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Deathbed Relationships
My great-uncle has been depressed lately.
He lives in the same apartment building and my grandmother, his sister. They are just down the hall from each other.
Over the holidays, he’s seen a steady stream of people visiting my grandma, bringing cards and pictures, or taking her out to eat. Over Christmas weekend, she spent far more time away from home, celebrating with her kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids than she did at home.
He’s never met his great-grandchildren. He’s in his 70s, living in a retirement home attached to the nursing home he will most likely die in, and he’d like to see his descendants.
It’s too late.
He didn’t lose his relationship with his kids and grandkids in a fight. Instead, he spent his entire life doing his best to avoid all forms of responsibility. He spent 50 years avoiding supporting his family. He wasn’t there for them.
Of course they won’t be there for him.
There is a simple way to get your kids and your grandkids to dote on you in your old age: You spend your entire life being there when you’re needed.
Simple.
Building a relationship that can survive–or even thrive–in the times when you’ve got very little left to give takes a lifetime of commitment.
It starts the day your children are born, when you hold that precious little high-maintenance paperweight and swear that nothing bad will ever be allowed to happen to them. Then you teach them to walk, and teach them to talk, and kiss their booboos when they fall. And they will.
Day in, day out, you be there. You feed them, clothe them, punish them when necessary, and love them unconditionally even when they make it hard to like them. Every blessed day.
You soothe their pains, manage their fears, help them grow and turn into useful adults. Every flipping year.
When they are adults, you lend an ear, you lend a hand, you help with their babies, you offer advice, you listen and talk and you are there. Decade after decade.
Then, when you are old and broke and broken down, you’ve got people who love you, who cherish their memories with you. These are the people who will drive an hour out of their way to pick you up for dinner. They’ll carry you up the stairs you have trouble with. They’ll sit at your feet and listen to you tell stories. They’ll be there for you because you’ve always been there for them.
That’s how you get your kids and grandkids to visit you in the nursing home. Simple, not easy.
If you’ve missed their childhood–for whatever reason–it’s still possible to build that relationship, but it’s so much harder. You start by taking time out of your life to do spend time and be there. Help when you can with what you can. Be there.
If you wait until you are old and broke and broken down to start your relationship, it’s too late. Your kids will know that it’s just another example of your selfishness. If you’ve never made an effort to give, you’ve got know business expecting to get. You’ll be lucky to get an occasional phone call and a greeting card for the holidays.
Cheap Drugs – How I Saved $25 in 3 Minutes
- Image by cackhanded via Flickr
Today, I stopped by the grocery store to pick up a couple of prescriptions. I always get the generics, because they are less than half the price of the name-brands, while still being chemically identical. That’s not what I’m talking about, although it did save me about $75 today.
When the pharmacist rang up my medications, the total came up to $35. That just wasn’t right.
Many chain pharmacies have gone to a cheap pricing model for generic drugs. That usually means $4-6 per monthly prescription. Cub Foods doesn’t have that.
So I asked for the price match.
Cub Foods matches prices on generics with whatever large pharmacy is nearby. In this case, they matched Target’s prices, bringing the price from $35 to $10. Instant $25 savings. I just had to wait for them to look up my prescriptions in their match-book.
Pharmacies with cheap generics:
K-Mart offers a 3 month supply for $15.
Target and Wal-Mart both have a 30-day supply for $4.
Publix offers a 14-day prescription for some antibiotics for free. That’s insane! It’s also a heckuva way to get people in the door. “Why don’t you shop for half an hour while I fill your scrip?”
If your pharmacy is anywhere near any of these stores, call and ask if they’ll match the price for generic drugs.
A few tips:
Before you go get your cheap drugs, call ahead and make sure what you need is on the cheap list. Don’t assume.
You won’t be able to use your insurance to buy the cheap generics. The overhead in insurance processing would mean that the pharmacies would be operating at a loss for each prescription. You can’t make that up in volume. Between our copays and deductibles, it’s far cheaper to just pay the generic price without involving the insurance company.
Don’t be afraid of generics. It’s not like Nike. Generics are chemically identical to the name brands. There are two differences: the price and the letter stamped on the side of the pill.
The stores offering cheap drugs are generally bigger stores hoping to use the drugs as a loss leader. Places like Walgreens or CVS make up to 70% of their profits from the pharmacy. They can’t stay open treating that as a loss leader.
How do you save money on prescriptions?
No Brakes
Growing up, I was mostly poor, but I didn’t realize it. The electricity was never shut off and I never missed a meal, but there was rarely money for anything extra. Clothes were only purchased immediately before school started. Shoes were always at least one size too big. Hand-me-downs were a way of life. With very rare exceptions, new toys were given on birthdays and at Christmas. As a Christmas baby, this was unfortunate. If I wanted something during the year, I had to buy it. I had an allowance on and off–more off than on–for a few years. So, I got my first job-a paper route-when I was six. Most of the toys I accumulated as a child, I bought.
Through all of this, my parents never said “We can’t afford it.” I was simply told that if I wanted something, I could either save my money or wait for Christmas. I never saw my parents paying bills, but they got paid. I never saw a checkbook get balanced, but it did. There were only a few times money management was ever mentioned, even in passing.
Naturally, when I moved out on my own, I expected money to take care of itself, just as it had the entire time I was growing up. That wasn’t terrible until I got married, bought a house, built an addition and decided a needed a new car. There was nothing in me to apply the brakes. I can count the number of missed payments I’ve had on one hand-with fingers left over. I can’t begin to guess the number of purchases, both large and small, that I should have skipped but didn’t.
Shortages growing up coupled with absolutely no budget training turned into financial irresponsibility as an adult.
My wife grew up with almost the exact opposite training. She was also poor, but the household budget was clearly in evidence and generally taken to an extreme. Her training involved getting “the best bang for the buck”. If an item was on sale and could potentially be useful, her mother bought five. I don’t mean five similar variations. That’s five identical products, same size, same color. She still has a display box full of screwdrivers with interchangeable tips. It looked useful and it was on sale, so she bought them all.
Through all of that, the bills were always paid.
This training has made it difficult for my wife to turn down a sale price. If something is on sale-or worse, clearance-there is an excellent chance it will be coming to our house. Once again, there are no brakes.
Shortages growing up coupled with almost two decades of watching every sale turn into a purchase has turned into financial irresponsibility growing up.
Neither one of us were prepared to handle the financial aspect of being an adult. That is something we intend to improve on for our children. We intend to give them the ability to brake themselves.
Budgeting Bulimia
As the President is so quick to point out, ten years ago, there was a large budget surplus. Naturally, the government went into a massive cycle of lifestyle expansion. That expansion, combined with lower tax revenue and a recession has brought us from a $230 billion surplus to a $1.4 trillion deficit. That’s a bit above the trivial level. A definite binge.
In Minnesota, there was a $2 billion surplus just a few years ago, which was obliterated by, once again, government expansion and a recession. During the boom years, government programs were enacted with no thought to sustainability. Nobody thought about the fact that a surplus isn’t a balanced budget, either. We just kept adding to the budget, thinking the good times would last forever. Another binge.
Last year, the governor of Minnesota had to “unallot” money from the budget. He went through the budget with a red pen and struck line items until the budget was balanced, a requirement in this state. This infuriated his political opposition. They were not prepared for the purge.
Federally, the purge hasn’t happened, yet. Give it time. Excessive spending using imaginary money can only last so long. It will stop. The longer the binge, the harder the purge.
Families are doing the same thing. Four years ago, I got a raise and immediately bought a new car. Binge. Two months later, I was laid off and had to cut everything possible to make ends meet. Purge. Tax refunds, inheritances, drawings. So many of these things give us an excuse to commit to long-term expenses without planning for long term sustainability. If I inherit $5000, is that a good time to add $500 to my monthly bills? No! That’s an unhealthy binge. In ten months, if the money lasts even that long, I will be forced to purge something to keep afloat.
The responsible, healthy way is the same as healthy, responsible eating. Diet and exercise. Spend less, save and earn more. That’s the strategy that will let you level out life’s valleys, instead of puking all over the floor. Don’t spend every cent you see, just because it is there. Set some aside for a rainy day.
Leave the binge-and-purge financing to the politicians.
Update: This post has been included in the Festival of Frugality.
How You’re Finding Me
Every once in a while, I like to dig through Google Analytics and see how people are finding this site. Some of the search terms are interesting.
“father of three” mid life crisis
Here’s a free piece of advice. As a father of three, you don’t get to have a mid-life crisis. It’s not allowed. Rather, it’s allowed, but you aren’t allowed to act on it. At a minimum, until your children are out of the house, you need to man up and provide all of the support you possibly can. No sports cars you can’t afford and no 22 year old hardbodies. Be there for your kids.
“payday loans” which accepts guest posts
Payday loan marketing. Just go away. You aren’t running a guest post here.
“slow carb” hungry all the time
You’re doing it wrong. If you are hungry, eat more bacon. Or beans. Beans fill you up longer.
$1000000 business idea
Ideas are the easy part. Execution makes you a millionaire.
articles on why appearance shouldn’t matter?
Appearances do matter, and always will. Your appearance is what makes the initial impression when you meet someone new. You don’t have to be a model, but basic grooming and fashion sense is necessary. Take this with a grain of salt. I’ve got a week’s growth of a beard and I wear a different plaid, button-down shirt every day.
are push ups supposed to be hard
Only the first 50. After that, I kind of go on blissed-out autopilot. If you can do 100 pushups, you can probably do 200.
acceptable place to put tattoo
If you wear clothes there, you can put a tattoo there. Visible tattoos are called “job stoppers” for a reason. If you put a tattoo on your face, the only job you qualify for is “drug dealer’s girlfriend”. Or possibly prison janitor.
burning bridges with toxic people
If you must burn bridges, filling them with toxic people first isn’t a bad idea.
candied pork butt
Rule 34: If it exists, there is porn of it. Interesting side story: while double-checking the rule number, I stumbled across My Little Ponies doing things they never advertise on the box.
cut my wife’s hair
I did this once. Pro tip: In the back, at the bottom, cut small chunks and leave them longer than you think they should be. You can always cut more, but uncutting hair is really hard.
f***** on the roadside by your mechanic
He probably deserves a tip for that.
girls fart for money and girls live farts
See the bit about the pork butt, remove the funny, and…ewww.
how to be a successful debtor
I recommend starting by paying your bills. When the debts are gone, you win. Success!
i ate bacon on slow carb diet
So did everyone else, sweetie. It’s the biggest draw to the slow carb diet.
in memory of pets tattoos
When I get a pet, I get it with the understanding that I’m going to outlive it. The day I bring it home, some small part of me is preparing for the day when I have to dig a hole in my backyard. Tattooing that day? Not gonna happen.
thickening felt behind testicle
Why are you on google? Go to the doctor. Please?
Interesting. Between girls farting and my post about being well-trained, there is a significant amount of fetish traffic coming through here. Maybe I need to explore a new advertising strategy.
