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Anna Chapman and Edward Snowden: How to afford a long-distance romance?

100703anna_chapman
100703anna_chapman (Photo credit: alanconnor)

Recently Russian spy Anna Chapman tweeted a proposal to fellow spy Edward Snowden, as in a marriage proposal. News reports covering the Internet event report that Chapman would not reveal whether she was serious but asked reporters to use their imaginations. So it is yet to be seen whether there will be spy marriage ahead for the two notorious leakers. What is true, however, is that no nuptials can take place at the moment, even if Anna Chapman were serious and Edward Snowden. That is because the United States has revoked Snowden’s U.S. passport, and marriage ceremonies cannot take place in the airport where Snowden is trying to buy time. So how can Chapman and Snowden afford a long-distance relationship? Follow this quick guide of tips for helping the spies survive what could be a long road ahead!

Finding Deals

Anna Chapman has the most mobility right now, so she should be looking out for cheap flights to where Snowden is hiding out. A long-distance relationship can be expensive, so that is why finding deals on air travel is key. She can drop into the airport for a quick rendevouz. Why not?

Saving Money

These two potential spy lovers and super team need to save their money at every turn. Hiding out in secrete is costly, so they should create a special account that they both can add to for getaway and meeting expenses. Meeting at the airport is going to get old after a while, so they need to find a safe space where they can enjoy one another and sustain their relationship. Long-distance relationships are known for their difficulty because a couple spend so much time trying to reconnect every time they see one another.

Pick Your Fights

Long-distance relationships have little room for petty fighting. You see each other so infrequently that you have to cherish the time you have together. Instead of talking spy business, Anna Chapman and Edward Snowden should make sure they are focusing on each other by getting to know each other and focusing on the small things that make them happy together. Petty fighting will destroy a long-distance relationship. Chapman and Snowden should part each meeting feeling good about the other instead of feeling frustrated.

Kiss and Makeup

The key to long-distance relationships is always to kiss and makeup before leaving. No matter what the spies face together or apart, they cannot let their professions and media scrutiny come between them. Instead, they need to focus on their love and passion. Make sure to share a passionate kiss before leaving each meeting so that the memory of love and admiration is fresh on the mind. With a little effort in the romance department, Chapman and Snowden will be well on their way to creating harmony in their relationship. Moving from shallow levels to more deeper levels, however, is going to take time.

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Expensive Cheese

Saturday morning, I woke up to a room-temperature refrigerator.   I dislike drinking milk that’s 40 degrees warmer than I’m used to.

We called the repairman who showed up at 9PM and poked around in the fridge for a bit before announcing that he didn’t have the needed parts in his truck.

The parts came Monday.  The next repairman got there Tuesday afternoon.   For those of you keeping track at home, that’s nearly 4 days without a refrigerator.

That poor bacon.

Tuesday’s repairman didn’t think highly of Saturday’s.  Apparently, the two parts Saturday ordered never go bad at the same time, so he was guessing.

He also didn’t notice the slice of individually wrapped American cheese that had slipped between a shelf and one of the cold-air vents, preventing any air flow at all.

Grr.

I wish I would have noticed that on Saturday.   I now own the most expensive cheese in the world.   It’s not Pule, which comes in at $616 per pound.  This lowly slice of American cheese cost me nearly $200.  At one ounce per slice, that’s $3200 per pound.   Of course, I’m counting the lost food.   My hamburger, eggs, bacon, milk, and mayonnaise are gone, along with every other perishable bit of food we had on hand.

I don’t know how much the repairs cost.   Saturday’s visit, minus the parts, was billed at $95.  I didn’t see the total for Tuesday’s visit.

We pay for a repair plan through our gas company.   For around $15 per month, we get a list of appliances protected.   We don’t have to worry about our washer, dryer, water softener, stove, refrigerator, or our sewer main.    Assuming Tuesday’s visit was billed the same as Saturday’s, this one repair paid for the plan for an entire year.   When you count our sewer main–which backs up with tree roots once a year and costs at least $200 to fix–the repair plan is definitely worth it for us.

When we get tenants in my mother-in-law’s house, we’ll have the repair plan set up there, too.

Do you use any kind of repair plan?  How is it working out for you?

 

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Property Managers

As of last Monday, we don’t have any tenants in our rental house.

English: Farmhouse at Little Renters Farm This...
English: Farmhouse at Little Renters Farm This farm stands on Beckingham Street. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

That makes me sad.

It makes me sadder that we were too nice and gave them an extra week free to get their stuff moved out.

Now we get the fun job of painting, replacing the linoleum, and probably cleaning the place up to get it ready for new renters that we haven’t found yet.

New renters.

Ick.

Now, we could put an ad on Craigslist and try to find renters ourselves.

Background checks.

Credit checks.

Interviews and walk-throughs.

Then, when we find someone, we’ll be collecting rent and dealing with any whiny issues that come up.

Yuck.

Or….

We can hire a property manager.  The big name property management company in our area charges a $99 set-up fee plus $80 per month.

That covers:

  • Rent collection
  • Coordinating maintenance
  • Accounting
  • All of the other mundane details

If we add on the tenant-finding service, we’ll be paying them one-month’s rent, but they’ll handle the showings, advertising, background checks, and the lease.  And their average tenant placement is 19 days.  Another house in the neighborhood that used them had the house rented in about a week.

That moves our landlording firmly into the passive side-hustle category and all it costs us is (essentially) one and a half month’s rent with the added bonus that we’ll be asking the right amount for rent according to the market, instead of guessing.  Our last tenants were probably paying $300 too little.

I think the property managers are the way to go, but I have absolutely no experience here.

Have any of you used a property manager?  Was it good?  Bad? Hell-on-Earth?