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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.

Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?

Me: Yes?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: May I ask what that was for?

FMe: Of course.

Me: What was that for, jerk?

FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.

Me: What?!? I’ve never even met you, before.

FMe: Of course you have. I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.

Me: Huh?

FMe: Listen close. You’re not the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.

Me: ???

FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.

Me: I don’t appreciate….

FMe: Shut up. I was dumb then, too. Remember? You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year. On top of many other expensive decisions. Do your recall?

Me: Yes, I do. So what?

FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car. Your kids wear new clothes. You’ve got a house full of new furniture. How did you pay for all of that?

Me: Naturally, I charged it. Zero payments, zero interest for a year! Pretty smart, huh?

FMe: What happens in a year?

Me: I don’t know. I’ve got a full year to figure that out.

FMe: <Slap!> I’ll tell you what happens! Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed! Your raise didn’t come through. You had a baby. The truck broke down. Your wife took maternity leave. A roommate moved out. You took a loss in the stock market. You didn’t plan! You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.

Me: How was I to know?

FMe: <Slap!> Life happens! You never know what is coming next. You need to plan and save for what might happen. Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly. That is not acceptable.

Me: So? What are you going to do about it?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: Really? Again?

FMe: <Slap!> I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help. Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux. My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford. You’ve screwed me, dude.

Me: I’m sorry. What can I do to fix it?

FMe: Buy me dinner, first.

Me: Huh?!?!?

FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change. No credit.

Me: None?

FMe: None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Only spend what you can afford. Budget. Pay off those nasty bills. Don’t leave me hanging.

Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?

FMe: Exactly. That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence. Live in the real world.

Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me! Now I know.

FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

Christmas for the Destitute

Finance, Parenting

First, my disclaimer: I’m not destitute.

However, I’m trying to spend Christmas acting like I am a pauper.

Why, with small children and beautiful-and-more-than-deserving wife, would I want to deprive my family of a bountiful holiday?

Before we get into the reasons for being a horrible grinch bent on depriving my children of their god-given right to rampant consumerism, let’s look at the Philosophy of Destitution.

The primary reason to pull back and tone it down is basic frugality. Excessive anything is not frugal. I am training my children–and for that matter, my wife and my self–in the finer arts of personal responsibility and frugality. Accumulating debt for a fleeting holiday is insane. If we can’t afford to buy it, we certainly can’t afford to give it. Anything else would be setting a bad example and children learn best by example.

Another piece of the Philosophy of Destitution(when I read this word, I hear a deep, booming voice in my head, like a 30s radio superhero voiceover) is “green”. I consider myself a conservationalist rather than an environmentalist, so don’t read too much into that color. I try to be responsible, instead of destructive and I try to avoid being wasteful. Toys that won’t be played with are wasteful. A garbage can full of packaging for those same toys costs money. It is much cheaper to avoid the landfill here.

Back to “Why”. Why would I be willing to deprive my family?

How Banks Work

Finance

The National Bank, Oamaru, built 1871: a prostyle Palladian portico on a neoclassical facade (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

On the first and the fifteenth of every month, my paycheck is deposited into my bank account. Some fraction of it is saved, while another(larger) fraction is spent. They put the money in a vault and protect it from being stolen. Anything I manage to save and anything I haven’t managed to spend yet, will build interest. The bank pays me to keep my money there, even if it’s just for a short time. Why would they do that? If I asked you to hold on to $100 for me, in exchange for giving me $10 next week, you’d laugh at me. Right? If I told you that I was expecting you to keep that $100 heavily guarded in a locked room that requires a staff and utilities, you’d try to have me committed, yet that’s what banks do every day.

What’s in it for the bank?

Let’s start at the beginning. In the financial world, there are fundamentally two types of people: those who have money and those who need it.

The people who have money get it by producing something or otherwise providing value to someone for something. They then spend less than they made, leading to an accumulation of money. Woo! Rich people! Naturally, this money gets stuffed in a mattress for safe-keeping. Their money does nothing except collect dust and, occasionally, hungry insects. It is also used to soften a hard mattress.

People who need money have a few choices. They can beg for it, work for it, or steal it. The third option leads to perforation or imprisonment, so we won’t address that one. Now, you can work for your paycheck, like most adults, or you can go, hat in hand, to a charity and ask for money. But what if you want to start a business? You’ve invented the super-widget, a device guaranteed to revolutionize the world more than anything since sliced bread or the USB-powered pet rock. You got a concept and a prototype, you just don’t have the tooling or manpower to produce the millions of super-widgets the world will soon be beating a path to your door to own. You also lack a marketing budget to tell the world to stock up on path-beaters to make it to your door. What do you do?

Enter banks.

A bank will approach the first class of people and talk their money out of the mattresses and mayonnaise jars. They offer to hold the money for the people who have it. They will protect it from theft and they will pay the owner a fee for the privilege of holding on to the cash safely. Of course savers jump at the chance. They can quit worrying about the maid making the bed and becoming a millionaire and they can build wealth with no work. But wait…TANSTAAFL, right? You can’t get something for nothing. The world doesn’t work that way.

The bank takes your money–and the money of thousands of people like you–for safe-keeping. They pay you a fee, called interest. The rest, the loan out to the second group of people, the ones who need the money. They set aside some of the deposits so the owners can make withdrawals, but the rest goes into the loan-pool. People who need money come to the bank, explain their needs and demonstrate their ability to repay the loan, then they are given money for a fee, also called interest. The interest rate for the borrower is significantly higher–sometimes 20 times higher–than the interest paid to depositors. The difference between interest earned and interest paid is what pays the bank’s bills. That gap pays for the rent, taxes, and payroll.

Ultimately, a bank’s job is to connect the savers with the spenders in a way that’s reliable enough to ensure everybody benefits. If anybody in the chain ceases to benefit, the system collapses. Depositors switch back to using mattresses, borrowers go back to their loan-shark grandparents, and banks close their doors. This is the system that allows the entrepreneurial spirit to thrive, while making money for everyone involved.

20 Lazy Ways to Save Money

Finance

: Image by Paul Vivier via Flickr

Investopedia ran a post on 20 lazy ways to save money. I thought it was worth sharing my take on the post.

1. Schedule automatic payments. I do this obsessively. I run all of my regular payments through my bank’s online bill-pay. I think there are 2 bills that get paid manually; 1 is a quarterly payment, the other is due annually.

2. Eat your groceries. According to the post, Americans–on average–throw away 15% of the groceries they buy. I totally believe that. We don’t throw away that much, but it’s still too much. It tends to be the fresh vegetables, which we eat as side dishes instead of the main course. We need to switch that mindset, both to use the vegetable efficiently and to eat healthier.

3. Bundle services. I refuse. I hate the idea of having a single point of failure for multiple systems. If the power goes out, I lose my cable, but I keep the phone. If, for some reason, I can’t pay my phone bill, I don’t lose my internet connection. I like keeping these things separated.

4. Pay off credit card. Hardly a lazy process, but otherwise…duh!

5. Mark your calendar. I use my Google Calendar as obsessively as I use automatic payments. I put in reminders, grocery lists, or anything else I need to know at a specific time.

6. File your taxes on time. I just helped a friend dig out of this mess. I pay as soon as all of my paperwork is delivered. The IRS doesn’t give up and they have leverage, including garnishment and even jail.

7. Roll it over. When you change jobs, take your 401k with you. Don’t leave it behind like a series of red-headed stepchildren. It’s too easy to lose track of the accounts. Don’t cash it out! I made that mistake once and lost far too much to taxes. A rollover doesn’t count against your 401k contribution limits.

8. Switch credit cards. If you can a good balance transfer offer that’s followed by a better interest rate than you currently have, use it. But don’t forget to pay attention to the transfer fees. Do the math. If it costs you $500 to transfer the money, how much interest do you have to save to make it worthwhile?

9. Use your privileges. If you have a AAA membership, use it. It gives you a discount on hotels, oil changes, car rentals, and more. Read the paperwork. Former military gets a ton of random discounts, too. Ask.

10. Rent instead of buy. Renting can save you money over buying, if it’s something you’ll only use once, but borrowing is free.

11. Buy instead of rent. Rent-a-center is a ripoff, but they can’t even legally operate here. If you’re going to use something regularly, buy it.

12. Ask. I love to call up every company I give money to and ask if there’s a way I can give them less. Outside of chain stores and restaurants I almost always ask for a lower price.

13. Just say no. Extended warranties are generally a waste of money. However, if I can’t afford to replace the item, I do get the warranty. On my car, I brought it in for a full inspection and repair a few weeks before the warranty ran out and made all of that money back. We are slowly building a warranty fund to replace the need for any future extended warranties.

14. Have the awkward conversation. We tried giving gift-giving the axe, but nobody enjoyed that. Now, we cap the gifts at $20 and do a round-robin type of gift. $40 for gifts keeps 10 adults happy.

15. Eat at home. Generally, I can cook almost anything better at home, but I really do enjoy eating out and trying new restaurants. We just keep it from being a regular expense.

16. Balance your checkbook. What a waste of time! With automatic payments and cash for all of the discretionary budget items, I balance the checkbook once a month.

17. Stick with your bank. Either use your own bank’s ATM network, or use a bank that refunds ATM fees. I only take out cash on the first of the month, for the entire month and I do that with a teller, so this is never an issue for us.

18. Use your TV. Cable movie packages instead of a video membership? Really? That’s a horrible idea.

19. Quit those bad habits. I quite smoking, saving $200 a month. I don’t drink much and I’m working on fixing my eating habits. Vices are fun, and this is certainly not a fun way to save money.

20. Forget the pet. There is no way this would fly at my house. we have 5 cats, 2 gerbils, and a dog. Our renter has 2 pythons. We’re a flippin’ zoo and honestly, mess and cost aside, we all like it that way.

How do you stand on these ideas?

Debt Burnout

Finance

You’ve got a budget. You’ve got a debt repayment plan. You’ve been paying off your debt. You’ve even paid off a few of your smaller debts. Now you’re staring down the barrel of your big debts: your mortgage, a $30,000 credit card, maybe a car payment. You’re looking at months of payments with no quick wins; no more watching your debts die every few months. You’re in the middle of a very long slog.

All of the easy milestones have been reached and the next one is a year or more away. This is when debt repayment gets hard. How can you avoid getting burnt out doing the same thing, month after month, with no major visible progress?

1. Keep your eye on the prize. Try focusing on the end result, while ignoring the time it takes to get there. Do you have a reward planned for when you pay off your debt? If not, consider that to be your new shining goal-post. My wife and I plan on taking an Alaskan cruise when our debt is repaid.

2. Ignore the prize. If #1 doesn’t work for you, try focusing on just the current month’s progress. How much did you pay off this month? Was it more than last month?

3. Make micro-goals. Try breaking the long slog into bite-sized pieces. How fast can you pay off the next $1000? How many months will it take to pay off that TV you bought last year? Sometimes, meeting a smaller goal can make the whole works feel like it’s going by faster.

4. Take a snowball vacation. For just one month, take every dollar you would normally apply to your debt–except your required payments–and have some fun with it. Take a weekend trip, have a fancy dinner, or pick up that video game system you’ve been eying. Something. Anything to take your mind off of your repayment plan for a while. Be careful not to make this a habit or you will never get out of debt.

5. Start a blog to share your pain.

A debt snowball is a long, intense process. If you’re not careful, you can burn out and let the whole thing collapse. How do you avoid burnout?

My Mortgage is Smaller Than My Credit Card Balance

Finance

It’s been one heck of a spring summer for my family, financially speaking, and it turned out to be a bit more than we had budgeted for.

English: Victor Fung and Anna Mikhed dancing a... — English: Victor Fung and Anna Mikhed dancing a ballroom tango. The couple, dancing for the USA, came third in the World Professional Standard Championship 2009. Photo taken in 2006 by Porfirio Landeros, Kwixite Media, in San Diego, California. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Here’s what we’ve done on top of our regular spending, so far:

Remodeled both of our bathrooms(at the same time!) ($6000-ish)
Summer camp for two kids ($500)
Swimming lessons for three kids ($350)
Replaced the entire air conditioning system in my car ($1600)
Finished paying for our current round of ballroom dancing lessons($400)
New mattress on our bed($1200)
My wife is off work for the summer. Part time and sporadic hours when it’s not the school year.

Taken in reverse order…

Mattress

The wire frame on our mattress broke. I wish that was a complement to my prowess, but nothing was happening when it snapped. Sleeping with a jagged piece of steel poking you sucks, to say the least.

Dancing

Ballroom dancing is something my wife and I both enjoy, and it’s good exercise, so we decided to keep it up. We are officially in training for competition-level dancing, but now that our favorite place to dance is closed, we may not continue. The lessons are paid for through next spring, though.

Air conditioner

My A/C system “grenaded”. Basically, the insides decided to disintegrate and go flowing through the rest of the system, mucking it all up. And making the car undriveable. On the plus side, this hard-to-find leak I’ve been ignoring in favor of annual $75 A/C recharges is fixed, now.

Swimming, not dying

My youngest kids have never had swimming lessons and my oldest isn’t a strong swimmer. Helping my kids not drown is a good thing.

Camp

We put the down payment on camp back in February, then promptly forgot about paying for the rest of it until the deadline hit. I paused while typing this to add it to my budget so I don’t forget for next year.

The remodel

We had, at one point, $9500 set aside for the remodel, but I raided that account a few times if we went over on our monthly spending. Then, when we got the estimate, we neglected to include one of the subtotals together when we agreed to it, so the job cost more than I was expecting from the start. We still got a great price, though.

Until the tub surround didn’t come in a color we liked and could get in less than 6 weeks. So, we upgraded to porcelain tile.

And the ceiling started peeling.

And we decided to get nice fixtures, so it would be a bathroom we loved enough to demonstrate physically, for years to come.

And we noticed the basement bathroom floor tiles were loose.

So much money just poured out of my credit card.

At the moment, we have approximately $8,000 on our credit cards. That’s the highest balance we’ve carried in years. This month was the first time I’ve paid interest on a credit card since August 2012.

What’s our plan for the credit cards?

I get a $500 bonus every month. Getting this bonus is almost entirely under my control.
We gave our renters(two of our closest friends) a good introductory rent until their current lease expires. Their rent triples at the end of the month.
I stopped paying double mortgage payments.
We have some money in our emergency fund.
We should have about $1000 left in the remodel account when the job is finished.

That’s $1500 as an immediate payment, plus about $2300 per month on top of our normal spending to pay off the cards.

That means we’ll be down to about $4300 in two weeks. When my wife gets her first full paycheck at the end of September, we’ll have the cards paid off.

Then comes the challenge of catching back up on the mortgage. Until yesterday, we were projected to pay off our house on December 1. Our current balance is $4660, with a mandatory monthly payment of $470.58. That’s about 10 months of payments. We were making an extra $520 interest payment each month, which brought it down to the December payoff date. For the next 3 months, we’re only going to be paying roughly the minimum, which means we’ll have to pay a bit over triple for November and December to be done with it this year.

I think we can do it.

How do we avoid this in the future?

With our renters paying full rent now, our goal is to pretend Linda isn’t getting paid when her work picks up again in September. We want to save or invest everything she makes, on top of the current savings. Not all of that will be long-term, and not all of it will be spendable. That saving will include things like braces for the younger kids, vacations that are more than just long weekends, and maxing out both of our retirement accounts.

That should still let us pad out our emergency fund to 4 months of expenses by spring, which is a pretty good cushion for us.

I hope. I haven’t done the math.

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