Am I the only one who just noticed that it’s Wednesday? The holiday week with the free day is completely screwing me up.
Just to make this a relevant post:
Spend less!
Save more!
Invest!
Wee!
Christmas Magic
When I was little, the world was amazing. The first snowfall was among the best days of the year. Everything was worth exploring, in hopes of discovering something new and fascinating, and everything was fascinating.
Stepping on a crack had serious implications. The wishbone in a turkey earned its name. Blowing out all of the candles on a birthday cake could change your life. The idea of some dude half a world away, watching you, then sneaking into your house to dish our rewards and punishments wasn’t pervy and sick, it was wonderful.
Then, one day, it all changes.
Somebody–a classmate, a older brother, a neighbor–let’s it slip that Santa isn’t real, and the implications snowball. That day, the magic dies.
Wishing on a star? Over.
The Easter Bunny? Hasenpfeffer.
Growing up to be Superman? Welcome to the rat race.
It’s a sad day when kids stop believing in magic.
I don’t believe in lying to my children, but I also don’t believe in destroying their magic. It’s a balancing act.
When my son was 6, an older boy at daycare tried to kill Santa for him. He was upset.
“Dad, is Santa real?”
“What do you think?”
“I don’t believe in Santa.”
“Okay, I’ll let him know.”
“Nonononononono! Don’t tell him!”
Was it lying? Probably, but he obviously wasn’t ready to stop believing, so I let him continue. A year later, we had the same conversation, but the results were quite different.
“Dad, you’ve always said that you hate lying, so why did you let me believe in Santa?”
So I told him the truth. Magic is a frail thing that’s nearly impossible to reclaim and I wanted him to have that treasure for as long as possible. And, “Now that you know, you are in on the conspiracy. You’ve been drafted. Don’t kill the magic for anyone else.”
It was weird having him help me stuff stockings.
If you’ve got kids(and celebrate Christmas), how do you handle the Santa problem?
Giving Up The Magic
It’s a sad day when kids stop believing in Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, and fairies.
Not because I enjoy lying to my kids, but because–on the day they stop believing–a piece of their innocence is lost. An unforgettable, valuable part of childhood dies.
Believing in magic is a beautiful thing.
Do you remember the last time you looked around the world with a sense of wonder? When seeing a puppy form in the clouds was a miracle? When the idea of an ant carrying 1000 times its own weight was something worth watching? When the impossible goodness of a fat man squeezing down your chimney fills you with hope instead of making you call 911?
Do I believe in Santa?
Of course not, but I believe the concept of Santa is worthy of my children’s belief. I don’t want them to lose that innocence and wonder.
When my teenager was young, he asked if Santa was real. I responded by asking what he thought. When he told me he didn’t believe, I offered to let Santa know. His panic told me he wasn’t ready to give up the magic.
The day that conversation didn’t cause a panic, he looked hurt, like he’d lost something precious. He had.
His world of magic was gone.
The he asked why I had spent his lifetime lying to him. I told him the truth. I said I couldn’t bear to be the one to shatter his belief in magic before he was ready.
Then, I informed him that he was in on the conspiracy. He was not allowed to ruin it for anyone else. Not his sisters, not his friends.
That Christmas, my little boy helped me stuff stockings, which was an odd feeling.
The magic was over, but we still got to share the magic of his cousins and sisters.
Fighting Evil by Phone
A few years ago, I was under the control of the Local Worthless Telephone Company(LWTC), and forced to use their long-distance provider, Evil Telephones & Thieves (ET&T). There was never a month that didn’t involve calling LWTC to get our bill corrected. Every month, something was wrong.
One month, we got a bill for $800 more than expected. Another month, another mistake. I called LWTC to get it corrected. This wasn’t a big deal, just another screwup in long list. They refused. They had never refused before. They informed me that the charge came from ET&T, not their system, preventing them from doing anything about it. There went an hour of hold time I’ll never get back.
I called the Evil Mother of All Telcos, The Malevolent Bastard Offspring of a Government-Shattered Monopoly, the Unholy Source of All Communications-Related Errors and Communicable Social Diseases. Hold. Hold for soul-rending abuse. Do you sense a pattern? Evil abounds. The inspiration for Wolfram & Hart. Employee meetings open with ritual sacrifice and close with the desecration of the holy symbols of obscure religions from distant corners of the globe.
When the customer service rep came on the line, I asked for an explanation of the charge. I was informed that I had made a 30 minute call to Niue Island. I politely reminded them that I had long-distance blocking on my phone. They couldn’t explain how the call went through, but it had, so I was obviously responsible. They refused to consider doing anything about the charge. The next day, I called back. I explained the situation to a new rep, one who hadn’t yet been trained in the art of stealing the souls of the living. She recognized the logical impossibility of international calls through the block and reversed the charge. She was swell.
Ten minutes later, her supervisor called to explain that the good witch didn’t have the authority to reverse those charges. I was responsible for paying the bill, even though she couldn’t explain how I was responsible for making the call. I explained the situation, again. I begged. I pleaded. Nothing. I was informed that I had to pay the bill. If I didn’t, they would take me to court to make me pay. She swore their computer system was solid enough to pass as evidence in court. She was angry, rude and snotty. She told me there was nothing I could do.
That wasn’t going to work for me.
I started gathering papers. The next day, a certified letter was sent to both ET&T and the Evil Para-Monopoly Telco. The contents of this letter were golden.
I sent:
- A dispute letter crafted using every bit of my experience in one of the largest collection agencies in the world.
- A copy of the problem bill, with the impossible charge and the long-distance blocking highlighted.
- A copy of a Minnesota Attorney General complaint.
- A copy of a Minnesota Public Utilities Commission complaint.
- A copy of an FCC complaint.
That was the end of it. There was no follow-up call, no collections notice, no court notice. There was nothing. The following month, there was no mention of the unpaid balance. The bill disappeared. Victory! I had conquered evil, driven a righteous stake through its beating, dust-filled heart, and poured garlic salt in the wound. I never even had to submit the complaints to their respective agencies.
That was the month we dropped our home phone line to eliminate that headache. At the time, the cell phone with the best family plan gave us $300 shared minutes for $75. It was worth it to get away from the Abomination That was the Union of LWTC and ET&T. A year later, when a business telephone provider decided to expand into the residential market in our area, we had our home phone reinstated. In the nine years since, we’ve never had to dispute a bill with McLeod USA.
Lesson learned: When you are battling evil, go big or go home. It’s better to swat a mosquito with a sledgehammer than to poke a dragon with a safety pin.
Vacation, Shmaycation, Staycation?
Last week was our family vacation. This year, we decided to keep it cheap, since we raided our savings a few months ago to cover my son’s vision therapy.
Here’s what we did:
Friday (Yes, I started vacation on a Friday): My wife worked a half day, then we drove to visit my parents, roughly 120 miles north of our house. $110 for gas, round-trip, and $10 for drive-through lunch. $120 total.
Saturday: We went to the county fair and Dairy Queen. $18 for admission. $30 for ride tickets. $35 for food and ice cream. The ride tickets were totally worth it. My son and I discovered that he can handle the fun rides, which thrills me. $83 total.
Sunday: We had a picnic at the bottom of Inspiration Peak, the third highest point in Minnesota, followed by a hike to the top. That evening, my brother, his wife, my wife, and I tricked my parents into babysitting and escaped for several hours of adult time. After a couple of overpriced drinks at a crap restaurant, we went somewhere nicer and cheaper. A nice dinner, a few drinks, and a round of drunken go-karts later, we spent $90 for the evening.
Monday: Back to the go-kart park for the afternoon, and the return drive home in the evening. The go-kart park included 3 rounds of go-karts, mini-golf, and a round of bumper boats. $40.
Tuesday: A hands-on kids museum, a natural history museum that was hosting a portable planetarium, and a teppenyaki restaurant. We used museum passes for the museums, so this cost a total of $160. By far, the most expensive part was the restaurant. The museums cost a combined $30.
Wednesday: We spent the day at the Monster Mall’s indoor theme park, Nickelodean Universe, where we tested my son’s ability to handle the fun rides for $70. Then we ate at the Rainforest Cafe for $116, and we got my wife’s anniversary present, a family portrait at an “old time” photo studio. We chose a 1920s theme. I must say, I look dashing in a zoot suit. $260 total.
Thursday: My wife had to work on Thursday because she was short of vacation time, so I had the brats to myself. We went to a pick-your-own apple orchard where we picked a large bag of apples, a bottle of real, locally-made maple syrup and 3 cookies-on-a-stick. Afterwards, Brat #1 and I went to a Chinese buffet and the comic book store while the women-folk went to a saddle-club meeting. $60 total.
Friday: We had a fried chicken picnic at the largest playground in the area, and otherwise took it easy. $12.
Saturday: On Saturday, my girls rode in a horse show for the saddle club while my wife put in her volunteer work hours. Registration and the food for the potluck ran $40.
Sunday: I had to teach a gun class, so I made money, instead of spending it. My wife and kids played around the house.
Total, our vacation cost us $865, for 10 days of memories. If we would have skipped the restaurants, it would have cost $465, but we wanted those experiences, too. Our vacation fund has $906 in it, so we did all right.
Link Roundup
What has happened to this week? It’s already Friday afternoon, and I’m short a post today. Since I skipped the link roundup last week while I was off with family, I’ll do it early this week and cheat you out of a real post today.
Finance links:
I enjoy trying new foods and eating out. Christian PF provides tips on doing that frugally.
Trent talks about “Family Dinner Night”. Invite a bunch of friends over to help prep and eat a buffet-style meal. Good time for everyone on the cheap.
Free Money Finance shares his 14 Money Principles.
MoneyNing shares how to buy school supplies for less.
Miscellaneous links:
Netflix just volunteered to shaft its customers again. There’s a 28 day wait to get most new releases, now. If I didn’t have almost 500 movies in my queue, I’d be royally ticked.
Mother Earth News has plans for a smoker/grill/stove/oven. I’d love to build a brick oven with a grill and smoker. A complete, wood-fired cooking center would be perfect for my house.
Major kitchen cleaning on Lifehacker. We’re doing this tomorrow, as part of our April Declutter.
That’s the highlight of my trip around the internet this week.
