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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.

Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?

Me: Yes?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: May I ask what that was for?

FMe: Of course.

Me: What was that for, jerk?

FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.

Me: What?!? I’ve never even met you, before.

FMe: Of course you have. I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.

Me: Huh?

FMe: Listen close. You’re not the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.

Me: ???

FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.

Me: I don’t appreciate….

FMe: Shut up. I was dumb then, too. Remember? You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year. On top of many other expensive decisions. Do your recall?

Me: Yes, I do. So what?

FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car. Your kids wear new clothes. You’ve got a house full of new furniture. How did you pay for all of that?

Me: Naturally, I charged it. Zero payments, zero interest for a year! Pretty smart, huh?

FMe: What happens in a year?

Me: I don’t know. I’ve got a full year to figure that out.

FMe: <Slap!> I’ll tell you what happens! Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed! Your raise didn’t come through. You had a baby. The truck broke down. Your wife took maternity leave. A roommate moved out. You took a loss in the stock market. You didn’t plan! You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.

Me: How was I to know?

FMe: <Slap!> Life happens! You never know what is coming next. You need to plan and save for what might happen. Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly. That is not acceptable.

Me: So? What are you going to do about it?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: Really? Again?

FMe: <Slap!> I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help. Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux. My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford. You’ve screwed me, dude.

Me: I’m sorry. What can I do to fix it?

FMe: Buy me dinner, first.

Me: Huh?!?!?

FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change. No credit.

Me: None?

FMe: None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Only spend what you can afford. Budget. Pay off those nasty bills. Don’t leave me hanging.

Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?

FMe: Exactly. That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence. Live in the real world.

Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me! Now I know.

FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

First 3 Things to Do in the New Year

Finance

: Image by iowa_spirit_walker via Flickr

With the new year looming, it’s the perfect time to review the things that may not have gone as well as planned in the current year, and plan ahead for the coming year, to make sure things go well from now on.

To get a good start in the new year, you should focus on three things.

1. Budget.

A good budget is the basis of every successful financial plan. If you don’t have a budget, you have now way of knowing how much money you have to spend on your necessities or you luxuries. Do you really want to guess about whether or not you can afford to get your car fixed, or braces for your kid? I’ve gone over all of the essentials to make a budget before. Now is the perfect time to review that series and make sure your own budget is functional and ready for the new year.

At the same time, spend some time thinking about how your what has gone wrong with your budget over the previous year. In my case, when we got back from vacation in August, our mindset had changed a bit about spending money, and we got out of the habit of staying strictly on budget. By the time we got back on track, it was Christmas and our plans got shot, again. If it weren’t for my side hustles–money that I don’t track in the budget because the money isn’t consistent, yet–we would have had some serious problems this fall. Where have you gone wrong, and what could you do to improve next year?

2. Credit Cards and New Debt.

In the new year, if you haven’t already done so, make sure you throw your credit cards away. The most basic law of debt reduction is, “If you don’t stop using debt, you’ll never be out of debt.” That’s why you need to set up your budget first. Make sure that your expenses are less than your income, so you can make ends meet without having to charge the difference.

How has your debt use worked out over the last year? Have you used it at all, or have you eliminated the desire to pay interest? What have you used your credit cards for? How much of that could you have done without?

3. Estate Planning.

Now is the time to make sure that all affairs are in order, if the worst should happen. If you die, what happens to your money? Your kids? I’ve gone over everything you need in an estate plan before, so I won’t beat that horse again. You owe it to your family to make sure they are taken care of if something should happen to you. At a bare minimum, write a will and get it notarized.

Have you putting off writing your will? You know you need one, but it’s a morbid thought, so it’s easy to put off, right? Get over it. If you love your family, you’ll do better and get your affairs together next year.

That’s a good financial start for 2011. What are you missing in your financial life?

Kids Are Temporary

Life, Parenting, Relationships

Have you ever watched someone go nuts after they have kids?

I mean, even after the I-haven’t-slept-more-than-20-minutes-in-a-row-for-3-months stage of babydom?

These people dedicate their lives to their kids. They sacrifice all of their hopes and dreams and focus on the brats. They can’t have a date night because little Sally might get lonely without mommy and daddy. Can’t have a hobby because Johnny’s on the traveling soccer team. Can’t get laid because it’s a family bed and that’s kind of creepy when the kids are right there.

Everything for the kids.

As they grow, it gets worse. You spend more time helping with homework and less time talking to your wife. More time playing chauffeur, less time playing doctor.

It’s a nasty cycle, and it comes with an abrupt stop.

What happens when school’s out? Little Johnny graduates with a dual degree in Practical Philosophy and Experimental Art History, gets a job at the local Stab-and-Grab, gets married, and starts a family.

When that happens, parents suddenly become “extended family”. The kid has a life of his own and probably doesn’t need his clothes picked out in the morning, a ride to soccer practice, or someone to write his name in his underwear.

This is planned. It is–in theory–the reason we raise our kids. It shouldn’t be a surprise, even if it is a bit of a shock.

Can you survive it? Can your marriage?

If you’ve spent the last 20 years of your life pretending you are nothing but a system for delivering food, rides, and gadgets for your kids, what are you going to do with your time when they are busy pretending they are that system for their kids? If you’ve never developed a hobby, are you going to go extra-special, bat-**** crazy now?

For 20 years, have all of your conversations been about your kids? Have all of your outings been birthday parties? Will you have anything to say to your spouse when the kids are gone?

Your kids are temporary.

They are important. They are your genetic legacy and the people who will choose your nursing home. Don’t neglect them, but you do have to hold something back. Make time for yourself. Make time for your husband or your wife. Or both, if you can make that work.

When your kids are working 90 hour weeks building a new career, or hustling 4 kids to 10 after-school activities, your life doesn’t get to revolve around them.

All you’ve got is yourself and your wife. If she’s not feeling secure about your feelings now, when she loses the distraction of puke in her hair, that insecurity will blossom in unpleasant ways. If you can’t find a conversation that doesn’t involve the kids now, the silence will be blistering when you eventually lose that crutch.

If you don’t have a hobby, get one.

If you don’t have a relationship with your wife, get one. Take her on a date tonight. Your kids are temporary, your marriage shouldn’t be. This is the rest of your life. Make it worthwhile.

Keep Your Friends Out of Debt

Finance

: Image via Wikipedia

If you’re like me, you get a bit evangelical about getting out of debt. I try to convert spendthrifts and irritate my fellow debtors. I’m probably pretty annoying at times. What I’ve learned–or at least pretend to have learned–is the direct approach rarely works. Hitting someone over the head with a brick won’t convince them of anything, even if it’s a very frugal brick. Try it sometime. You may convince them to buy a bigger brick to return the favor, but you won’t convince them to save money.

What can you do? Your friends want to spend money they don’t have and worse, they want you to come with to spend money you either don’t have or don’t want to spend on bad music and overpriced beer. Suggest less expensive activities.

If your friends want to catch a movie, suggest a matinee or hitting redbox for a night in. It may even be worth investing in a projector and screen if movie night becomes a habit. My couch is certainly more comfortable than the theater seats and my soda is cheaper.

When you are invited to dinner, suggest a potluck or have a barbecue. It’s almost always cheaper to eat in, and cooking together can be a wonderful social activity. If that’s not practical, use coupons. Restaurant.com has some amazing deals, but don’t use them without an coupon. Their default price is a $25 gift certificate for $10. With a coupon (currently DAD), you can get that same certificate for $3. That usually means a minimum tab of $35 and mandatory tip of 18%, but it’s still a good savings. Your $35 meal will cost $19.30 when all is said and done.

[ad name=”inlineleft”]Don’t compete for the coolest gadgets. “I just got an iPod for $300″ should be countered with a receipt for a $20 mp3 player, not an ad for an iPad. Race to zero, not zeros.

Don’t be ashamed of your frugality. “I they are laughing you don’t need ’em, cuz they’re not good friends.” My habits aren’t secret. If I say something isn’t in the budget, my friends know I won’t be doing it. It’s not up for debate.

Above all, I try to be proactive. I try to suggest cheaper alternatives before the expensive options are on the table. Having a beer on my deck and watching a movie in my living room is so much cheaper than drinks at a club before a concert.

Update: This post has been included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

Credit Counseling: Swimming Out of the Mess

Finance

I once read a news story about a horse that slipped into a manure pit.

Some people–much like the unfortunate horse–are up to their necks in a mess, paddling for all they’re worth, wondering how to get out and panicking about the apparent hopelessness of their situation.

The mess I’m referring to is–of course–debt.

Fortunately, there are some life preservers out there.

The simplest option is a debt snowball. You just list all your debts in order from smallest balance to largest. Then, focus all you energy on paying off the smallest, while making minimum payments on the rest. When the smallest debt is paid off, throw that money at the next smallest balance. Eventually, all of your debts go away.

What are your other options?

There are debt consolidation loans, debt consolidation programs, horrible debt settlement plans, and even bankruptcy. There’s a whole shark-infested reef of options, some of which will make things much, much worse for you. What to do?

Take a look at credit counseling. Credit counseling is designed as a way to educate debtors on their options, and how to pursue those options. A good counselor will look at your income, your debt, and your spending habits and help you understand what went wrong and how to avoid it.

The trick is to find a good counselor.

First, search for approved and licensed counseling organizations here.

Once you have a list of candidates, you can start trimming it using these steps:

Ask them for information. Good agencies will send you information about itself and its services at no charge. If the balk, run.
Are they nonprofit? In many places, credit counselor must be nonprofit to operate legally. Whether or not it’s a legal requirement, consider making it your requirement.
Ask about their fees and get it in writing. Is there a setup fee? Monthly fees?
Will there be a signed agreement? If there is, be sure to read it, first.
How do they train their counselors? What are their qualifications?
How are the employees compensated? Do they get bonuses if you sign up for certain services? If they do, go elsewhere. Their first priority should be your needs, not getting a bonus.

Once you’ve found a company you’re comfortable with, schedule a counseling appointment. At the appointment, you can expect to go over your finances in detail, including your income, expenses, debt, and financial goals. You’ll review your options with the counselor and build an action plan.

From there, your job will be to stay on the plan and get yourself out of debt.

Have you ever met with a credit counselor?

Charity Scams

Finance

: Image by Emery Co Photo via Flickr

‘Tis the season to give away your stuff.

As Christmas rolls in, it’s common to see people ringing bells for charity outside of stores, or knocking on doors asking for your help with their pet causes. Phone and mail solicitations are up. You’ve got your pockets open and everybody’s hoping for some cash.

Good for you. Charity is wonderful.

I openly treat charity as the selfish act it truly is. Donating my time and money to causes I support makes me feel good about myself. I like feeling good about myself. The other reasons people give to charity are A) to make people like them, or B) to receive tax deductions. That’s it. There are 3 possible reasons to donate: to like yourself, to make others like you, or to save some tax money. I thought about adding guilt to the list, but that is covered by some blend of the first two reasons.

How can you know that the charity you are donating to is worth it? There are a ton of evil bastards out there trying to cash in on your desire to feel good. They want your money because rolling around naked in ill-gotten gains is what makes them feel good. Naked scammers sprawled across my cash isn’t a visual that makes me feel good.

Wait, you say? People use charities for cons, you ask? In 2005, The National Arthritis Association was busted for convincing people that it was somehow related to The Arthritis Foundation, when in reality, it was using the money for hookers and blow. Or something decidedly not arthritis-cure-related. If a charity sounds like something you know, but isn’t quite there, check into it before you donate.

It’s also common for scammers to run a phone campaign, pretending to be the Red Cross, the Salvation Army, or United Way. Those are all good charities, but they don’t benefit from the good intentions of the victims. The scammers just want the credit card information. Once they have that, it’s off to Rio for a crazy week of xxxxxx on a xxxxxx with a xxxxxxx for xxxxxx. (Editor’s note: This is a family-friendly blog.) Don’t give out your credit card information to anyone over the phone. Ever. Tell the caller to send you something in the mail, or promise to visit their website. But don’t give them the keys to your cash.

How can you avoid funding a Nigerian coup that will surely end in the downfall of the righteous king, causing all of his heirs to email me(as the only trustworthy person in the world) to help move the nation’s fortune out of the country in exchange for a mere 10% of the loot? I mean, how can you be sure you are donating to a good organization?

The easiest way is to ask the IRS. You can call them at 877-829-5500 or visit their website at http://www.irs.gov/charities/article/0,,id=96136,00.html to search for charities that have actually filed with the IRS. Not all charities have filed. Some state-based nonprofits don’t bother, but you can check with your Secretary of State to verify their status.

Always pay by check or credit card. Cash is untraceable. If a charity turns out to be a scam, leaving a trail makes it easier to prosecute.

Don’t give in to the guilt-tactics. If a charity is worth giving to today, it will be worth it tomorrow, too. There’s no rush. If the solicitor is trying to rush you, it’s probably a scam.

Remember, it’s your money. Take care of it.

What are your favorite charities?