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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.

Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?

Me: Yes?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: May I ask what that was for?

FMe: Of course.

Me: What was that for, jerk?

FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.

Me: What?!? I’ve never even met you, before.

FMe: Of course you have. I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.

Me: Huh?

FMe: Listen close. You’re not the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.

Me: ???

FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.

Me: I don’t appreciate….

FMe: Shut up. I was dumb then, too. Remember? You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year. On top of many other expensive decisions. Do your recall?

Me: Yes, I do. So what?

FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car. Your kids wear new clothes. You’ve got a house full of new furniture. How did you pay for all of that?

Me: Naturally, I charged it. Zero payments, zero interest for a year! Pretty smart, huh?

FMe: What happens in a year?

Me: I don’t know. I’ve got a full year to figure that out.

FMe: <Slap!> I’ll tell you what happens! Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed! Your raise didn’t come through. You had a baby. The truck broke down. Your wife took maternity leave. A roommate moved out. You took a loss in the stock market. You didn’t plan! You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.

Me: How was I to know?

FMe: <Slap!> Life happens! You never know what is coming next. You need to plan and save for what might happen. Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly. That is not acceptable.

Me: So? What are you going to do about it?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: Really? Again?

FMe: <Slap!> I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help. Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux. My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford. You’ve screwed me, dude.

Me: I’m sorry. What can I do to fix it?

FMe: Buy me dinner, first.

Me: Huh?!?!?

FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change. No credit.

Me: None?

FMe: None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Only spend what you can afford. Budget. Pay off those nasty bills. Don’t leave me hanging.

Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?

FMe: Exactly. That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence. Live in the real world.

Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me! Now I know.

FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

5 Pain-Free Ways to Save Your Money

Finance

Everyone needs an emergency fund. More than that, you will eventually need retirement savings, a new car, a big-screen TV, or maybe just a new kidney. Whatever the reason, one day, have a comfortable savings account will make your life easier.

But, Jason, you say, it’s hard to save money! How can I start saving when I can’t make ends meet? I’ve got rent, 9 kids, and a DVD addiction that won’t quit. My mortgage is underwater, my Mercedes still has 8 years on the loan, and the Shoe-of-the-Month Club only carries Christian Louboutin’s. What can I do?

Well, I’ll reply, since I am Jason and you asked for me by name, you need to find a way to make it happen. I’d never recommend someone give up their diamond-studded kicks, but something’s gotta give. In the meantime, there are some ways you can save money without feeling the sting of delayed gratification.

1. Save your raise. When you get your next raise, pretend you didn’t. Set up an automatic transfer to stick that new 5% straight into a savings account. Don’t give yourself an opportunity to spend it.

2. Find it, hide it. When your Aunt Gertrude dies and leaves your her extensive collection of California Raisins figurines, sell them and save the money. If you find a $20 bill on the ground, throw it right into your savings account. When your 30th lottery ticket of the week gives you a $10 prize, save it! Don’t waste found money on luxuries. Use it to build your future.

3. Let it lapse. Do you have magazine subscriptions you never read? Or a gym membership you haven’t used since last winter? Panty-of-the-Month? Crack dealer who delivers? Stop paying them! Let those wasted services fall to the wayside and put the money to better use. I don’t mean flipping QVC products on eBay, either. Save the money.

4. Jar of 1s. Roughly once a week, I dig through my pockets and my money clip looking for one dollar bills. Any that I find go in a box to be forgotten. I use that box as walking-around money for our annual vacation, but it could easily get repurposed as a temporary holding tank for money I haven’t gotten to the bank, yet.

5. Round it up. Do you balance your checkbook? If you don’t, start. If you do, start doing it wrong. Round up all of your entries to the nearest dollar. $1.10 gets recorded as $2. $25.75 goes in as $26. If you use your checkbook or debit card 100 times a month, that’s going to be close to $75 saved with absolutely no effort. It even makes recording your spending easier.

There you have it, 5 easy ways to save money that won’t cause you a moment’s pain.

Do you have any tricks to help you save money?

Debanking

Finance

I’m overbanked.

The National Bank, Oamaru, built 1871: a prostyle Palladian portico on a neoclassical facade (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve mentioned that before.

I won’t give up my herd of CapitalOne 360 accounts. I use those to track my savings goals, all 17 of them. I can’t drop my business accounts, my kids’ savings accounts, or the personal accounts that I actually use to spend money.

I do, however, need to simplify a bit.

Last month, I went through the hassle of transferring my 401k from two jobs ago and my IRA from my last job. Now, I’m down to just two retirement accounts. One is for my current job, and the other is a self-managed IRA with Sharebuilder.

Two down.

A few months ago, I went to yet another bank to close an account. My last job offered crappy health insurance, but balanced it out with an HSA. It complicated things, but the actual costs came to almost the same as the previous plan that didn’t have a high deductible. When I left, my HSA just sat there.

Last year, my oldest got braces, so I cleaned out the HSA ahead of time so we could pay up front and save 5% without paying interest.

Another one down.

That’s three accounts down out of 34.

Thirty-four?

Crap. That’s retirement accounts, business accounts, and personal accounts for two adults and three kids.

Bank 1 has the checking account we use, plus two savings accounts, one of which is where we store the rent money until we take a payday.

Bank 2 has a checking account, 16 savings accounts, and stock-trading account, a CD, and two IRAs for my wife and I.

Bank 3 has a checking account, and savings account for each of two businesses I own, a spare set of personal accounts, a savings account for each of the kids, and a checking account for my teenager.

Bank 4 holds nothing but my current 401k.

The only thing I can simplify without sacrificing my organizational jungle is to combine the personal accounts from bank 1 and 3. The problem is that Bank 1 has all of my bill pay information and there is still an account open for my mother-in-law’s estate. We keep that open just in case we find any other checks we need to cash. Bank 3 has my business accounts tied to my personal account and is the bank that my business partner uses, so that’s convenient to move money around.

I may be stuck.

Charity Scams

Finance

: Image by Emery Co Photo via Flickr

‘Tis the season to give away your stuff.

As Christmas rolls in, it’s common to see people ringing bells for charity outside of stores, or knocking on doors asking for your help with their pet causes. Phone and mail solicitations are up. You’ve got your pockets open and everybody’s hoping for some cash.

Good for you. Charity is wonderful.

I openly treat charity as the selfish act it truly is. Donating my time and money to causes I support makes me feel good about myself. I like feeling good about myself. The other reasons people give to charity are A) to make people like them, or B) to receive tax deductions. That’s it. There are 3 possible reasons to donate: to like yourself, to make others like you, or to save some tax money. I thought about adding guilt to the list, but that is covered by some blend of the first two reasons.

How can you know that the charity you are donating to is worth it? There are a ton of evil bastards out there trying to cash in on your desire to feel good. They want your money because rolling around naked in ill-gotten gains is what makes them feel good. Naked scammers sprawled across my cash isn’t a visual that makes me feel good.

Wait, you say? People use charities for cons, you ask? In 2005, The National Arthritis Association was busted for convincing people that it was somehow related to The Arthritis Foundation, when in reality, it was using the money for hookers and blow. Or something decidedly not arthritis-cure-related. If a charity sounds like something you know, but isn’t quite there, check into it before you donate.

It’s also common for scammers to run a phone campaign, pretending to be the Red Cross, the Salvation Army, or United Way. Those are all good charities, but they don’t benefit from the good intentions of the victims. The scammers just want the credit card information. Once they have that, it’s off to Rio for a crazy week of xxxxxx on a xxxxxx with a xxxxxxx for xxxxxx. (Editor’s note: This is a family-friendly blog.) Don’t give out your credit card information to anyone over the phone. Ever. Tell the caller to send you something in the mail, or promise to visit their website. But don’t give them the keys to your cash.

How can you avoid funding a Nigerian coup that will surely end in the downfall of the righteous king, causing all of his heirs to email me(as the only trustworthy person in the world) to help move the nation’s fortune out of the country in exchange for a mere 10% of the loot? I mean, how can you be sure you are donating to a good organization?

The easiest way is to ask the IRS. You can call them at 877-829-5500 or visit their website at http://www.irs.gov/charities/article/0,,id=96136,00.html to search for charities that have actually filed with the IRS. Not all charities have filed. Some state-based nonprofits don’t bother, but you can check with your Secretary of State to verify their status.

Always pay by check or credit card. Cash is untraceable. If a charity turns out to be a scam, leaving a trail makes it easier to prosecute.

Don’t give in to the guilt-tactics. If a charity is worth giving to today, it will be worth it tomorrow, too. There’s no rush. If the solicitor is trying to rush you, it’s probably a scam.

Remember, it’s your money. Take care of it.

What are your favorite charities?

5 Ds of Identity Theft

Finance

Scanned image of author's US Social Security card. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Identity theft is, at its most basic level, the act of using someone else’s identity or credit without permission. From a stolen credit card to a forged phone bill in Moscow, it all involves your good money paying for the bad habits of another. Thankfully, there are ways to reduce the odds of having your identity stolen. LTC David Grossman reviews the “5 Ds of Survival” in his seminars and books. Today, I bring you the 5 Ds of Identity Theft.

In the words of the master, “Denial has no survival value.” Denying the possibility of identity theft will not keep it from happening. You have to take steps to keep yourself safe. “It could never happen to me” is not a valid defense mechanism in any situation, financial or otherwise.

Deterrence means keeping the information away from identity thieves. The harder it is for the criminals to get your information, the more likely it is that they will move on to an easier target. And yes, a kid stealing Grandma’s credit card is a criminal and needs to be treated as such.

Some people use a shredder, but not me. I have a fire pit that catches all of my personal documents. I’d like to see an thief get my social security number from the ashes in the bottom of the pit.
Don’t carry your social security card. If you lose your wallet, your driver’s license and social security card contain all of the information needed to steal your identity. Keep it locked up at home and don’t give the number out unless absolutely necessary.
Don’t use stupid passwords. Anything listed on yourFacebook profile or otherwise available on Google in association with your name is a stupid password. Don’t make life easy for the people looking to screw you. Your birthdate, maiden name, and “password” all qualify as stupid passwords. Use KeePass to securely generate and store your passwords.
Lock up your personal information. I throw two large parties every year. Purses and wallets get stored in a locked bedroom, so nobody can grab them. That was a lesson learned the hard way. If there’s someone in your home you don’t trust absolutely, lock up anything that can be used against you.
Don’t release personal information to anyone, for any reason, unless you have initiated the contact. Don’t give a credit card number to a telemarketer. Don’t give a spammer your personal information. It’s your privacy, use it.
Don’t click anything in an email. If it’s a company you have a relationship with, type the address in your browser by hand.

Detection is up to you. Some credit card companies will alert you to suspicious purchases, but you can’t rely on it. I was once called because I went to the gas station and Best Buy, which is apparently a common pattern for a stolen credit card.

Examine your credit card statements. If there’s a purchase you don’t recognize, find out what it is.
Watch for bills to arrive as expected. You do know when you pay the gas bill every month, right?
Watch for unexpected bills to arrive. If you get a statement for a credit card you don’t have, it’s a problem.
Check your credit report three times per year. AnnualCreditReport.com will let you see each of the three major credit reports each year. Space them out so you see your report every 4 months.

Defending your identity happens after you’ve detected a theft. This involves getting your credit and sometimes, your money, back.

File a fraud report with the credit bureaus. This will force potential creditor to follow certain procedures before opening new credit accounts for your identity, including calling your cell phone, if you choose. Stop the identity theft in its tracks.
Close the fraudulent accounts. Don’t leave them open for abuse.
File a police report and report the fraud to the FTC at ftc.gov/idtheft . This may or may not help catch the criminal, but without it, there will never be a punishment. Make stealing your identity an expensive proposition. Hopefully, 1o years of his life will be wasted in jail in return for the theft.

Destroy. Unfortunately, fraud and identity theft are not yet capital crimes. Maybe someday.

Deter, detect, defend. These are the secrets to avoiding, and recovering from, identity theft.

Saturday Roundup – Happy New Year!

Misc

This week, my daycare provider has taken off to have surgery. That means I have 10 days off in a row. I haven’t done that since I was laid off at my last job, four years ago. I’m really looking forward to the time with my brats.

Happy New Year! Here’s hoping 2011 beats the pants off of 2010, no matter how 2010 went for you.

Best Posts

Free From Broke has a monster post with the best personal finance articles of the year. If you need something to read….

Lifehacker posted about a service that will grade and critique your resume for free. I’m not looking for a new job, but it looks like a great service.

Have you ever considered the similarities between hookers, doctors, and TSA agents?

Here’s an interesting analysis of the huge stimulus package that was supposed to revive the economy. With all of the red tape and deadlines involved in getting the stimulus money, only projects that were going to happen anyway and already had permits and approval actually happened. Private enterprise held off starting projects, hoping to get stimulus funding, only to find out they couldn’t possibly jump through the hoops in time, which is when they lost investors. Huge fail with nothing accomplished beyond packing a ton of taxpayer money in a fat .gov bong and watching it go up in smoke.

LRN Timewarp

This is where I review the posts I wrote a year ago.

I wrote a post on the dangers of hypocrisy. It’s a good post to re-read whenever I start feeling judgmental.

I also started my budget series. Lesson 1 detailed my discretionary budget category.

Finally, I asked what you’ve done to improve your situation. Every day, you can do something. It may not be a big thing, but even small steps in the right direction will get you where you need to be.

Get More Out of Live Real, Now

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You can subscribe by RSS and get the posts in your favorite news reader. I prefer Google Reader.

You can subscribe by email and get, not only the posts delivered to your inbox, but occasional giveaways and tidbits not available elsewhere.

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You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of. I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.

That’s all for today. Have a great weekend!