- Dora the Explorer is singing about cocaine. Is that why my kids have so much energy? #
- RT @prosperousfool: Be the Friendly Financial “Stop” Sign http://bit.ly/67NZFH #
- RT @tferriss: Aldous Huxley’s ‘Brave New World’ in a one-page cartoon: http://su.pr/2PAuup #
- RT @BSimple: Shallow men believe in Luck, Strong men believe in cause and effect. Ralph Waldo Emerson #
- 5am finally pays off. 800 word post finished. Reading to the kids has been more consistent,too. Not req’ing bedtime, just reading daily. #
- Titty Mouse and Tatty Mouse: morbid story from my childhood. Still enthralling. #
- RT @MoneyCrashers: Money Crashers 2010 New Year Giveaway Bash – $7,400 in Cash and Amazing Prizes http://bt.io/DDPy #
- [Read more…] about Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-01-16
Swamp Finance
I wrote this post was as a guest post a year ago, to answer the question, “What is the best financial advice or tool you have found or been given?”
Once upon a time, there was a young man–an arrogant man barely out of childhood–who thought he new more than anyone he had ever known, trusted, or respected. In his arrogance, he left his family and friends behind to enter the wilderness in search of a long lost teacher.
He found the teacher. He even managed to convince the teacher to accept him as his pupil.
However, he didn’t change his ways. He insolently ignored the fundamental lessons, assuming he already understood them. When he was rebuked by his teacher, his only defense was to whine that he was “trying”.
“Do or do not. There is no ‘try’,” replied Yoda.
These words of wisdom represent one of the most fundamental rules of personal finance, or even life, itself. If the best you have to offer is a half-hearted “try”, you will never succeed.
When my wife and I decided that it was time for our debt to die the death of a sad specter of self-loathing hiding in a cave, we went at it with a relish that would have launched a poor astromech droid to the freakin’ moon!
We never said we’d give it a shot for a month and see how it went. We knew that we either needed to succeed or we’d have to file bankruptcy. We didn’t try, we did it. Rather, we are doing it. Friends told us it was impossible to live without credit; that we were foolish to try. They were right, so we didn’t try.
Similarly, when it was time to get started on a college fund instead of hanging our hopes on scholarships, we just did it. Sure, we started the fund with just $10, and it is only growing by $10 per month, but it’s there and it’s growing. When we get our debt paid off, we’ll see exactly how close we can get to giving our kids a self-funded full ride to college.
When it comes time to get the things done that you know need to be done, the trick is to do it. Don’t make excuses. Don’t “try” to find time. Just make it happen. Cut up your credit cards, make your budget, or sell the stuff you don’t need. Whatever it is, do it.
There is no try. There is only DO!
Giving Up The Magic
It’s a sad day when kids stop believing in Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, and fairies.
Not because I enjoy lying to my kids, but because–on the day they stop believing–a piece of their innocence is lost. An unforgettable, valuable part of childhood dies.
Believing in magic is a beautiful thing.
Do you remember the last time you looked around the world with a sense of wonder? When seeing a puppy form in the clouds was a miracle? When the idea of an ant carrying 1000 times its own weight was something worth watching? When the impossible goodness of a fat man squeezing down your chimney fills you with hope instead of making you call 911?
Do I believe in Santa?
Of course not, but I believe the concept of Santa is worthy of my children’s belief. I don’t want them to lose that innocence and wonder.
When my teenager was young, he asked if Santa was real. I responded by asking what he thought. When he told me he didn’t believe, I offered to let Santa know. His panic told me he wasn’t ready to give up the magic.
The day that conversation didn’t cause a panic, he looked hurt, like he’d lost something precious. He had.
His world of magic was gone.
The he asked why I had spent his lifetime lying to him. I told him the truth. I said I couldn’t bear to be the one to shatter his belief in magic before he was ready.
Then, I informed him that he was in on the conspiracy. He was not allowed to ruin it for anyone else. Not his sisters, not his friends.
That Christmas, my little boy helped me stuff stockings, which was an odd feeling.
The magic was over, but we still got to share the magic of his cousins and sisters.
Funeral Costs: How to Keep it Inexpensive, Without Being Cheap
The average funeral costs $6500. Many people die with absolutely no savings. Even if there is life insurance, it takes weeks to get the money, while a funeral is completed within a week.
Funeral homes have an easy sales pitch. Nobody wants to sully the memory of their loved ones. The tiniest hint of a guilt trip will have most families upgrading to the silk pillow in a second. Here’s a secret: Your loved one doesn’t care. I’m not recommending using garbage bags and a dumpster. By all means, treat your loved ones with care, but don’t go overboard.
Not everyone is comfortable with cremation, and some religions don’t permit it, but it is probably the least expensive way to process a body. It costs approximately $1400 to cremate a body and you can get very attractive urns for under $100. Compare that to a $3500 casket and storage & transportation fees, and–from a strictly monetary standpoint–the choice is clear.
Don’t worry too much about decorating. Flowers aren’t cheap and florists don’t tend to offer discounts to people who aren’t emotionally prepared to negotiate and who are in a time crunch to find the flowers they need. Get a few bouquets for a small display around the casket or urn, and let the rest take care of itself. Many of the guests will bring flowers, so the entrance will soon be decorated for free, and that’s the part that makes the first impression.
Shopping online can save you a lot of money on an urn. Funeral homes will try to sell you a $500 urn, which may include a 1000% markup. If you buy online, you will have to pay for overnight shipping, but that’s a small cost compared to the standard markup. You can also find a huge discount on attractive caskets by shopping outside of the funeral home. Federal law prohibits funeral homes from requiring that you buy a casket from them or charging you a fee for getting one elsewhere.
This may be the most ghoulish part of this article, but you can dig the grave yourself. It’s probably not worth it for a full-size casket, but for an urn, you can save hundreds of dollars. An urn generally only needs to be buried 18 inches deep, as opposed to the 6 feet required for caskets. Just be sure to check with the cemetery and get the burial location right. If you think it’s ghoulish to dig the grave, just picture digging it up. Not fun.
Planning a funeral is never enjoyable, and it’s often expensive. Nothing you do will make it fun, but it is possible to make it affordable.
Have you had to coordinate a funeral? Did you take the funeral director’s recommendations, or did you cut some costs?
The Obligatory Thanksgiving Post
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Tomorrow is also Thursday, and I don’t post on Thursdays, so I’ll be posting about Thanksgiving today.
Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful for–first and foremost–capitalism.
When the Pilgrims first landed, they set up a communal farming arrangement, figuring that a good Christian community could take care of its own. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need, and all that. Everyone worked for the good of everyone else, so everyone benefited, right?
The Pilgrims, like every other group that has ever advocated communism, neglected to consider human nature. If you have no incentive to work, you don’t. If sleeping in and making babies still gets you fed and clothed, why work?
On the other side, if you work hard, only to see your hard work go to benefit your lazy neighbor, sleeping in and rattling the headboard, but never doing anything productive, why bother?
It didn’t take long for the Pilgrims to notice this tragedy of government wasn’t working.
The strong, or man of parts, had no more in devission of victails and cloaths, then he that was weake and not able to doe a quarter the other could; this was thought injuestice. The aged and graver men to be ranked and equalised in labours, and victails, cloaths, etc., with the meaner and yonger sorte, thought it some indignite and disrespect unto them. And for mens wives to be commanded to doe servise for other men, as dresing their meate, washing their cloaths, etc., they deemd it a kind of slaverie, neither could many husbands well brooke it. Upon the poynte all being to have alike, and all to doe alike, they thought them selves in the like condition, and ove as good as another; and so, if it did not cut of those relations that God hath set amongest men, yet it did at least much diminish and take of the mutuall respects that should be preserved amongst them.
It didn’t take long before nobody was working. Neighbors resented each other, because everyone had a right to the work of the other, with no need to compensate each other. That’s a case of “I’m starving because you aren’t working hard enough, but it’s not my fault you’re starving.”
At one point, the production of the colony was down so much that the colonists’ ration of corn was just 4 kernels per day. That’s how you kill a colony.
But they learned from their mistakes before they all died.
Yet notwithstanding all those reasons, which were not mine, but other mens wiser then my selfe, without answer to any one of them, here cometh over many quirimonies, and complaints against me, of lording it over my brethern, and making conditions fitter for theeves and bondslaves then honest men, and that of my owne head I did what I list. And at last a paper of reasons, framed against that clause in the conditions, which as they were delivered me open, so my answer is open to you all. And first, as they are no other but inconvenientes, such as a man might frame 20. as great on the other side, and yet prove nor disprove nothing by them, so they misse and mistake both the very ground of the article and nature of the project. For, first, it is said, that if ther had been no divission of houses and Lands, it had been better for the poore. True, and that showeth the inequalitie of the condition; we should more respecte him that ventureth both his money and his person, then him that ventureth but his person only.
The slavery of working for the benefit of others didn’t work, unless you were “theeves and bondslaves”. Then, it was great, living off of the sweat of others.
To make a long story short, the starvation ended when the Pilgrims were given parcels of land and told they could keep what they built from it. They went from the edge of extinction to being prosperous in a short time. The old and weak were cared for, not by the governor’s decree, but by the generosity of their neighbors.
Everybody in the colony won.
Fighting Fair
This was a guest post on another site early last year.
Everyone, at times, has disagreements. How boring would life be if everyone agreed all of the time? How you handle those disagreements may mean disaster.
This is particularly true when you are arguing with your spouse. You spend most non-working moments with this one person, this wonderful, loving, infuriating person. Your emotions will naturally run high while discussing the things you care most about with the person you care most about. Arguments are not only natural, but inevitable.
How do you have an argument with someone you love without lasting resentment?
You have to argue fairly. There are a few principles to remember during an argument.
- When your partner is talking, your job is to listen with all of your energy. You are not interrupting. Your are not planning your rebuttal while waiting for your turn to talk. Your are listening, nothing else. If you don’t listen, you can’t understand. If you don’t understand, you can’t find a resolution.
- Remember that your partner cares. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t feel so strongly about the argument. This isn’t a war, just an argument. She still wants to spend the rest of her life with you. Keeping this in mind will change the entire tone of the argument into a positive interaction. You will still disagree, but you will be looking for a solution together, instead of finding a “win” at any cost.
- Search for the best intent. Remember #2? There is an incredibly good chance that, if there are two ways to interpret something your partner has said–a good way and a bad way–your partner probably meant the good way. Even if you are wrong, it is far better to err on the side of resolution than the side of antagonism.
- When your partner has finished speaking, it’s still not your turn to argue. Your job now is to repeat your understanding of the issue, without worrying about problem-solving. Before you can refute the argument–or even establish your disagreement–you have to know that you understand her position and she has to know that you do. Without understanding, there can be no path to resolution that doesn’t cause resentment. If you have too much resentment, you won’t have a marriage.
After all of this, it will finally be your turn to make your point. Hopefully, your partner will be following the same rules so you can solve your problems together, without learning to hate each other.
Arguments in your marriage aren’t–or shouldn’t be–intended to draw blood. Fights happen. If your goal is to win at any cost, you will both lose, possibly everything.
