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The Spending Styles of the Rocky Horror Picture Show

Finance

Image via Wikipedia

Everybody has a spending style.  Like a fingerprint, it is unique to each individual, even if that individual is fictional.

Since it is the Halloween season, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a Halloween movie, I’m going to look at how those characters spend their money.

Janet Weiss – A Heroine

Janet is the stereotype of every suburbanite soccer-mom-who-hasn’t-gotten-married-and-had-kids-yet. She wants to keep up with the Joneses(“It’s nicer than Betty Monroe had! [Oh Brad!]”) and she is obviously impressed by and envious of people who have all of the trappings of the “finer things”.  If she has a credit card, you can bet that it is peeling on the sides from over-use.   While she wears conservative clothes and sensible shoes to go visit an old mentor, she’s almost definitely got a closet full of fancy shoes and a drawer full of real-baby-seal-skin g-strings.   If Brad were smarter, he’d run, and not just because of her loyalty issues.   She’ll never be content with a sensible car and modest house.

Brad Majors – A Hero

Brad is a pompous jerk who thinks he’s better than those around him.  He’s also extremely conservative and slow to accept change.   He’s going to give Janet an allowance and complain every time she spends a penny of it.   His investment portfolio is well-balanced and configured for long-term growth and he’s going to rub your nose in it at the neighborhood barbecue.   To shut him up, just ask why his kid was born with an accent and garters.

Magenta – A Domestic

What’s a domestic?  Magenta is the most financially responsible person in the show.   She’s third -in-command of an alien invasion, but still takes on a second job?  That’s a woman planning for retirement.   She’s not going to rely on anyone to support her.   She knows how to enjoy a party, without having to spend all of her money on a glitter-suit.

Columbia – A Groupie (as Little Nell)

Columbia is incapable of making a decision that wasn’t pre-formed by her peer group.  She’s doomed to chase every fad, hoping it will impress those around her.  While she’ll always be remembered for her glitter-suit or the corset that isn’t quite tall enough, she’ll never be happy or have a spare penny in case of emergencies.

Riff Raff – A Handyman

Riff Raff has jealousy issues.  He sees his boss and commander throwing a party and having a good time, but, instead of working towards being able to do that himself, he kills his boss and steals his house.  He is greedy, jealous, and deceitful.  Don’t ever turn your back on him, or he’ll steal your wallet, hit you over the head and bury you in the backyard just so he can pretend it’s his party.

Eddie – Ex Delivery Boy (as Meatloaf)

Eddie is out of his head (H-E-D).   He’s the tag-a-long who will keep buying expensive dinners that he can’t afford in an attempt to impress whoever is around to see him pick up the check.  He isn’t sure how to fit in, but he’s positive that he can buy his way there.    In reality, he’s dead(spelled right) broke and will end up getting screwed.

Rocky Horror – A Creation

Here is the true blank slate.   He’s just seven hours old, so he’s got no bad habits to break.  Unfortunately, he’s never had to learn any hard lessons, so his head is easily turned by an glittered bauble or babbling, half-dressed flake.   He’s incapable of making an informed decision about anything, so he follows everyone around getting whatever they like.   He’ll spend his entire life getting by on his looks, which will almost always be successful, until life catches up to him and he dies broke and alone.

Dr. Frank-N-Furter – A Scientist

Frank knows how to throw a party.  He travels 12 billion light years brings not only a keg, but the entire party house with him.   Who wouldn’t want to be his friend?   There’s a fancy house, a room to stay in if you drink too much, pretty people being built in the lab, and gourmet corn-fed delivery-boy being served for dinner.   Watch out, though.  He doesn’t tend to his job.  One day,  the credit cards will be maxed, the bank will foreclose on the house and send it back to Sweet Transexual Transylvania, leaving Frank penniless.  Who will be his friend then?

Which Rocky character are you?

           Science Fiction
           Double Feature.
           Frank has built and
           Lost his creature.
           Darkness has conquered
           Brad and Janet.
           The servants gone to
           A distant planet.

Make a Budget

Finance

DSC02103
Image by r.lovewell via Flickr

In the past, I’ve gone through a detailed series of budget lessons demonstrating how to make a budget and showing my personal budget spreadsheet template.  If you weren’t here to see them develop, you probably haven’t seen them at all.    I’ve never built an actual index for those posts.

This is the master index of my budget planning resources.  As I develop more, this will grow.

Budget Lesson #1 – In this lesson, I go over how we handle discretionary income and I explain our modified envelope system.   The discretionary budget contains things like our grocery bill, or the clothes we buy.  We have near-total discretion over what is purchased, hence the name.

Budget Lesson #2 – Lesson #2 contains the details of our monthly bills.  These are the ones that are consistent, predictable, and actually due each month.  Most people take these for granted as the bills they have to pay, but it’s not true.   You can get almost all of your regular bills reduced just by asking.   You would also be surprised what you can do without, when properly motivated.

Budget Lesson #3 – This is where I explain how we deal with the non-monthly bills.  That is, the bills that have to be paid, but are not due on a monthly basis.  I also share the personal budget spreadsheet template I developed.   I am working on a few sample templates to match various imaginary scenarios.  If you’d like to be an anonymous case study, and get free help setting up a budget, let me know, please.

Budget Lesson #4 – In this lesson, I describe our “set-aside” funds for things that will need to be paid eventually, but not on a set schedule.  Sometimes, they are never actually due.   We set aside money for the parties we throw, for car repairs and for a number of other things.  A few of these items are outright optional, but they are part of what makes life fun.  You can’t make a budget without including some of the extras.

Budget Lesson #5 – This is the companion piece to lesson 2.   Learn how I’ve reduced–or attempted to reduce–each of these bills.   For the better part of two years, I called Dish Network every few months to ask for a discount.  For almost 2 years, it was granted.  Then one, day, they told me they were putting a note on our account to keep us from getting any more discounts, so I canceled.   100% discounts help us save more.

Budget Lesson #6 – This is the reduction companion to lesson 3.  These bills are harder to reduce.  Have you ever successfully gotten your property taxes lowered?

Budget Lesson #7 – This is the reduction companion to lesson 4.  Notice a pattern, yet?

Budget Lesson #8 – Here, completely out of order, is the reduction companion to lesson 1.   Watch as I magically reduce–or rationalize–our discretionary budget.

So, dear readers, what part of budgeting should I address next?

Saturday Roundup: Evil Dead

Misc

Image via Wikipedia

Last night, my wife and I went to see Evil Dead: The Musical.   I’m a die-hard zombie-movie fan, and the Evil Dead Trilogy is among my favorites.   I don’t recognize a difference between Candarian demons and zombies, so it still fits the genre.

The musical beats either of the first two movies, hands down.   I was rolling.  If you are in the Minneapolis area tomorrow, check it out at the Illusion Theater.    If you are elsewhere, watch for it.  It’s entirely worth the time and money.

Best Posts:

Sometimes, shopping can save you money, but don’t let it get out of hand.

I’ve never had food poisoning, but my wife has.  It was unpleasant.

Bacon soda.  Yum.  No further comment.

Bad marketers.  No donut.

Carnivals I’ve been in:

AAA – Save Some Cash was included in the Festival of Frugality.

The Spending Styles of the Rocky Horror Picture Show was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

Crack was included in Foodtastic Favorites.

If I missed anyone, please let me know.   Thanks for including me!

Fighting Evil by Phone

Finance

A few years ago, I was under the control of the Local Worthless Telephone Company(LWTC), and forced to use their long-distance provider, Evil Telephones & Thieves (ET&T). There was never a month that didn’t involve calling LWTC to get our bill corrected. Every month, something was wrong.

One month, we got a bill for $800 more than expected. Another month, another mistake. I called LWTC to get it corrected. This wasn’t a big deal, just another screwup in long list. They refused. They had never refused before. They informed me that the charge came from ET&T, not their system, preventing them from doing anything about it. There went an hour of hold time I’ll never get back.

I called the Evil Mother of All Telcos, The Malevolent Bastard Offspring of a Government-Shattered Monopoly, the Unholy Source of All Communications-Related Errors and Communicable Social Diseases. Hold. Hold for soul-rending abuse. Do you sense a pattern? Evil abounds. The inspiration for Wolfram & Hart. Employee meetings open with ritual sacrifice and close with the desecration of the holy symbols of obscure religions from distant corners of the globe.

Niue Island

When the customer service rep came on the line, I asked for an explanation of the charge. I was informed that I had made a 30 minute call to Niue Island.   I politely reminded them that I had long-distance blocking on my phone.  They couldn’t explain how the call went through, but it had, so I was obviously responsible.   They refused to consider doing anything about the charge.   The next day, I called back.  I explained the situation to a new rep, one who hadn’t yet been trained in the art of stealing the souls of the living.   She recognized the logical impossibility of international calls through the block and reversed the charge.   She was swell.

Ten minutes later, her supervisor called to explain that the good witch didn’t have the authority to reverse those charges.   I was responsible for paying the bill, even though she couldn’t explain how I was responsible for making the call.   I explained the situation, again.   I begged.  I pleaded.  Nothing.   I was informed that I had to pay the bill.  If I didn’t, they would take me to court to make me pay.  She swore their computer system was solid enough to pass as evidence in court. She was angry, rude and snotty.  She told me there was nothing I could do.

That wasn’t going to work for me.

I started gathering papers.   The next day, a certified letter was sent to both ET&T and the Evil Para-Monopoly Telco.   The contents of this letter were golden.

I sent:

  • A dispute letter crafted using every bit of my experience in one of the largest collection agencies in the world.
  • A copy of the problem bill, with the impossible charge and the long-distance blocking highlighted.
  • A copy of a Minnesota Attorney General complaint.
  • A copy of a Minnesota Public Utilities Commission complaint.
  • A copy of an FCC complaint.

That was the end of it.  There was no follow-up call, no collections notice, no court notice.  There was nothing. The following month, there was no mention of the unpaid balance.  The bill disappeared.  Victory!  I had conquered evil, driven a righteous stake through its beating, dust-filled heart, and poured garlic salt in the wound.  I never even had to submit the complaints to their respective agencies.

That was the month we dropped our home phone line to eliminate that headache.   At the time, the cell phone with the best family plan gave us $300 shared minutes for $75.   It was worth it to get away from the Abomination That was the Union of LWTC and ET&T.   A year later, when a business telephone provider decided to expand into the residential market in our area, we had our home phone reinstated.   In the nine years since, we’ve never had to dispute a bill with McLeod USA.

Lesson learned:  When you are battling evil, go big or go home. It’s better to swat a mosquito with a sledgehammer than to poke a dragon with a safety pin.

 

Budget Lesson, Part 8

Finance

This is a continuation of the budget series. See these posts for the history of this series.

This time, I’m looking at our discretionary budget. These are the things that don’t have a fixed cost. Any individual item is largely optional, and, ultimately, we don’t track these purchases closely. At the beginning of the month, I pull this money out of the bank in cash, except for 1 category. When the discretionary budget is gone, it’s gone.

  • Groceries/Dining  – At the beginning of the week, we sit down with a meal planner and (Can you guess?) plan our meals.  The planner we use has a weekly calendar with a checklist below each day to build the grocery list.  At the bottom of the page is another checklist for staples that don’t apply to a specific day’s meal, like milk or snacks.   We build the list, then transfer it to another sheet, broken out by grocery department.  That keeps me from having to criss-cross the store.   I make one lap.  When I go to the store, I only bring that week’s grocery budget in cash,  so I keep close track of how much is going into the cart.    Recently, we’ve gotten so good at making our meals cheaply from scratch that I reduced our monthly food budget by $50.   I enjoy good food, so I wouldn’t reduce this budget item if it was a sacrifice in quality.   For example, the Rainbow Foods store-brand chips actually taste better than Lay’s for half of the price.    We stock up when things are on sale and cook creatively.   Sometimes, if time has been too tight to make a meal plan, we eat solely from the pantry for a week, buying nothing but bread and milk.   By sticking to the list, and not fearing the store’s brand, we are able to feed our family of 5 1/2 for $450 per month and still eat well.
  • Discretionary  – This is for the random things that come up, and some of the not-so-random.   Toiletries, activity fees, admissions, and fund-raisers all come out of this fund.  At the end of the month, whatever is left gets tucked into a box and forgotten.   When the box gets full, it goes to the bank to be applied to debt. There isn’t a lot to cut here, since this line-item is only $200.
  • Baby stuff  – This category is continually shrinking.   Our middle kid is recently potty-trained and our youngest is trying.   There is no baby food and no formula, just 1 pack of diapers every month.   In 6 months, this category will be eliminated.
  • Gas/oil  – This is the single category that isn’t cash-based.   It makes no sense to take the kids out of the car to pay inside, especially in the winter.    Also, all of the temptation is inside. It’s much better to spend the money at the pump.    There isn’t much we can do to reduce this, at the moment.   Our next car won’t be a full-sized pickup, but we are several years from that purchase.    We’ve started clipping oil-change coupons to keep this down to the minimum amount possible.
  • Clothes  – We only allocate $15 per month for clothes.   In a good month, we don’t spend it.   We can’t eliminate it completely, because things do come up.   Over the summer, I’m hoping to completely leave it alone to save up for a new(used) winter jacket for our older daughter, who doesn’t get hand-me-downs.
  • Blow Money  – This is the safety valve.  It can’t get reduced and still work.

We’ve now addressed out entire budget, including what we can do and have done to keep our costs under control.  Looking back, I don’t see too many cuts I’ve missed.

Budget Lesson, Part 4

Finance

Part 4 of the Budget Lesson series.  Please see Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 to catch up.  The Google Doc of this example is here.

The final category in my budget is “Set-aside funds”.  These are the categories that don’t have specific payout amounts and happen at irregular intervals.  When my car is paid off, there will be a car fund added to the list, instead of a new car payment.

  • Parties –  We throw two parties each year; a Halloween party and a summer barbecue.  We also have three children who have varying expectations and needs for their birthday parties.
  • Gifts – I don’t buy presents for my friends, and the number of relatives I buy gifts for has decreased dramatically over the years.  I do, however, buy birthday and Christmas presents for my wife and kids and I participate in some form of gift exchange with my brothers and their wives.  Combined, we set aside about $100 per month for parties and presents.
  • Pet Care – We have four cats and a dog.  This is to cover cat litter and food the bunch.  We have too many pets, but we can’t give them away.  They are family.  However, there is a moratorium on new animals for a few years.   Two cats and a dog are our hard limit.
  • Car Repair – Cars break.  Tires wear out.  This isn’t a surprise, and it certainly isn’t an emergency.
  • Warranty Fund – We are building up our own “Warranty Fund“, to replace appliances when they break.  I’d rather have the interest accruing than see this as a line-item fee on any of my bills.
  • Medicine/Medical – Kids get sick and prescriptions need to be filled.  We figure our monthly prescriptions plus one office visit per month, but the money accrues in this fund.  On low months, we have more, so we can cover the visits during flu season.
  • In The Hole – This isn’t actually a fund we set aside.  If, for some reason, we go over budget one month, it gets entered here to immediately pay ourselves back for the over-spend.  This month, this number is $170, which is how high we went over for Christmas.  Since we have all of the “Set asides” and non-monthly bills stored in the same account, there was no actual debt, just this “paper” debt to ourselves.  This serves the combined purposes of a mild punishment for overspending and a method to get back on track.

That is my entire budget laid out.   As the series continues, I’ll be examining how I have lowered the bills, how I could lower them more, and how I’ve screwed them up.