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Don’t Screw Future-You

Finance, Life

A conversation between me and my temporally displaced self.
Future Me: Excuse me, Jason?
Me: Yes?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: May I ask what that was for?
FMe: Of course.
Me: What was that for, jerk?
FMe: That was payback for all of the hell you have put me through.
Me: What?!?  I’ve never even met you, before.
FMe: Of course you have.  I am future-you, and I’m sick of getting screwed by past-me, that is, you.
Me: Huh?
FMe: Listen close.  You’re not  the sharpest brick in the box and I don’t want to explain this twice.
Me: ???
FMe: A long time ago, when you first met our wife, you were dumb.
Me: I don’t appreciate….
FMe: Shut up.  I was dumb then, too.  Remember?  You…err…we bought a new truck, built an addition on our…err…your…err…whomever’s house, got married in the same year.  On top of many other expensive decisions.  Do your recall?
Me: Yes, I do.  So what?
FMe: If that wasn’t enough, you and your smoking-hot bride are still shopping like you’re rich. You drive a new car.  Your kids wear new clothes.  You’ve got a house full of new furniture.  How did you pay for all of that?
Me: Naturally, I charged it.  Zero payments, zero interest for a year!  Pretty smart, huh?
FMe: What happens in a year?
Me: I don’t know.  I’ve got a full year to figure that out.
FMe: <Slap!>  I’ll tell you what happens!  Future-you, that’s me, gets screwed!   Your raise didn’t come through.  You had a baby. The truck broke down.  Your wife took maternity leave.  A roommate moved out.  You took a loss in the stock market.  You didn’t plan!  You had no savings to cover any of those problems because you were too busy servicing debt to pay for your current life.
Me: How was I to know?
FMe: <Slap!>  Life happens!  You never know what is coming next.  You need to plan and save for what might happen.  Otherwise, you’ll just accumulate more debt to be serviced by yours-truly.  That is not acceptable.
Me:  So?  What are you going to do about it?
FMe: <Slap!>
Me: Really?  Again?
FMe: <Slap!>  I’m struggling to pay your debt. Your son starts college next year, but you’ve left me completely unable to help.  Your daughter wants to get married in a couple of years, but the Father-of-the-Bride can’t afford a tux.  My wife, your beatiful bride, wants a vacation that I can’t afford.   You’ve screwed me, dude.
Me: I’m sorry.  What can I do to fix it?
FMe: Buy me dinner, first.
Me: Huh?!?!?
FMe: Stop the excess spending. Spend less than you make, for a change.  No credit.
Me: None?
FMe: None.  Nada.  Zip.  Zilch.  Only spend what you can afford. Budget.  Pay off those nasty bills.  Don’t leave me hanging.
Me: So, what you’re saying is that, if I don’t have the money, I shouldn’t buy it?
FMe: Exactly.  That’s the path to wealth, freedom, and financial independence.  Live in the real world.
Me: Gee, thanks, Future-Me!  Now I know.
FMe: And knowing is half the battle.

What would your future-you have to say to you?

 

Save Your Family

Finance, Life, Parenting

I don’t attach much importance to dreams.  They are just there to make sleepy-time less boring. Last night, I had a dream where I spent most of my time trying to prepare my wife to run our finances before telling my son that I wouldn’t be around to watch him grow up.    That’s an unpleasant thought to wake up with.  Lying there, trying to digest this dream, I started thinking about the transition from “I deal with the bills” to “I’m not there to deal with it”.   We aren’t prepared for that transition.   Last year, we started putting together our “In case of death” file, but that project fell short.    The highest priorities are done.   We have wills and health directives, but how would my wife pay the bills?  Everything is electronic.  Does she know how to log in to the bank’s billpay system?    Which bills are only in my name, and will go away if I die?   Is there a list of our life insurance policies?

I checked the incomplete file that contains this information.   It hasn’t been updated since September.  It’s time to get that finished.  Procrastinating is inappropriate and denial is futile.   Here’s a news flash: You are going to die. Hopefully, it won’t happen soon, but it will happen.  Is your family prepared for that?

The questions are  “What do I need?” and “What do I have?”

First and foremost, you need a will.  If you have children and do not have a will, take a moment–right now– to slap yourself.   A judge is not the best person to determine where your children should go if you die. The rest of it is minor, if you’re married.   Let your next-of-kin, your spouse keep it.  I don’t care.   Just take care of your kids! Set up a trust to pay for the care of your children.   Their new guardians will appreciate it.  How hard is it to set up?   I use Quicken Willmaker and have been very pleased.  Of course, the true test is in probate court, and I won’t be there for it.   If you are more comfortable getting an attorney, then do so. I’ve done it each way.    You can cut some costs by using Willmaker, then taking it to an attorney for review.

It’s a sad fact that often, before you die, you spend some time dying.  Do you have a health care directive?   Does your family know, in writing, if and when you want the plug pulled? Who gets to make that decision?   Have you set up a medical power of attorney, so someone can make medical decisions on your behalf if you aren’t able?  Do you want, and if so, do you have a Do-Not-Resuscitate order?  Willmaker will handle all of this, too.

What’s going to happen to your bank accounts?  I’m personally a fan of keeping both of our names on all of our accounts.   I share my life and my heart, I’d better be able to trust her with our money. If that’s not an option, for whatever reason, fill out the “Payable on Death” information for your accounts, establishing a beneficiary who can get access to your money if you die.   Do you want your spouse to lose the house or the car if you die? Should your kids have to miss meals?  Make sure necessary access to your money exists.

Does anybody know what you have for life insurance? Get a copy of the policy and make sure your spouse and someone else knows what company holds it and how much it is worth.

Now, it’s time to make some lists.   You need to gather account numbers and contact information for everything.

  • Bank accounts. List every bank and account you own.  Checking, savings, CDs.
  • Investment accounts. Again, every company, every account.
  • Mortgage and car payment information.
  • Life insurance. Get your policy numbers, contact information, beneficiaries, and amount of coverage all in one place.
  • Credit card accounts. Every card, every company.    If it’s just your name on the account, your spouse will need to send certified death certificates to stop collections.  Otherwise, she’ll need to pay the bills.
  • Utilities.  Get the account number for the electric bill, the gas bill, water/sewer/garbage, cable and phones.
  • Other bills. These include car/home insurance, Netflix, memberships and anything else you pay.
  • I’ve included the account information for my web host, registrars and websites. Some of it is salable, some of it is income-generating.
  • Car titles. Put the actual titles in the pile of lists.
  • Property deeds. Keep these here, too.

Non-financial information to list:

  • Online accounts. Any financial sites that would be useful, or any community sites you would like to have informed about your death.  Your online presence is a part of who you are.
  • Email accounts. Will your survivors need to interact with anybody potentially contacting you?   They will need your username and password, or most big providers won’t let them in.
  • Social media. How many networks do you participate in?  Do you want to disappear, or should all of your Facebook friends know your dead?
  • Blogs. Do you have a blog that needs an announcement?   Does it generate income?  Could it be sold?
  • Contact list. Who else needs to be informed of your demise?  Don’t make your loved ones hunt for the information.

Now, take all of this information and put it in a nice, fat envelope and lock it in the fireproof safe you have bolted to the floor.  Make a copy and give it to someone you trust absolutely.   Make sure someone knows the combination to the safe or where to find the key.

Your loved ones will appreciate it.

Toxic People

Business, Life

You should never be in the company of anyone with whom you would not want to die.

-Duncan Idaho, from God-Emperor of Dune

Some people suck the life out of everyone they encounter.   Whether it be through lies, unreasonable demands, emotional abuse or manipulation, or just a vile personalty, the people they meet are worse off for the encounter.   The people they interact with every day are screwed.

My time is too precious to waste any of it unnecessarily on people who remove value from it.   I like being with people who enrich my life, instead.

Unfortunately, since I’m not an advocate for the use of hitmen, not every toxic person is easy to eliminate from your life.

Toxic people come in 3 basic varieties:  professional, personal, and family.   There is some overlap between the categories.

The personal category is easiest to deal with.  These people aren’t relatives or coworkers, so you won’t see them at family gatherings or at work.     I’ve dealt with these people in two ways.

First, there is the direct approach.  One former friend, who was really only a friend when it was convenient for him(a pure leech), got told that he wasn’t invited to one of our parties because I was inviting his ex-wife, instead.    That was the last time he called me.

The second option is far more passive.   I set up a contact group in my phone called “Life’s too short”.   At first, I set it up with a fairly insulting ring tone, but I later switched it to no ring at all.   I don’t know they’ve called until I check my voicemail.   It’s far less direct, but also far easier than the direct approach.

Dealing with the toxic people in your family is more complicated.   You’ll see them at holiday gatherings, or hear about them during unrelated visits.   You probably have a lot of memories growing up with them, and may feel some level of obligation–deserved or not–to maintain contact.   It’s hard to break a tie that you’ve had your entire life.

Can you fix their behavior?  It’s worth trying to have a frank discussion about how they are treating you, or the things they are doing.    If the problem is that they are constantly bringing over their methhead boyfriends, banning the drug addicts from your home, while still welcoming the relative may be an acceptable fix.  If the problem is a constant need to belittle you, demanding they stop may work.   If the problem is a lifetime of emotional abuse, it probably isn’t fixable.

Is banishment an option?   Can you put that creepy cousin on the Life’s Too Short list?  You’ll still have to deal with him at family gatherings, but you can always leave the room when he comes in, right?   Don’t engage, don’t participate in any conversation beyond a polite greeting, and don’t offer any encouragement towards regular contact.

It’s possible that it won’t be possible to fix their behavior and that you won’t want to banish the offender.   If, for example, the offender is your mother (Not you, Mom!), you may feel a sense of obligation to maintain contact, or even be a primary caregiver at times.     This is a line nobody else can draw for you.   At some point, the current bad behavior could overwhelm the past obligations.   When that happens are you prepared for it?  That can be a traumatic break.

The other option, as cold as it sounds, is to wait it out.  Nature will take its course, eventually.   Can you wait that long, while maintaining your sanity and emotional equilibrium?

Professional toxic people include customers, vendors, and coworkers, none of whom are easy to get rid of.

If you own the business, you can fire your problem customers if the hassle outweighs the benefits you get from the relationship.   You can find a new vendor, and you can fire the problem employees.

What happens if you are an employee?

If the problem is your boss, your options are to suck it up, talk to his boss, or find a new job.   If the first is intolerable, and the second is impossible, it’s time to polish your resume.

If the problem is a vendor, you’ve got some options.   Document the problems, first.  Does he make inappropriate jokes, or badmouth you to your customers?  Then, research the alternatives.   Does one of his competitors offer an equivalent product or service?  Take the documentation and research to your boss, or whoever makes that decision, and see if you can get your company to make the switch.  The other option, is to request someone new to deal with at the vendor’s company, but that may not always be possible.

Finally, we come to the problem of toxic coworkers.

Some coworkers have the same problems as a toxic boss.  Is the company vice-president the boss’s baby brother?   You’re probably not going to find a win there.   You’ll have to suck it up or move on.

Is the problem person working in an unrelated department doing unrelated tasks?   It may be possible to start taking breaks at different times and leave him where he belongs: in the past.

Is the difficult individual sharing an office with you, demanding everything be done his way, and throwing daily tantrums?   This is the one that has to be dealt with.  He’s the one sucking the life out of you every single day.

First, start making use of a voice recorder.  If you’ve got a smartphone, you’ve probably already got one.  Otherwise, drop the $20 to buy one.   This lets you document the evil.   When his behavior goes hinky, record it.

Second, stand up for yourself.  If he’s making unreasonable demands, tell him it’s inappropriate.   He’s a bully, and bullies tend to back down when they are confronted.

Third, make sure the boss knows about the behavior.  Yes, this is tattling.  Get over it.  If he wasn’t acting like he was a spoiled 4 year old, you wouldn’t have to tell the boss that he was.   If the boss doesn’t know there’s a problem, he can’t deal with it.

Fourth, for any problem that isn’t directly aimed at you, ignore it.   If he makes a habit of throwing a tantrum because somebody emptied the coffee pot, or because the company switched health plans, let him.   Only get in the way if it’s directed at you.  Over time, the tantrums will get more noticeable and out of hand, forcing the boss to deal with it, preferably by handing him a pink slip.

Your goal is documentation, awareness, and avoidance.  Make the worst of it go elsewhere so you can be as productive as possible, document what you can, and let the boss become aware of the situation and how bad it has become.   And be patient. This isn’t an overnight fix.

How do you deal with the toxic people in your life?

Living the High Life

Finance, Life

This post is part of the Yakezie Blog swap. I have swapped this week with Eric at Narrow Bridge Finance. This is a post from Eric discussing the theme: What Motivates You to be Financially Responsible?  Please take a moment to read my post, Monsters, at Eric’s site.

High Life
High Life

Unlike my blogger buddy Jason here at LiveRealNow, I have no family. Quite the opposite in fact, I am loving the single guy life. I don’t have much debt. I love going to the bars and partying on the weekends. I have a good job. I have relatively low expenses. Things are good.

So what is my motivation to be financially responsible? It is two-fold. First, I want to be able to keep doing whatever I want whenever I want without worrying about money. Second, I do want to settle down someday in the not too distant future and make sure I have a good foundation to start the next chapter of my life.

I Want to Do Whatever I Want Whenever I Want

Is that selfish? Probably. But who cares? I don’t have kids, I don’t have a wife. I don’t even have a girlfriend at the moment. I do make an effort to donate to local organizations I believe in and I am happy to have friends over for a pre-game and buy a round of drinks, but that is as far as my obligation to others goes.

Doing whatever I want is not always cheap. I like going to concerts. I enjoy nightclubs. I love traveling and exploring new places. $80 tickets, a $15 cover plus drinks, and a $500 trip are fairly common occurrences in my life.

As you know, money doesn’t grow on trees. I have to work hard to pay for the things I want and the experiences I have. I am totally okay with that. But I have to plan now to be able to do what I want later.

I live in a modest and inexpensive apartment. I try to keep my food budget low. I bought a small car that would be reliable, low maintenance, and fuel efficient.

By cutting out wasteful spending and thinking before I spend, I am able to do pretty much whatever I want. If you have the same goal, dive into the depths of your budget. Dig in deep and see where you are spending money. Not to be cliché, but the ‘latte factor’ is a big deal. Those stops at Starbucks, afternoon snacks, energy drinks, cable bills, and other cash drains might not be worth it. If you don’t really, really enjoy it and get pleasure from it, why would you spend money on it?

My Future – Family, Travel, and Early Retirement

I am 26. I am at that point where I am going on a lot of dates. I am meeting a lot of great girls. One of these days, probably when I least expect it, I will fall madly in love and get married. You know the story.

My short term dream is a life of travel and urban living. My long term dream is to get married to a hot Jewish girl (I am Jewish, so it makes sense to “keep it in the tribe”) and have two or three kids. Once kids are in the picture, we move out from the urban fun areas and settle down in the burbs.

But just because I will give up the party life does not mean I have to give up my passions. I want to show my kids the world, give them amazing life experiences, and help them grow to hopefully be even more awesome than me, which is a hard bar to beat.

To do all of that and reach financial freedom, I have to set my goals and work to achieve them. (In case you were wondering, Jason recently wrote a great post on financial goal setting. If you have not read it yet, you really should.)

To get there, I am already working on saving and investing. I am contributing over 10% of my gross income at work to my retirement plans. I am working hard to pay down my student loans and save up a down payment fund. I am planning ahead and saving for my future goals.

How to Reach Your Goals

You probably have financial and life goals too. What are you doing to get there?

We can always tell people about our dreams. However, unlike when you are two years old and dream of being an astronaut police officer that lives in a toy store with an ice cream machine and a McDonald’s in it, your dreams today can be a reality.

With few exceptions, every person can reach their goals. Do you want to retire at 40? Take steps to save and create residual income streams. Do you want to travel in space? Save up to buy a ticket on Virgin Galactic. Do you not have enough money? Diversify your income streams and make more. Do you feel chained down by your traditional desk job that you hate? Start a business and transition to self employment.

Yes, it is easier said than done. But you will never reach your goals unless you take solid steps to get there. Don’t just dream it, live it.

Please take a moment to head over to Eric’s site, Narrow Bridge Finance.   While you’re there, be sure to subscribe.  You don’t want to miss his posts.

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Fixing Your Credit Report

Finance

Sometimes, negative things appear on your credit report.  Usually, they do a good job of maintaining

Credit card (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

accuracy, but mistakes do happen. The creditor or the reporting agency may screw up, or you may have your identity stolen.  If either of these situations are true, you’ll want to correct your credit report, making yourself eligible for lower rates on future credit and, occasionally, lowering the cost of things like auto insurance.

If you throw “credit repair” into Google, you get 18 million hits.   Most of those are either outright scams or hopelessly optimistic about what they can accomplish. As I said once before:

Credit Repair is almost always a scam. There are ways to get correct bad information removed from your credit report.  If the information is correct, those methods are illegal.   There are two legal methods to repair your credit.  First, stop generating bad credit.  Make your payments on time and eventually, the bad items will fall off.   Second, write letters disputing the actual incorrect items on your credit report.  There are no quick fixes, and anybody telling you different is flirting with a jail sentence, possibly yours.

There are ways to avoid the scammers.

  • Avoid advance-fee credit repair. If they are any good, you will pay for results, not intentions.  If they charge beforehand, they are already breaking the law.
  • If they insist they can erase the accurate, but negative information, run away.
  • If they tell you to dispute everything negative, even the accurate information, run away.
  • If they tell you to create a new credit identity, don’t just run, report them.  It’s a felony.

Legally, you cannot get valid information removed from your credit report.  Anyone who tells you differently is advocating a crime. However, according to the Fair Credit Reporting Act (FCRA), you are entitled dispute incorrect records.

To verify the accuracy of your credit report, you need to see it.  You can get a free report if your credit is used to deny you for something.  This is known as an “adverse action” .  You have 60 days from the denial to request the report.  You can also get one free report from each of the major credit bureaus each year. I space out these requests so I see my credit report every 4 months.

If there is inaccurate information on your report, dispute it in writing.  Send a letter to the credit bureau that is reporting the error.  Explain the problem and politely demand an investigation.   They will contact the creditor, who usually has 30 days to respond.   In the meantime, send a dispute letter to the creditor, along with proof of the inaccuracy.  If the investigation does not go your way, the creditor will have to report the dispute status to the credit bureaus in the future.

If the negative items are accurate, there is only one way to get it off of your report legally:  Wait.    Most negative information can only be reported for 7 years, while a bankruptcy will be reported for 10.

Another way to build your credit in the face of negative credit is to start building good credit to overshadow the bad. Get a credit card.  Your first credit card from the bottom of the debt-barrel will probably be a gas card or a store-branded credit card.    That’s fine.  The main consideration is are low or nonexistent fees.   Don’t accept application fees, activation fees, fees for carrying a balance or fees for not carrying a balance.    Annual fees are becoming a fact of life, so look for low fees.   The interest rate does not matter.   You will be paying this card off immediately, meaning no less often that every two weeks.  Make sure every penny is paid during the grace period, and make sure your card comes with a grace period.   Some don’t.  Those are bad cards to get.

There are no quick fixes for bad credit, just good new habits and time.

 

Deathbed Regrets

Life, Parenting, Relationships

Missing chocolate chip cookie.
Image via Wikipedia

A friend recently pointed me to an article written by a hospice nurse.  This nurse spent her career working with people who were dying, beyond recovery, and aware of it.   Her job, primarily, was to provide comfort, whether that be physical or emotional.

During her conversations, she found several themes when her patients discussed their regrets and she lists the 5 most common regrets in her article.

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

I don’t see this one being an issue for me.   While I did buy in to a standard life template (college, wife, kids, suburbs, office, etc.), I am me.  I am undeniably me.

I’d be delusional to think that I wasn’t a bit…different.   I see things differently than a lot of other people, I react differently, and I’m vocal about it.  That sometimes makes it hard to get close to me.  I doubt anyone who is close to me would argue with that.

I also tend to do things.  Most people talk about doing things, I try to make them happen.   “I wish I were out of debt”, “Honey, I want to start a business”, “Let’s drop 40 pounds this year”, or “I want to build a trebuchet”.   I think I know why my wife gets nervous when I say “I have an idea”.

I may not be running anyone else’s script, but at the end of the day, I’d regret not doing things more than I’d regret trying them.

I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This one is a personal struggle for me.   I’m scared of missing my children grow up.   I hate the idea of looking back and finding my children as adults, with few memories of how they got there.

At the same time, I’ve got a pile of debt I need to get rid of before I can dial back too far.    I could quit my job tomorrow, but that wouldn’t be providing a good life for them.

My worry, and the worry of some people close to me, is that, once the debt is gone, I won’t be able to let go of my extreme work hours, even though I’m working so hard now to be able to work less later.   “Later”, in this case, means a couple of years, not retirement.

I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Ugh.  Feelings.  If this is a standard deathbed regret, I’m screwed.   My loved ones know I love them, but other than that, I’m happy to be in control of myself.

I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

I do.  It’s not always close contact, but it is contact.

I’m of the opinion that life’s too short to spend time with people you dislike, so some people have been relegated to the past.   My friends, my family, my loved ones are a part of my life, even if it’s occasionally months between emails or years between visits.

I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I think I do pretty well on this front, too.   Happiness is a choice.   I could worry about all of the things that aren’t perfect, or I could enjoy the things I have.  I choose to enjoy what I’ve got, even while trying to improve the rest.

In the words of Denis Leary : “Happiness comes in small doses folks. It’s a cigarette, or a chocolate cookie, or a five second orgasm. That’s it, ok! [You] eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning and go to…work, ok!? That is it!”

Happiness isn’t a hobby farm, a new job, or a dream vacation.   Happiness is a date with my wife, or cuddling with my kids to Saturday morning cartoons, or taking my son to the range.

Happiness is the things I’m doing now, not the dreams I’m hoping for someday.

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