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The no-pants guide to spending, saving, and thriving in the real world.

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Budget Lesson, Part 4

Finance

Part 4 of the Budget Lesson series.  Please see Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 to catch up.  The Google Doc of this example is here.

The final category in my budget is “Set-aside funds”.  These are the categories that don’t have specific payout amounts and happen at irregular intervals.  When my car is paid off, there will be a car fund added to the list, instead of a new car payment.

  • Parties –  We throw two parties each year; a Halloween party and a summer barbecue.  We also have three children who have varying expectations and needs for their birthday parties.
  • Gifts – I don’t buy presents for my friends, and the number of relatives I buy gifts for has decreased dramatically over the years.  I do, however, buy birthday and Christmas presents for my wife and kids and I participate in some form of gift exchange with my brothers and their wives.  Combined, we set aside about $100 per month for parties and presents.
  • Pet Care – We have four cats and a dog.  This is to cover cat litter and food the bunch.  We have too many pets, but we can’t give them away.  They are family.  However, there is a moratorium on new animals for a few years.   Two cats and a dog are our hard limit.
  • Car Repair – Cars break.  Tires wear out.  This isn’t a surprise, and it certainly isn’t an emergency.
  • Warranty Fund – We are building up our own “Warranty Fund“, to replace appliances when they break.  I’d rather have the interest accruing than see this as a line-item fee on any of my bills.
  • Medicine/Medical – Kids get sick and prescriptions need to be filled.  We figure our monthly prescriptions plus one office visit per month, but the money accrues in this fund.  On low months, we have more, so we can cover the visits during flu season.
  • In The Hole – This isn’t actually a fund we set aside.  If, for some reason, we go over budget one month, it gets entered here to immediately pay ourselves back for the over-spend.  This month, this number is $170, which is how high we went over for Christmas.  Since we have all of the “Set asides” and non-monthly bills stored in the same account, there was no actual debt, just this “paper” debt to ourselves.  This serves the combined purposes of a mild punishment for overspending and a method to get back on track.

That is my entire budget laid out.   As the series continues, I’ll be examining how I have lowered the bills, how I could lower them more, and how I’ve screwed them up.

Budget Lesson, Part 1

Finance

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Over the next few weeks, I will be going over my budget in detail.

The first section is income, but that’s straightforward.  A line for each income source, bi-weekly, monthly and annual totals.  Simple.

Before we start, a word on the organization.  There are five columns:

  • Category – This is the description of the line item.
  • Cost – How much do you pay for this item?
  • Time – What is the frequency of the payment?  Valid values are ‘m’, ‘q’, ‘y’, ‘w’ for ‘Monthly’, ‘Quarterly’, ‘Yearly’ and ‘Weekly’.
  • Monthly – Cost and Time are combined to calculate the monthly expense, to make it possibly to budget.  If this is $100, I need to set aside a C-Note each and every month to make the payment when it comes due.
  • Yearly – This column is mostly informative.  It’s helpful to see this in comparison to my annual pay.

The first section I am actually going to address is discretionary spending.

  • Groceries/Dining    $475.00 – We don’t budget heavily for groceries, which would be a surprise if you saw me.  At the smallest I have ever been, fit, I was never small.  We shop smart, buy in bulk when it makes sense, and rarely eat out.  We also keep cooked rice and beans in containers in the refrigerator as a cheap and healthy way to stretch almost everything we eat.
  • Discretionary    $250.00 – This gets used for household items, like toilet paper and soap.  It also get used for the odd book or movie, or to cover the gaps between the other categories and reality.
  • Baby stuff    $60.00 – We have two children in diapers.  ‘Nuff said.  This category does get progressively smaller as the baby items are outgrown and the children get potty-trained.
  • Gas/oil    $200.00 – Gas and auto-maintenance.  This is actually higher than monthly costs, allowing us to set some aside for larger maintenance issues.
  • Clothes    $15.00 – All of our dressers are overflowing, so this is strictly replacement cost for the time being.  Our kids wear a lot of hand-me-downs.
  • Blow Money    $50.00 – Occasionally, habitual shoppers need to shop.  If they don’t do it on-budget, they will do it off-budget and kill the whole idea.

Initially, we used a “virtual envelope” system.  We had a spreadsheet and every time something was spent in this category, we entered the amount and stopped when the category was spent.   Didn’t work.  We are going on a pure, cash-only system as of the first of the year.  No money, no spendy.

Dealing With the Police 101

Life

NEW YORK, NY - FEBRUARY 01: Shackles for slav...
(Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

Last night, a friend called me up and asked me to accompany him to the police station.  The police had knocked on his door, waking up his girlfriend while he was out.   When he called, they wouldn’t tell him why they wanted to talk to him.   Was it an ex trying to make his life difficult or one of his employees getting investigated?

This friend has had a number of interactions with the police, but never learned how to deal with them.  Before we left, I gave him a crash course in “stay out of jail”.

Lesson 1:  The Police Are Not Your Friends.

During an investigation, you are a suspect.   They are looking for a conviction.   There may be a “good cop” trying to “help you out”, but he is trying to put you in jail.  “Protect and Serve” doesn’t mean you.  In general, it means society as a whole.  During an investigation, they are serving the interests of the prosecutor.

Generally, they are going to look at you–as the target of their investigation–as the enemy.  This is normal.  They spend all of their time dealing with scumbags and s***heads.   Naturally, they start to assume that everyone who isn’t a cop will fall into one of those categories.

Don’t get pissed when they act rude, ignore you, or anything else.  It isn’t a lack of professionalism, it’s just a different profession.   They are using interrogation techniques that have been proven successful.   Ignore it and focus on Lesson 2.

It will feel wrong to disobey the authority you’ve been taught your entire life to obey.  You’re not.  You are standing by your rights.  Nobody cares about your future more than you do.  Certainly not the guy investigating you.

Lesson 2:  Your Lawyer is Your Friend.

The second a police interaction starts to look like they are investigating you, demand your lawyer, then see Lesson 4.    When you demand an attorney, they stop asking you questions.   You can take it back and start talking, so again, see Lesson 4.  It’s your attorney’s job to talk to the police and, if necessary, the media.  It’s your job to talk to your attorney.

You don’t need an attorney ahead of time.  Criminal defense attorneys are used to getting calls at 3AM.  It’s part of their job.   If you have a low enough income as defined by whatever jurisdiction you are being investigated in, you can get a public defender.   That’s better than nothing, but I’d prefer to hire a professional shark, even if it means mortgaging my future.   Prison is a big gamble.

Lesson 3.  Consent is Your Enemy.

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

“Officer, I do not consent to any search and I would like to speak to my attorney.”  Remember this.  Memorize it.

They need probable cause, a warrant, or permission to search your stuff.   Never agree to it.   Don’t stop them if they search anyway, but never, ever agree to a search.   If the search is done improperly, your lawyer(see Lesson 2) will get the results of that searched thrown out.

It isn’t possible to get into more trouble for standing by your rights.  There is no crime on the books anywhere in the US called “Refused Consent to Search”.   Your day will not go worse because you defended your Constitutional rights.

Lesson 4.  Shut Up.

I know a few defense attorneys.   According to them, most of the people in jail either committed a crime in front of a bunch of witnesses, or they talked their way into jail.   Shut up.   You’ll want to either justify or defend yourself depending on the circumstances.  Don’t.  Shut up.  It may be one of the hardest things you ever do, but keep your mouth closed.  The only thing worse than talking is lying.  Don’t lie, just keep quiet.

There is nothing you are going to say that will make your interrogator invite you home for Christmas.   He isn’t your friend, you won’t meet his parents, you aren’t going to his birthday party.   There is absolutely no win in talking to him.  Shut up.   The answer to every question is “Lawyer.”  If the only thing you say babble is “Lawyerlawyerlawyerlawyerlawyerlawyer”, you’re probably not going to do too badly.

In your car, the dynamic changes a bit, but the principles don’t.  When a cop pulls you over, don’t argue.  You can’t win an argument with a cop on the side of the road.  Be nice, be polite, and as soon as possible, pull into a parking lot and take as many notes about the encounter as you can.   If you are planning to fight whatever he pulled you over for, don’t give him any reason to remember you or spin his official report to make you look bad.    Again, shut up.  Catching a theme?

Gambling With Your Future

If you are being investigated by the police, your future–or some part of it–is on the line.   While you are gambling with your criminal record and your freedom, don’t forget that you are an amateur in this arena.  The police, the prosecutor, and your attorney are the professionals and the stakes can be huge.  Keep your mouth shut, call your attorney, and thank me later.

 

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Budget Lesson, Part 5

Finance

I’ve explained my budget in some detail already.  See these posts for the history of this series.

Now, I’m going to go through each section, reviewing ways that I can reduce, or have reduced, my spending.  I’ll be starting with my monthly payments.

  • House Payment – I’ve mentioned that we have a small house payment.    A few years ago, when the interest rates dropped to almost the lowest point they reached in that particular cycle, we refinanced and got in under 5%.   There is nothing to cut.  We won’t refinance again, and the loan will be paid within 7 years, according to the lender’s schedule.  I’m aiming for 4 years.
  • Netflix – We’re on the 2 DVD/unlimited plan for $13.99.  We could drop down to the single DVD plan, but I’m worried that will trigger a rash of movie-buying.  2-at-a-time scratches that itch well.  I don’t think we’ll be reducing this plan in the foreseeable future. [Read more…] about Budget Lesson, Part 5

Budget Lesson, Part 3

Finance

I keep calling these lessons, but they are examples and explanations, more than lessons.   Names aside, please see Part 1 and Part 2 to catch up.  The Google Doc of this example is here.

School Lunch

This time, I’m going to review my non-monthly bills.  These are the bills that have to be paid, but not on a monthly basis.  Some are annual, others are quarterly, or even weekly.  Every month, the amount–adjusted to the monthly equivalent–is set aside in Quicken.

  • School Lunch – We don’t qualify for any of the reduced lunch plan, and I don’t know that it is possible to send a brown-bag lunch that is both cheaper and healthier than the school’s menu.  This is automatically replenished whenever it gets below $15.   This actually gets paid about every other month.
  • Property Taxes – Semi-annual and increasing every year.   I know the valuations around me, so I don’t think an appeal would win.
  • Life insurance – We pay this quarterly.   If I die, my family will be completely covered for several years, without adjusting a single expense.   If the expenses are adjusted to account for the fact that I won’t be eating, driving, or using electricity, it will last much longer.  This is a separate policy from the one discussed in Part 2.  GET INSURANCE!  Take care of your family.
  • AAA – Since we got reliable cars, this hasn’t been a money-saver, but it’s priceless in terms of peace of mind.
  • Vehicle Registration – We have two cars and a motorcycle that need registration every year.  I’m planning to sell the bike in the spring, but I was planning that for last spring, too.  It’s easy to put that off, since I enjoy riding.
  • Daycare – Daycare is a weekly expense.  As a two-income family, this isn’t an expense we can do away with…yet.  As time goes on, the bill will be getting lower.   In June, my youngest reaches a cheaper pricing table and my oldest is almost ready to be done with daycare completely.
  • City Bill – Our garbage and sewer are paid through the city on a quarterly basis.
  • Web host – I’ve got this blog, plus a few other side projects hosted here.  I have been simplifying and reducing the projects that aren’t fun or profitable, but I’m not sure this expense will ever go away.

There aren’t too many items here that can be legitimately and responsibly trimmed.