Am I the only one who just noticed that it’s Wednesday? The holiday week with the free day is completely screwing me up.
Just to make this a relevant post:
Spend less!
Save more!
Invest!
Wee!
Playing For Blood
Kris at Every Tips and Thoughts wrote a post about games and letting her kids win feeling bad about winning. I disagree. This post is an expansion of my comment there.
When we play games in my house, we play for blood. I’ve never let my kids win and they know it. From the first time the kids attempt Memory, they know they’ve got to earn a win against Mom and Dad. They know if they lose, they must do so gracefully. If they pout or cry, they lose game privileges for a while. I demand good sportsmanship, win or lose.
To be clear, my kids are 3, 4, and 11 and they are all held to the same standards of sportsmanship. Win or lose, they will do so gracefully. There will be no temper tantrums when they are Sorry’d and no pouting when the Queen is captured.
It took my son almost 3 years to beat me at chess. When it finally happened, he was almost as proud as I was and still talks about it 5 years later.
It’s not much fun playing games with his friends. They were coddled and expect to win everything. I have to take away game privileges just like I do for my 3 year old. They hate that because we have the coolest board games. Nobody else has games that involve zombies or disembodied brains.
What has the result been?
My kids love playing games. This week, my oldest has been teaching his sisters how to play Life. When he visits his friends, he’s as likely to bring a board game as an electronic game. He’s got a good mind for strategy, and I can’t remember the last time he pouted when I tromped him.
My 4 year old hasn’t mastered gamesmanship yet, but she will. When I threaten to put the game away, she wipes her eyes, and keeps playing, even if her jaw is chattering. She knows what is expected and works to live up to it.
Both of the older kids are competitive. They’ve never had a win handed to them, and they have each had wins they had to work for, and they know how it feels to win and earn it.
The youngest doesn’t care if she wins, she’s just happy to play. In my experience, the competitive gameplay gene doesn’t activate until 4.
In my mind, the real world won’t hand them any wins, so I might as well start teaching them how to work for it now.
How about you? Do you let your kids win, or do you teach them that all games are bloodsports?
Don’t Be A Dick
Integrity is what you do when nobody is looking.
Do you cheat at solitaire, steal from an untended garage sale, or keep something a store forgets to charge you for? If so, integrity may not be your strongest trait.
Similarly, if you let the actions of others dictate your behavior, you may be integrity impaired.
If you get cut off in traffic, do suddenly feel justified in cutting off the next guy?
If you have a dollar stolen from your desk, does that make it okay to take a candy bar from the honor-system candy box?
If the last guy left the water cooler empty, are you going to refuse to refill it the next time you are the one to drink the last drop?
If you’re answering yes to these questions, it may be time to examine your moral code. Doing the right thing means doing the right thing all of the time. You can’t be an honorable person if you resort to dishonorable behavior whenever you dislike what someone else does, especially if your actions are hurting an entirely uninvolved 3rd party.
You know the proper behavior. You know what the ethical choice is. The fact that someone else made an unethical choice doesn’t give you a license to be a dick.
If it’s your turn to clean the community refrigerator, do it and do it well, even if the last guy did a poor job.
If the last mom driving the car pool showed up late, don’t deliberately forget her kid.
If someone forgot to pay at a group lunch and you covered it, that doesn’t mean you can skip out on the bill next time.
Even if everything else is taken from you, no one can ever steal your ethics, your integrity, or your honor. Those things are up to you to destroy, and they nearly impossible to replace.
In all cases, in all things, do the right thing. You won’t be sorry.
Resurrected from the archives.
FINCON13 After Action Report
I spent most of last week at the Financial Blogger Conference, or FINCON.
First, since this is a personal finance blog, here is what it cost:
Hotel: $695.75 – I paid $119 per night, plus taxes and fees. The travel rewards on my credit card will be making this go away.
Airfare: $211.80 – I bought early and live next to a Delta hub airport. This will also be getting erased by my credit card rewards.
Ticket: $175.84 – I got a $25 discount for being a repeat attendee and I paid an extra $99 for the Bootcamp extension, which was 2 extra days that–alone–made the whole trip worthwhile.
Food: $203.53 – This includes a $90 splurge meal at Ruth’s Chris, which I was looking forward to for months before the conference.
Other – $113 – I brought $183 in cash with me. This was used for some meals not included above, cab fare, and tips for bartenders, housekeeping, and the concierge. I always tip a bartender, even if it’s an open bar. It guarantees fast service and full-strength drinks all night.
Total cost: $1399.92
Total after credit card reimbursement: $492.37
Now for the important part: Was it worth it?
Yes.
The Bootcamp was a fantastic time to meet–and actually get to know–other bloggers. There were only 50 of us, instead of 500 at the main event, so we were able to break into small groups and brainstorm useful projects and activities. I learned more about podcasting than I ever had before and I got a chance to share some of what I know about SEO and managing virtual assistants. In the larger sessions, questions are rushed and people are shy.
I got to beat up on my comfort zones.
I presented some awards with Crystal at the Plutus Awards ceremony, which means cracking jokes about Canadians in front of 500 people who don’t know me. I regularly stand and teach 30-50 people, but that’s always a warm crowd on a topic I know extremely well. This was new for me.
I sang anatomically explicit songs to strangers during the Bootcamp karaoke night. Selections were from Monty Python, DaVinci’s Notebook, and Denis Leary.
I was on a panel, by surprise. I was asked to be available if I were needed for questions, then got dragged to the front of the room for the entire session. I would do that again.
That’s 3 things that were all well outside of my comfort zone, but I’m happy I did them. I don’t believe in not doing something simply because I’m afraid to do it.
Random gatherings are fun.
From people stopping by our staked-out territory in the lobby, to a surprise game of Cards Against Humanity in the lobby bar with Joe and Len to having a discussion about the meaning of “No” when you’ve got a pre-determined safeword, it was a good week.
The last 5 days were easily the most extroverted days I’ve ever had. Since I didn’t force myself into any large groups for long periods of time, I never felt drained like I often do in similar situations. It’s good to find a balance that let’s me meet and connect with other without exhausting myself. I am seriously an off-the-charts introvert, even if I’m not even a little bit shy.
FINCON was totally worth it. I was excited to go, and I’m excited to start acting on what I’ve learned, including being a part of a new mastermind group, with the awesomest lounge lizards in the PF world.
Giving Up The Magic
It’s a sad day when kids stop believing in Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, and fairies.
Not because I enjoy lying to my kids, but because–on the day they stop believing–a piece of their innocence is lost. An unforgettable, valuable part of childhood dies.
Believing in magic is a beautiful thing.
Do you remember the last time you looked around the world with a sense of wonder? When seeing a puppy form in the clouds was a miracle? When the idea of an ant carrying 1000 times its own weight was something worth watching? When the impossible goodness of a fat man squeezing down your chimney fills you with hope instead of making you call 911?
Do I believe in Santa?
Of course not, but I believe the concept of Santa is worthy of my children’s belief. I don’t want them to lose that innocence and wonder.
When my teenager was young, he asked if Santa was real. I responded by asking what he thought. When he told me he didn’t believe, I offered to let Santa know. His panic told me he wasn’t ready to give up the magic.
The day that conversation didn’t cause a panic, he looked hurt, like he’d lost something precious. He had.
His world of magic was gone.
The he asked why I had spent his lifetime lying to him. I told him the truth. I said I couldn’t bear to be the one to shatter his belief in magic before he was ready.
Then, I informed him that he was in on the conspiracy. He was not allowed to ruin it for anyone else. Not his sisters, not his friends.
That Christmas, my little boy helped me stuff stockings, which was an odd feeling.
The magic was over, but we still got to share the magic of his cousins and sisters.
Credit Peril
When my mother-in-law died, we went through all of her accounts and paid off anything she owed.
The Discover card she’d carried since the 80s–a card that had my wife listed as an authorized user–had a balance of about $700. We paid that off with the money in her savings account. They cashed out the accumulated points as gift cards and closed the account.
A few months ago, we decided it was time to buy an SUV, to fit our family’s needs. We financed it, to give us a chance to take advantage of a killer deal while waiting for the state to process the title transfer on an inherited car we have since sold.
Getting good terms was never a worry. Both of us had scores bordering on 800. Since our plan was to pay off the entire loan within a few months, we asked for whatever term came with the lowest interest rate.
Then the credit department came back and said that my wife’s credit was poor. I chalked it up to a temporary blip caused by closing the oldest account on her credit report and financed without her. No big deal.
Since we decided to rent our my mother-in-law’s house, we’ve discussed picking up more rental properties. That’s a post for another time, but last week, we went to get pre-approved for a mortgage. During the process, the mortgage officer asked me if my wife had any outstanding debt that could be ignored if we financed without her.
Weird.
A few days ago, we got the credit check letter from the bank. Her credit score? 668.
What the heck?
I immediately pulled her free annual credit report from annualcreditreport.com, which is something I usually do 2-3 times per year, but had neglected for 2012.
There are currently two negatives on her report.
One is a 30 day late payment on a store card in 2007. That’s not a 120 point hit.
The other is an $8 charge-off to Discover. As an authorized user. On an account that was paid.
Crap.
We called Discover to get them to correct the reporting and got told they don’t have it listed as a charge-off. They did agree to send a letter to us saying that, but said they couldn’t fix anything with the credit bureaus.
Once we get that letter, it’s dispute time.
