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A Perfectly Maid Home

Last night, I got home after a 13 hour day at the office and found a spotlessly clean house.  The laundry was folded.  The dishes were done, and everything was put away.

It was great.

I work 80 hours a week, 90 if you count commuting time.

That’s about 50 hours at my day job, 10-15 hours working on this site, and 20-30 hours working on my other side hustles.   Some weeks, my volunteer geek skills get put to use for a local non-profit, too.

My wife works at least 40 hours every week.

We chase our kids around, plan or birthday parties, visit family, take care of the yard, and do everything else that every other family does.

The difference is that, if I take work in all of its forms out of the equation and give myself permission to get a full night’s sleep every night, I have a total of 20-30 hours per week to eat, socialize, and spend time with my family.   That not a lot.

I hate cleaning.

Between my work schedule and my cleaning aversion, I’m not always a lot of help around the house.

Half of my work time is spent at home.  It’s hardly fair to expect my wife to clean up after me.

This has been a huge point of contention between us.   She sees me on the computer and gets frustrated when I’m not helping her clean up.  I get frustrated because I’m trying to make us some extra money, but she’s complaining that I’m not cleaning.

About a month ago, we hired a housekeeper.   She comes every other week for a few hours and does a phenomenal job cleaning our house.    We pay her about $150 per month for the work.

It’s been great.

My wife is happy because the house is clean.   I’m happy because the complaining has stopped.   Our housekeeper is happy because it’s more money.  It’s a win/win/win scenario.

Now, $150 is a decent amount to add to our debt snowball, but paying for the cleaning services facilitates my side hustles, which bring in quite a bit more than $150 per month, so it’s even a good idea financially.

Even if it’s not, the peace of mind of knowing that I didn’t have to fold all of the laundry that was waiting for me yesterday makes it worthwhile.

How about you?  Would you consider hiring a maid?  Why?

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Two Reasons to Save And One Reason Not To

I’m a fan of saving money.   I’m not doing as much of it as I’d like, but that’s because I’m focusing on killing my final credit card, first.    I postpone saving, knowing that it’s

English: Nursing home in Crick
Image via Wikipedia

something that I need to do the moment my credit cards are paid off.   It won’t wait any longer than that.

Why do I care so much about saving?  It’s because I’m risk-averse.  If I can avoid risk, I do, in most situations.   I don’t want to risk going hungry if I lose my job, and I don’t want to risk eventually(very eventually!) having to fight the cockroaches for the right to drink my fiber supplements.

There are a couple of excellent reasons to save:

1. Peace of Mind.   There is a certain calm that comes from having enough savings to weather a few storms.    If your car dies when you’re broke, it’s a tragedy.  If it dies when you’ve got some cash saved up, it’s a minor inconvenience.  Knowing that the vagaries of fate aren’t going to shatter your life against a cliff is a reward all its own.

2. Cheap nursing homes suck.   When I get old, I want to live in a comfortable nursing home.  One with extended cable, nice beds, and attractive coeds in charge of the sponge-baths.   That’s not too much to ask, but I have to save up for it now.  Medicaid doesn’t cover homes like that.  Those are strictly a private affair.   To make that happen, I need to save and invest now, or I won’t be able to enjoy the fruits of my labors then.

And, of course, there is one shining reason not to save:

1.  You’re living your life now.   Saving everything you’ve got, to the detriment of your current life, isn’t healthy either.   Life is short.   Do you really want to be curled up in bed, trying to enjoy a sponge-bath, shivering at the regrets you’ve built by denying yourself everything?  I’m certainly not suggesting you waste all of your money on coke, hookers, and video games, but it is important to take the time to build some memories, or your final years will be hollow.

You have to find the right balance between your future and your present.   Every moment of your life is important, not just the ones that haven’t happened, yet.

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Multiracial Skinhead Love Triangle

English: A goat
English: A goat (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Honey, here on national television, in front of a live studio audience, I’ve got a secret I’d like to share.   You’re not our child’s mother.  I’ve been sleeping with the milkman.  And the goat.  Your mom is the star of my new adult website.  With the goat.  And the milkman.  I’ve got three other families, in three other cities.  I lost the house to my gambling addiction.   Those sores?  Herpesyphiligonoritis.  I got it from the foreign exchange student we hosted before I moved her to Dubuque and married her.  The goat gave her away.  The milkman cried.   Oh, and I wore your panties to the Illinois Nazi reunion.   I know how much you hate Illinois Nazis.  But I still love you.  And your sister.  Especially your sister.  She does that thing with her tongue….”

Why would anyone go on national television to share things like that?

More interesting: why would anybody stay on stage after hearing that?

Stay tuned.

I have this friend.  He bought a couple of cars.  He’s got some issues with money, partially revolving around a need to keep his assets below a certain threshold.   So he put the cars in his girlfriend’s name.  I know, it’s slightly crooked, but that makes the story more fun.

They broke up.

Recently, she called him to say she was suing him for the cars.  She wanted them.  She wanted to hurt him.  She was mean.   Somehow that turned into them agreeing to settle the case on Judge Joe Brown, on national television.

My friend spoke with the show’s producer, then last week, he was flown to California and put up in a hotel for a couple of days.   When he arrived at the TV studio, he was informed that it wasn’t Judge Joe Brown, but a new show that will start airing in the fall called, The Test.   According to CBS, The Test “is a one-hour conflict resolution talk show that will use lie detector and DNA tests to settle relationship and paternity disputes among the guests.”   Coincidentally, CBS also owns Judge Joe Brown.

My friend got on stage with Dr. Phil’s son, Jay McGraw, and was accused of cheating on his girlfriend and stealing her identity.   Lie detectors.  Yelling.  Accusations.

Why did he stay?

He wasn’t given his return plane ticket until they were done filming.

When he was done, they handed him a voucher for cab fare and the itinerary for his return flight.  Until then, he had no other way to get home.

That’s why people stay on stage.  It’s probably also why none of those shows ever have people with money of their own; they can find their own way home in a pinch.

Interesting side note:  The show paid $200  and booked the cheapest possible return flight, with a 6 hour layover.

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How We Handled The Windfall

Landlord
Landlord (Photo credit: FletchtheMonkey)

Three years ago, my mother-in-law died.  She didn’t have a will, but that’s a story for another day.

My wife, being an only child, inherited everything.  All of the assets, and all of the problems.

She inherited the house, which was completely paid off.  That was nice.

My mother-in-law was a hoarder who didn’t buy into the idea of maintaining your property.  That was not nice.

Between the life insurance policies and the ready cash, she inherited about $60,000.  Also nice.

It’s all gone.  Not so nice.

Now, I know you’re asking where it went.  Lucky for you, that’s what this post is about.

We paid off the last $10,000 of our credit card debt, and haven’t accumulated a balance since.  Now our cards are paid off in full every month.

We put $5,000 down on the Chevy Tahoe we bought in 2012 and paid off in full 9 months later.

Every last cent of the rest went into the house we inherited.

Huh?  45 fricking grand to get the house ready to rent?

Yep.

  • $3000 to clear out the brush and landscape the yard
  • A few hundred to have the hardwood floors sanded, stained, sealed, and buffed
  • An intense carpet-cleaning
  • Painting every single room
  • 3 large dumpsters to handle the garbage we pulled out of the house
  • New refrigerator
  • New washing machine
  • New boiler
  • New stove
  • New patio door
  • New locks for the doors and windows
  • Security lights
  • Food for all of our helpers whom we can never thank enough
  • Finishing the basement

All of that pretty, pretty money, gone in less than a year.

What did we get out of it?  A rentable asset that is bringing in $1200 every month, with minimal work.

We could have chosen to sell the place, but we would have had to do nearly all of that work, anyway, so it wouldn’t have saved anything.

I like having the new stream of income, even though it will take several years to turn a profit.  That house isn’t going anywhere, and since it’s only 3 miles from Minneapolis and 5 miles from downtown Minneapolis, it will always be an in-demand area for renters.

It was just a lot of work turning it into a useful property instead of a year-long drain on time, patience, and money.

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Tootsie – Does Beauty Have to be Expensive?

Cover of "Tootsie - 25th Anniversary Edit...
Cover of Tootsie – 25th Anniversary Edition

Many remember Dustin Hoffman dressed in drag in the classic film Tootsie, a movie that he now says made him realize how many women he’s missed out on meeting in life simply because he judged them by their looks. Every year women spend thousands of dollars on beauty products and cosmetics, hoping to increase their appearance and become attractive enough to the outside world. Although there are various degrees of beauty, it undoubtedly is usually determined by the amount of money spent to enhance features and upkeep the overall look.

Although natural beauty does exist in our society, it is few and far between to find a woman who needs a minimal amount of makeup and hair product to appear beautiful enough to meet society’s standards. Styled, highlighted hair is crucial for an attractive look, requiring professional services to be done on the hair by a salon. Although it may be cheaper to spend $5 on a box of hair dye at the supermarket, the hair won’t look as full or healthy without a professional technique applied. A woman’s hair is bound to look more attractive by spending the extra $100 by visiting a stylist who knows their craft.

The length of a woman’s hair often creates a more attractive look in the U.S., which is difficult to achieve with flat irons and curlers that create breakage and brittle hair from the heat. Women are now resorting to having hair extensions installed every three to five months to achieve beautiful hair that has a fuller texture and longer length, costing an average of $700. They can resort to shorter hair that saves a large amount of money, but they’re ultimately compromising a large part of their looks.

There’s a reason that celebrities appear more beautiful than the rest of the population, as their high school photos often show them to look like typical people. By spending thousands of dollars on personal trainers, stylists, and makeup artists, their appearance is immediately enhanced with the finest tools and products on the market. They are also able to have help with experts who have more knowledge on what creates the best look for their features.

Although beauty does not have to be expensive (just look at exotic women in Columbia and Brazil who are anything but high maintenance), it unfortunately is a requirement in the U.S. where rich housewives rule the reality shows and runways. True beauty is often defined by breast and waist sized, which few women can live up to, resulting in thousands of dollars spent on breast implants and liposuction, often impossible to attain otherwise.

Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but few men will argue that Angelina Jolie is unattractive or that Heidi Klum looks homely. The majority of men can agree when a woman is beautiful, and few women catch attention with a homemade manicure and dyed hair that came from a box. Perhaps going au natural will become a new trend in the coming years, but for now it’s expensive to be a woman, and even more costly to be a beautiful one.

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