- Working on my day off and watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. #
- Sushi-coma time. #
- To all the vets who have given their lives to make our way of life possible: Thank you. #
- RT @jeffrosecfp: While you're grilling out tomorrow, REMEMBER what the day is really for http://bit.ly/abE4ms #neverforget #
- Once again, taps and guns keep me from staying dry-eyed. #
- RT @bargainr: Live in an urban area & still use a Back Porch Compost Tumbler to fertilize your garden (via @diyNatural) http://bit.ly/9sQFCC #
- RT @Matt_SF: RT @thegoodhuman President Obama quietly lifted a brief ban on drilling in shallow water last week. http://bit.ly/caDELy #
- Thundercats is coming back! #
- In real life, vampires only sparkle when they are on fire. -Larry Correia #
- Wife found a kitten abandoned in a taped-shut box. Welcome Cat #5 #
Fighting Fair
This was a guest post on another site early last year.
Everyone, at times, has disagreements. How boring would life be if everyone agreed all of the time? How you handle those disagreements may mean disaster.
This is particularly true when you are arguing with your spouse. You spend most non-working moments with this one person, this wonderful, loving, infuriating person. Your emotions will naturally run high while discussing the things you care most about with the person you care most about. Arguments are not only natural, but inevitable.
How do you have an argument with someone you love without lasting resentment?
You have to argue fairly. There are a few principles to remember during an argument.
- When your partner is talking, your job is to listen with all of your energy. You are not interrupting. Your are not planning your rebuttal while waiting for your turn to talk. Your are listening, nothing else. If you don’t listen, you can’t understand. If you don’t understand, you can’t find a resolution.
- Remember that your partner cares. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t feel so strongly about the argument. This isn’t a war, just an argument. She still wants to spend the rest of her life with you. Keeping this in mind will change the entire tone of the argument into a positive interaction. You will still disagree, but you will be looking for a solution together, instead of finding a “win” at any cost.
- Search for the best intent. Remember #2? There is an incredibly good chance that, if there are two ways to interpret something your partner has said–a good way and a bad way–your partner probably meant the good way. Even if you are wrong, it is far better to err on the side of resolution than the side of antagonism.
- When your partner has finished speaking, it’s still not your turn to argue. Your job now is to repeat your understanding of the issue, without worrying about problem-solving. Before you can refute the argument–or even establish your disagreement–you have to know that you understand her position and she has to know that you do. Without understanding, there can be no path to resolution that doesn’t cause resentment. If you have too much resentment, you won’t have a marriage.
After all of this, it will finally be your turn to make your point. Hopefully, your partner will be following the same rules so you can solve your problems together, without learning to hate each other.
Arguments in your marriage aren’t–or shouldn’t be–intended to draw blood. Fights happen. If your goal is to win at any cost, you will both lose, possibly everything.
Saturday Roundup
- Image via Wikipedia
I wrote this yesterday. According the forecast, when this post goes live, I’ll be moving 5-8 inches of snow off of my driveway.
That, or watching TV and thinking about moving snow.
Maybe I’ll just sleep in and wait for spring to melt the snow.
Don’t forget to enter my drawing for a $100 Amazon gift card! Go here for details. It ends on the 15th, so don’t wait too long.
Best Posts
Crazy-easy ice cream bread. How could this possibly be bad?
Tron comes out in 2 weeks. I’d love to show up on a custom street-legal Troncycle.
Arsenic-based lifeforms are shaking up the way we understand life to work. I’m of the opinion that life will probably exist almost everywhere that isn’t a completely dead dry rock. I say that as an expert in…well, nothing related to astrobiology.
Following Erica’s advice is currently making me a few hundred dollars per month, with every sign of growing as time goes on. I hate to sound like a fanboy, but if she pimps a product, I’m at least going to give it some serious consideration.
Carnivals I’ve Rocked
10 Dumb Money Moves was featured in the Carnival of Debt Reduction.
Book Review: The Art of Non-Conformity was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.
Things You Should Buy Online to Save Money was included in the Festival of Frugality.
Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.
LRN Timewarp
This is a new feature to share the gift that is me with anyone new to LRN. This week, I’m going to share some posts from my first week blogging here.
The $10 College Fund. In the last year, not only have I not changed my mind about the $10 college fund, but I haven’t raised the amount. The point is to just get started. I’ve done that. I’ll raise the amount when my debt is paid off. We are now up to $166.09. The numbers are off because I stuck a little bit extra in one month.
In the last year, our dreams haven’t changed. We haven’t made any direct progress, but indirectly we are doing well. First things first. We need to pay the debt off before we look at a hobby farm.
My second day blogging, I wrote about why we handled money so poorly.
Mastermind – The Best Personality Type
A few of the best personal finance blogs have decided to post on a theme. It’s a personality type blog carnival.
After taking the Jung Typology Test, I discovered that I am an INTJ; a Rational Mastermind. Specifically I am I(78%) N(12%) T(75%) J(44%).
What does that mean, you ask?
It means that I am rare. Fewer than 3% of the population has my personality type, which is Introvert iNtuition Thinking Judgement, but the intuition is close to Sensing, making me almost an ISTJ, or a Guardian Inspector.
From Wikipedia:
- I – Introversion preferred to extraversion: INTJs tend to be quiet and reserved. They generally prefer interacting with a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances, and they expend energy in social situations (whereas extraverts gain energy).
- N – Intuition preferred to sensing: INTJs tend to be more abstract than concrete. They focus their attention on the big picture rather than the details and on future possibilities rather than immediate realities.
- T – Thinking preferred to feeling: INTJs tend to value objective criteria above personal preference. When making decisions they generally give more weight to logic than to social considerations.
- J – Judgment preferred to perception: INTJs tend to plan their activities and make decisions early. They derive a sense of control through predictability, which to perceptive types may seem limiting.
- S – Sensing preferred to intuition: ISTJs tend to be more concrete than abstract. They focus their attention on the details rather than the big picture, and on immediate realities rather than future possibilities.
To summarize the personality of a mastermind: We are big-picture planners. We see patterns other people miss and use that to solve complex puzzles and problems. It’s not possible to follow a thought through the head of a mastermind, because thinking comes with a ton of free association. We may be watching an episode of Spongebob, and something Patrick does will trigger a domino-effect of seemingly unrelated thoughts that will lead a conclusion, out of nowhere. Often, we aren’t aware of the process.
We don’t do crowds, at least, not often. Good conversation with good friends is better than a party full of people we barely know. Crowds are draining. A quiet night at home is a good night, but that’s not saying we-re shy. We just don’t enjoy keeping up with small talk and polite chatter. Get us on a topic we’re passionate about and you won’t shut us up. Get us in a group of people we care about, and we can be the life of the party.
As a group, we are ambitious and deliberate. We are capable of making firm decisions, confidently. Confidence is one of the hallmarks of a mastermind, but one I don’t have to the normal extreme.
We are obsessive focused. When we get set on a problem, we focus in a way that leaves other people stupefied. Time goes away. The rest of the world fades. You may have to shout to get our attention. Sometimes, our minds will drift in the middle of a conversation, and we’ll lose track of who’s saying what. It’s rude, but that doesn’t change the way we are wired.
We don’t do emotion. We are rational and get frustrated with people who make decisions based on emotion. This makes it hard to connect with others, but that’s okay, because it’s better to have a few extremely close friends than a crowd of mere acquaintances. Unfortunately, this can make relationships difficult, too. The benefit to dating or marrying an INTJ is that we carry our focus into relationships. We take our relationships seriously.
We are inwardly-focused, so we spend quite a bit of time examining ourselves. This can lead to a long series of self-improvement projects, but none get taken on as a mere fad. They are planned and dissected before even being mentioned to others, let alone undertaken.
We take criticism well, but if you can’t back up the critique with facts and reasoning, don’t bother. Rational, remember?
We are driven by a need to understand. Once we understand, a given project or line of thought may be abandoned. Until we understand, very little can shake our focus.
Self-promotion is difficult, since we don’t get into the heads of others well. They should be able to see the obvious benefits without being told, right?
Now, to cross a bit of the ISTJ into the mix.
An Inspector is duty bound and loyal, to an extreme. They are dependable workhorses. Under stress, they can get stuck on the things that could go wrong, which would explain why I miss out on the confidence brought by being a mastermind.
To summarize me:
- I am a planner.
- I am extremely focused, to the point of obsession.
- I am driven to learn new things, constantly. Few of those things are incorporated into my life, long-term.
- I don’t cheat. Taxes, games, relationships, etc.
- I am intensely loyal, but to very few people or causes. I don’t end relationships quickly or easily. That said, when it’s time for them to be over, I can break it off with little regret.
Security, improvement, planning, learning, thinking, loyalty, honesty, integrity.
That sounds about right.
Now you know a bit about how I tick. What’s your personality type?
5 Reasons Your Wealth Isn’t Growing
Wealth is an elusive goal for many people. Everybody wants it, but for many, it’s impossible to reach. Every time they get a bit ahead, something always seems to come up, forcing them to live paycheck-to-paycheck.
What’s happening? Why can’t you gather enough wealth to know where next month’s rent payment is coming from?
1. You spend more than you earn. This is the mystical and magical Golden Rule of personal finance. Every system, every plan, every gimmick boils down to this. If you spend more than you earn, you are digging a hole that keeps getting harder to get out of. Don’t do it. The amount you earn needs to be bigger than the amount you spend.
2. You aren’t investing. If you invest $200 per month at 5% in your 20s, then stop and let interest do the rest,you’ll have as much after 30 years than if you started at 30 and continues to invest every month. Compound interest is very much your friend. The earlier you can start investing, the better.
3. You are investing in the wrong things. Some things are bad investments. Uncle Bob’s annual get-rich-quick scheme is going to be a bad idea every year. That’s not an investment, it’s pity. Another example is gold. Over the last year or so, that seems like a stupid thing to say, but it’s true long-term. Gold isn’t an investment, it’s an inflation hedge. Generally speaking, a given amount of gold represents the same amount of purchasing power all through time. To put it in simpler terms: 100 years ago, an ounce of gold could get you a nice suit and a good dinner. Today, that’s still true.
4. You aren’t saving. If you are spending less than you earn, what are you doing with the excess? Hopefully, you’re investing it, but keeping a stock of cash is a zero-risk savings account is a smart plan. It’s been said that when you don’t have an emergency fund, everything is an emergency. Have a cash reserve gives you the ability to not only deal with all of life’s little kicks to the crotch, but also lets you take advantage of the opportunities that may cross your path. A coworker needs to unload that big screen TV for 10% of what she bought it for? On it. Find a great deal on airfare to your dream destination? Bon voyage. Savings means security and opportunity.
5. You keep your debt. Debt is the biggest drain on wealth. Every penny you have to spend to service your debt(interest) is a penny you can’t save, invest, or otherwise enjoy. Carrying a balance is a fast way to immediately raise the price of everything you purchase, by 5%, 10%, or more. Debt and interest will hold you back financially like nothing else.
When you’ve been able to acquire a bit of wealth, you are better able to weather life’s bumps, dips, and face-flung poo. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of knowing that, no matter what happens, you aren’t going to struggle financially.
How Much is Your Pet Worth?
A few years ago, one of our cats had a urinary tract blockage. When that happened, the cat’s bladder became almost rock-hard. He was in pain.
Naturally, this came to our attention late on a Saturday evening. Our choices were to leave the cat in pain or head to the emergency vet. One x-ray, one emergency catheter, and 2 nights in the vet’s office later, we charged the $750 bill and brought the cat home. He lived about two more years and had to be on a special UT-friendly diet. He spent the next two years with poor bladder control and very little energy.
About the same time, I had a coworker with a cancer-ridden cat. Until that time, I had no idea that you could get chemotherapy for a cat. Between the chemo and the regular surgeries to remove tumors, they were dropping a few thousand dollars every few months.
Recently, a friend’s cat ate a ball of twine and narrowly avoided intestinal surgery that would have cost $2500. He was willing to pay instead of seeing his 8 year old cry. I figured a new kitten would soothe her hurt.
How much is too much to spend on an animal?
When our cat needed a trip to the fuzzy emergency room, we had no savings. I’m not sure how we were keeping our bills paid. $750 was a lot of money, but we didn’t hesitate. Afterward, we discussed it and decided that it wouldn’t happen again. When a pet needed that much care, it would be time to put it down.
We’ve currently got a 17 year old arthritic cat. I tried discussing its end-of-life options, but my wife looked at me like I was asking her to punt bunnies into a lake. I fear we’re going to be paying a lot to stretch out the end of the cat’s life.
Now, before anyone tells me that I hate animals, we have 5 cats, 3 kids, 2 gerbils, 2 pythons, and a dog. We are an animal-friendly house. Or we keep spares.
That said, it’s the natural order of things. People outlive their pets. When you buy a pet–with the exception of giant tortoises and some birds–some part of you knows you are going to outlive it. What’s the right amount to spend, trying to stretch out the most uncomfortable years of a pet? When does the financial burden outweigh the companionship? When do I go from cold-hearted jerk to financially-responsible pet-owner?
For the pet owners out there, how have you dealt with this? How much would you spend to keep your pets kicking?
