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Karate Guess So
“Walk on road, hm? Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later, [makes squish gesture] get squish just like grape. Here, karate, same thing. Either you karate do “yes”, or karate do “no”. You karate do “guess so”, [makes squish gesture] just like grape. Understand?” -Mr. Miyagi
It occurred to me that lately, I’ve changed my day-to-day cash flow plans a couple of times.
A year ago, I was running on a fairly strict cash-only plan.
A month ago, I was running on a strict budget, but doing it entirely out of my checking account.
Now, I’m loosening the budget reins, and moving all of my payments and day-to-day spending to a credit card, including a new balance that I can’t immediately pay off.
The thing is, changing plans too often scares me. Like the quote at the beginning of this post, I start worrying about being squished like a grape.
The simple fact is that any plan will work.
If you want to get out of debt, just pick a plan and run with it. If that means you follow Dave Ramsey and do the low-balance-first debt snowball, good for you. Do it. If you follow Suze Ormann and do a high-interest first repayment plan, great. Do it. If you follow Bach and pay based on a complicated DOLP formula to repay in the quickest manner, wonderful! Do it!
Just don’t switch plans every month. If you do that, you’ll lose momentum and motivation. Squish like grape! Just pick a plan and go. It really, truly does not matter which plan you are following as long as you are following through.
This applies to other parts of your life, too. For example, there are a thousand fad diets out there. Here’s a secret: they all work. Every single one of them, whether it’s Weight Watchers, slow carb, or the beer-only diet. The only thing that matters is that you stick to the diet. If you manage that, you will lose weight on any diet out there. Except for the jelly bean and lard diet. That one will make you extra soft.
Another secret: the productivity gurus are right. Every single one of them. David Allen, Stephen Covey, Steve Pavlina, and the rest. They all have the One True Secret to getting the most out of your day. Really. Pick a guru and go! But don’t try to Get Things Done in the morning and do 7 Habits at night. Changing systems, changing plans, changing your mind will make you sabotage yourself.
The real secret to accomplishing great things, whether it’s paying off $100,000 of debt, dropping 40 pounds in 3 months, or tripling your productivity is to do it. Just get started and, once you’ve started, don’t stop. If you keep going and stay consistent, you’ll accomplish more than anyone who hops from system to system every few weeks.
5 Ways to Force Your Spouse to Get Frugal*
Communication is important in a marriage. If you can’t communicate, how are you going to get your way?** I’ve helpfully compiled the best possible ways to get your spouse on board with your budget plans.
- Don’t include her. When I absolutely, positively cannot afford to be working towards a different goal than my wife, I do my best to ignore her. I don’t tell her how much we’ve paid off, how much we have left, or what we can afford to spend on groceries. I think she enjoys not having to worry about the petty details like “Are we overdrawn?” or “Will we be eating Alpo next week?” I’ll do anything to make her life easier.
- Nag. Nothing convinces my wife to do things my way like unending scolding. If I just remind her, day and night, surely she’ll cooperate with my budgeting plans and ideas to save money, right? Every body loves the attention, and, since we got a text messaging plan, I can shoot her a message every five minutes while she’s at the store. In all seriousness, this is actually a problem and a source of friction at my house. Reminding her every time she goes to the store is not an effective strategy.
- Whine. If nagging fails, I always try to take the advice of my toddlers and whine until I get my way. “But Ho-uh-neee-eee! Why’d you buy tha-at?” It’s always been a big hit at my house. My wife appreciates the effort I put into getting the third, screechy syllable into simple words, just to try to convince her to give up or see things my way.
- Obsess. This goes hand-in-hand with both #2 and #3. If I never giver her the chance to forget about our goals, she can never stray from them. A memo in the morning, hourly text reminders, and a daily summary of our account balances and month-to-date budget compliance just keeps us working together. Everything we do can be tied back to our frugal choices and debt repayment, whether it’s a game of Sorry or a trip to a wrestling tournament.
- Yell. If all else fails, just turn up the volume. If there’s a problem, I nag at level 10. Whining loudly enough to wake the neighbors will convince her to comply with my wishes next time. This has the added benefit of allowing my kids to receive the wisdom of my experience, even if they are in the basement playing games with their friends.
*This obviously isn’t a gender-specific article, but, as a man, I write from a man’s perspective and my pronouns match my perspective.
**Sarcasm. Really. Following these rules should result in divorce, NOT happy agreement. If you are operating under this action plans, get therapy.
Update: This post has been included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.
2011 Goals
It’s that time of the year when people make public promises to themselves that last almost as long as the hangover most of them are going to earn tonight, otherwise known as New Year’s Resolutions.
Not a fan.
I am, however a fan of planning out some concrete goals and doing my best to meet them. I do this through a series of 30 day projects. I set a goal that can be reached in 30 days, and push for it. I tend to make my goals fairly aggressive, and I tend to meet them.
Here were my goals and results for 2010:
- January: Wake up at 5am AND read to my kids every night before bed. These were easy goals to meet. A year later, I am still getting up much earlier than I ever have, even if it’s not 5AM. I write better late at night than I do early in the morning, anyway. I’m not still reading to my kids every night, but we are making progress on teaching my four-year-old to read.
- February: Do 100 push-ups at one time by the end of the month. I accomplished this in 22 days. I also had a secret project that involved doing something sweet for my wife every day. By the end of the month, she was convinced I had done something horrible that I was trying to make up for.
- March: Do 100 sit-ups at one time by the end of the month. It took me a week, but I found out how bad sit-ups are for your back. Pure failure.
- April: Spring Cleaning. I will declutter every room in my house this month. We missed one room and one closet, but made a lot of charities happy.
- May: Have a sit-down dinner with my family, at the dining room table at least 3 times per week. We managed this one and enjoyed it, but we haven’t managed to keep it up. I’ll have to try this again.
- June: No computer use, while anyone else in the family is awake, except for household necessities, such as bills. This one worked well and improved the quality of our interaction. I’m not quite this strict about it, but my computer use has gone down dramatically while my family is awake.
- July: Write fiction every day. I don’t think I wrote more than a few pages of fiction, but I did write every day.
- August: Buy nothing new this month. We came very close to doing this one perfectly. It wasn’t easy.
- September: Attempt to learn a new language. Total bomb. I never even got started.
- October: No yelling at the kids. Have you ever thought about trying this with a a two-year-old and a four-year-old? We never got started.
- November: No complaining. Not at home, not at work. I didn’t make this an actual month, but I’ve been trying to complain much less. I think it’s been working.
- December: I will have done 14 projects this year. December is a month off. As planned, I took December off.
So I missed 4 months of projects. This year, I’m going to modify my overall plan and only do 6 projects, every other month. That will give me a month off to either relax or incorporate the goal into my ongoing habits without any stress.
Here are my goals:
- January: I’m going to do Tim Ferriss’s Slow-Carb diet. Yes, it’s a fad diet, but it beats the constant stream of garbage I eat now. The basic plan is to avoid anything white; no bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, or sugar. That’s accompanied by a targeted supplement regimen and a timed exercise plan to manipulate my metabolism. I’m not adding any aerobic exercise to my day, because I want this to be as controlled an experiment as possible. If it’s working at the end of the month, I will keep it going. It’s time to not be fat anymore.
- March: In February, I managed to get myself able to do 100 pushups in a single set. In March, I hurt my back trying to do the same with sit-ups and that killed my workout habit. This March, I’m going to do the 100 pushups challenge again, but this time, I’m going for perfect pushups. Last year, they got sloppy after about 80. This year, that won’t be good enough.
- May: I’m going to do at least 30 days of the Couch to 5k running program. It’s a 9 week program. As a 30 day project, it’s designed to establish the habit. When I tried picking up running last year, my knees were causing problems. Hopefully, my January project will mitigate that this year.
- July: I’m going to pick up a new language. This is the failed plan from September 2010. I’ve narrowed it down to either Spanish, Swedish, or Italian. One is useful, one is a part of my heritage, and one is for fun. At the moment, I’m undecided.
- September: Undecided. I am leaning towards a “nice” month. 30 days of doing something nice, for someone, somewhere. If I go this route, I’ve got 9 months to plan, because that’s a lot of things to do.
- November: Absolutely undecided. Any suggestions?
That’s my plan for the new year. Six specific goals, each lasting 30 days. I could definitely use some help for September and November. Please give me some suggestions in the comments.
Kids Are Temporary
Have you ever watched someone go nuts after they have kids?
I mean, even after the I-haven’t-slept-more-than-20-minutes-in-a-row-for-3-months stage of babydom?
These people dedicate their lives to their kids. They sacrifice all of their hopes and dreams and focus on the brats. They can’t have a date night because little Sally might get lonely without mommy and daddy. Can’t have a hobby because Johnny’s on the traveling soccer team. Can’t get laid because it’s a family bed and that’s kind of creepy when the kids are right there.
Everything for the kids.
As they grow, it gets worse. You spend more time helping with homework and less time talking to your wife. More time playing chauffeur, less time playing doctor.
It’s a nasty cycle, and it comes with an abrupt stop.
What happens when school’s out? Little Johnny graduates with a dual degree in Practical Philosophy and Experimental Art History, gets a job at the local Stab-and-Grab, gets married, and starts a family.
When that happens, parents suddenly become “extended family”. The kid has a life of his own and probably doesn’t need his clothes picked out in the morning, a ride to soccer practice, or someone to write his name in his underwear.
This is planned. It is–in theory–the reason we raise our kids. It shouldn’t be a surprise, even if it is a bit of a shock.
Can you survive it? Can your marriage?
If you’ve spent the last 20 years of your life pretending you are nothing but a system for delivering food, rides, and gadgets for your kids, what are you going to do with your time when they are busy pretending they are that system for their kids? If you’ve never developed a hobby, are you going to go extra-special, bat-**** crazy now?
For 20 years, have all of your conversations been about your kids? Have all of your outings been birthday parties? Will you have anything to say to your spouse when the kids are gone?
Your kids are temporary.
They are important. They are your genetic legacy and the people who will choose your nursing home. Don’t neglect them, but you do have to hold something back. Make time for yourself. Make time for your husband or your wife. Or both, if you can make that work.
When your kids are working 90 hour weeks building a new career, or hustling 4 kids to 10 after-school activities, your life doesn’t get to revolve around them.
All you’ve got is yourself and your wife. If she’s not feeling secure about your feelings now, when she loses the distraction of puke in her hair, that insecurity will blossom in unpleasant ways. If you can’t find a conversation that doesn’t involve the kids now, the silence will be blistering when you eventually lose that crutch.
If you don’t have a hobby, get one.
If you don’t have a relationship with your wife, get one. Take her on a date tonight. Your kids are temporary, your marriage shouldn’t be. This is the rest of your life. Make it worthwhile.
Make a Budget
- Image by r.lovewell via Flickr
In the past, I’ve gone through a detailed series of budget lessons demonstrating how to make a budget and showing my personal budget spreadsheet template. If you weren’t here to see them develop, you probably haven’t seen them at all. I’ve never built an actual index for those posts.
This is the master index of my budget planning resources. As I develop more, this will grow.
Budget Lesson #1 – In this lesson, I go over how we handle discretionary income and I explain our modified envelope system. The discretionary budget contains things like our grocery bill, or the clothes we buy. We have near-total discretion over what is purchased, hence the name.
Budget Lesson #2 – Lesson #2 contains the details of our monthly bills. These are the ones that are consistent, predictable, and actually due each month. Most people take these for granted as the bills they have to pay, but it’s not true. You can get almost all of your regular bills reduced just by asking. You would also be surprised what you can do without, when properly motivated.
Budget Lesson #3 – This is where I explain how we deal with the non-monthly bills. That is, the bills that have to be paid, but are not due on a monthly basis. I also share the personal budget spreadsheet template I developed. I am working on a few sample templates to match various imaginary scenarios. If you’d like to be an anonymous case study, and get free help setting up a budget, let me know, please.
Budget Lesson #4 – In this lesson, I describe our “set-aside” funds for things that will need to be paid eventually, but not on a set schedule. Sometimes, they are never actually due. We set aside money for the parties we throw, for car repairs and for a number of other things. A few of these items are outright optional, but they are part of what makes life fun. You can’t make a budget without including some of the extras.
Budget Lesson #5 – This is the companion piece to lesson 2. Learn how I’ve reduced–or attempted to reduce–each of these bills. For the better part of two years, I called Dish Network every few months to ask for a discount. For almost 2 years, it was granted. Then one, day, they told me they were putting a note on our account to keep us from getting any more discounts, so I canceled. 100% discounts help us save more.
Budget Lesson #6 – This is the reduction companion to lesson 3. These bills are harder to reduce. Have you ever successfully gotten your property taxes lowered?
Budget Lesson #7 – This is the reduction companion to lesson 4. Notice a pattern, yet?
Budget Lesson #8 – Here, completely out of order, is the reduction companion to lesson 1. Watch as I magically reduce–or rationalize–our discretionary budget.
So, dear readers, what part of budgeting should I address next?
