ran a post on 20 lazy ways to save money. I thought it was worth sharing my take on the post.

1. Schedule automatic payments. I do this obsessively. I run all of my regular payments through my bank’s online bill-pay. I think there are 2 bills that get paid manually; 1 is a quarterly payment, the other is due annually.

2. Eat your groceries. According to the post, Americans–on average–throw away 15% of the groceries they buy. I totally believe that. We don’t throw away that much, but it’s still too much. It tends to be the fresh vegetables, which we eat as side dishes instead of the main course. We need to switch that mindset, both to use the vegetable efficiently and to eat healthier.

3. Bundle services. I refuse. I hate the idea of having a single point of failure for multiple systems. If the power goes out, I lose my cable, but I keep the phone. If, for some reason, I can’t pay my phone bill, I don’t lose my internet connection. I like keeping these things separated.

4. Pay off credit card. Hardly a lazy process, but otherwise…duh!

5. Mark your calendar. I use my Google Calendar as obsessively as I use automatic payments. I put in reminders, grocery lists, or anything else I need to know at a specific time.

6. File your taxes on time. I just helped a friend dig out of this mess. I pay as soon as all of my paperwork is delivered. The IRS doesn’t give up and they have leverage, including garnishment and even jail.

7. Roll it over. When you change jobs, take your 401k with you. Don’t leave it behind like a series of red-headed stepchildren. It’s too easy to lose track of the accounts. Don’t cash it out! I made that mistake once and lost far too much to taxes. A rollover doesn’t count against your 401k contribution limits.

8. Switch credit cards. If you can a good balance transfer offer that’s followed by a better interest rate than you currently have, use it. But don’t forget to pay attention to the transfer fees. Do the math. If it costs you $500 to transfer the money, how much interest do you have to save to make it worthwhile?

9. Use your privileges. If you have a AAA membership, use it. It gives you a discount on hotels, oil changes, car rentals, and more. Read the paperwork. Former military gets a ton of random discounts, too. Ask.

10. Rent instead of buy. Renting can save you money over buying, if it’s something you’ll only use once, but borrowing is free.

11. Buy instead of rent. Rent-a-center is a ripoff, but they can’t even legally operate here. If you’re going to use something regularly, buy it.

12. Ask. I love to call up every company I give money to and ask if there’s a way I can give them less. Outside of chain stores and restaurants I almost always ask for a lower price.

13. Just say no. Extended warranties are generally a waste of money. However, if I can’t afford to replace the item, I do get the warranty. On my car, I brought it in for a full inspection and repair a few weeks before the warranty ran out and made all of that money back. We are slowly building a warranty fund to replace the need for any future extended warranties.

14. Have the awkward conversation. We tried giving gift-giving the axe, but nobody enjoyed that. Now, we cap the gifts at $20 and do a round-robin type of gift. $40 for gifts keeps 10 adults happy.

15. Eat at home. Generally, I can cook almost anything better at home, but I really do enjoy eating out and trying new restaurants. We just keep it from being a regular expense.

16. Balance your checkbook. What a waste of time! With automatic payments and cash for all of the discretionary budget items, I balance the checkbook once a month.

17. Stick with your bank. Either use your own bank’s ATM network, or use a bank that refunds ATM fees. I only take out cash on the first of the month, for the entire month and I do that with a teller, so this is never an issue for us.

18. Use your TV. Cable movie packages instead of a video membership? Really? That’s a horrible idea.

19. Quit those bad habits. I quite smoking, saving $200 a month. I don’t drink much and I’m working on fixing my eating habits. Vices are fun, and this is certainly not a fun way to save money.

20. Forget the pet. There is no way this would fly at my house. we have 5 cats, 2 gerbils, and a dog. Our renter has 2 pythons. We’re a flippin’ zoo and honestly, mess and cost aside, we all like it that way.

How do you stand on these ideas?