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Living the XBox Life on an Atari Income

: Image via Wikipedia

At some point, everyone has “champagne wishes and caviar dreams.” Over the last 25 years, we’ve even been peddled the “you can have it all” myth from every direction, including the media and the government.

The truth is simple: you cannot have it all. You can have anything, but you can’t have everything. In order to have one thing, you have to give up something else. It’s a law of nature. If you have $5, you can either get a burger or an overpriced cup of coffee, but not both.

“But wait!” you shout, rudely interrupting the narrator, “I have a credit card. I can have both!”

Wrong.

And stop interrupting me.

If you have $5 and borrow $5 to get some coffee to go with your burger, you will eventually have to pay that money back with interest. You will have to give up a future-burger AND a flavor shot in your overpriced coffee.

Everything you buy needs to be paid for, some day.

If you have an Atari income, but insist on living the XBox life, you will wake up one day, buried in bills, forced to live the Commodore-64 life out of sheer desperation.

There is a solution.

Don’t get all XBox-y until you are making XBox money. That way, you’ll never have to worry about going broke tomorrow paying for the fun you had yesterday.

Even when you have an XBox income, ideally you’ll restrict yourself to living a Gamecube life, so you’ll be able to put some money aside to support future-you instead of constantly having to worry about your next paycheck.

Shaving for Real

Life

: Image via Wikipedia

When you look at a safety razor, you see the mostly-unguarded blade. When you look in the mirror, you see your throat and you see this blade–by definition, razor-sharp–and you realize that you are about to put a knife to your own throat. Why?

Because shaving sucks.

For my 18th birthday, I received 2 Mach3 razors. I used them for more than 10 years. It certainly beat disposable Bics, but not by much.

I liked it, but only because I didn’t have anything good to compare it to.

I’ve start using an old-fashioned safety razor. Now, I can shave smoother and with less irritation than I ever could with a modern razor and it only takes a few extra minutes.

Why would you want to abandon modern technology to put a blade against your jugular?

Modernization isn’t always an improvement. There is something about reaching back in time a couple of generations and doing things, not only the way they used to be done, but the way they should be done. It’s the same feeling I get handling an old rifle or sitting in an antique car.

A real shave is 15 minutes of peace and focus. Lock the kids out of the bathroom and focus on the task at hand. The concentration will usually give you a chance to forget about the rest of the world for just a few minutes. This is pure meditation.

As a benefit, when you’re done, you feel refreshed and well-groomed. It feels good to take care of yourself.

What do you need to shave like a real man?

Start slow and ease your way into it. Put a cup in the bathroom. If you shave with a modern razor, the easiest way to improve your shave is to use hot water. Put your shaving cream in the cup and add a bit of hot water. Mix that up and use it to shave. The hot foam will do wonders for your skin and the closeness of your shave. I did that and immediately start trolling antique stores looking for a good, cheap shaving brush.

A brush makes applying your shaving cream a small pleasure. Spreading the hot foam on your face with a brush gets in on all sides of each hair, softening it for the razor. Ideally, you want a badger-hair brush, but I’ve been perfectly happy with boar hair. I found one at an antique store for $5.

Shortly after acquiring my antique shaving brush, I decided to go even older-school and upgraded to an old-fashioned safety razor. I took my life, and my life-blood, in my own hands to shave for real. I went with a Merkur 23C Long Handle Safety Razor. It’s a basic razor with a longer handle, because I have large hands and long fingers. Don’t worry about getting an adjustable razor. There’s no point. It cost $29 at West Coast Shaving*.

You will need blades for the razor. West Coast Shaving sells a variety pack of 45 blades for $15. Try them all and stick with the one that works best for your facial hair. I tend to change blades every 4-5 shaves. More than that, and they get a bit dull and make me bleed. I try to avoid bleeding.

Now that you’ve got a brush, a razor, and blades, it’s time to get rid of the worthless can of shaving foam. Shaving soap works much better. You can get 3 discs of Col. Conk’s soap for $15, and they will last 6 months each, easily. They are almost exactly the same diameter as a regular coffee cup, so guess what? Just drop it in your cup.

That’s everything you need to shave for just $65, and of that only the blades and soap are recurring costs. Your razor and brush will last forever. I figure it costs me about $1 per month to shave, now.

How do you avoid killing yourself while getting ready for work?

It’s all a matter of technique.

Dampen your cheeks with hot water to soften the hair. I prefer to shave immediately after I shower.
Run hot water over your brush. Get it thoroughly soaked, then shake off the excess water. You want it hot and wet, but not dripping.
Briskly brush the soap disk until the brush picks up as much soap as it can. It may or may not form a lather in the cup.
Put the brush on your face and whisk it around. I use a quick circular motion to build up a lather on my cheeks. This works the hot soap into each hair. Keep brushing it onto your face until it forms peaks.
Pick up your razor. I run it under some hot water, just so the cold metal isn’t a shock after the hot foam. From here, you need your full attention on what you are doing.
Shave.

When you are shaving there are a few things to keep in mind.

Take your time.
Never, ever, ever, ever turn the blade while it is in contact with your face. You will bleed. Once the blade touches your face, it goes in a straight line.
Keep the edge of the blade as close to parallel with your face as possible.
The goal is hair reduction, not removal.

I make 4 passes when I shave. First, I shave from the top down. Next, from the back towards my nose and mouth. Then, from the front to the back. Finally, I shave against the grain from the bottom to the top. This results in a closer shave than anything I’ve ever had with a modern razor.

When I think I’m done, I dip my fingers in some warm water and run them around my face, in all possible directions, to see if I missed a spot.

When the hair is gone, wipe of the remaining cream and splash cold water every place the razor touched. This closes the pores and will help prevent infections and razor bumps.

The last step is aftershave. Aftershave disinfects your face. It also prevents infections and makes you stink nice.

There you have it: the secret to a baby-butt-smooth shave and 10-20 minutes of masculine meditation. If you are looking for a present for someone, you could do a lot worse than a real razor set.

*I have absolutely no affiliation with WCS. I am just very happy with the service and the product.

Inadvertent BOGO

Finance

I refuse to buy my kid more expensive video game systems. He’s got a friend who’s got one of each, going back 15 years.

We don’t do that, so he’s spent the last 6 months saving to buy his own XBox 360. After his birthday this month, he finally had enough, so we ordered it a few days ago.

Wednesday was the Great Unboxing.

I was making dinner in the kitchen while the punk and his friend unpacked the box from Amazon.

The squeals were normal. The shouts of “Dad, why did you buy two XBoxes?” were a surprise.

Two?

No.

Actually, yes. There were two of the things in the box. Did I order two? Did I accidentally pay for two?

Nope. The packing slip only listed one, my order history only showed one, and my credit card was only charged for one.

Yet, there were two in the box. Free XBox! Woot!

That means an XBox in the bedroom for Grand Theft Auto and Red Dead Redemption, and an XBox in the basement for Madden and Star Wars. No fighting. No turns to take. And it didn’t cost us an extra $200.

That’s all win.

If there’s nothing on the packing slip, then Amazon didn’t know I had it. Even if they did, I didn’t do anything to make them send it. There was no fraud. Legally, I had no obligation of any kind to do anything other than enjoy my new prize.

Lots of win.

The kids were excited. Everyone gets a turn. Multiplayer games.

The parents were excited. We get a turn. M-rated games.

So much freaking win in that box.

But….

There’s always a but.

We didn’t order it. We didn’t pay for it. It wasn’t ours.

A friend told me to sell it. She knows how hard we’re working to pay off debt.

A coworker said, “Screw them. They’re just a big corporation who’d be happy to screw you first.”

But it wasn’t ours.

I spent 12 hours trying to rationalize a way to keep it that wouldn’t be unethical, make me feel guilty, or–most important–send a horrible message to my kids.

I couldn’t do it.

It wasn’t ours.

I had a talk with my son. It was his money that got this little prize into our house, after all. He wanted to keep it, naturally. He’s got a lot to learn about persuasion. He acknowledged that sending it back was the right thing to do. He agreed that it would suck if the roles were reversed. His only argument in favor of keeping it was “I want it.”

Even he admitted that was completely lame.

It’s going back. I let him think that was his decision.

I talked to Amazon. They apologized for the inconvenience and gave me a UPS label to send it back at no cost. It didn’t cover pickup, but I’ve got a drop box in my office building, so I can deal with that.

My wife was pissed. The customer service rep never bothered to say thank you. She called Amazon to complain to a manager. After reminding him that we had no duty to return the free XBox, he gave us a $25 gift card to say thank you.

I love my wife.

My son, for deciding to to the right thing, gets to spend the gift card. My wife, for being awesome, gets to be with me. I miss my free XBox.

What would you do? Would you keep the free XBox, sell it, or send it back?

Three Alternatives to a Budget

Finance

the envelope system: day one — Image by J. McPherskesen via Flickr

Budgets aren’t for everyone. For some people, the very idea of trying to track where their money going is painful. And that’s just the idea of tracking the money. It gets far worse when you’ve got $10 budgeted for coffee, $12 for fast food, $66.50 for gas, and $0.75 for entertainment. It’s can be hard to follow a strict budget for long.

If you know you need to track your money, and you also know that a strict, zero-based budget won’t work for you, what can you do? Luckily, there are alternatives.

1. Hope and Pray. This is otherwise known as the “Call my bank everyday and see how close I am to over-drafting” system. To fully embrace this system, you need to not only abandon a written–or even organized–budget, but you should also throw your checkbook register in the garbage. Make sure you’ve got a good overdraft protection account attached to your checking account and let your money take care of itself. This is the ultimate zen of personal finance. Don’t stress or worry, just hope for the best. This system works best if you make more money than Oprah and have modest tastes. For those of us who have to watch our money a bit to make sure the month outlasts our money, this probably isn’t a great plan.

2. The Envelope System. To implement this system, you do need to create a basic budget so know what you are obligated to pay. Once you have that done, take a stack of envelopes and label them for each item you have to pay. Add another envelope for food, another for entertainment, and another for miscellaneous because there is always a miscellaneous. Divide the money among the envelopes. Now for the magic. When you have to spend something, take the money out of the appropriate envelope and spend it. That’s it. If, however, there isn’t enough money in the right envelope, but you still need to spend the money, you have to take it out of a different envelope and spend less on the category that lost money.

3. Percentages. This is the simplest of the non-budget budgets. Take 50% of your money and spend it on necessities, like the mortgage, food, and utilities. The next 30% goes to savings and retirement. The last 20% is for fun or any other thing you want to spend it on. This naturally works best if you are out of debt, but if not, just make sure most of the 20% fun money goes to repaying debt. This system works best if your bills are automated and you will need to set up a basic budget first, so you can make sure your necessities come in under 50% of your income.

Not every budget plan will work for everyone, but there are always alternatives that can still help you manage your money.

How do you track your money?

Future Dreams

Relationships

While jogging with my wife a few days ago, we had a conversation that we haven’t had in years. We discussed our dreams.

It’s an important conversation for couples to have. What are your hopes? What are your dreams? Where do you want to be in 10 years? In 20? In 50? Planning for the future gives you a map for the present.

My wife and I hadn’t had this conversation in years. A few days ago, we did. Our life-goals are simple and achievable.

I want to leave the corporate world and support my family with writing and the training classes I do. I want a chunk of land outside of any major metropolitan area, but close enough for the entertainment and shopping. I want enough land to expand my classes on my own property, relying on no one.

My wife wants enough land to have some horses. It was unspoken, but I think she wants my goals to take off so they can support her goals, too.

We want a comfortable retirement and we want to help the kids with college.

We’re a bit behind the game for college funding. That’s ok, though. There is nothing wrong with a kid working his way through college and learning those life lessons.

We are also behind on the retirement. But, if I can support us doing the things I love, I don’t need $X million. Retirement isn’t a cessation of activity, it is taking the time to do the things you love on your own schedule. If writing a book while sitting on my private range is enough to fund our life, that’s the perfect retirement.

Saturday Roundup – No More Car

Misc

: Image via Wikipedia

…err, no more car loan. I paid off my car this week, a year early! Now I’m down to 2 debts: a credit card with an embarrassingly high balance and my mortgage. We’re rocking the debt snowball!

Free Money Tip

INGDirect is having a sweet promotion. Open a checking account, use it three times in 45 days, and get $50 free. Free money is the best kind. I love my ING account and keep all of my savings there. If you don’t have an account there, yet, now is a great time to open one.

30 Day Project Update

This month, I am trying to establish the Slow Carb Diet as a habit. At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing. For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms. My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils). There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism. The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind. There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.

I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs. Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.

Weight: I have lost 17 pounds since January 2nd. That’s 6 pounds since last week. I cheated this week and had a slice of toast and 6 croutons with my grilled chicken-but-no-cheese salad.

Total Inches: I have lost 9 inches in the same time frame, down 3.5 since last week.

Naturally, the first week is the most dramatic. That’s when my body was flushing most of the garbage I’d been eating, including holiday feasts. I’ll have a hard time complaining about 6 pounds in a week. My guess is that I drop another 10-15 pounds by the end of the month, bringing the average to about 1 pound per day. Over time, that will drop as my base caloric burn drops to match my new weight.

Best Posts

Realized Returns is giving away a Kindle. I would greatly appreciate it if you didn’t enter, because I’d love to get a Kindle.

Maximizing Money has put together a stellar list of financial blogs. If I’m not enough to keep you going, take a look at that list.

Mystery shopping sounds like it could be such a sweet deal for some people. Always try to make money doing what you love.

Here is another list of sites that can make you some money. I love side hustles.

And finally, here is Lifehacker, showing you how to make better cocoa.

LRN Timewarp

This is where I review the posts I wrote one year ago.

I wrote a post on saving money while cooking. This post has easily withstood the test of time. We keep getting better at stretching our budget. Over the last year, we’ve actually reduced our food budget by an additional $50 per month, while the quality of our meals has gone up.

This was the first week I posted a 30 Day Project update. My first goal was to start waking up at 5AM. That worked well for almost the entire year, but I’ve let that slack off over the last few months. On the weekends, I don’t set an alarm or try to get up early, but I’m still up by 7:30, usually. During the week, my alarm goes off at 5:10, but I let myself snooze it. I’ve discovered that I do better at attending to my personal projects(like blogging) late at night instead of early in the morning. So, I’m going with what works, instead of trying to force what doesn’t.

I also reviewed the bills I pay that aren’t paid monthly in my third budget lesson.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

First 3 Things to Do in the New Year was included in Crystal’s rockin’ new Total Money Carnival.

4 Ways We Keep Wasting Money was included in the Festival of Frugality.

Living the XBox Life on an Atari Income was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

Swamp Finance was hosted by Squirrelers.

I ran the guest post, The Best Financial Advice I Ever Received for Saving Money Today.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Get More Out of Live Real, Now

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You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of. I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.

That’s all for today. Have a great weekend!

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