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The Things That Bring You Here
I’ve been walking though my analytics data. That is the Big Brother software I use to know everything about each one of my dear readers. It’s all part of my master plan to rule the world. Muwahaha!
Some of the results are interesting.
The single most-used search term to find this site is “slow carb diet“, which is great, because I really enjoyed writing that post. I’ve been slacking on the diet lately, but I’m still down more than 30 pounds. I’m currently ranked #3 in Google for this term. If I move up 2 more spots, I’ll outrank Tim Ferriss for his own product. If I aggregated all of the “slow carb” variations, this post probably accounts for more than half of my traffic from Google.
Many of you come here by searching for “how to have a perfect life“. I’ll do everything I can to help you achieve that, but it’s going to take work on your part. There are no shortcuts.
“Beat the Check” is another popular search term, but a very bad game to play. It’s almost impossible to win it, since the Check 21 Act of 2004.
It’s interesting that “trained husband” brings a few of you each month. My question: are you shopping, or exploring a new fetish? Don’t be shy.
I’m a bit amazed that “zombie wheels” is something people actually search for, but 140 people hit Google looking for that term every month, and a few of them make it over here.
“How to stretch a meal“, “things you should buy online“, and “unsecured loan advice” are some of the top personal finance terms bringing you all in, though “how to make a bunker” and its variation are popular, too.
“Hoe can you force your wife” is a bit disturbing. Most of the results are naturally for sex. I can’t help but hope that I’ve either really disappointed this visitor, or convinced him that force is a bad idea.
“How much did a pound of gold weigh in 1854?” is a search that makes me giggle. To the best of my knowledge, the troy scale has been used to weigh gold for a lot longer than that.
That was a fun little stroll through my statistics. Hopefully the fact that I used “fetish” and “sex” in a post will draw more crazy search terms.
How did you find me? Inquiring minds want to know, so please tell me in the comments.
Money Problems – Day 2: What’s Going Out?
Today, I continuing the series, Money Problems: 30 Days to Perfect Finances. The series will consist of 30 things you can do in one setting to perfect your finances. It’s not a system to magically make your debt disappear. Instead, it is a path to understanding where you are, where you want to be, and–most importantly–how to bridge the gap.
I’m not running the series in 30 consecutive days. That’s not my schedule. Also, I think that talking about the same thing for 30 days straight will bore both of us. Instead, it will run roughly once a week. To make sure you don’t miss a post, please take a moment to subscribe, either by email or rss.
On this, day 2 of the series, you need to gather all of your bills: your electric bill, your mortgage, the rent for your storage unit, everything. Don’t miss any.
Go ahead, grab them now. I’ll wait.
Did you remember that thing that comes in the plain brown wrapper every month? You know, that thing you always hope your neighbors won’t notice?
Now, you’re going to sort all of the bills into 5 piles.
Pile #1: These are your monthly bills. This will probably be your biggest pile, since most bills are organized to get paid monthly. this will include your credit cards, mortgage(do you rent or buy?), most utilities and your cellphone.
Pile #2: Weekly expenses. When I look at my actual weekly bills, it’s a small stack. Just daycare. However, there are a lot of other expenses to consider. This stack should include your grocery bill, gas for your car, and anything else you spend money on each week.
Pile #3: Quarterly and semiannual bills. I’ve combined these because there generally aren’t enough bills to warrant two piles. My only semi-annual bill is my property tax payment. Quarterly bills could include water & sewer, maybe a life insurance policy and some memberships.
Pile #4: Annual bills. This probably won’t be a large pile. It will usually include just some memberships and subscriptions.
Pile #5: Irregular bills. The are some things that just don’t come due regularly. In our house, school lunches and car repairs fall into this category. We don’t have car problems often, but we set money aside each month so our budget doesn’t get flushed down the drain if something does come up.
Now that you have all of your expenses together, you know what your are on the hook for. Next time, we’ll address income.
Toxic People
You should never be in the company of anyone with whom you would not want to die.
-Duncan Idaho, from God-Emperor of Dune
Some people suck the life out of everyone they encounter. Whether it be through lies, unreasonable demands, emotional abuse or manipulation, or just a vile personalty, the people they meet are worse off for the encounter. The people they interact with every day are screwed.
My time is too precious to waste any of it unnecessarily on people who remove value from it. I like being with people who enrich my life, instead.
Unfortunately, since I’m not an advocate for the use of hitmen, not every toxic person is easy to eliminate from your life.
Toxic people come in 3 basic varieties: professional, personal, and family. There is some overlap between the categories.
The personal category is easiest to deal with. These people aren’t relatives or coworkers, so you won’t see them at family gatherings or at work. I’ve dealt with these people in two ways.
First, there is the direct approach. One former friend, who was really only a friend when it was convenient for him(a pure leech), got told that he wasn’t invited to one of our parties because I was inviting his ex-wife, instead. That was the last time he called me.
The second option is far more passive. I set up a contact group in my phone called “Life’s too short”. At first, I set it up with a fairly insulting ring tone, but I later switched it to no ring at all. I don’t know they’ve called until I check my voicemail. It’s far less direct, but also far easier than the direct approach.
Dealing with the toxic people in your family is more complicated. You’ll see them at holiday gatherings, or hear about them during unrelated visits. You probably have a lot of memories growing up with them, and may feel some level of obligation–deserved or not–to maintain contact. It’s hard to break a tie that you’ve had your entire life.
Can you fix their behavior? It’s worth trying to have a frank discussion about how they are treating you, or the things they are doing. If the problem is that they are constantly bringing over their methhead boyfriends, banning the drug addicts from your home, while still welcoming the relative may be an acceptable fix. If the problem is a constant need to belittle you, demanding they stop may work. If the problem is a lifetime of emotional abuse, it probably isn’t fixable.
Is banishment an option? Can you put that creepy cousin on the Life’s Too Short list? You’ll still have to deal with him at family gatherings, but you can always leave the room when he comes in, right? Don’t engage, don’t participate in any conversation beyond a polite greeting, and don’t offer any encouragement towards regular contact.
It’s possible that it won’t be possible to fix their behavior and that you won’t want to banish the offender. If, for example, the offender is your mother (Not you, Mom!), you may feel a sense of obligation to maintain contact, or even be a primary caregiver at times. This is a line nobody else can draw for you. At some point, the current bad behavior could overwhelm the past obligations. When that happens are you prepared for it? That can be a traumatic break.
The other option, as cold as it sounds, is to wait it out. Nature will take its course, eventually. Can you wait that long, while maintaining your sanity and emotional equilibrium?
Professional toxic people include customers, vendors, and coworkers, none of whom are easy to get rid of.
If you own the business, you can fire your problem customers if the hassle outweighs the benefits you get from the relationship. You can find a new vendor, and you can fire the problem employees.
What happens if you are an employee?
If the problem is your boss, your options are to suck it up, talk to his boss, or find a new job. If the first is intolerable, and the second is impossible, it’s time to polish your resume.
If the problem is a vendor, you’ve got some options. Document the problems, first. Does he make inappropriate jokes, or badmouth you to your customers? Then, research the alternatives. Does one of his competitors offer an equivalent product or service? Take the documentation and research to your boss, or whoever makes that decision, and see if you can get your company to make the switch. The other option, is to request someone new to deal with at the vendor’s company, but that may not always be possible.
Finally, we come to the problem of toxic coworkers.
Some coworkers have the same problems as a toxic boss. Is the company vice-president the boss’s baby brother? You’re probably not going to find a win there. You’ll have to suck it up or move on.
Is the problem person working in an unrelated department doing unrelated tasks? It may be possible to start taking breaks at different times and leave him where he belongs: in the past.
Is the difficult individual sharing an office with you, demanding everything be done his way, and throwing daily tantrums? This is the one that has to be dealt with. He’s the one sucking the life out of you every single day.
First, start making use of a voice recorder. If you’ve got a smartphone, you’ve probably already got one. Otherwise, drop the $20 to buy one. This lets you document the evil. When his behavior goes hinky, record it.
Second, stand up for yourself. If he’s making unreasonable demands, tell him it’s inappropriate. He’s a bully, and bullies tend to back down when they are confronted.
Third, make sure the boss knows about the behavior. Yes, this is tattling. Get over it. If he wasn’t acting like he was a spoiled 4 year old, you wouldn’t have to tell the boss that he was. If the boss doesn’t know there’s a problem, he can’t deal with it.
Fourth, for any problem that isn’t directly aimed at you, ignore it. If he makes a habit of throwing a tantrum because somebody emptied the coffee pot, or because the company switched health plans, let him. Only get in the way if it’s directed at you. Over time, the tantrums will get more noticeable and out of hand, forcing the boss to deal with it, preferably by handing him a pink slip.
Your goal is documentation, awareness, and avoidance. Make the worst of it go elsewhere so you can be as productive as possible, document what you can, and let the boss become aware of the situation and how bad it has become. And be patient. This isn’t an overnight fix.
How do you deal with the toxic people in your life?
Living in Debt: How I Sacrificed My Future
For those of you who haven’t been following along, I’m in debt. Starting 13 years ago, when I was 19, I managed to bury myself in debt, until I decided I’d had enough of that…almost 2 years ago.
Why?
It wasn’t because of college expenses, though they contributed to my debt level. I was in debt before I went to college. Heck, I was a daddy before I went to college.
It wasn’t because of major medical procedures. The only major medical procedures we’ve ever had were the births of our children, and we had two of them well after we built our shackles.
It wasn’t because we bought more house than we could afford. We own a modest house that we bought before the bubble started.
Then what was it? Why did we do the things we did that have financially crippled us for so long?
It was a combination of things, crowned by a glorious lack of financial sophistication. As I wrote in No Brakes, neither of us had the early training to really understand our financial decisions. We knew bills need to be paid, but what was the difference if the money came from a credit card versus our checking account? Why did it matter if we carried a balance on the cards, as long as we could make the payments? What’s wrong with just making the minimum payment?
Naïve. Unsophisticated.
That day-to-day lack of sophistication was only part of the problem, and it wasn’t the biggest part. We made a lot mistakes, but they were all small. Before 2001, I think our total was about $5000. Too much, but not painful.
Between the fall of 2001 and the winter of 2002, we took our naïve decision-making process and ran with it. It was a full-scale mistake marathon.
That year, we built an addition on our house, because a full dining room and a bigger kitchen would make our house so much more livable and it was cheaper than buying a home, new. Oh, and since the difference between the mandatory crawlspace and a full basement room was just a few rows of concrete blocks, let’s expand it. Wait, don’t bedrooms require walls, sheetrock, windows, closets, paint, furniture, and electricity?
That was also the year that the car companies all jumped on the 0% loan fad. In case you don’t remember, that was the program that meant you could get a 0% loan on a new car if you picked up a 3 year term on your loan. At 22, making maybe $45,000 combined, we decided that buying a $35,000 truck was a good idea. To save money. Rationalization is wonderful. Or at least, effective.
That summer, we got married. We did a phenomenal job getting married on the cheap. We had about 100 guests, a park to get married in, flowers, food, and a hall to eat and dance in, for about $3000. The problem was, we didn’t have $3000. We didn’t have the $1500 + activities for our 10 day honeymoon on a Caribbean cruise, either, though I still plan on returning to St. Thomas.
None of those individual payments were terrible. The biggest problem was that we piled them all so close together that we never had time to absorb their impact before taking on the next obligation. When we did realize how much we had to pay, we made up for it by only buying big things that came with a “0% for a year” deal, like our living room set, our carpet, and our dining room table.
Then, when we finally did pay something off, or came into more money, we’d immediately expand our lifestyle to fill the void. The month we paid off our truck, I got a significant raise. Did we use it to pay off some other debt? Of course not, we bought a new car on a six year term.
We had so many opportunities to make bad decisions with our money, and I think we took them all and have suffered for it, since.
If you’re in debt, what made you decide to get that way?
Money Problems – Day 1: Setting Goals
Today, I am starting a series, Money Problems: 30 Days to Perfect Finances. The series will consist of 30 things you can do in one setting to perfect your finances. It’s not a system to magically make your debt disappear. Instead, it is a path to understanding where you are, where you want to be, and–most importantly–how to bridge the gap.
I’m not going to run the series in 30 consecutive days. That’s not my schedule. Also, I think that talking about the same thing for 30 days straight will bore both of us. Instead, it will run roughly once a week. To make sure you don’t miss a post, please take a moment to subscribe, either by email or rss.
In this, the first installment, we’re going to talk about goals.
First, we’re going to ask 3 questions.
- What is your financial goal?
- Why?
- How can you get there?
The first question is “What is your goal?” Of course, in this series, on this site, we’re only going to be addressing your financial goals. Losing 300 pounds, growing wings, and flying to the moon may be an admirable goal, but it’s considerably outside of the scope of this project.
So, what is your financial goal? Do you want to retire a millionaire, or become financially independent? Do you want to pay off your debt, or save enough money to see the world? Do you want to learn how to retire by 40?
Your goal does not matter…to anyone but you. To you, though, it is terribly important. Without a goal, how can you measure you progress and see what you have accomplished? It’s easy to get frustrated and give up when you can’t look back and see what successes you have actually accumulated.
Whatever your goal, you have to do two things:
- Don’t let anyone tell you it is stupid or impossible. There is a quote that I can’t find attribution for, other than as an old Chinese proverb: “Those that say it can’t be done should get out of the way of those doing it.”
- Write it down and hang it up. This lets you see your goal every day. It will be impossible to forget and difficult to ignore. I have Dave Ramsey‘s Baby Steps hanging on my refrigerator where I see it a dozen times per day.
The second major question to ask yourself is “Why?” Why is this goal important to you? Why do you care?
If you can’t answer that, it’s time to sit back and think about it for a while. Without a solid reason to succeed, you’ll lose motivation and fail. Are you getting out of debt to give yourself a secure retirement? Do you want to save to travel the world because you’ve been dreaming about it since you were in diapers? Do you simply want to provide a secure future for your family? Whatever your reason, it is–and should be–uniquely yours.
The third and final question is “How can you make it happen?” That question has an extremely simple answer: read the rest of the series.
