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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.

Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?

Me: Yes?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: May I ask what that was for?

FMe: Of course.

Me: What was that for, jerk?

FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.

Me: What?!? I’ve never even met you, before.

FMe: Of course you have. I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.

Me: Huh?

FMe: Listen close. You’re not the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.

Me: ???

FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.

Me: I don’t appreciate….

FMe: Shut up. I was dumb then, too. Remember? You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year. On top of many other expensive decisions. Do your recall?

Me: Yes, I do. So what?

FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car. Your kids wear new clothes. You’ve got a house full of new furniture. How did you pay for all of that?

Me: Naturally, I charged it. Zero payments, zero interest for a year! Pretty smart, huh?

FMe: What happens in a year?

Me: I don’t know. I’ve got a full year to figure that out.

FMe: <Slap!> I’ll tell you what happens! Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed! Your raise didn’t come through. You had a baby. The truck broke down. Your wife took maternity leave. A roommate moved out. You took a loss in the stock market. You didn’t plan! You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.

Me: How was I to know?

FMe: <Slap!> Life happens! You never know what is coming next. You need to plan and save for what might happen. Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly. That is not acceptable.

Me: So? What are you going to do about it?

FMe: <Slap!>

Me: Really? Again?

FMe: <Slap!> I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help. Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux. My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford. You’ve screwed me, dude.

Me: I’m sorry. What can I do to fix it?

FMe: Buy me dinner, first.

Me: Huh?!?!?

FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change. No credit.

Me: None?

FMe: None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Only spend what you can afford. Budget. Pay off those nasty bills. Don’t leave me hanging.

Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?

FMe: Exactly. That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence. Live in the real world.

Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me! Now I know.

FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

Balance Your Borked Budget

Finance

You’ve got a budget worked out to the penny. You know every dollar that comes in and every dime that you spend. All of your bills are getting paid on time. Then, one day, it all comes crashing down. Your budget is no longer even a reasonable approximation of your cash flow. You’ve got no idea what’s coming in or going out. Bills are piling up and fees are digging you deeper in debt.

What happened? More importantly, how do you get back on track?

The first thing you need to do is identify the problem. What, exactly, went wrong? Did you lose your job or need a surprise botox injection? Your car died or your kid developed a hockey habit? Sports car or shoe sale? Whatever the cause, if you can’t identify it, you can’t deal with it. Some of the possible problems may be things that can get clubbed and buried in the backyard, while other things may be expenses that won’t be going away. If it’s a one-time expense, you can simply refocus your debt repayment to take it into account. If it’s an ongoing expense, you will need to adjust your other expenses, possibly in a drastic manner, to make ends meet. You can’t know which way to go without knowing what caused the problem.

Next, commit to to making it right. Don’t leave it at a mere commitment. Actually commit and actually do it right. Future-you is counting on you to fix the problem before he gets screwed. This is important. Without firm–and real–commitment, nothing else will matter. At best, you will be treading water. At worst, you will drown yourself in unanticipated bills.

Cut everything extra. Every expense–whether it’s your mortgage or your maid–is a rock in your pocket, one hundred miles from shore. How much can you carry and stay afloat? This isn’t the time to keep paying something because you enjoy it. If it isn’t absolutely necessary, it’s got to go. Cut your internet, cancel Netflix, learn to shut off the lights when you aren’t using them. Is the early termination fee less than 6 months of your cable bill, your satellite bill? Cancel it. You can always sign up again later. This is the time to be ruthless.

Is there a way to bring in some extra cash? Can you pick up a second job, or land a freelancing gig? If you’ve suddenly found yourself unemployed, can you spend some time on being a Mechanical Turk? Sell all of the things you don’t use anymore, or, more likely, never should have bought in the first place? Do you have a spare kidney?

Remember, this is a drastic situation calling for drastic measures. Your future is depending on you. Don’t make him come back and kick your butt.

Update: This post has been included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

Babies Are Expensive

Finance, Parenting

From the comments here. The discussion is on how much it costs to have a baby. Edited for clarity.

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Actual birthing costs vary. We’ve had three kids over ten years and birthing costs have varied from $250 out of pocket to $8500. Our highest and lowest price births were 20 months apart. The highest price birth involved induced labor with an epidural. For the lowest out-of-pocket price, I added my wife to my policy before the birth, so she was double-covered. If one of your policies is less than ideal and there are multiple policies available, I recommend doing this. It saved us thousands. All told, If things go well, you could slide for as little as $1500 total.

For the highest price birth, we threw ourselves on the mercy of the finance department. They have a charity fund to pay the bills of the less fortunate. We qualified…barely. If you have a medical bill you can’t afford, ask if there is a grant or donation you can apply for. Always ask if there is some way the bill could be lowered.

Breast-feeding beats the heck out of formula, financially, but breast-feeding doesn’t always work. Ignore the boob-nazis who insist you are slowly killing your kid by using formula. I’ve got 3 kids, and each had different feeding issues.

Baby formula runs $19 for a big container at Sam’s Club, or a large percentage of your soul at most other big box stores. Formula alone will pay for your membership in under a month. For a big eater, that’s $20-30 per week. For a normal eater, 2-3 weeks. For planning purposes, assume $100/month in formula costs for the first six months, when food starts coming into play heavily. After that, the formula expense goes down, but not away for at least 6 more months.

Diapers are painful. Not just the smell–though that hurts, too, sometimes–but the expense. I currently have 2 in diapers; one is potty-training. Our monthly costs for diapers, now, are about $75. It was easily twice that when they were younger. Figure at least $100 per month in diapers. Unless your baby has irritation problems, go with cheap diapers. Leak-guard is a joke. If you are relying on leak-guard to keep the contents inside the diaper, you aren’t changing your baby often enough.

I couldn’t begin to guess at how much you’ll spend on baby clothes. I have never bought clothes for our kids. Whatever didn’t come free from friends and family walked into the house of it’s own volition, following my wife home from the store.

Toys are an almost purely voluntary expense. You’ll get as much as the kids needs free, as presents. You’ll go overboard and give the kids 10 times that, without realizing it. Don’t. For the first four to five months, its fingers and toes will be entertaining enough. After that, if there are more than about ten toys, it’s too many; the kid will never get attached to any of them. Keep it small. It’s better for the kids and the budget. Little kids prefer boxes to toys, anyway. Give the kid a shoebox instead of a Leapfrog. Really.

Portraits suck, too. If you have to get them done professionally, get a membership that covers sitting fees, and use coupons. I recommend JC Penney’s. Using judicious coupons and the membership, we get portraits for under $20.

Baby food is probably cheaper to make in a food processor, but you can’t beat the convenience of the little jars. If you watch sales, you can stock up affordably. Mix every meal with some rice or oatmeal mush to stretch it, without making it unhealthy. Depending on your kids, and how much you listen to the “experts”, this is a nonexistent expense before six months. Our kids started eating baby food in their second months, at least a little bit.

Babies are expensive. Don’t doubt that for a second, but ignore the polled averages when it comes to expense. Hand-me-downs, thrift stores, and good sales cut the expense a lot.

How do you save money and value with a baby in the house?

Do you have what it takes to be wealthy?

Finance, Life

I saw this quiz and thought it would be fun to liveblog taking it. Yes, I’m lame. I’m going to take the quiz here. I’m copying the questions over before reading the answers and answering each question before reading the next.

1. How optimistic are you?

I have to go with A, the glass is half full, but I like to think I’m more of a “That’s half of a glass of water” kind of guy.

2. When you grew up, your parents were:

A & C. We owned a home, but money was always tight. I’m picking C. We always had everything we needed, so we certainly weren’t poor, but I also didn’t have every video game system in existence.

3. How healthy are you?

A. I can’t complain. I’m borderline on a few issues, but overall, I’m pretty healthy.

4. How smart are you?

I’d bet very few people consider themselves stupid, regardless of evidence to the contrary. I’ll take B, smarter than most, and hope it doesn’t sound arrogant.

5. What level of education did you complete?

B. College. I went to a tech school and took a diploma program. That’s working out well for me, so far.

6. Physically, you are:

A, B, & C. I’m tall, heavy, and pretty darn sexy!

7. What’s your sibling situation?

I have two and I’m the middle child.

8. Are you married?

A. Yes, to spouse #1.

9. Do you have kids?

3 of the little monsters. They are a money-drain, but worth every penny. Most days.

10. Do you exercise?

D. I neither smoke nor exercise. There’s no middle-of-the-road answer to this one. You either hit the gym regularly, or you are a lump on the couch.

11. People describe you as:

B. Persistent. I think the actual word used is “obsessive”.

12. Do you believe a woman’s place is in the home.

A. I may joke about it, but that’s not a choice for me to make.

13. When it comes to work:

A, B & C. I have a day job, but I’m also regularly pursuing side-hustles, including one that is 4 years old and relatively profitable. Since I can only choose one, it’s A, because that’s my primary income.

14. How would you like to jump out of a plane?

A. I want to, but promised my wife I’d wait until the kids were out of the house.

15. Who would you rather emulate?

B. I’m not into an entourage, and have no urge to surround myself with 500 of my closest leeches. Good times with good friends is enough for me.

I scored 39 out of 72, which puts me in “You’ve got a shot at real money!” My financial outlook puts me at comfortable, but not care-free, which is an okay place to be.

What’s your score?

My First Major Side Hustle

Business

This post was published a year ago as part of Budgets Are Sexy’s Side Hustle series.

On a chilly February day in 2007, I went with a friend to get a permit to carry a pistol. It was partially on a lark, and partially because a right not exercised is a right lost and I am a strong believer in the right to self-defense.

I spent the morning in an overcrowded classroom and the afternoon on an outdoor shooting range when it was -9 degrees Fahrenheit. I was cold numb, but I had the paperwork I needed. As my friend and I slowly thawed out on the drive home, we looked at each other and said “We can do better than that.”

After picking up teaching certifications from the NRA, the Minnesota Dept of Natural Resources, the Minnesota Association of Defensive Firearms Instructors and finally, the Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension, we started teaching as Metro Defense Training, LLC.

We’ve been doing this for 3 1/2 years, holding one class per month. In the first two and a half years, we taught about 80 people what they needed to know to legally carry a gun. Last year, it exploded. By March, we had made more money than we made in all of 2009. The rest of the year rocked just as hard. We turned ourselves into one of the top 10 training organizations by volume, among a field of 200 competing agencies.

This isn’t a huge market, and it will never make us rich, but it is bringing us a decent chunk of extra cash. It’s made a huge difference on my debt repayment. I don’t include this money on my budget, so every penny I take as pay goes straight to my debt. This has pushed me two whole years ahead of my debt repayment schedule.

What did we do right?

The most important thing we did was to partner with each other. We make a good team. My partner is a natural-born salesman, while I’m an introvert. I couldn’t have built this without him. I am a super-geek, so our technical costs have been nonexistent, aside from a domain and hosting. I’m also a bit obsessive about my passions, so I keep us up to date on any legal issues and developments. He’s working on an MBA and has run small businesses before, giving us valuable knowledge and experience.

We’ve never cut any corners. We give the best possible class we can, no matter what. No extra fees, or sardine-packed students.

We answer questions for our students for years after class. If a student wants a refresher, they can come back for free as often as they’d like.

Word of mouth has been a godsend. The local sheriff–in the most populous county in the state–recommends us when people call. You can’t buy ads like that.

What did we mess up?

Marketing. If a tree falls falls in the business district, does anyone care? If you run a business, put up some ads or fliers and get the word out. No matter how good your business is, you’ll never make a cent if nobody knows about it.

Scheduling. The nice thing about a business like this is the flexibility. We can run a class whenever we’d like. Unfortunately, we forget to schedule the next class until the end of the current class. We could do better. That still leaves a full month’s notice, but some people have to request time off from work far in advance, or do things like going on vacation.

Would I do it again?

Absolutely. We found an accessible niche that serves a need in the community. We’ve turned a passion into a healthy side income, without having to devote full-time labor to it. The buy-in cost was low. It only cost about $1000 and a few weekends to get the equipment and make our training presentation.

It has been an excellent learning experience. I’ve learned a lot about running a business, and I’ve become something of an expert on the related laws. It’s led to my involvement with a non-profit, which has put me in contact with a number of lobbyists and politicians. I’m learning more about how our legal system works than you’ll ever learn watching C-Span and sending letters. Even if the business failed, I’d still be ahead of the game when you count the skills and knowledge I’ve acquired.

The most important thing I’ve learned is that, when you are looking for a side-hustle, you should find something you care about and chase that until it turns into money. Not every hobby or interest can turn into a paycheck, but many can. Ultimately, you have to do something you care about and care about what you do.

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-06-26

Misc

RT @ScottATaylor: The Guys on "Pickers" should just follow the "Hoarders" teams around- perfect mashup #
PI/PNK test: http://su.pr/2umNRQ #
RT @punchdebt: When I get married this will be my marital slogan "Unity through Nudity" #
http://su.pr/79idLn #
RT @jeffrosecfp: Wow! RT @DanielLiterary:Stats show 80% of Americns want to write a book yet only 57% have read at least 1 bk in the last yr #
@jeffrosecfp That's because everyone thinks their lives are unique and interesting. in reply to jeffrosecfp #
@CarrieCheap Congrats! #CPA in reply to CarrieCheap #
@prosperousfool I subscribe to my own feed in google reader. Auto backup for in between routine backups. Saved me when I got hacked. in reply to prosperousfool #
@SuzeOrmanShow No more benefits? I bet the real unemployment rate goes down shortly thereafter. in reply to SuzeOrmanShow #
Losing power really make me appreciate living in the future. #

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What did we do right?

What did we mess up?

Would I do it again?