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5 Things Guaranteed To Annoy Your Wife

The grotesque nagging wife (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One from the vaults….

If you’re married, or anything close to being married, you’ve irritated your wife. Even if you think you are perfect and the epitome of unannoyingness, I promise, there has been a day when she strongly wished you traveled for a living.

It’s long been known that the two things most likely to break up a marriage are money and sex. The former because there is too much, too little, or just the right amount going to the wrong places, and the latter because there is too much, too little, it’s not with each other, or it is with each other, but you’d really prefer otherwise. If your problem is the latter, I can’t help you.

If your problem is the former, I can help you understand some things you may be doing that are driving her batty. Kill-you-in-your-sleep-and-pretend-it-was-the-dog type of batty.

1. Nagging her about her shopping, but buying whatever you want. Gentlemen, this is known as a double standard. Don’t do it. In my house, my wife’s on an allowance. It was her idea. A few months later, I realized that I needed to be on one, too. Naturally, her allowance is bigger than mine. I don’t mind the disparity, because she still smokes. If her allowance didn’t give her room to smoke and shop, her allowance would be nothing more than a polite fiction. Whatever you do, find something that works for both of you and meets both of your needs, fairly. Anything else will only build a resentment that will burn for a long time.

2. Nagging her about her shopping, yet demanding she do all of the shopping. My wife has a weakness: clearance tags. If something is on sale, there’s a good chance it’s going to come to our house. I have an aversion to shopping. I hate it. Our budget dies a little bit each time my wife shops alone. We’ve come to an agreement. Now, I do most of the shopping, so she doesn’t feel tempted. I’m learning to embrace my inner material girl so we don’t have to have “discussions” every time she steps out for milk and comes home with $100 worth of clothes for the younger brats.

3. Nagging her about her shopping. Nobody likes being nagged. If you’re having a problem that keeps repeating itself, talking about it more won’t help. Neither will talking about it louder. You need to find a way to communicate that she will hear and understand. Different people communicate in different ways. Find the way that works for both of you.

4. Nagging her. A wise man once said, if everyone around you is a jerkface, maybe the problem isn’t everyone around you. Have you ever considered the idea that the problem might be you? If nagging is the only way you have to deal with people, you need to work on that. Don’t blame her. Maybe you’re ticked off about something that isn’t irritating. If that’s the case, she certainly has the right to be annoyed that you are nagging her.

5. Going on and on about how much you’d like to be me. Yes, I live the rockstar life, driving the station wagon with 6 disc changer and all. Yes, I am the neatest thing since sliced bread, and even that was a close contest, but really, confidence is important. You don’t have to be me to be cool. You’re swell, too. You’re right, this one isn’t about money, but it’s probably still irritating.

There you have it, my perfect solution to a happy marriage: don’t nag and quit trying to be me. There are other important bits, like love, respect, and communication, but this is a good start.

What do you do that annoys your spouse?

Winning the Mortgage Game

Finance

There’s a game that’s often mistakenly called “The American Dream”. This game is expensive to play and fraught with risk. It single-handedly ties up more resources for most people than anything else they ever do.

Conway's Game of Life — Image via Wikipedia

The game is called Home Ownership.

At some point, most people consider buying a house. On the traditional, idealized life-path, this step comes somewhere between marriage and kids. That’s usually the easiest way to organize it. If you have kids first, you’re much less likely to buy a home. This is a game with handicaps.

Once you get to the point where you are emotionally ready to invest in the 30-year commitment that is a house, your first impulse tends to be to rush to the bank to find out how much money you can borrow.

That’s a mistake. If you take as much as the bank will qualify you for, you’re most likely to overextend yourself and end up losing your house. That’s the quick way to lose the home ownership game.

The best thing you could do is figure out how much you can afford before you visit a bank. Conventional wisdom says that your mortgage payment should be no more than 28% of your gross income, but that’s absurd. Who builds their budget on their gross income? I like 28%, but only of your net income. To make the numbers easier to remember, I’d round it to 30%. If you take home $3000 per month, your mortgage payment should be no more than $900 per month.

From there, it pretty easy to figure out how much house you can afford. Using this e mortgage calculator, you’d be able to afford a mortgage of $175,000 if we assume an interest rate of 4.5%. Throughout most of the United States, that will buy you a reasonably sized home, though certainly nothing ostentatious. Clydesdale Bank also has an excellent loan calculator.

Some people like to start out with an interest-only loan. That same emortgage calculator shows that an income of $3000 per month would be able to afford a $240,000 with almost the same payment. That seems like a good plan, but eventually, you’ll have to pay more than just the interest. Taking out a loan that will one day be more than you can afford on the assumption that you’ll be making more money by then is not sound financial planning. That’s the same logic that helped me bury myself in debt.

When you buy a house, make sure to base your payments and your mortgage on what you can realistically afford. Anything else, and you’ll only end up poorer and less happy than when you started.

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-12-19

Misc

RT @ScottATaylor: Get a Daily Summary of Your Friends’ Twitter Activity [FREE INVITES] http://bit.ly/4v9o7b #
Woo! Class is over and the girls are making me cookies. Life is good. #
RT @susantiner: RT @LenPenzo Tip of the Day: Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. #
RT @ScottATaylor: Some of the United States’ most surprising statistics http://ff.im/-cPzMD #
RT @glassyeyes: 39DollarGlasses extends/EXPANDS disc. to $20/pair for the REST OF THE YEAR! http://is.gd/5lvmLThis is big news! Please RT! #
@LenPenzo @SusanTiner I couldn’t help it. That kicked over the giggle box. in reply to LenPenzo #
RT @copyblogger: You’ll never get there, because “there” keeps moving. Appreciate where you’re at, right now. #
Why am I expected to answer the phone, strictly because it’s ringing? #
RT: @WellHeeledBlog: Carnival of Personal Finance #235: Cinderella Edition http://bit.ly/7p4GNe #
10 Things to do on a Cheap Vacation. https://liverealnow.net/aOEW #
RT this for chance to win $250 @WiseBread http://bit.ly/4t0sDu #
[Read more…] about Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-12-19

3 Things You Need to Know About Homeowner’s Insurance

Finance

: Image by ecstaticist via Flickr

If you are a homeowner, you need homeowner’s insurance. Period. Protecting what is mostly likely the biggest investment of your life with a relatively small monthly payment is so important, that, if you disagree, I’m afraid we are so fundamentally opposed on the most basic elements of personal finance that nothing I say will register with you.

If, however, you have homeowner’s insurance, or–through some innocent lapse–need homeowner’s insurance and you just want some more information, welcome!

The basic principle of insurance is simple. You bet against the insurance company that you or your property are going to get hurt. If you’re right, you win whatever your policy limit is. If you’re wrong, the insurance company cleans up with your monthly premium. Insurance is gambling that something bad will happen to you. If you lose, you win!

Now, there are some things about homeowner’s insurance that you may not realize.

1. Homeowner’s insurance will not protect you against a flood. For that you need flood insurance. The easiest way to tell which policy covers water damage is to see if the water touched the ground before your house. An overflowing river, or heavy rain that seeps through the ground and your foundation are both considered flooding. On the other hand, hail breaking your windows and allowing the rain in or a broken pipe are both generally covered by your homeowner’s policy.

Do you need flood insurance? I would say that, if you live on the coast below sea level, you should have flood insurance. If you’re on a flood plain, you need flood insurance. If you’re not sure, use the handy tool at http://www.floodsmart.gov to rate your risk and get an estimate on premium costs. My home is in moderate-to-low risk of flooding, so full coverage starts at $120.

2. You can negotiate an insurance claim. When you have an insurance adjuster inspecting your home after you file a claim, most of the time they will lowball you. Generous adjusters don’t get brought in for the next round of claims. If you know the replacement costs are higher than they are offering, or even if you aren’t sure, don’t sign! Once you sign, you are locked into a contract with the insurance company. Take your time and do your research. Get a contractor out to give you a damage estimate, if you can.

3. Your deductible is too low. If you’ve built up an emergency fund, you can safely boost your deductible to a sizable percentage of that fund and save yourself a bunch of money. When we got our emergency fund up to about $2000, we raised our deductible from $500 to $1000 and saved a couple of hundred dollars per year. That change pays for itself every 2 years we don’t have a claim. I absolutely wouldn’t recommend this if you don’t have the money to cover your deductible, but, if you do, it can be a great money-saver.

Bonus tip: If you get angry that your homeowner’s insurance doesn’t cover flooding, even if you haven’t had to deal with a flood, and you cancel your insurance out of spite, and you subsequently have a ton of hail damage, your insurance company won’t cover the crap that happened during the window where you weren’t their customer.

Are you one of the misguided masses who prefer to trust their home to fate?

Do you have an insurance horror story?

Medical Costs and Choices

Finance, Parenting

: Image via Wikipedia

I’m not a bad father.

Last spring, we noticed my son had a wandering eye. One of his eyes would just drift when he was looking at something. It was happening consistently, so we brought him to the eye doctor. After an exam, we found out that his eyes were 20/100. The doctor said that getting him classes may be enough to fix the wandering eye problem. The theory was that his eye was drifting because his eyes weren’t able to focus. Bringing the world into focus could have let his eyes train themselves to work right.

Nine months with glasses later, the problem hasn’t gone away, so we went back to the eye doctor.

He’s got alternating exotropia. His eyes aren’t working well together. One eye will focus, and the other will drift. So now we’re looking into vision therapists.

A friend went through something similar with his kid, so I asked him for the name of the doctor he used. He gave it to me and told me the clinic was the best in the business, and I would be paying for that. I asked about the cost and was handed the doctor’s spiel about how sad it is that parents focus more on the cost of care than getting the best possible care.

What a load of crap.

First of all, that’s a sales pitch. Of course the doctor is going to defend his prices. If his prices are exorbitant(I don’t have a basis for comparison) and he can’t defend them, people will go elsewhere. $3000 isn’t pocket change. That’s a significant chunk of change. Refusing to look at your options is irresponsible.

Second, price does not equal quality. There are a ton of things that are overpriced garbage. Not only do scam artists abound, but some legitimate things are are horribly overpriced at one location and reasonably priced at others. To stay on the vision theme, my $10 glasses are every bit as high quality as any $400 pair I’ve ever owned. The difference between generic and brand-name drugs? The label and the price. The FDA requires they be chemically identical to be sold. If you insist on the brand name because it’s “better”, you are flushing your money down the toilet. If you live by “you get what you pay for” you are guaranteed to get ripped off.

Third, balancing cost and treatment doesn’t mean I care less. Yes, I am killing my debt as fast as I can right now. Even when I was willing to use a credit card, I wouldn’t drop $3000 without considering my options. I have an entire family to consider, not one problem that my kid doesn’t even notice. Grr. I hate getting told–implicitly or otherwise–that I am a bad parent because I don’t choose to waste my money the way other people do. I’ll check out my options first, thank you.

Now, I will pay for the best when it is warranted. My wife wants Lasik and mentioned some sale some company was having. No. The guy sticking a laser and a scalpel in my eye will not be the lowest bidder. When I left the gene pool, I went to one of the top guys in the state for the procedure. When those things screw up, it’s permanent.

Vision therapy? Not so much. If it comes to surgery, we’ll go with the best. But it’s not there, yet. My kid is going to get a series of eye exercises, no matter where we go. Even if I go to some back alley vision therapist with a degree from a Nigeria U, what’s the worst case scenario? We may have to try someone else. Since I will be doing a bit more research than that, odds are better that my kid will get exactly the same therapy regimen for 1/4 of the cost. That’s the difference between a perfectly competent doctor and a perfectly competent doctor who convinced some trade magazine to write him up as the best in the business.

What do you think? Am I neglecting my kid by wanting to save some money for his braces, too?

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