- I tried to avoid it. I really did, but I’m still getting a much bigger refund than anticipated. #
- Did 100 pushups this morning–in 1 set. New goal: Perfect form by the end of the month. #
- RT @BudgetsAreSexy: Carnival of Personal Finance is live 🙂 DOLLAR DOODLE theme: http://tinyurl.com/ykldt7q (haha…) #
- Hosting my first carnival tomorrow. Up too late tonight. #
- Woot! My boy won his wreslting match! Proud daddy. #
- The Get Home Card is a prepaid emergency transportation card. http://su.pr/329U6L #
- Real hourly wage calculator. http://su.pr/1jV4W6 #
- Took my envelope budget out in cash, including a stack of $2s. That shouldn’t fluster the bank teller. #
Multiracial Skinhead Love Triangle
“Honey, here on national television, in front of a live studio audience, I’ve got a secret I’d like to share. You’re not our child’s mother. I’ve been sleeping with the milkman. And the goat. Your mom is the star of my new adult website. With the goat. And the milkman. I’ve got three other families, in three other cities. I lost the house to my gambling addiction. Those sores? Herpesyphiligonoritis. I got it from the foreign exchange student we hosted before I moved her to Dubuque and married her. The goat gave her away. The milkman cried. Oh, and I wore your panties to the Illinois Nazi reunion. I know how much you hate Illinois Nazis. But I still love you. And your sister. Especially your sister. She does that thing with her tongue….”
Why would anyone go on national television to share things like that?
More interesting: why would anybody stay on stage after hearing that?
Stay tuned.
I have this friend. He bought a couple of cars. He’s got some issues with money, partially revolving around a need to keep his assets below a certain threshold. So he put the cars in his girlfriend’s name. I know, it’s slightly crooked, but that makes the story more fun.
They broke up.
Recently, she called him to say she was suing him for the cars. She wanted them. She wanted to hurt him. She was mean. Somehow that turned into them agreeing to settle the case on Judge Joe Brown, on national television.
My friend spoke with the show’s producer, then last week, he was flown to California and put up in a hotel for a couple of days. When he arrived at the TV studio, he was informed that it wasn’t Judge Joe Brown, but a new show that will start airing in the fall called, The Test. According to CBS, The Test “is a one-hour conflict resolution talk show that will use lie detector and DNA tests to settle relationship and paternity disputes among the guests.” Coincidentally, CBS also owns Judge Joe Brown.
My friend got on stage with Dr. Phil’s son, Jay McGraw, and was accused of cheating on his girlfriend and stealing her identity. Lie detectors. Yelling. Accusations.
Why did he stay?
He wasn’t given his return plane ticket until they were done filming.
When he was done, they handed him a voucher for cab fare and the itinerary for his return flight. Until then, he had no other way to get home.
That’s why people stay on stage. It’s probably also why none of those shows ever have people with money of their own; they can find their own way home in a pinch.
Interesting side note: The show paid $200 and booked the cheapest possible return flight, with a 6 hour layover.
Bonding Relationships
People can’t be happy in a vacuum. We are social creatures. Even the most anti-social among us needs some human contact. How can you make that contact happen in a meaningful way? How can you connect with other people beyond some superficial meaningless chatter?
According to Keith Ferrazzi in his book, Who’s got your back, there are four mindsets necessary to build lifelong relationships.
1. Generosity. This is your promise to help others succeed. If have a skill that can help someone you know, why not give them a hand? when you help others, you are building social capital, which is a currency that cannot be bought. Since our lives are not ledger books, you can’t do favors with repayment in mind, but it is reasonable to assume that the people ou help will want to help you some day.
An often overlooked generosity strategy is to give away 90% of everything. I’m not suggesting you give away 90% of your wealth or possessions. I’m suggesting you give away 90% of your personal product. Plan to give away 9 times more than your receive. This will not only keep your from being disappointed, but it will also leave you feeling very fulfilled.
2. Vulnerability. It is important to let down your guard and let the world see your humanity. It’s almost impossible to truly connect with someone who’s shields are always up: the guy who seems to be invulnerable and unapproachable. The people you spend time with know your flaw anyway. If you pretend they don’t exist, you are only fooling yourself. I have a lot of problem with this one. Letting down my guard is incredibly difficult, in almost every circumstance. It is far easier to be strong than to let myself be vulnerable.
3. Candor. Total honesty is vital to establishing–and maintaining– lifelong relationships. Even the white lies can destroy your connections. If you can lie about the little things, you are planting doubts on everything else you do and say. Who can trust you then? Lying is inappropriate in almost all conceivable cases. I was raised that a man’s word is his bond. Almost everything you have can be taken away from you, but not your honor. That can only be destroyed by you. Without it, what do you really have?
4. Accountability. You need to follow through on your promises. Be Mr. Reliable(or Mrs!). If you say you will do something, do it! Nothing builds resentment faster than disappointing the people who are counting on you. If you can’t meet a commitment, let the soon-to-be-let-down know as early as possible, so other plans can be made. If you have a hard time keeping promises, then make fewer of them.
If you embrace these principles, you will be well on your way to building–and keeping–strong, satisfying relationships that benefit everyone.
How do you build your relationships?
Giving It All Away
Monday, I start a new job, but I wasn’t actively looking for a new job.
In fact, over the last month, while I wasn’t actively looking for a new job, I’ve had 5 job offers. Solid job offers. Some of them came after I announced I was leaving.
How does that happen?
First, I’m good at what I do. At my last job, the company that developed the software system I managed would refer other customers to me if they wanted to do something the software wasn’t designed to do. I had a reputation for doing the impossible.
Second, I give it away. When somebody asks me for help, I do. When I can, I try to share as much of my knowledge as possible. I don’t hoard what I know, scared that somebody will steal it. That has led to a number of people who make it a habit to call me before pitching an idea or moving forward on a new strategy. “Jason, is this possible? What would it take?” If I can, I answer those questions, even if I’m not going to be doing the work.
Third, I’m not afraid of my limits. If I don’t know the answer, I say so. If I don’t know how to find the answer, I say that, too. Admitting you don’t know something automatically makes everything else you say sound more credible.
In the case of the job I’ve accepted, I was available for my new supervisor for more than a year before he started with the company. I helped him plan the websites and social media strategies around his book. When he accepted his job, our next conversation progressed from “Let me ask you something” to “I’d like to hire you” over the course of a lunch because of the long foundation we had together. At every step of the interview process, I continued to share. As we discussed the website, the social media, the marketing plans, I gave my feedback as thoroughly as possible, before I had a job offer.
Giving away my knowledge and experience with no expectations has consistently helped me to improve myself and my situation. It helps that I enjoy being helpful. I kind of dig being treated like an expert, too.
How about you? Do you share selflessly, or do you keep what you know to yourself?
Money Crashers 2010 New Year Giveaway Bash
I sponsored a prize in the Money Crashers 2010 New Year Giveaway Bash. I’m giving away a $50 gift card to Alice.com. Other people, sites, and blogs are giving away a combined $7500+ in cash and prizes. There will be more than 100 winners and there are more than a dozen ways to enter.
Don’t miss out.
Money Crasher Giveaway Update
The Money Crashers Giveaway is now at over $9,100 in total prizes, $3,150 in cash, $1,105 in gift cards, 2 Amazon Kindles, and the entire line of iPods. This is the last week to enter, so don’t miss out.
Check it out: http://www.moneycrashers.com/new-year-2010-giveaway-bash/
