Live Real, Now

The no-pants guide to spending, saving, and thriving in the real world.

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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.
Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?
Me: Yes?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: May I ask what that was for?
FMe: Of course.
Me: What was that for, jerk?
FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.
Me: What?!?  I’ve never even met you, before.
FMe: Of course you have.  I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.
Me: Huh?
FMe: Listen close.  You’re not  the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.
Me: ???
FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.
Me: I don’t appreciate….
FMe: Shut up.  I was dumb then, too.  Remember?  You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year.  On top of many other expensive decisions.  Do your recall?
Me: Yes, I do.  So what?
FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car.  Your kids wear new clothes.  You’ve got a house full of new furniture.  How did you pay for all of that?
Me: Naturally, I charged it.  Zero payments, zero interest for a year!  Pretty smart, huh?
FMe: What happens in a year?
Me: I don’t know.  I’ve got a full year to figure that out.
FMe: <Slap!>  I’ll tell you what happens!  Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed!   Your raise didn’t come through.  You had a baby. The truck broke down.  Your wife took maternity leave.  A roommate moved out.  You took a loss in the stock market.  You didn’t plan!  You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.
Me: How was I to know?
FMe: <Slap!>  Life happens!  You never know what is coming next.  You need to plan and save for what might happen.  Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly.  That is not acceptable.
Me:  So?  What are you going to do about it?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: Really?  Again?
FMe: <Slap!>  I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help.  Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux.  My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford.   You’ve screwed me, dude.
Me: I’m sorry.  What can I do to fix it?
FMe: Buy me dinner, first.
Me: Huh?!?!?
FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change.  No credit.
Me: None?
FMe: None.  Nada.  Zip.  Zilch.  Only spend what you can afford. Budget.  Pay off those nasty bills.  Don’t leave me hanging.
Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?
FMe: Exactly.  That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence.  Live in the real world.
Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me!  Now I know.
FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

 

How You’re Finding Me

Misc

Every once in a while, I like to dig through Google Analytics and see how  people are finding this site.   Some of the search terms are interesting.

“father of three” mid life crisis

Here’s a free piece of advice.  As a father of three, you don’t get to have a mid-life crisis.  It’s not allowed.  Rather, it’s allowed, but you aren’t allowed to act on it.   At a minimum, until your children are out of the house, you need to man up and provide all of the support you possibly can.  No sports cars you can’t afford and no 22 year old hardbodies.   Be there for your kids.

“payday loans” which accepts guest posts

Payday loan marketing.   Just go away.  You aren’t running a guest post here.

“slow carb” hungry all the time

You’re doing it wrong.  If you are hungry, eat more bacon.   Or beans.   Beans fill you up longer.

$1000000 business idea

Ideas are the easy part.  Execution makes you a millionaire.

articles on why appearance shouldn’t matter?

Appearances do matter, and always will.  Your appearance is what makes the initial impression when you meet someone new.  You don’t have to be a model, but basic grooming and fashion sense is necessary.   Take this with a grain of salt.  I’ve got a week’s growth of a beard and I wear a different plaid, button-down shirt every day.

are push ups supposed to be hard

Only the first 50.  After that, I kind of go on blissed-out autopilot.  If you can do 100 pushups, you can probably do 200.

acceptable place to put tattoo

If you wear clothes there, you can put a tattoo there.   Visible tattoos are called “job stoppers” for a reason.  If you put a tattoo on your face, the only job you qualify for is “drug dealer’s girlfriend”.   Or possibly prison janitor.

burning bridges with toxic people

If you must burn bridges, filling them with toxic people first isn’t a bad idea.

candied pork butt

Rule 34:  If it exists, there is porn of it.  Interesting side story: while double-checking the rule number, I stumbled across My Little Ponies doing things they never advertise on the box.

cut my wife’s hair

I did this once.   Pro tip:  In the back, at the bottom, cut small chunks and leave them longer than you think they should be.  You can always cut more, but uncutting hair is really hard.

f***** on the roadside by your mechanic

He probably deserves a tip for that.

girls fart for money and girls live farts

See the bit about the pork butt, remove the funny, and…ewww.

how to be a successful debtor

I recommend starting by paying your bills.  When the debts are gone, you win.  Success!

i ate bacon on slow carb diet

So did everyone else, sweetie.  It’s the biggest draw to the slow carb diet.

in memory of pets tattoos

When I get a pet, I get it with the understanding that I’m going to outlive it.   The day I bring it home, some small part of me is preparing for the day when I have to dig a hole in my backyard.   Tattooing that day?  Not gonna happen.

thickening felt behind testicle

Why are you on google?  Go to the doctor.  Please?

Interesting.  Between girls farting and my post about being well-trained, there is a significant amount of fetish traffic coming through here.  Maybe I need to explore a new advertising strategy.

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Money Problems – Day 3: What’s Coming In?

Finance

Husquarna automower, taken by me 2007-06-02
Image via Wikipedia

Today, I continuing the  series, Money Problems: 30 Days to Perfect Finances.   The series will consist of 30 things you can do in one setting to perfect your finances.  It’s not a system to magically make your debt disappear.  Instead, it is a path to understanding where you are, where you want to be, and–most importantly–how to bridge the gap.

I’m not running the series in 30 consecutive days.  That’s not my schedule.  Also, I think that talking about the same thing for 30 days straight will bore both of us.   Instead, it will run roughly once a week.  To make sure you don’t miss a post, please take a moment to subscribe, either by email or rss.

This is day 3 and today, you are going to take a look at your income.

We are only interested your take-home pay, because that is what you have to base a budget on.  If you base your budget on your gross pay, you’re going to be in trouble when you try to spend the roughly 35% of your check that gets taken for taxes and benefits.

Income is a pretty straight-forward topic.  It is—simply—how much money you make in a month.  If you are like most people, the easiest way to tell how much money you make is to look at your last paycheck.  Then, multiply it by the number of pay periods in a year and divide the total by 12.

Here’s the formula:  Cash x Yearly Pay Periods / 12.  Yay, math!

If you get paid every 2 weeks, multiply your take-home pay by 26, then divide by 12 to figure your monthly pay.   For example, if you make $1000 every two weeks, your annual take-home pay is $26,000.  Divide that by 12 to get your monthly pay of $2166.66.  If you get paid semi-monthly, you’ll take that same $1000 x 24 / 12, for a total of $2000 per month.

Now you know how much you make each month.  Woo!

Is it enough?  Who knows?  We’ll get into that later.  In the meantime, spend some time thinking about ways you can make more money.  Do you have a talent or a hobby that you can turn into cash?

  • If you’re a craftsy type, make stuff and sell it on eBay or Etsy.
  • If you’re a writer, start a blog, sell articles on oDesk, or start writing for paid article directories.  Squidoo has a revenue sharing plan for your articles.
  • Facebook maven?  Start making Pages for companies.  They will pay for it.
  • Are you mechanically inclined?  Watch your local free market sites for lawn mowers and snowblowers that don’t run.  You can fix them up and sell them.
  • If you’re a clean freak, start a home-cleaning service on evenings and weekends.

There are always ways to make some extra money, if you are willing.  Sit down with a friend or loved one and brainstorm what you can do.  Write down anything you can do, you enjoy, or you are good at.  Remember, there are no stupid ideas when you are brainstorming.  The bad ideas will get filtered out later.

How could you make some (more) side cash?

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Refinancing Through the HARP Program

Finance

HARP Refinance

If you owe more than your house is worth, and want to refinance to today’s low interest rates, you need to check out the HARP program. Millions of homeowners with underwater homes are finding relief in a new version of the Home Affordable Refinance Program (HARP). Refinancing to lower interest rates could slash your monthly mortgage payment or shorten the time it takes to pay-off your mortgage.

The new HARP loosened qualification rules, making it it easier for underwater homeowners to qualify for a refinance. When HARP 2.0 was released in November 2011 you had to work with your original lender. Since March 2012, when Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac rolled out the automated underwriting systems, you can work with any participating HARP lender. That means more competition for your business and better rates for you

HARP 2.0’s Hurdles

There are two series of hurdles you must clear before you can refinance your loan under HARP 2.0. The first set of hurdles concerns the loan itself. The three key eligibility questions are:

  1. Is the loan owned by Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac?
  2. If so, was the loan purchased by Fannie or Freddie on or before May 31, 2009?
  3. The loan was not refinanced under HARP before (some exceptions apply).

If you answer yes to these three questions, then your loan may be eligible for HARP.

Tip: If your loan is a FHA loan, then check out a FHA streamline refinance loan.

The second set of hurdles concerns your finances and property. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac set up the basic guidelines. There are two basic ways your loan can be processed:

  1. Manual Underwriting System: Only your original lender (who is also your current servicer) can process a HARP loan through the manual underwriting system.
  2. Automated Underwriting System: Any participating lender can process a HARP loan through the automated system.

Keep in mind that lenders are free to have stricter qualifying rules than the basic Fannie and Freddie requirements.

When shopping for a HARP loan, here are some of the main points to look out for:

  • Credit Score Requirements: Fannie and Freddie have no minimum FICO score requirements. However, each lender has its own credit score requirements, so if you are denied by one lender, keep shopping.
  • Income Requirements: Your original lender can approve a loan with no debt to income ratio (DTI) requirement. However other lenders must qualify you based on  your DTI. The rule-of-thumb for a HARP loan is a 45% maximum DTI.
  • Timely Mortgage Payments: The HARP program allows for no late mortgage payments in the last 6 months and one late (30 days) payment in the preceding 6 months. However, some lenders do not allow any late payments.
  • Investment Properties Qualify: You can refinance a second home or rental property under HARP 2.0.
  • Fees: Lenders are not consistent in the fees or the interest rates they charge for HARP 2.0 loans. Some lenders charge a few hundred dollars for HARP 2.0 loan fees, and others charge thousands. It pays to shop around, so you can compare interest rates and fees.
  • Condos: While HARP guidelines for condos are tricky, many more condo owners will qualify for a loan under HARP 2.0 than under the first version of HARP.

Applying for HARP
First, go to the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac Web sites to learn if either owns your loan and whether they bought your loan on or before May 31, 2009. If so, you can contact either your current mortgage servicer or shop around with the many lenders who are offering the HARP 2.0 loan. 

If your application is rejected, ask for the specific reason why. If you applied with your original lender, find out whether the lender used the manual or automated system. Request manual underwriting if your original lender turned you down based on automated underwriting, as it may result in your loan being approved.

It pays to shop for HARP 2.0 refinance. Many homeowners report one lender will reject their application, but another will offer them an attractive refinance. Second, lenders are not consistent in their offers. As mentioned, closing costs are all over the map. Interest rates vary, too.

Summary
HARP 2.0’s rules are technical. Each lender creates different overlays. If you believe you qualify for HARP 2.0, be persistent! The rules that are in place today could very well be expanded in the future. This is one instance in life where shopping can be the solution to your problem.

Sunday Roundup: Father’s Day

Finance

Father's Day Cake 2009
Image by Jim, the Photographer via Flickr

On Father’s Day, 3 years ago, my third and final kid was born.   My kids are all horrible brats and I love them dearly.

I wouldn’t give up fatherhood for anything.  Watching my kids grow and learn, steering their development, and teaching them how to navigate life is the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever been a part of.  Also the most frustrating.  I can’t imagine being anywhere else, not being with my kids.   I have no respect for deadbeat parents.

I am incredibly grateful that I had a proper model for manhood and fatherhood.   My dad taught me the concepts of honor, integrity, and responsibility.   I couldn’t be the man I am now, if he wasn’t the man he is.   Thanks, Dad.

Best Posts

Sometimes, the coolest things in the world are the things most likely to kill you.    Call me crazy, but I’d happily strap a 1200 cc propeller to my crotch and find out what 10,000 feet looks like.

Via Budgeting In The Fun Stuff, Super Frugalette reminds us that, when there’s a significant amount of money involved, spending a few hundred dollars on an attorney isn’t wasteful.

Fivecentnickel discuss multi-level marketing.  It doesn’t matter which company you are in, if your downline is more important that your product, it’s a bad business model.

Keith Ferrazzi shows us how to improve our body language when it really matters.

When I started driving, I tossed my car in a ditch going way too fast.  Naturally, it was my parents’ fault for giving me the curfew I was trying to beat.   They never would have bought it if I would have told them I was driving like my grandma and it jumped into the trees by itself.   Why does the FBI think that’s believable?  Corruption, maybe?

Financial Samurai talks about living a life without regrets, which is a personal goal of mine.

Food storage will become critical when the zombies come.

Beer is good.  Even the cave-men thought so.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

3 Ways to Keep Your Finances Organized was an Editor’s Pick in this week’s Festival of Frugality.  Thanks!

5 Reasons Your Wealth Isn’t Growing was included in this week’s Carnival of Personal Finance.

Money Problems: Insurance was included in the Totally Money Blog Carnival.

Unlicense Health Insurance was included in last week’s Carnival of Personal Finance.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Yakezie Blog Swap

Last week, the Yakezie shared what they would do with a single financial do-over.

– Melissa from Mom’s Plans shares her biggest financial mistake at Barbara Friedberg Personal Finance: Opening an eBay Store and Using Credit.  It is a great story about how not to grow your business and how competing priorities can pose a real challenge.

– Budgeting in the Fun Stuff shares her biggest financial mistake and potential do-over at Super Frugalette: Investing in a Friend’s Business.  Its a good, but costly lesson learned about small business.

– Eric from Narrow Bridge Finance shares how He Wouldn’t Have Paid Down His Student Loans So Fast at The Saved Quarter.  This may seem counter-intuitive, but he has some good points.  Check it out.

– Mr. S from Broke Professionals shares how He Wouldn’t Have Bought a New Car at My Personal Finance Journey.  This has some great analysis, especially considering the new car was a hybrid!

– The College Investor posted at Wealth Informatics: What you should know when you are investing?

– Wealth Informatics posted here: If you had one financial do-over, what would it be and why?

– Barbara Friedberg shares how She Was Scammed at Mom’s Plans.  You have to watch out for the hard sell!

– Joe at Retireby40 tells us about How He Invested his 401(k) in Company Stock right before the dot com crash, at Financially Consumed.  A financial adviser may have helped avoid this one!

– Financially Consumed shares his Car Purchase Do-Over And Over at Retireby40.  Car addicts have it tough!

– LaTisha from FSYA shares her do-over story in It’s Never Too Late at Little House in the Valley.  Sometimes the do-over is quicker and more painless than most.

– Little House yell’s Do-Over! Do-Over! at FSYA Online.  It looks at the road to saving more, starting on an elementary school playground!

– The Single Saver asks, What Are The Long Term Consequences of Small Purchases at Totally Money.  A cool post on how past purchases cost future returns!

– Miss Moneypenniless from Totally Money shares her story of Vacationing to the Brink of Bankruptcy.  Sometimes a vacation can be fun, but the bills afterward may be daunting.

– Super Frugalette shares How a Lawyer Could Have Saved Her $24,700 at Budgeting in the Fun Stuff.  Maybe lawyers are worth it sometimes?

– Jason from Live Real, Now shares how he Amassed $90,000 of Debt at Debt Eye.  A good lesson in living a little more frugally.

– Kevin from Debteye shares his do-over: Not Buying a House Right Out of College at Live Real, Now.  I have said it before that buying a house can be challenging right out of college.

– Penny from The Saved Quarter shares how She Would Have Finished College Before Having Kids at Narrow Bridge Finance.  An awesome story that has will soon have a happy ending!

– Jacob from My Personal Finance Journey shares how he was Scammed on eBay at Broke Professionals.  An important lesson for anyone selling or buying online.

– Marissa from Thirty-Six Months shares how she Accumulated a Ton of Student Loan Debt at So Over Debt.  If you are going to live the life, you’re going to pay the price!

– Andrea from So Over Debt shares How She Would Have Started Saving for Retirementat Thirty-Six Months.  I would love to read a post on each of the stories you mentioned getting to where you are now!

– Below Your Means shares his story about A Missed Investment Opportunity.  There are so many times I wish I could have gone back and bought a stock!

Get More Out of Live Real, Now

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Have a great week!

 

 

 

 

 

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