Search Results for “how-to-complain-the-squeaky-wheel-gets-the-grease/INGDirect/subscribe-by-email/budget-lesson-part-5/money-problems-day-1-setting-goals/budget-lesson-part-1/questions-from-a-reader/consumer-action-handbook/budget-lesson-part-2/future-dreams/aaa-save-some-cash” — Page 83

Experiences v. Stuff

: Image by hunterseakerhk via Flickr

On Friday, I went to see Evil Dead: The Musical with some friends. The play obviously isn’t a good match for everyone, but we are all horror movie fans, I’m a Bruce Campbell fan, and all of us had seen and enjoyed at least Army of Darkness. It was a good fit for us.

The play, followed by a late dinner and drinks with people I care about, was easily the most money my wife and I have spent on a night out in years. That’s including an overnight trip for my cousin’s wedding.

Now, several days later, I keep thinking about that night, but not with regret about the price. I keep thinking about the fun I had with my wife and some of our closest friends. We saw a great play that had us in stitches. We had a few hours of good conversation. We had a good time. I would happily do it all over again. In fact, I would happily reorganize our budget to make something similar happen every month.

I don’t remember the last time I spent 3 or 4 days happily thinking about something I bought.

I look around my house at the years of accumulated crap we own and I see a big rock tied around my neck. Even after a major purge this spring, we’ve got more stuff than we can effectively store, let alone use. When something new comes in the house, we spend days discussing whether we really need it or if it should get returned. When we plan a big purchase, we debate it, sometimes for weeks.

Getting stuff is all about stress.

My wife and I are both familiar with the addictive endorphin rush that comes with some forms of shopping. I wish the rational recognition of a shopping addiction was enough to make it go away. Buying stuff makes us feel good for a few minutes, while high-quality experiences make us feel good for days or weeks, and gives us things to talk about for years to come.

It’s really not a fair competition between experiences and stuff. Experiences are the hands-down winner for where we should be spending our money.

Why then, does stuff always seem to come out ahead when it comes to where our money actually goes?

5 Things Guaranteed To Annoy Your Wife

Finance, Relationships

The grotesque nagging wife (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One from the vaults….

If you’re married, or anything close to being married, you’ve irritated your wife. Even if you think you are perfect and the epitome of unannoyingness, I promise, there has been a day when she strongly wished you traveled for a living.

It’s long been known that the two things most likely to break up a marriage are money and sex. The former because there is too much, too little, or just the right amount going to the wrong places, and the latter because there is too much, too little, it’s not with each other, or it is with each other, but you’d really prefer otherwise. If your problem is the latter, I can’t help you.

If your problem is the former, I can help you understand some things you may be doing that are driving her batty. Kill-you-in-your-sleep-and-pretend-it-was-the-dog type of batty.

1. Nagging her about her shopping, but buying whatever you want. Gentlemen, this is known as a double standard. Don’t do it. In my house, my wife’s on an allowance. It was her idea. A few months later, I realized that I needed to be on one, too. Naturally, her allowance is bigger than mine. I don’t mind the disparity, because she still smokes. If her allowance didn’t give her room to smoke and shop, her allowance would be nothing more than a polite fiction. Whatever you do, find something that works for both of you and meets both of your needs, fairly. Anything else will only build a resentment that will burn for a long time.

2. Nagging her about her shopping, yet demanding she do all of the shopping. My wife has a weakness: clearance tags. If something is on sale, there’s a good chance it’s going to come to our house. I have an aversion to shopping. I hate it. Our budget dies a little bit each time my wife shops alone. We’ve come to an agreement. Now, I do most of the shopping, so she doesn’t feel tempted. I’m learning to embrace my inner material girl so we don’t have to have “discussions” every time she steps out for milk and comes home with $100 worth of clothes for the younger brats.

3. Nagging her about her shopping. Nobody likes being nagged. If you’re having a problem that keeps repeating itself, talking about it more won’t help. Neither will talking about it louder. You need to find a way to communicate that she will hear and understand. Different people communicate in different ways. Find the way that works for both of you.

4. Nagging her. A wise man once said, if everyone around you is a jerkface, maybe the problem isn’t everyone around you. Have you ever considered the idea that the problem might be you? If nagging is the only way you have to deal with people, you need to work on that. Don’t blame her. Maybe you’re ticked off about something that isn’t irritating. If that’s the case, she certainly has the right to be annoyed that you are nagging her.

5. Going on and on about how much you’d like to be me. Yes, I live the rockstar life, driving the station wagon with 6 disc changer and all. Yes, I am the neatest thing since sliced bread, and even that was a close contest, but really, confidence is important. You don’t have to be me to be cool. You’re swell, too. You’re right, this one isn’t about money, but it’s probably still irritating.

There you have it, my perfect solution to a happy marriage: don’t nag and quit trying to be me. There are other important bits, like love, respect, and communication, but this is a good start.

What do you do that annoys your spouse?

Winning the Mortgage Game

Finance

There’s a game that’s often mistakenly called “The American Dream”. This game is expensive to play and fraught with risk. It single-handedly ties up more resources for most people than anything else they ever do.

Conway's Game of Life — Image via Wikipedia

The game is called Home Ownership.

At some point, most people consider buying a house. On the traditional, idealized life-path, this step comes somewhere between marriage and kids. That’s usually the easiest way to organize it. If you have kids first, you’re much less likely to buy a home. This is a game with handicaps.

Once you get to the point where you are emotionally ready to invest in the 30-year commitment that is a house, your first impulse tends to be to rush to the bank to find out how much money you can borrow.

That’s a mistake. If you take as much as the bank will qualify you for, you’re most likely to overextend yourself and end up losing your house. That’s the quick way to lose the home ownership game.

The best thing you could do is figure out how much you can afford before you visit a bank. Conventional wisdom says that your mortgage payment should be no more than 28% of your gross income, but that’s absurd. Who builds their budget on their gross income? I like 28%, but only of your net income. To make the numbers easier to remember, I’d round it to 30%. If you take home $3000 per month, your mortgage payment should be no more than $900 per month.

From there, it pretty easy to figure out how much house you can afford. Using this e mortgage calculator, you’d be able to afford a mortgage of $175,000 if we assume an interest rate of 4.5%. Throughout most of the United States, that will buy you a reasonably sized home, though certainly nothing ostentatious. Clydesdale Bank also has an excellent loan calculator.

Some people like to start out with an interest-only loan. That same emortgage calculator shows that an income of $3000 per month would be able to afford a $240,000 with almost the same payment. That seems like a good plan, but eventually, you’ll have to pay more than just the interest. Taking out a loan that will one day be more than you can afford on the assumption that you’ll be making more money by then is not sound financial planning. That’s the same logic that helped me bury myself in debt.

When you buy a house, make sure to base your payments and your mortgage on what you can realistically afford. Anything else, and you’ll only end up poorer and less happy than when you started.

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-27

Misc

I tried to avoid it. I really did, but I’m still getting a much bigger refund than anticipated. #
Did 100 pushups this morning–in 1 set. New goal: Perfect form by the end of the month. #
RT @BudgetsAreSexy: Carnival of Personal Finance is live 🙂 DOLLAR DOODLE theme: http://tinyurl.com/ykldt7q (haha…) #
Hosting my first carnival tomorrow. Up too late tonight. #
Woot! My boy won his wreslting match! Proud daddy. #
The Get Home Card is a prepaid emergency transportation card. http://su.pr/329U6L #
Real hourly wage calculator. http://su.pr/1jV4W6 #
Took my envelope budget out in cash, including a stack of $2s. That shouldn’t fluster the bank teller. #

Five Signs You Don’t Need That

Finance

Everybody occasionally buys things they don’t need, from DVDs to luxury cars. There are signs that what you’re buy may not be an actual necessity.

Here are five signs you should put that back:

You’re buying that sweater or video game for the endorphin hit, you’re shopping for the addictive high not to fill an actual need. It’s a habit that’s as hard to break as smoking, if not harder. You can’t, after all, stop shopping altogether.
You already have one. Or 10. A relative can’t turn down a sale and she buys for life. She regularly buys 3 of whatever useful gadget is available on the shopping channel. Her house has turned into a sad story of compulsive hoarding.
The rationalizations for your purchase include “It’s cool” or “My friends all have one.” If you are buying something just for the bragging rights, it has become an ego purchase, which is something to avoid. The insidious part of an ego purchase is that you have to keep topping your last purchase and the last purchase of your social circle, or the purchases lose value. It’s a vicious circle.
It doesn’t have a “place”. Where are you going to put it? Is it going to go in the corner, or is there a drawer or shelf it can live on. If there’s no play to consider “away”, you’re just buying clutter. If you must have it, go home and toss, sell, or donate 2 things to make room. If possible, do that before you actually by the new toy. If it’s important, you’ll come back for it.
You didn’t know you needed it 10 minutes ago. If you actually need it, it’s on your list, right? Impulse purchases have been the biggest budget-killer in my house. That’s why we use Alice for the household goods. If we don’t see the it, we can’t throw it in the cart at the last minute. We no longer shop with the debit card, so we have to watch what we buy. It’s embarrassing to have to undo a purchase at the checkout because I didn’t bring enough cash.

What did I miss?

Search Results for: how-to-complain-the-squeaky-wheel-gets-the-grease/INGDirect/subscribe-by-email/budget-lesson-part-5/money-problems-day-1-setting-goals/budget-lesson-part-1/questions-from-a-reader/consumer-action-handbook/budget-lesson-part-2/future-dreams/aaa-save-some-cash