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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.

Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?

Me: Yes?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: May I ask what that was for?

FMe: Of course.

Me: What was that for, jerk?

FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.

Me: What?!? I’ve never even met you, before.

FMe: Of course you have. I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.

Me: Huh?

FMe: Listen close. You’re not the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.

Me: ???

FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.

Me: I don’t appreciate….

FMe: Shut up. I was dumb then, too. Remember? You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year. On top of many other expensive decisions. Do your recall?

Me: Yes, I do. So what?

FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car. Your kids wear new clothes. You’ve got a house full of new furniture. How did you pay for all of that?

Me: Naturally, I charged it. Zero payments, zero interest for a year! Pretty smart, huh?

FMe: What happens in a year?

Me: I don’t know. I’ve got a full year to figure that out.

FMe: <Slap!> I’ll tell you what happens! Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed! Your raise didn’t come through. You had a baby. The truck broke down. Your wife took maternity leave. A roommate moved out. You took a loss in the stock market. You didn’t plan! You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.

Me: How was I to know?

FMe: <Slap!> Life happens! You never know what is coming next. You need to plan and save for what might happen. Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly. That is not acceptable.

Me: So? What are you going to do about it?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: Really? Again?

FMe: <Slap!> I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help. Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux. My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford. You’ve screwed me, dude.

Me: I’m sorry. What can I do to fix it?

FMe: Buy me dinner, first.

Me: Huh?!?!?

FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change. No credit.

Me: None?

FMe: None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Only spend what you can afford. Budget. Pay off those nasty bills. Don’t leave me hanging.

Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?

FMe: Exactly. That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence. Live in the real world.

Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me! Now I know.

FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

Sunday Roundup: Yep, It’s Saturday

Misc

funny road sign — Image by Sree_ via Flickr

Yes, it’s Saturday. Tomorrow, I’m hosting the Yakezie Carnival, so I bumped this up a day.

This week has been super relaxing. Wrestling season is over. We’re done with activities for a while.

30 Day Project Update

Last month, I was trying to do 100 perfect push-ups in a single set. I recorded each session in a spreadsheet. I hit my goal on the 28th, 3 days early. Since then, I’ve cut down to just one session per day. I’m now doing 35 slow, deep push-ups every morning. It’s not a goal, or a challenge, just part of a general effort to be healthier.

Weight Loss Update

I am on the Slow Carb Diet. At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing. For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms. My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils). There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism. The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind. There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.

I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs. Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.

Weight: I have lost 41 pounds since January 2nd. That’s 1 pound since last week and 8 pounds in March, while doing an insane amount of push-ups and packing on a few pounds of muscle. Seriously, for the last couple of weeks, on the days I haven’t totally slacked off, I’ve been doing 500+ push-ups a day. That’s a lot.

Total Inches: I have lost 23 inches in the same time frame, up 1 inch since last week. That makes me sad, but it seems to be muscle growth, so it’s not too bad.

Best Posts

Mint shows how lazy employees are, on average. Surprisingly, only 2.09 hours are wasted in the average 8 hour day. The rule I’d heard before is that employers expect 2-3 good, solid hours of work our of their employees every day.

Money Crasher has some cheap appetizer recipes. I can’t wait to make the biscuit meatballs.

The Mars Rover died. Tragic.

Get Rich Slowly has a post on emergency preparedness. If I mentioned that I keep enough supplies in my car to live for a week, would that make me a survivalist or just a fun guy?

LRN Timewarp

This is where I review the posts I wrote a year ago. Did you miss them then?

First, I examined the value of exchanging your time to save a bit of money.

Then, I talked about the futility of trying to force your spouse into frugality.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

Filing Bankruptcy: Pride or Shame? was an Editor’s Pick in the Totally Money Blog Carnival at Debt Free Divas. Thank you!

Budgeting tips – sticking to your budget was included in the Festival of Frugality.

Saving Money: The Warranty Fund was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Get More Out of Live Real, Now

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You can subscribe by RSS and get the posts in your favorite news reader. I prefer Google Reader.

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You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of. I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.

Have a great week!

Money Problems: 30 Days to Perfect Finances

Welcome to the series, Money Problems: 30 Days to Perfect Finances. The series consists of 30 things you can do, each in one setting, to perfect your finances. It’s not a system to magically make your debt disappear. Instead, it is a path to understanding where you are, where you want to be, and–most importantly–how to bridge the gap.

Day 1: Setting Goals

To start with, we look at 3 questions:

What is your financial goal?
Why?
How can you get there?

Day 2: What’s Going Out?

On day 2, you’re going to find out what you are spending. For most people, this will be a bit of a surprise.

Day 3: What’s Coming In?

For day 3, you’re going to examine exactly how much money you bring in each month and think about how you can make more.

Day 4: Making A Budget

On day 4, you’ll build a basic budget. This doesn’t have to be intimidating.

Day 5: Boosting Your Income

This is the day we really dig into ways to make more money, whether that means getting a raise or finding work on the side. Nothing beats more income for balancing your budget and getting out of debt.

Day 6: Reducing Expenses

Second only to more income, reducing expenses is the best way to save money.

Day 7: Paying Off Debt

If you’ve got debt, you are in interest-slavery. Make that go away!

Day 8: Insurance

On day 8, you’re going to look at the insurance you have and the insurance you need.

Day 9: Health Insurance

On day 9, you’ll spend some time learning about your health insurance options and how to examine what you’ve already got.

Day 10: Debt Insurance

Debt insurance is insurance you pay for that will pay your lender in the event of your death, dismemberment, disfigurement, disembowelment, or unemployment.

The rest is yet to come. Check back often!

Money Problems – Day 6: Reducing Expenses

Finance

Today, I am continuing the series, Money Problems: 30 Days to Perfect Finances. The series will consist of 30 things you can do in one setting to perfect your finances. It’s not a system to magically make your debt disappear. Instead, it is a path to understanding where you are, where you want to be, and–most importantly–how to bridge the gap.

I’m not running the series in 30 consecutive days. That’s not my schedule. Also, I think that talking about the same thing for 30 days straight will bore both of us. Instead, it will run roughly once a week. To make sure you don’t miss a post, please take a moment to subscribe, either by email or rss.

On this, Day 6, we’re going to talk about cutting your expenses.

Once you free up some income, you’ll get a lot of leeway in how you’re able to spend your money, but also important–possibly more important–is to cut out the crap you just don’t need. Eliminate the expenses that aren’t providing any value in your life. What you need to do is take a look at every individual piece of your budget, every line item, every expense you have and see what you can cut. Some of it, you really don’t need. Do you need a paid subscription to AmishDatingConnect.com?

If you need to keep an expense, you can just try to lower it. For example, cable companies regularly have promotions for new customers that will lower the cost to $19 a month for high-speed internet. Now, if you call up the cable company and ask for the retention department, tell them you are going to switch to a dish. Ask, “What are you willing to do to keep my business?” There is an incredibly good chance that they will offer you the same deal–$20 a month–for the next three or four months. Poof, you save money. You can call every bill you’ve got to ask them how you can save money.

I called my electric company and my gas company to get on their budget plans. This doesn’t actually save me money but it does provide me with a consistent budget all year long, so instead of getting a $300 gas bill in the depths of January’s hellish cold, I pay $60 a month. It is averaged out over the course of the year. It feels like less and it lets me get a stable budget. Other bills are similar. You can call your credit card companies and tell them everything you take your business to another card that gave you an offer of 5% under what ever you are currently paying. It doesn’t even have to be a real offer. Just call them up and say you are going to transfer your balance away unless they can meet or beat the new interest rate. If you’ve been making on-time payments for any length of time–even six months or a year–they’re going to lower the interest rate business, no problem. Start out by asking for at least a 5% drop. In fact, demand no more than 9.9%.

Once you’ve gone through every single one of your bills, you’ll be surprised by how much money you’re no longer paying, whether it’s because somebody lowered the bill for you or you scratched it off the list completely.

Sunday Roundup: The Giant Marketing Fail

Misc

When I was a kid, there were 44 cookies in a box of Thin Mints. Now? I’ve lost 16 cookies and that makes me sad.

When I was a kid, Girl Scouts went door-to-door selling cookies and freezing. Now? Coworkers bring in the cookies to sell.

When I was a kid, there was a 6 week wait in between ordering cookies and eating them, creating a fantastic urge built on anticipation. Now? They are right there.

Girl Scout cookies have been an undeniable success as a fundraiser. Entire generations have grown up waiting for that wonderful time of the year(February) when the little crack-hustlers come knocking on the door, trying to score some cash for their treats.

Remember the myth about drug dealers putting LSD on stickers and passing them out at elementary schools to hook children and make them addicts for life? That was actually based on the true story of Girl Scouts and Samoas/Carmel Delites. They came into our classrooms, plying their wares and hooked their classmates, a generation at a time.

Fast forward 20 years, and who are they marketing to? The established addicts. Now, it’s family, friends, and coworkers selling cookies, instead of the girls themselves addicting their classmates. Who’s going to buy the cookies in 30 years? Nobody. The addicts are going to be falling out of the market and their replacements will be imaginary. Really, who wants to buy half a box of cookies for $3.50 when the choice isn’t driven by nostalgia or addiction?