- @ScottATaylor Thanks for following me. in reply to ScottATaylor #
- RT @ChristianPF: 5 Tips For Dealing With Your Medical Debt http://su.pr/2cxS1e #
- Dining Out vs Cooking In: http://su.pr/3JsGoG #
- RT: @BudgetsAreSexy: Be Proud of Your Emergency Fund! http://tinyurl.com/yhjo88l ($1,000 is better than $0.00) #
- [Read more…] about Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-12-12
Babies Are Expensive
From the comments here. The discussion is on how much it costs to have a baby. Edited for clarity.
Babies” width=”270″ height=”200″ />
Actual birthing costs vary. We’ve had three kids over ten years and birthing costs have varied from $250 out of pocket to $8500. Our highest and lowest price births were 20 months apart. The highest price birth involved induced labor with an epidural. For the lowest out-of-pocket price, I added my wife to my policy before the birth, so she was double-covered. If one of your policies is less than ideal and there are multiple policies available, I recommend doing this. It saved us thousands. All told, If things go well, you could slide for as little as $1500 total.
For the highest price birth, we threw ourselves on the mercy of the finance department. They have a charity fund to pay the bills of the less fortunate. We qualified…barely. If you have a medical bill you can’t afford, ask if there is a grant or donation you can apply for. Always ask if there is some way the bill could be lowered.
Breast-feeding beats the heck out of formula, financially, but breast-feeding doesn’t always work. Ignore the boob-nazis who insist you are slowly killing your kid by using formula. I’ve got 3 kids, and each had different feeding issues.
Baby formula runs $19 for a big container at Sam’s Club, or a large percentage of your soul at most other big box stores. Formula alone will pay for your membership in under a month. For a big eater, that’s $20-30 per week. For a normal eater, 2-3 weeks. For planning purposes, assume $100/month in formula costs for the first six months, when food starts coming into play heavily. After that, the formula expense goes down, but not away for at least 6 more months.
Diapers are painful. Not just the smell–though that hurts, too, sometimes–but the expense. I currently have 2 in diapers; one is potty-training. Our monthly costs for diapers, now, are about $75. It was easily twice that when they were younger. Figure at least $100 per month in diapers. Unless your baby has irritation problems, go with cheap diapers. Leak-guard is a joke. If you are relying on leak-guard to keep the contents inside the diaper, you aren’t changing your baby often enough.
I couldn’t begin to guess at how much you’ll spend on baby clothes. I have never bought clothes for our kids. Whatever didn’t come free from friends and family walked into the house of it’s own volition, following my wife home from the store.
Toys are an almost purely voluntary expense. You’ll get as much as the kids needs free, as presents. You’ll go overboard and give the kids 10 times that, without realizing it. Don’t. For the first four to five months, its fingers and toes will be entertaining enough. After that, if there are more than about ten toys, it’s too many; the kid will never get attached to any of them. Keep it small. It’s better for the kids and the budget. Little kids prefer boxes to toys, anyway. Give the kid a shoebox instead of a Leapfrog. Really.
Portraits suck, too. If you have to get them done professionally, get a membership that covers sitting fees, and use coupons. I recommend JC Penney’s. Using judicious coupons and the membership, we get portraits for under $20.
Baby food is probably cheaper to make in a food processor, but you can’t beat the convenience of the little jars. If you watch sales, you can stock up affordably. Mix every meal with some rice or oatmeal mush to stretch it, without making it unhealthy. Depending on your kids, and how much you listen to the “experts”, this is a nonexistent expense before six months. Our kids started eating baby food in their second months, at least a little bit.
Babies are expensive. Don’t doubt that for a second, but ignore the polled averages when it comes to expense. Hand-me-downs, thrift stores, and good sales cut the expense a lot.
How do you save money and value with a baby in the house?
Bribes vs Rewards
What’s the difference between a bribe and a reward? It’s a question that has been heavily on my mind lately. As a father of three–1, 3 and 10–motivating children occupies a lot of my thoughts. Is it possible to motivate a child and reward good behavior without resorting to a bribe?
First, let’s look at the definitions:
bribe n.
1. Something, such as money or a favor, offered or given to a person in a position of trust to influence that person’s views or conduct.
2. Something serving to influence or persuade.
re·ward n.
1. Something given or received in recompense for worthy behavior or in retribution for evil acts.
2. Money offered or given for some special service, such as the return of a lost article or the capture of a criminal.
3. A satisfying return or result; profit.
4. Psychology: The return for performance of a desired behavior; positive reinforcement.
In my mind, a reward is given either as a goal for planned activity or a surprise for good behavior. When used for surprises, it should never be common enough to be expected. If a child is only behaving because she is expecting a reward, it is bribed behavior. She should always be surprised to get the reward.
Using a reward for goal setting is no different than collecting a paycheck. Is my company bribing me to do the work I do every day? They plan to reward or compensate me for the work I plan to do for them. While that my be blurring the line between compensation and rewards, it is valid. My future paycheck is the motivation for my current work.
Bribes, on the other hand, are reward for bad behavior. If my three-year-old is throwing a tantrum in the grocery store and I promise her candy to stop, I have just taught her that the “reward” for a public tantrum is candy. This is reinforcing negative behavior, which will only escalate in the future. If a temper tantrum earns a candy bar, what will she get for hitting Mommy with a frying pan?
The line is further blurred by preemptive bribes. If I tell my children there will be candy when we get home if they behave in the store, it’s still a bribe. Promising dessert if my son cleans his room is a bribe.
So what is the difference?
Bribes reward negative behavior. Whether that is actual behavior or anticipated behavior, bribes provide a reward for it. If you use a treat to end or preempt bad actions, you are bribing your child.
Rewards celebrate positive behavior. A promised treat for going beyond expectations or a surprise for excellent behavior is a reward. It should never become common, or the child will discover that withholding the positive behavior will generate promises of larger rewards. The goal is to reinforce the good to encourage positive behaviors even when there is no likelihood for reward.
For example, my son’s school is part of a reading contest. Over a two month period, if the students read 500 pages outside of school, they will get tickets to a basketball game. If they are in the top three for pages read, they will get personalize jerseys and on-court recognition. My son did the math and was reading enough to surpass the 500 page goal, but not enough to get into the top three. I offered a prize if he made it to 2500 pages. In my opinion, that’s a reward. He was already going beyond the requirement. I have provided motivation to push himself beyond what he thinks he can do. That’s positive reinforcement of good behavior.
On the other hand, when my eight-year-old was refusing to eat dinner, we offered a cookie for dessert if she ate well. That’s reinforcing negative behavior by giving a reward for misbehaving. A bribe.
Rewards are positive responses to positive behavior to motivate future good behavior. Bribes are rewards for negative behavior, real or anticipated, that only serve to encourage more bad behavior in the future.
30 Day Project – February
My 30 Day Project for February is to be able to do 100 push-ups in a single set. The most common reaction when I talk about it? “You’re nuts!”
Is it ambitious to the point of being aggressive? You bet. 30 Day Projects aren’t supposed to be easy. This is going to be a difficult painful month.
On the other hand, I have five fingers. How many people do you know able to do 100 pushups? I don’t know any. In 4 weeks, I will know one.
What have I done to prepare? Nada. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. I am starting this from scratch.
Here’s my plan:
At this moment, I can d0 20 pushups. I am going to start with 5 sets of 2/3 of my max(14) with a one minute break in between sets . That will happen in the morning and before bed. Each session will involve more pushups. I need to add about 3 to a set each day to get to 100 by the end of the month.
Now, it’s entirely possible that I won’t be able to manage 5 sets of 14, or that my progression is unmanageable. That’s ok. I refuse to test my endurance on this, and I’ve done no research. I’m flexible and willing to adjust my plan to match reality.
Aggressive and painful. Wish me luck.
Link Roundup
In an effort to make sure that both of my readers can’t possibly miss the things I think are important, I’m going to start doing a weekly roundup of the best of the internet. Judged solely, and arbitrarily, by me.
On topic:
These, naturally, are the posts that fit the theme of this site.
How To Check Your Federal IRS Tax Refund Status. When I checked a couple of days ago, they were about 2 weeks out.
TurboTax has screwed up the property tax refund form for Minnesota. Thankfully, I haven’t filed this, yet, but I did verify the problem.
Where do you want to be in 5 years? Start taking those steps, now, or you will never get there. Find something, no matter how small, and do it.
Deficit Neutrality doesn’t count, if a massive initial purchase is offset by future intentions to cut spending.
Off topic:
This is just some of the random crap I think is worth sharing.
If you’re going to argue on the internet, make sure you have your sources right. Primary sources are better than secondary.
Bring back dueling to ensure good manners.
Here’s a guide to saving water-damaged books.
I am a shameless geek and reformed DnD player, so this room was exciting to see.
Decluttering the House – April 30 Day Project Update
My 30 Day Project for April is to declutter my entire house. That’s every room, every dresser, every drawer. We’ve got 12 years of jointly accumulated clutter.
Our progress so far has been wonderful. The main level of our house is almost done.
In our daughters’ room, we put in bunk beds and pulled out a dresser. With the crib, changing table, and toddler bed removed, they actually have room to play on the floor. Their closet has been emptied and repurposed as scrapbooking and blanket storage. Cost: $140 for the bunk beds.
Our son’s room has had a dresser, a desk, and a bed replaced with a loft bed. Even with the 6 foot tall monstrosity of a bed, his room looks so much bigger. We still have to clean out his closet, which is mostly artifacts of a business we no longer have, leftovers from when his bedroom was our office. Cost: $260 for the loft bed.
Our room was depressing. Never dirty, but oh-so-full. The closet was jam-packed. The top shelf was full of towels and sheets. The closet rod couldn’t fit another shirt. There was a modular shelving system on the floor of the closet–full. We had three full dressers. The headboard has 5 foot tall cabinets, half of which were full of makeup and jewelry, the other half with books. Now, there is 1 empty dresser. It belonged to my great-grandmother, so it’s going to the shop to be refinished, instead of the garage sale to be sold. Another dresser has spare room in it. There’s no need to rearrange the cabinets to get to anything. The closet is less than half full and there is almost nothing on the floor of the closet. Gear for my side-line business is stored out of sight and out of the way. This is so much more relaxing.
We’ve tackled the kitchen, except for 1 cabinet, which is mostly cookbooks and booze. That will be fun to clean out.
Our front closet was worthless. It was so full we put hooks on the outside of the door to hang our coats. We pulled out a dozen coats we never wear. At least 20 pairs of shoes, some belonging to roommates gone 1o years. We can actually use the closet now. The shoes and boots all have homes. Our coats all fit…inside.
We have 1 closet and 1 cabinet left to address on the main level. There are also 3 small rooms in the basement that need to be gutted–the laundry room, the family room, and a room that has been designated for storage and the litter box. The last one will be the hardest. It’s full of remnants of hobbies past and failed ventures. I’m expecting some fights, flowing every possible direction.
In the process, we’ve filled our dining room with stuff for our garage sale…twice. It’s all getting priced and boxed as we go through it. We thrown away anything we won’t be able to sell. We’ve done all of this with the mutual understanding that nothing is coming back in the house. After the sale, it will be donated or sold on Craigslist, but it won’t become a part of our lives again. We are successfully purging so much. The “skinny clothes” are gone. When the time comes, they’ll be replaced. In the meantime, they can be put to better use on someone else. Hobbies that never took, games that are never played, it’s all going. We are getting down to the things that are actually used and useful.
It’s interesting to note that the process is getting easier as the month goes by. My Mother-in-Law is a hoarder. Those habits get passed down, but what was originally a source of stress has turned into a pleasant chore.
The most wonderful discovery of all? It turns out we don’t need a better storage system, we just need less stuff.
Update: This post has been included in the Money Hacks Carnival.
