- RT @ScottATaylor: The Guys on "Pickers" should just follow the "Hoarders" teams around- perfect mashup #
- PI/PNK test: http://su.pr/2umNRQ #
- RT @punchdebt: When I get married this will be my marital slogan "Unity through Nudity" #
- http://su.pr/79idLn #
- RT @jeffrosecfp: Wow! RT @DanielLiterary:Stats show 80% of Americns want to write a book yet only 57% have read at least 1 bk in the last yr #
- @jeffrosecfp That's because everyone thinks their lives are unique and interesting. in reply to jeffrosecfp #
- @CarrieCheap Congrats! #CPA in reply to CarrieCheap #
- @prosperousfool I subscribe to my own feed in google reader. Auto backup for in between routine backups. Saved me when I got hacked. in reply to prosperousfool #
- @SuzeOrmanShow No more benefits? I bet the real unemployment rate goes down shortly thereafter. in reply to SuzeOrmanShow #
- Losing power really make me appreciate living in the future. #
Debt Scams
When you are up to your eyeballs in debt, praying for a step-stool, sometimes life–more accurately, con-artists–try to trip you when you are vulnerable and look for a solution. They aren’t muggers on the street. They come at you wearing ties, invite you to a real office, with real furniture and a real nameplate on a real desk. They are a real company, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t trying to scam you out of the little money you have left to put towards your debt.
Yes, I am talking about debt management scams. These scams come in 4 main varieties.
Debt Settlement companies instruct you to stop paying your bills completely and send them the money instead to be placed in a settlement fund. When your creditors get desperate enough, they will be willing to settle for pennies on the dollar.
In theory, this can be a good strategy for some debtors. Unfortunately, it has some drawbacks, even if the company is legitimate. They tend to charge high fees as a percentage of your deposits. Some take another fee when a settlement is accepted. The entire time you are building your settlement fund, your credit rating is sinking, leaving you open to being sued or garnished. The bad companies take the fund and run, while even the good companies can’t guarantee your creditors will play ball.
Ultimately, they aren’t doing anything you can’t easily do yourself. If you want to go the settlement route, stop making your payments and funnel the money into a savings account that you will use to offer settlements from. It takes discipline, but there is no upside to paying someone else for the same function.
Debt Management plans are used when you owe more than you can afford to pay. These companies work with your creditors to adjust interest rates and minimum payments and they try to get some fees waived for you.
A good company will work with you and your creditors to make sure everyone is working together towards the goal of eliminating the debt. A bad company will tell you they are working with your creditors while ignoring any contact from the creditor. They’ll tell you the creditor isn’t willing to negotiate while never stepping up to the negotiation table. Another trick is to offer the creditor a set payment, with a “take it or leave it” clause. Any input from the creditor is interpreted as a refusal to participate. This, coupled with high fees paid by the debtor, make debt management firms a risky proposition. Most states require the firms to be licensed. Check to make sure they are before giving them any information.
Debt/Credit Counseling companies work with you to establish a budget and eliminate expenses; in effect, they are training you to be in control of your finances. They are often organized as a nonprofit, but not always.
Some–the sleazy ones–lie about what they are doing, or attempt to misconstrue what you are agreeing too. Be careful not to use your home as collateral to consolidate unsecured debt and don’t walk into a Chapter 13 bankruptcy without that being your intention. Both of those are common debt counseling scams. If the company isn’t able to provide all of the details of a transaction–company name, address, licensing information–or they aren’t willing to spend as much time as necessary explaining the details of the transaction, walk away. This is your life, you are in charge of it. Don’t let anyone bully or prod you into signing something you aren’t comfortable with.
Credit Repair is almost always a scam. There are ways to get correct bad information removed from your credit report. If the information is correct, those methods are illegal. There are two legal methods to repair your credit. First, stop generating bad credit. Make your payments on time and eventually, the bad items will fall off. Second, write letters disputing the actual incorrect items on your credit report. There are no quick fixes, and anybody telling you different is flirting with a jail sentence, possibly yours.
How do you avoid the scammers?
- Be skeptical. If it looks to good to be true, it probably is. There is no such thing as a magic wand to fix your credit and make your debt disappear. Bankruptcy + 10 years of your life is the closest thing to magic credit repair in this world.
- Only use a legitimate credit counselor. Verify them through the Better Business Bureau and the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (1-800-388-2227 or www.nfcc.org)
- Check the license. Most states require credit and debt counselors to be licensed. If they’re not, run away and report them.
- Read the find print. Don’t sign anything you don’t understand. Like every other piece of your financial life, own the transaction. Know what your are doing, or don’t do it.
- Are they willing to work with you? If they’ve got a generic plan that doesn’t account for your specific situation, they are probably a con. At the very least, they are a worthless company and a waste of both time and money.
- Are they willing to work with your creditors? If not, they won’t be accomplishing anything for you.
- How much do they cost? Higher fees may not be an indicator of a scam, but call around and find out if they are in the right ballpark. Triple or quadruple the going rate is a sign of someone who will disappear late one night, with your hopes, dreams and savings in tow.
- Above all else, trust your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. There is nothing a counselor can do that can’t wait a few days while you check them out.
There is no magic bullet to kill debt. You’re not fighting a werewolf, you’re fighting a lifetime of bad or unfortunate choices and circumstances. It’s important to keep a realistic outcome in mind.
Update: This post has been included in the Carnival of Debt Reduction.
Thug-cenomics
Recently, a friend of mine told me about a friend of his who was attacked by a flash mob. This was a negative flash mob, not the fun kind.
She was walking down the street with her phone in her hand when around a dozen thugs surrounded her, knocked her down, and stole her phone before running off.
With me being the person I am with the hobbies and side-hustles I have, certain things came to mind.
- This is why standard capacity magazines should never be outlawed. Sometimes, a six-shot revolver just isn’t enough.
- Before anyone complains about #1, when you are beaten to the ground by a pack of violent thugs, the length of your life is up to them, not you. They are the problem.
- Walking down the street while talking on your cell phone is not the best way to stay aware of your surroundings. Would she have been able to get away if she had been paying more attention to the thugs on the corner than her conversation? I have no idea, but it’s certain that talking on a cell phone is a distraction.
- Walking down the street with an expensive gadget in your hand is asking for trouble.
- What were these thugs thinking? Even a $500 cell phone turns into a $50 mp3 player the moment the victim gets to a real phone to call the cell phone company. That’s a generous $50 payout. With 12 people, that’s means everyone gets $4.10 as their share. The federal poverty level is just under $12,000 per year, which means they would have to do this 8 times a day, just to get to barely enough money to survive.
In Minnesota, this is, at a minimum, 3rd degree assault, which carries a possible 5 year sentence and $10,000 fine. That’s 8 public attempts to throw away 5 years of their lives, every day. How can they consider this a good risk.
It was pointed out to me that this thuggery is probably made possible by direct government sponsorship, in the form of welfare checks, so this is probably just a way to pass the time. Somebody should tell those brutes that welfare checks stop when you’re in prison.
So I’m considering launching a basic economics class for thugs and street rats. I want to teach them how to do a risk assessment by comparing the level of loot to the possible outcomes of getting caught.
Possible test questions include:
- I could stab that guy for the $10 in his wallet, but if I get caught, I’m facing 40 years in prison. Should I do it?
- My flash mob makes $50 per phone we steal from defenseless women. Would my buddies rat me out to avoid 5 years of hard time, and do I consider that worth $4?
- Meth makes the faces of my customers dissolve from the inside before killing them. Is it possible to build a sustainable business based on slowly killing my customers? What marketing skills do I need to develop to replace the natural attrition of poisoning my customers?
- Meth labs explode. Is it better to hire my own junkies, or should I outsource that risk and take a smaller profit margin?
- This is a shall issue carry permit state. There are nearly 100,000 carry permit holders here. That’s 1.87% of the total population and 2.6% of the adult population. Statistically, how many people can my friends and I jump before getting justifiably shot? Is that number times the $4 profit considered a good return on investment? What would the ROI have to be to make this a worthwhile career choice?
Anybody know any violent thugs willing to beta test my new class offering?
What D&D Taught Me About Finance
I admit it: I’m a geek. I’m not a hobby geek who only geeks on the weekends. I’m a full-fledged, licensed and certified geek. I am a geek about so many wondrous things that it’s hard to list them all. My wife knows, my kids know. It’s not much of a secret. One of my many geek qualifications is my sordid history of gaming. Role-playing, tabletop only. If that’s gibberish, it’s okay. Nobody needs to understand my geekitude but me.
I started playing Dungeons and Dragons more than 15 years ago. There were no live chickens or human sacrifice. Just a small group of geeks, proto-geeks, pseudo-geeks, and the occasional nerd playing DnD in a poorly lit room for several hours. We laughed, we cried, we fought evil, saved the world, and raised the stock price of an assortment of caffeinated beverage companies.
As the man said, I told you that, so I could tell you this:
DnD taught me many things. It taught me THAC0 calculation, dice-identification, and the fact that no woman, anywhere, considers tabletop roleplaying to be an alpha-male trait. “I’m a level 73 kinder warrior-mage-thief” is not a pickup line anywhere in the world, even Gen-Con. Remember that. Also remember, the singular of dice is die. If your are talking about one, it’s a die. Get it wrong and I will throw a bag full of dice at you and make you dig out the purple, sparkles-like-a-vampire, 27-sided die from among the hundreds of other dice.
DnD also taught me some surprising things about the world of personal finance, which is not a part of a planar campaign.
All the best toys cost too much. At the current exchange rate of 10 silver pieces(sp) to 1 gold piece(gp), potions of extra healing will drive you into debtor’s prison. Just as a sword of extra-slaying +10 will cost you everything you earned raiding that castle for the last 6 Wednesday evenings, so will a big screen TV set you back a full month’s salary. Don’t risk your life or sell your life’s energy for something fleeting, just because it’s “the best” or the newest gadget, geegaw, or artifact.
Never sell your soul for a castle or a horse. When the Baatezu come to offer you a “no money down, 0% for a year, all-expenses-paid, surrender-your-first-born” deal for a castle or the prettiest horse in the park, take a cue from the former First Lady. Just say no. Spending money today that you have to pay for tomorrow is almost always a bad idea. Don’t spend your soul, spend your savings. Don’t buy something until you can afford it. A Lexus or an Arabian, a mansion or a rambler. Are any of them worth auctioning your future?
Your armor isn’t stronger just because it’s shiny. A suit of Full-Plate of Protection-From-the-Charms-of-Bar-Wenches +5 may look pretty, but it’s not going to help against the orcs, kobolds, or trolls unless, of course, they are wearing skirts and sitting on a bar-stool above a sawdust-covered floor. Does the shiny new iPod really provide a benefit, or is it just a shiny gadget to woo the ladies?
A good sword is necessary to keep your stuff. This is a not a call to self-defense, or mugger, err, orc-slaying–though why that’s ever viewed as a negative is beyond me. You need to be aggressive in defending your loot. Call your credit card companies and demand they turn over the booty, err, lower your rates. Tell your friends to step away from the Diamond Ray of Disappearance, err, expensive outings or you will chop off their heads, err…no wait, that one can stay. I think my friends may be scared of me.
[ad name=”inlineleft”]The promised reward for completing an adventure isn’t the only way to make money. Sure, the local duke(your boss), may be willing to pay you a chest of gems(your salary) for defending the town from the ravages of the Tarrasque(your job), but that isn’t the only way to make money. You could do your job, collect your pay, and go home at night, but why? Don’t forget to pick up the loot along the way. If you spot the shiny penny, grab it, whether it’s abandoned gold, a new idea for a niche-blog, or a chance to turn your leisure hobbies into money. There are thousands of ways to make money outside of your day job. Every one will help your bottom line.
It takes cunning to slay the dragon. When tackling your debt(dragon), wading in swinging your sword may be emotionally satisfying, in the short term, but long term, it’s just a painful method of reminding yourself that you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Make plans. Have a strategy. Come out a winner. Then, sit down for beer and dragon steak. Goal-less, plan-less attacks fail in the long-term.
Update: This post has been included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.
The End of Litter
In honor of Earth Day (a day late), I’m going to talk about ending litter.
Not the stuff you find on the street or throw from your car window. I don’t mind that because, on a long enough timeline, everything is biodegradable. Mother Nature is tougher than I am. She can handle my McDonald’s wrappers.
No, I’m talking about the real scourge: cat litter.
We’ve got four of the things, and let me tell you, they make poop. Everyday. I keep telling my wife that they are going to continue making poop as long as we keep feeding them, but she continues to give them food.
For those of you who don’t know, most cats use a litter box, which is a fun pan full of a sand-like mixture of diatomaceous earth and bentonite clay, which trains your cat to use the neighbor kid’s sandbox if you let the little potsticker go outside.
Thanks for that.
So, everyday, our four cats crap in a couple of pans full of sand. Until the sand pans get too full of cat crap. Then, they use the couch.
Who decided this was a good system? Is it a conspiracy of Big Couch to force people to buy new furniture on a regular basis, the way Big Oil suppressed the 1000 mile-per-gallon carburetor, Big Pharma suppressed the cure-all hemlock pill, and Big Sword suppressed world peace during the Dark Ages?
There’s got to be a better way.
Right?
Enter the CitiKitty. It’s the miracle cat potty trainer featured on The Shark Tank.
Here’s how it works:
- Move the litter box to the bathroom and start using flushable cat litter.
- Once the cats are comfortable with that change, put the CitiKitty on the toilet, under the ring and add litter.
- In a week or two, when all of the cats are comfortable with the setup, pop out the center ring of the CitiKitty. This gets the cats used to doing their business over water.
- Every couple of weeks, pop out another ring until the cats are used to standing on the slippery ring and crapping directly into the water. Praise the cat when it happens, because cats give a crap about your opinion.
- Throw the litter box away and brag to your friends.
Because I love testing things to make my life easier, and I hate cat crap, I gave the thing a try.
It worked great until step 3. Apparently, pooping directly into water is similar to trapping a vampire with running water and causes the cats to panic and find somewhere else to poop, never to return to the bathroom.
There’s really nothing better than stumbling into the living room half asleep, turning on the news and flopping onto the couch, only to find a little lump, still warm, under your butt.
Don’t get me wrong, step 2 was a pain in the neck, too. In order to use the toilet, you have to take the stinking sandbox off of the toilet without spilling litter all over the bathroom, find a place to set it that isn’t disgusting, do your business, put the litter pan back on the toilet, and wash your hands really hard. If you’re a friend of my son’s sleeping over, it’s easier just to not notice the litter box sitting there and top it off in the middle of the night.
It’s a heck of an idea. The best execution I’ve seen for getting a cat to crap in the toilet.
But it doesn’t frickin’ work. If you’ve got a cat using the toilet, I’m guessing you had to sacrifice the neighbor kid to some kind of evil Lovecraftian entity to make it happen, because the CitiKitty didn’t do it.
2010 Budget Changes
We’re making some changes to how we manage our finances this year. Our destination isn’t changing, but the trip is.
- All of the cards are going away. Not necessarily destroyed, but certainly inconvenient. There’s a $7000 overdraft protection account attached to our debit cards. There’s no need for an “emergency” card. If it’s truly an emergency, we are covered. We are going to destroy some and ice the rest.
- We’re going to go “cash only”. We’ve going to the envelope system. There will be an envelope for grocery money, gas money, discretionary money, and baby crap. If there isn’t enough money in an envelope, it will have to come out of another envelope. If we don’t have enough money, we’ll have to do without, instead of spending imaginary money at 10% interest. Gas will be the exception, so we don’t have to bundle the kids up to pay for gas. No money, no spendy. We tried a “virtual envelope”, with every purchase tracked by category in a spreadsheet, but it didn’t work. Real cash, real empty envelopes. Discretionary money covers school activities, miscellaneous household item, and anything else that pops up.
- We’re going to start the “30 day list”. If we want something, we’ll put it on a list. If we still want it 30 days later, it will be okay, provided there’s money for it. This is part of what the discretionary budget is for.
- My wife is getting $50/month “blow money”. Absolutely unaccountable. If she doesn’t have this vent, the whole system will fall apart.
This is all stuff my wife and I have talked about and agreed to, but now, it’s organized and laid out. We HAVE to do it or something similar. We are both on board with this plan. We should see our debt management plan skyrocket, without feeling like we are missing out on life.
