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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.

Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?

Me: Yes?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: May I ask what that was for?

FMe: Of course.

Me: What was that for, jerk?

FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.

Me: What?!? I’ve never even met you, before.

FMe: Of course you have. I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.

Me: Huh?

FMe: Listen close. You’re not the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.

Me: ???

FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.

Me: I don’t appreciate….

FMe: Shut up. I was dumb then, too. Remember? You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year. On top of many other expensive decisions. Do your recall?

Me: Yes, I do. So what?

FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car. Your kids wear new clothes. You’ve got a house full of new furniture. How did you pay for all of that?

Me: Naturally, I charged it. Zero payments, zero interest for a year! Pretty smart, huh?

FMe: What happens in a year?

Me: I don’t know. I’ve got a full year to figure that out.

FMe: <Slap!> I’ll tell you what happens! Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed! Your raise didn’t come through. You had a baby. The truck broke down. Your wife took maternity leave. A roommate moved out. You took a loss in the stock market. You didn’t plan! You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.

Me: How was I to know?

FMe: <Slap!> Life happens! You never know what is coming next. You need to plan and save for what might happen. Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly. That is not acceptable.

Me: So? What are you going to do about it?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: Really? Again?

FMe: <Slap!> I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help. Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux. My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford. You’ve screwed me, dude.

Me: I’m sorry. What can I do to fix it?

FMe: Buy me dinner, first.

Me: Huh?!?!?

FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change. No credit.

Me: None?

FMe: None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Only spend what you can afford. Budget. Pay off those nasty bills. Don’t leave me hanging.

Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?

FMe: Exactly. That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence. Live in the real world.

Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me! Now I know.

FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

Festival of Frugality #287: The Independence Day Edition

Misc

Today, it is my please to host the 287th Festival of Frugality, the Independence Day Edition. Yesterday, was Independence Day in the US. It’s the day we celebrate throwing off the yolk of high-tax, no-rights tyranny and blowing stuff up.

That’s not what this Festival is about. As much as I love this country and enjoyed celebrating, today, the theme is the Independence Day movie.

Coolest ID4 fact, ever: A promotional piece that aired in Spain for this film set off a “War of the Worlds” type of wide spread panic. The promo featured a popular Spanish news anchor and the piece ran as if there really WAS an alien attack to occur on July 4.

Editor’s Picks

The explosion of the Welcome Wagon Helicopters was actually footage of a pyrotechnics accident on set.

Miss T. gives us Seven Reasons to Avoid Penny Auction Sites. She does a great job of explaining the evil that is Penny Auctions, from outright fraud to the rip-off that is the basic business model. Some of these sites make $5000 or more on an iPad auction. They don’t even have to carry an inventory before running an auction.

Independence Day holds the record for most miniature model-work. It beat the previous record by double.

Philip submits Turn Wasted Extra Money Into a Debt Payment. I have a friend who is positive he can’t reduce his monthly expenses at all, while eating out almost every day.

The alien ship “miniature” was 65 feet across.

Boomer presents Financial Support For Your Adult Children. I love my parents. A lot. I couldn’t imagine moving back in with them, and I’m pretty sure they’d feel the same way soon enough. Although, Mom, if you’re reading this, can I have an allowance again?

This was the highest grossing film in 1996.

Suba presents Why you should not use 401k. I’ve never questioned the wisdom of maxing out a 401k. It’s good to see those assumptions challenged and the numbers crunched.

The Best of the Rest

President Whitmore: Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. Mankind, that word should have new meaning to all of us. We cannot be consumed by our petty differences anymore. Perhaps it is fate that today is the fourth of July, and we will once again be fighting for our freedom. But not for freedom from tyrrany or oppression or persecution. We’re fighting for our right to live, to exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world stood up and declared in one voice that we will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!

FMF presents Save Money on Groceries by Shopping on Wednesday posted at Free Money Finance.

Harri Pierce presents Have a second hand summer posted at TotallyMoney.

Daniel presents Top 10 Reasons to Shop Online vs. Shopping In-Store posted at Sweating The Big Stuff.

President Whitmore: It’s a fine line between standing behind a principle and hiding behind one.

Philip Taylor presents The Best Time to Buy posted at PT Money Personal Finance.

Outlaw presents Pay Yourself First and Have Money in the Bank posted at Outlaw Finance.

Crystal presents Frugal Tips for the Pet Dog posted at Budgeting in the Fun Stuff.

Matt presents The Price of Water posted at Stupid Cents.

That’s right! That’s what you get! Look at you! Ship all banged up! Who’s the man? Who’s the man?! Wait until I get another plane! I am going to line up all your friends right beside you! ~ Captain Steven Hiller

Alan presents The Cost of Online Gaming: Free to Play posted at Canadian Finance Blog.

Paula @ AffordAnything.org presents Diets and Debt: Managing Money and Your Weight posted at AffordAnything.org.

Kay Lynn presents Summer Fun for the Frugal Family posted at Bucksome Boomer.

Jacob @ My Personal Finance Journey presents Top 10 Money Saving Tips posted at My Personal Finance Journey.

If you’re so smart, tell me something, how come you go to M.I.T. for 8 years to become a cable repairman?~ Julius Levinson

Glen Craig presents The Cost of Clutter on Your Finances and Life posted at Free From Broke.

Eddie presents 55 Suggestions To Save $1000 posted at Finance Fox.

Darwin presents Are You Better Off Than Your Parents? posted at Darwin’s Money.

Sustainable PF presents Sustainability Tip #179: Loose Cap Lose Gas posted at Sustainable Personal Finance.

WHOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Elvis has left the building! ~ Captain Steven Hiller

I hope you enjoyed the carnival. Please take a moment to subscribe to Live Real, Now.

The Zombie Guide to Saving

Finance

Brains!

Nobody has ever accused a zombie of being smart. The are, after all, dead and rotting. Their primary means of education themselves is eating the brains of the living, which is hardly an efficient learning style. Besides, in a strictly Darwinian sense, their victims are among the least qualified to teach useful skills.

Zombies smell. They are little more than flesh-eating monsters. They are lousy in the sack. Yet, for all their flaws, have you ever heard of a zombie in debt or worried about financing retirement? They are obviously doing something right.

What can you learn from a zombie? That depends on the type of zombie. Not all of the life-challenged were created equal.

There are 3 main types of zombies:

1. Slow shamblers are best recognized by their lurching gait and unintelligible grunting, similar to a frat party at 3AM. They are rarely fresh specimens. Arguably the the scariest of all zeds, due to the sheer inevitability of their assault, they do always get where they are going, even if it takes a while. Trapped in a pit or a pool, they will keep trying to reach their goal. A slow shambler, were he able to effectively communicate beyond the basic “Hey, can I eat your brain?” would tell you to approach your goals like the famous tortoise: slowly. Set aside an affordable amount in savings every week, no matter what. Even if your are stuck saving just $10 each month, you will eventually get your sweet, sweet brains.

2. Voodoo zombies are the still-living, yet mindless minions on a voodoo priest. These unlucky non-corpses crossed the wrong people–usually by stealing or not repaying their debts–and ended up cursed for it. They are forced to do the bidding of their masters until such time as their debt has been repaid, if ever. Their warning is to always pay your debts and do not steal. Honest, ethical behavior is the best way to avoid this fate.

3. Runners are almost always “fresh” to the game. As they decompose, they slowly transform into slow shamblers. These fellas can often pass for the living…from a distance. By the time you get close enough to identify them as monsters, your brains are on the menu. They are capable of sprinting for short distances and, on occasion, have even been seen to run up vertical walls. To properly categorize the runners, we have to break them down into 2 sub-groups. The first sub-group is the envy of all zombies still capable of envy. They have used their skills to trap enough prey(that’s us, folks!) that they will feel no hunger for the foreseeable future. They are secure. They are the successful runners. The other sub-group tries to emulate the first, but lack both planning and follow-through. While the first group builds momentum to secure their future, the second group tends to use that momentum to smack face-first into the wall, confused at where their lunch went. Constantly charging from one thing to the next, they never manage to sink a claw into their goals. To avoid falling into the second group, you’ll have to settle on a strategy and pursue it with all the single-minded, decomposing determination you can muster.

You know what they say: “Great minds taste alike.” What kind of financial zombie are you?

Ignore Your Budget

Finance

For the first year of our journey out of debt, we had a strict budget, with all of our discretionary money spent out of an envelope system. We had an envelope for groceries, one for discretionary spending, one for clothes and one for baby crap. At the beginning of the month, we’d divide the money into the envelopes according to our budget spreadsheet. If we used a card for anything, we’d take a matching about of money out of the appropriate envelope and put it in a box to get reconciled the next month.

Ugh. Almost 2 years later, it has turned into too much work and too much nagging about everything either of us put on a card.

We decided to simplify the system a few months ago. Now, we still have a budget. It’s even a zero-based budget, but we ignore it. We only look at it if something changes for the worse. If something changes for the better, the extra money just gets automatically rolled into our debt snowball, so there’s no need to worry about updating the spreadsheet.

Instead of envelopes, we kind of eyeball it. We budget $450 per month for groceries, so we aim to spend $100 on our weekly grocery run. That leaves some room for losing track of how much we are putting in the cart, or a last minute addition to the list. It also leaves room for our secondary grocery trip to buy bread and milk later in the week. We do go through a lot of milk at my house. We budget $55 per month for diapers, but the deal we are currently getting with Amazon Mom is only costing us $30.79 for 6 weeks of diapers. We ignore the difference.

This—and our heavily automated bill pay and savings—lets us keep our finances on track, without stressing over every dollar or fighting over every little thing that comes home unplanned. I used to fire up Quicken and balance the checkbook every week. Now, that happens at the beginning of the month, usually. If I forget, it doesn’t matter. At the beginning of February, I balanced the checkbook for the first time in almost two months and we never came close to exercising our overdraft protection account. In fact, we had some extra, so that got sent directly to our debt.

Overall, it’s been good to test out a new system. We have almost no financial stress and managing our money takes about a couple of hours per month instead of per week. It’s all win.

Sunday Roundup: Balancing Fun and Frugality

Misc

Friday was another Yakezie Blog Swap. The topic was: “Balancing Frugality and Fun.”

Here is the list of articles:

Latisha Styles shares her story about going on a shopping diet at Narrow Bridge.

Joe gives us 10 different ways we can have fugal fun in almost any city at Prairie Eco-Thrifter.

The other Joe shares with us his memories of time with his Grandpa growing up and how he taught him to have fun at Mom’s Plans.

Ashley reminds us to spend those dollars where they will give us the most happiness at My Personal Finance Journey.

I shared that making memories is what counts at Financially Consumed.

Denise tells us that any kind of fun is possible with a little planning, determination, and work at Money Cone.

Money Cone shares with us how they have become a latte sipping frugal Mac user at The Single Saver.

Jacob shares with us 5 different techniques we can use to balance frugality and fun at Money Talks Coaching.

Eric at Narrow Bridge shared 3 ways he’s found to have fun on the frugal at Retire by 40.

Hunter tells us why corporate bankruptcy isn’t fun at all at Live Real Now.

Melissa shares her story of how her family balances frugality and fun atSmart Money Focus.

Eric defines the ultimate frugalite and the ultimate spender over at Financial Success for Young Adults.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked

Selling Your Car was included in the Totally Money Blog Carnival.

The Evils of a Reverse Mortgage was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Financial Pet Peeve: Fees To Receive Paper Bank Statements

Finance

Today’s post is written by Tim of Faith and Finance. It was written for a blog swap run by the Yakezie personal finance blog network to answer the question “What is your biggest financial pet peeve?“

Chances are, you’ve probably received a few notices from your bank or investment company about receiving e-statements. I’m all for getting less mail, and having online access to my statements is a really nice feature. In fact, most of my statements are online now.

So why is it a pet peeve if I LIKE viewing statements online? Here’s why: If you don’t get the online version of your statements, many places will charge you for the paper statement. My bank (which will go unnamed) pulled this very move. If you want to receive paper statements you had to pay a few dollars each year for the ‘service.’ Now I understand that printing statements costs money, but what bothers me the most is that the bank continues to send junk mail even though I opted in to the e-statements.

It seems a little impolite to say “You have to stop using paper…but we’ll keep sending you stuff you don’t want in the mail.” Each time they send me something in the mail promoting a new product or those goofy cash advance checks, I think about how much money they’re NOT saving.

***Ok ok, I’ll stop ranting. That’s what happens when you’re challenged to write about a pet peeve…you get a little excited. 🙂

Solutions to the problem

I’m a firm believer that if you’re going to complain about something, you should be willing to suggest alternatives, so here’s what I’d do differently if I were the banks.

1. Don’t punish for paper statements, incentivize for online statements

If you want to connect with people online and save money in the long run, provide an incentive to make the shift to online statements. Money and interest rates talk, so maybe provide $5 plus access to a higher paying certificate only available for our online banking members.

2. Consolidate the message.

If people want to get paper statements still, don’t charge them – instead, use the statement envelope to promote your products. The envelope is already paid for, so why not use it for marketing purposes. Now I know they’ll say, “people don’t read statement stuffers.” To that I’d say, “what makes you think they’d read a dedicated mailer then?”

Those are my two cents. Has anyone thought the same thing? How do you feel about paper statements vs. online statements?

[Jason’s note: There is a fee that irritates me a lot more than paying to get a paper statement. I hate “online access” fees. Those are the fee where you get charged for other people doing less. They are usually called convenience fees or, in the case of government, technology fees.]

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Editor’s Picks

The Best of the Rest

Carnivals I’ve Rocked