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Insurance

On Tuesday, a potential customer took my business partner and I out for sushi.

English: Western Sushi found at Wegmans Superm...
Image via Wikipedia

The sushi bar was fun.  There was a little canal going around the bar.  The canal had little boats.  The boats had little plates.  The plates had sushi.   Lots and lots of sushi.  When you wanted something, you just reached out and took it.

Yum.

My only complaint with the place is the width of the chairs.  If you’re going to use narrow chairs, you really shouldn’t choose chairs with armrests.

Between the narrow chairs, the armrests, and my fat butt, my cell phone got knocked off of my belt.

Crap.

I normally check my money clip, car keys, pocket knife, and cell phone every time I stand up, but didn’t this time.

I noticed it was missing 15 miles later.

Of course, when I called, no one answered my phone.

The restaurant hadn’t seen my phone.

When we went back to retrace our steps, my phone was nowhere to be found.   Some busboy got a nice tip that night.

Now, I don’t carry insurance on my cell phone.  I still have every cell phone I’ve ever owned, in working condition.  Well, minus one, now.  At $5/month, that has saved me more than $1000 over the years.

Of course, it’s a bit painful this week.

Thankfully, I sock a bit of money away every month to cover things that break.  It’s my warranty fund.   That, combined with a good(hopefully) find on eBay, means that losing my phone, while irritating, isn’t going to break my budget.   It won’t actually touch my budget in any way.

On a side note, a parking ramp with a flat, “all night” charge and a lost ticket fee makes me angry.

 

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How to Build a Business on Cannibalism

Last week, my wife posted on Facebook that she was frustrated with her job hunt.

HUFU: The healther human flesh alternative.
HUFU: The healthy human flesh alternative.

An hour later, she got a call from someone she hadn’t talked to in 10 years.  He wanted to talk about a great business opportunity.  He wouldn’t say what it was, but wanted to bring a friend over to discuss it.

Fast forward to last night.

The night my wife agreed to meet with the old friend.

The meeting we forgot about.

So we invited our friend and his friends into the house.   We sat down at the dining room table to hear the pitch.  Our friend is just getting started so his “friend” delivered the pitch.

While I was waiting for him to explain the business, he was showing us pictures of he and his wife traveling  around the country.

Instead of explaining the product, he asked about our most expensive dreams.

Instead of telling us how the marketing worked, he mentioned something about utilizing the internet–and i-Commerce–and talked about changing our buying habits.

Instead of showing us a product, he talked about driving volume and building a team.

There was nothing concrete, but a lot was said to ride on the dreams of people who are frustrated with their income or are living paycheck-to-paycheck.

More than an hour into the presentation, it was revealed that the “product” is a buying portal to allow people to buy Amway products from your personal Amway store.

Freaking Amway.

How do they find your personal Amway store, you ask?  I don’t know, because you are supposed to be your own best customer.  You make money by buying the products you use anyway, but buy them from Amway.   For example, there’s the $10 toothbrush, the $16 baby wipes, or the $38 toilet paper.

For six frickin’ rolls.

Seriously, this stuff is meant to touch my butt once.   I don’t need it made from pressed gold.

As for the visual…you’re welcome!

So I sell a kidney to buy enough toilet paper to keep my nether bits clean for a month and I get one point for every $3 I spend.   I figure that’s about 50 points per month, given the foot traffic our bathrooms see.

If I hit 100(I think, he didn’t leave the paperwork) points, I get 6%(again, I wasn’t taking notes) back at the end of the next month.  For the sake of the math, I’m going to double the number of butts in my house.   100 points means I need to spend $300.    That’s 47 rolls of toilet paper.  In exchange for this $300–and on top of gold-embroidered silk I now get to flush down the toilet–I’ll earn $18.

I know exactly how much toilet paper I buy right now.  Amazon sends me a 48 roll package every other month for $31.42, shipped.

To simplify, Amway is offering me the ability to spend $300 to get $18 plus $31.42 worth of toilet paper.  I’m supposed to end my financial worries by turning $300 into $50 every month.

Yay!

[Note to self:  Demolish Amway’s business model by starting a company that will let people turn $200 into $50, without the nasty overhead of stocking overpriced crap.  A 33% increase in efficiency will make me rich!]

But wait, say the imaginary Amway proponents that I hope aren’t frequenting my site, you’re forgetting the most important part!

Oh really?

There’s also a thing called a “segmented marketing team”.  To the rest of the multi-level marketing world, this is known as your downline.  If you can con your family and friends into turning their $300 into $50 every month, then help them con their family and friends into turning $300 into $50 every month, you’ll get rich!  Amway has apparently figured out a way to share a small fraction of their 600% markup with their victims to make them feel like it’s a business opportunity instead of a robbery.

If I get 9 people in my “business team” and each of them build out their team, I get the coveted title of “Platinum Master” or whatever.  All I have to do is sell the souls of 72 people and I can make a ton of money!  If each member of my downline turns $300 into $50, Amway will get $18,000.  In exchange for delivering those souls, the “average” Platinum Ninja makes about $4500 per month.  That’s about $12,000–free and clear–for Amway.

When your business model consists entirely of your sales force doing all of the buying and consuming, it’s not a business model, it’s cannibalism.

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Mariano Rivera: Rags to MLB Riches

English: New York Yankees Pitcher Mariano Rive...
English: New York Yankees Pitcher Mariano Rivera on May 25th, 2008 vs. Seattle Mariners. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Mariano Rivera is the most dominant closer in the history of baseball. His cut fastball, or cutter, is considered by many to be the best pitch in the history of the game. He is the all-time saves leader, and he has five World Series rings that he can wear. Of course, he has made millions of dollars over his professional career, which has brought him a long way from his humble roots as the son of a Panamanian fisherman.

Rivera’s journey began in Panama City. He was born on November 29, 1969. His father was a fisherman in the small fishing village of Puerto Caimito. Like almost every boy in Latin America, his earliest athletic experiences were playing soccer. However, he also played baseball as well. The area was so poor that not many people actually owned baseball gloves, bats or balls.

Instead, Rivera and his friends would play games with tree branches for bats. They used milk cartons instead of gloves, and they taped together pieces of old fishing nets to use as balls. Rivera didn’t have his first real leather baseball glove until his dad bought him one at the age of 12.

Rivera liked baseball, but he never thought he would one day make a living at it. Instead, he dreamed of playing soccer professionally like most Latinos. However, he suffered a series of ankle injuries during high school that shattered this dream. He finished school at age 16 and began working on his father’s fishing boat. He had to abandon ship when the boat capsized, and that scared him away from fishing forever.

Soon after that, Rivera started playing on a local amateur baseball team, Panama Oeste. He was the team’s shortstop, and he only started pitching because the team’s normal pitcher was in a slump. His teammates were so impressed with his pitching skills that they convinced the Panama scout for the New York Yankees to give him a tryout. Rivera went to Panama City for a Yankees tryout camp, and the Yankees signed the man who would become one of the greatest players of all-time to a contract worth just $3,000.

When Rivera came to the United States, he did not speak English and was incredibly homesick. Puerto Caimito did not have telephone service at that time, which meant Rivera could only communicate to his family back home by writing long letters.

Rivera made steady progress through the minor leagues, but it was still five years before he was called up to the big leagues. His first few years in the major leagues, Rivera made the minimum salary of $750,000. This is a small figure by American standards, but it is more money than most people in Panama can dream of.

Rivera still goes back to Panama every year. He feels it is a home and that he is a part of it. His riches have never transformed him into a diva. He is one of the most down-to-earth and genuinely friendly players in the game.

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Charlie Hunnam and the Success of 50 Shades of Grey

Charlie Hunnam
Charlie Hunnam (Photo credit: Gage Skidmore)

It looks like actor Charlie Hunnam is all set to cash in on the biggest romance novel of the decade. He is set to play the lead role of Christian Grey in the film adaptation of the salacious hit novel 50 Shades of Grey directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson.

Charlie Hunnam, with his English good looks and charm, will definitely make the fantasies of so many women into a reality. Born in Newcastle-upon-Tyne in 1980, Hunnam is already well known in the UK for his portrayal of Nathan Maloney in the television show Queer as Folk. He is also fresh off his recent role in the summer blockbuster Pacific Rim. Now, he will delve into the alternative, sexy, and edgy role of Christian Grey, the hero of the novels written by E.L. James.

With 70 million copies of the BDSM-themed trilogy sold around the world, even the novels themselves are a runaway success. Hunnam himself stands to make quite a bit of money off the film adaptation. If the initial film is a success on the level of Twilight, then Hunnam could easily become an A-list actor in Hollywood, which would boost the amount of money he earns per film. If the novels continue to be adapted into films, then he will be set for at least another few years. Who wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing they were starring in a saucy summer film that would be a guaranteed blockbuster? However, Hunnam didn’t jump straight away to become Christian Grey – he turned down the role at first, but then reconsidered it later. If the buzz surrounding the film means anything, then it’s a good thing that Hunnam changed his mind!

Production work on the film will begin in October 2013, and a release date has been scheduled for August 1st, 2014. With the recent announcement of the lead actors, the excitement is building, and it doesn’t seem like it will die down any time soon. It looks as if 50 Shades of Grey will be a wise career move for Charlie Hunnam as a well as a great way to boost his annual salary.

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