- Working on my day off and watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. #
- Sushi-coma time. #
- To all the vets who have given their lives to make our way of life possible: Thank you. #
- RT @jeffrosecfp: While you're grilling out tomorrow, REMEMBER what the day is really for http://bit.ly/abE4ms #neverforget #
- Once again, taps and guns keep me from staying dry-eyed. #
- RT @bargainr: Live in an urban area & still use a Back Porch Compost Tumbler to fertilize your garden (via @diyNatural) http://bit.ly/9sQFCC #
- RT @Matt_SF: RT @thegoodhuman President Obama quietly lifted a brief ban on drilling in shallow water last week. http://bit.ly/caDELy #
- Thundercats is coming back! #
- In real life, vampires only sparkle when they are on fire. -Larry Correia #
- Wife found a kitten abandoned in a taped-shut box. Welcome Cat #5 #
The Happy Butt
Do you find the cloud in every silver lining? Is the glass not only half empty, but evaporating? Do you start every day thinking
about how the effects of entropy on the universe make everything you do ultimately pointless?
You may be a pessimist.
Pessimism gets a bad rap. Without pessimists, we wouldn’t have insurance plans, missile defense systems, or Eeyore, and what would the world be without those things?
The thing you have to ask yourself is “Does the negativity make you happy?”
The next thing you have to ask yourself is whether or not you were lying with your previous answer.
If you have a negative outlook on everything, I have good news for you: it’s possible to defeat it. No matter how long you’ve been looking at the world through coffin-colored glasses, no matter how ingrained your negative slant is, it’s possible to change it.
You have to want to change it, because, as the saying goes, old habits die hard. Yippee kai yay.
You need a happy butt.
Little known fact: language shapes the way you think. If your language has no words for a concept, you will have a difficult time thinking about that concept, or even understanding it. Statistically, Asians are better at math than their western-world counterparts. Why? It’s not genetic. When a family moves to the US, the edge is lost within 2 generations. It’s not the amount of school they get. Even in backwaters with limited school access demonstrate the same abilities.
It’s the language. Euro-based languages are horrible. They are a clumsy mish-mash of crap from around the world, and the numbering system makes no sense. 11, 12, 13, huh? Spoken, that’s not a progression, it’s something we have to learn by rote. Why is 13 pronounce “thirteen”, with the ones place first, but 23 is pronounced with the tens place first, the way it is written? Where did the word “twenty” even come from? It’s obviously a horrible bastardization of “two” and “ten”, but is it self-evident? Does the progression through the decades follow some kind of rule? Twenty, thirty, forty, fifty. Nope.
The Asian languages (most of them) differ. The numeric progression is spoken in a rules-based progression that makes sense. 23 is literally “two tens three”, making learning math less about rote memorization and more about masters some simple rules.
In the western world, we are handicapped by our language, at least when it comes to math.
The rest of our thoughts are formed by language, too. Learn a language with different roots than the one your were born with and see how your perceptions change.
One of the signs of negative thinking is qualifying everything you say negatively. For example, one person might say “It’s a beautiful day, today” while Mr. Negativebritches would say “It’s a beautiful day, but it’s probably going to rain.” That’s a sad butt, err, but. Every time you qualify a sentence with a sad butt, you are reinforcing your negative view of the world.
The solution? Drop your drawers and paint on a smiley face. You need a happy but(t). You can rephrase the sentence into a happy thought without changing the sentiment or meaning in any way. Try this: “It’s probably going to rain, but it’s a beautiful day, now.” That’s a happy butt, and it reinforces the positive in your mind.
It sounds stupid, but it works. Your language shapes your life. Put a positive spin on what you say, and you will eventually start to think about life in a positive way.
Give it a shot. For the next week, every time you say something negative, qualify it with a happy butt. At the end of the week, come back here and tell me how it’s working and if you can sense a change in your mindset.
Deathbed Relationships
My great-uncle has been depressed lately.
He lives in the same apartment building and my grandmother, his sister. They are just down the hall from each other.
Over the holidays, he’s seen a steady stream of people visiting my grandma, bringing cards and pictures, or taking her out to eat. Over Christmas weekend, she spent far more time away from home, celebrating with her kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids than she did at home.
He’s never met his great-grandchildren. He’s in his 70s, living in a retirement home attached to the nursing home he will most likely die in, and he’d like to see his descendants.
It’s too late.
He didn’t lose his relationship with his kids and grandkids in a fight. Instead, he spent his entire life doing his best to avoid all forms of responsibility. He spent 50 years avoiding supporting his family. He wasn’t there for them.
Of course they won’t be there for him.
There is a simple way to get your kids and your grandkids to dote on you in your old age: You spend your entire life being there when you’re needed.
Simple.
Building a relationship that can survive–or even thrive–in the times when you’ve got very little left to give takes a lifetime of commitment.
It starts the day your children are born, when you hold that precious little high-maintenance paperweight and swear that nothing bad will ever be allowed to happen to them. Then you teach them to walk, and teach them to talk, and kiss their booboos when they fall. And they will.
Day in, day out, you be there. You feed them, clothe them, punish them when necessary, and love them unconditionally even when they make it hard to like them. Every blessed day.
You soothe their pains, manage their fears, help them grow and turn into useful adults. Every flipping year.
When they are adults, you lend an ear, you lend a hand, you help with their babies, you offer advice, you listen and talk and you are there. Decade after decade.
Then, when you are old and broke and broken down, you’ve got people who love you, who cherish their memories with you. These are the people who will drive an hour out of their way to pick you up for dinner. They’ll carry you up the stairs you have trouble with. They’ll sit at your feet and listen to you tell stories. They’ll be there for you because you’ve always been there for them.
That’s how you get your kids and grandkids to visit you in the nursing home. Simple, not easy.
If you’ve missed their childhood–for whatever reason–it’s still possible to build that relationship, but it’s so much harder. You start by taking time out of your life to do spend time and be there. Help when you can with what you can. Be there.
If you wait until you are old and broke and broken down to start your relationship, it’s too late. Your kids will know that it’s just another example of your selfishness. If you’ve never made an effort to give, you’ve got know business expecting to get. You’ll be lucky to get an occasional phone call and a greeting card for the holidays.
So You’re Getting Evicted…
Last week, I had the opportunity to visit eviction court, though not for anything having to do with my properties.
It was an interesting experience. Eviction court is a day when nobody is at their best. Landlords are fighting to remove bad tenants, sometimes questioning their desire to be a landlord, while tenants are fighting to keep their homes, often with no backup plan. Occasionally, you get someone who just wants to get out of their lease because the landlord is a creepy peeper who digs through the dirty laundry.
Nobody goes to eviction court in a good mood.
If you ever find yourself in eviction court, here are some things to remember:
Everyone
- If you don’t show up, you lose. Period. Landlord or tenant, judges don’t like waiting around. You will get the worst possible outcome if you stay home.
- The first day is a hearing. The judge will either accept a settlement between the two parties, or he’ll check if there is a valid reason for a full trial. The trial will be schedule for another day. In Minnesota, that happens within 6 days of the hearing.
- Don’t make faces at the other side while they are talking to the judge. Do you want to go to jail for being a smartass? It’s called contempt of court.
Landlords
- Fix the mold, rot, and other habitability issues. You’ll have a hard time getting your rent back if you are a slumlord forcing your tenants to live in a biohazard.
- If you’ve got an automatically renewing lease, don’t file the eviction notice with the renewed lease for violations that happened under the old lease. If you do, you’ll be handing a win to your tenant.
- Make sure you lease has an eviction clause. If it doesn’t, you may not have the right to kick out your tenant for any reason.
- Your tenant’s dirty underwear is not a toy for you to play with. Creep.
Tenants
- Pay your rent. If you are withholding rent to get something fixed, you’ll be expected to put that in escrow the day of the hearing, so don’t spend it on vodka or a new stereo.
- Read your lease and the filing. It may have a backdoor that lets you escape the eviction.
- Try not to get evicted. An unlawful detainer can make it hard to rent again for a couple of years.
- Dress nice. I’m amazed by how many people showed up in ratty jeans and uncombed hair. Look professional. The judge will appreciate the effort.
All in all, it’s best if landlords and tenants try to keep each other happy. The whole business relationship will go much smoother if you do.
Blacksmithing, or Quality Time With a Teenager
For the past few months, I’ve been taking blacksmithing lessons with my 16 year old son.
It’s something I’ve wanted to do for quite a while, but my schedule never lined up with the places that teach near me.
Then I forgot about it.
Last year, the History Channel started a new series called Forged In Fire, that made me think about it again. Better, the boy was interested, too.
If you don’t have a teenager, here’s some interesting information that’s almost universal: teenagers suck. You spend a dozen years of your life essentially doing everything for them. Then one day, they have their own interests and want nothing to do with their parents. I get it, it’s good for them to be independent and all, but it sucks for the parent who wants to spend time with the kid.
Enter blacksmithing. I’m interested, the boy’s interested, and I’ve dropped most of my side projects to have more time for my family and myself. Let’s do this.
Class number 1: 5 miles away, teaches Tuesday evenings at the height of rush hour. That’s a 45 minute 5 mile drive. It costs $350 each for an 8 session class, that I’d have to leave work early for and would cut into the kid’s homework.
Class number 2: 15 miles away, teaches full-day classes over eight consecutive Saturdays…for $120 each. That’s awesome. Except they book their entire year’s calendar of classes within 3 days of posting the schedule for the year. When they got my paper registration in the mail(seriously, paper? In 2015?), they called to tell me we were 6th on the waiting list.
Class number 3: 2 hours away. Full day classes on Saturdays. Held every Saturday, so we could come on our schedules. Cost $100, but $200 total for a class as we want them is way more affordable than the $700 up front for class #1. I’m sold.
Four classes into it, I find out that that’s the most classes I can pay for. I’m still welcome to use the facility, but now I have to supply my own charcoal. From here on out, it’s $50 for gas and $20 for charcoal to forge all day…and still get taught. If we pass some tests, we can officially join and sell our creations in the gift shop.
Totally sold.
So now, the boy and I are making the drive once a month. We talk during the drive, we work together on the forge. I love my kid, and I love spending time with him. I love making things, and I love sharing that love with my kids. In a few years, he’ll move out, but he’ll remember this for the rest of his life. It’s worth every cent.
Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-06
- @fcn Yahoo Pipes into GReader. 50 news sites filtered to max 50 items/day–all on topic. in reply to fcn #
- @fcn You can filter on keywords, so only the topics you care about come through. in reply to fcn #
- It's a sad day when you find out that your 3 year old can access anything in the house. Sadder when she maces herself with hairspray. #
- 5 sets of 15 pushups to start my day. Only 85 to go! Last 5 weren't as good as first 5. #30DayProject #
- What happens to your leftover money in your flex-spending account? http://su.pr/9xDs6q #
- Enter to Win iPod Touch from @DoughRoller http://tinyurl.com/y8rpyns #DRiPodTouch #
- Arrrgh! 3 year old covered in nail polish. And clothes. And carpet. And sister. #
- Crap. 5 sets of 5 pushups. #30dayproject #
- Woo! My son just got his first pin in a wrestling meet! #
- RT @Doughroller: Check out this site that gives your free credit report AND score without asking for a cc# or social… http://bit.ly/bRhlMz #
- Breaking news! Penicillin cures syphilis, not debt. https://liverealnow.net/KIzE #
- Win a $25 Amazon GC via @suburbandollar RT + Fllw to enter #sd1Yrgvwy Rules -> http://bit.ly/sd1Yrgvwy2 #
- This won't be coming to our house. RT @FMFblog: Wow! Check out the new Monopoly: http://tinyurl.com/ygf2say #
- @ChristianPF is giving away a Flip UltraHD Camcorder – RT to enter to win… http://su.pr/2ZvBZL #
