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Meditation

Life is crazy.

“Really, Jason, that’s news?”

I spend so much time going in so many different directions.

Cleaning out our inherited hoarding house, managing the remodel, work, side hustles, kids, friends, family, relationships, maintaining our house, maintaining a relationship with my wife, garage sales, school starting, junior high football season, insurance policies, probate, rush hour, insomnia.

Some days, I feel insanely scattered. I can’t focus. I have a hard time making decisions. I waste time.

Those days, I need to clear my head.

That’s where meditation comes in.

I don’t do the money hum. (Om mone padme, Om)

Instead, I have three activities that demand a total focus. They drive out any scattered thoughts or unimportant concerns.

They have to because, quite frankly, they can be dangerous if I don’t concentrate.

1. I shave. I use a double-edged safety razor, so bleeding for the throat is a real concern. For 10 minutes, nothing else in the world matters. It has only recently struck me how valuable this is. That value makes me want to start shaving every day, with a straight razor. More focus, more often.

2. I ride. For the past couple of years, it’s been hard to find time get my motorcycle out. Small children seem to want attention every day. It got to the point where I was ready to sell my bike. This spring, it was seriously misbehaving. Finally, at the end of the summer, a friend got it running better than it ever has. I took it out for a couple of hours and came back feeling more clearheaded than I have in a long time. I won’t be selling my bike until I have its replacement.

3. I shoot. Shooting involves a series of simple actions that require concentration to do well. Load the gun, line up the sights, which eye is dominant, breathe, don’t breathe, squeeze the trigger, hole in the paper. Again, it’s not an activity that’s conducive to worrying about the bills or work. It’s a way to shut out the world for a few minutes.

For me, a few moments or a few hours of shutting down everything except one thing is the way to stay sane and focused.

How do you deal with it when the world comes crashing in from every direction?

Carnival Roundup

Misc

As of today, my mother-in-law’s house is just about ready. We’ve got some stuff in a couple of the bedrooms to clean out, then it’s time to scrub it all down, paint, and clean the floors. It’s been a long, horrible, emotional summer getting this property ready, but we are definitely at the “light at the end of the tunnel” stage.

This weekend, the renters are going to come over and help wipe it all down. That will be nice.

Live Real, Now was included in the following carnivals recently:

Yakezie Carnival: List of Awesome Finance Articles hosted by Learn Financial Education

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The Wealth Artisan FinCarn hosted by Wealth Artisan

Carnival of Money Pros hosted by Master the Art of Savings

Carnival of Financial Camaraderie #49 hosted by My University Money

Carnival of Personal Finance #381 hosted by Tie the Money Knot

Yakezie Carnival hosted by I Am 1 Percent

Carnival of Money Pros hosted by Young and Thrifty

Carnival of Financial Camaraderie #50 hosted by Wealthy Turtle

Yakezie Carnival hosted by I Heart Budgets

The Wealth Artisan FinCarn hosted by Wealth Artisan

Carnival of Money Pros hosted by Vanessa’s Money

Carnival of Financial Camaraderie #51 hosted by My University Money

Carnival of Retirement #40 hosted by Term Life Insurance, Inc.

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Changing Our Situation

Finance

In September 2005, I bought my car, a Chrysler Pacifica. I got it on a loan. Two months later–seven years ago this month–I was told I’d be laid off at the end of the year.

Two weeks ago, we bought a Chevy Tahoe with a loan. Last Monday, my wife was permanently laid off after 12 years with her company. She was told that, if her department opened back up, she’d be welcome to reapply for her job and start as a new employee.

Car loans mean layoffs at my house.

Last Tuesday, I got a formal offer for a new job. I accepted.

I am now a full month away from knowing exactly what my semi-monthly paychecks will be. My wife is getting her final paycheck later this week, which will include a week of severance pay.

For the first time in a number of years, I don’t know what my income looks like. I don’t have a clear long-term picture or a good short-term picture.

I’m not worried.

For the first time in my life, I’m not living paycheck-to-paycheck. Having a couple of pay periods act wonky isn’t going to hurt. Yes, we are going to cut back, but we can manage for a few months without worry. We aren’t going to sweat over putting food on the table.

That is an incredible feeling.

The End of Litter

Finance, Life

In honor of Earth Day (a day late), I’m going to talk about ending litter.

kitty toilet training phase 3 — Kryptonite?

Not the stuff you find on the street or throw from your car window. I don’t mind that because, on a long enough timeline, everything is biodegradable. Mother Nature is tougher than I am. She can handle my McDonald’s wrappers.

No, I’m talking about the real scourge: cat litter.

We’ve got four of the things, and let me tell you, they make poop. Everyday. I keep telling my wife that they are going to continue making poop as long as we keep feeding them, but she continues to give them food.

For those of you who don’t know, most cats use a litter box, which is a fun pan full of a sand-like mixture of diatomaceous earth and bentonite clay, which trains your cat to use the neighbor kid’s sandbox if you let the little potsticker go outside.

Thanks for that.

So, everyday, our four cats crap in a couple of pans full of sand. Until the sand pans get too full of cat crap. Then, they use the couch.

Who decided this was a good system? Is it a conspiracy of Big Couch to force people to buy new furniture on a regular basis, the way Big Oil suppressed the 1000 mile-per-gallon carburetor, Big Pharma suppressed the cure-all hemlock pill, and Big Sword suppressed world peace during the Dark Ages?

There’s got to be a better way.

Right?

Enter the CitiKitty. It’s the miracle cat potty trainer featured on The Shark Tank.

Here’s how it works:

Move the litter box to the bathroom and start using flushable cat litter.
Once the cats are comfortable with that change, put the CitiKitty on the toilet, under the ring and add litter.
In a week or two, when all of the cats are comfortable with the setup, pop out the center ring of the CitiKitty. This gets the cats used to doing their business over water.
Every couple of weeks, pop out another ring until the cats are used to standing on the slippery ring and crapping directly into the water. Praise the cat when it happens, because cats give a crap about your opinion.
Throw the litter box away and brag to your friends.

Because I love testing things to make my life easier, and I hate cat crap, I gave the thing a try.

It worked great until step 3. Apparently, pooping directly into water is similar to trapping a vampire with running water and causes the cats to panic and find somewhere else to poop, never to return to the bathroom.

There’s really nothing better than stumbling into the living room half asleep, turning on the news and flopping onto the couch, only to find a little lump, still warm, under your butt.

Don’t get me wrong, step 2 was a pain in the neck, too. In order to use the toilet, you have to take the stinking sandbox off of the toilet without spilling litter all over the bathroom, find a place to set it that isn’t disgusting, do your business, put the litter pan back on the toilet, and wash your hands really hard. If you’re a friend of my son’s sleeping over, it’s easier just to not notice the litter box sitting there and top it off in the middle of the night.

It’s a heck of an idea. The best execution I’ve seen for getting a cat to crap in the toilet.

But it doesn’t frickin’ work. If you’ve got a cat using the toilet, I’m guessing you had to sacrifice the neighbor kid to some kind of evil Lovecraftian entity to make it happen, because the CitiKitty didn’t do it.

Negotiating 101

Finance

In the US, haggling is something that makes a lot of people twitch and wet their pants. It’s too hard/scary/intimidating, so most of us just take whatever price is offered, with a smile.

The truth is, you can negotiate in almost any situation. Sure, big-box retailers with low-price goods–like Walmart or a grocery store–aren’t going to go for it, but a lot of other businesses will. Did you know you can haggle at Best Buy? It’s true, but only on the bigger ticket items.

You can also easily negotiate at place like these:

Credit card interest rates and annual fees
Luxury utilities like cable
Rent
Hotel rates
Airline tickets
Gym memberships

“Great”, you say. “Anyone can do it?”, you say. “But how, jerk?”

No need to call names, I’m getting to that part.

I am about to share the First Secret Lesson of Negotiating. This secret has been passed down from father to son among the celibate Shaolin monks for generations. Breaking the code of secrecy may be putting my life in danger, but I’m willing to do that for you, no matter the risk.

I rock like that.

Are you ready to be initiated into the secrets of the Ancient Masters? When our first abbot, Buddhabhadra, first wandered into the Northern Wei Dynasty branch of Best Buy in 477 A.D., he discovered the phrase most likely to break price barriers.

Are you ready, Grasshopper? This is the “Wax on, wax off” of effective negotiation.

When you are given a price, no matter what it is, say “Is that the best you can do?”

“This T.V. costs $7495.” “Is that the best you can do?”

“That comes to $56.95.” “Is that the best you can do?”

“$149,499 for the Ferrari.” “Is that the best you can do?”

“$12,000 for the kidney.” “Is that the best you can do?”

“Only $8.50 for this set of 10 tupperware lids that have been warped in the dishwasher.” “Is that the best you can do?”

“$50 an hour, honey.” “Is that the best you can do?”

“The salary for this position is $50,000 per year.” “Is that the best you can do?”

It is magical, it’s easy to remember, and it’s low stress. This is a non-combative question. The worst possible scenario involves the other side saying, “Yes, that is the best I can do.” No sweat.

Negotiating Lesson 101.2:

After saying “Is that the best you can do?”, shut up. The other party gets to be the next person to say something.

Go out and practice this over the weekend. Master the First Secret Lesson of Negotiating. I’ll be fighting off Shaolin ninjas for sharing the ancient secrets.

Failed Side Hustle: Scrapping

Business

Last week, the washing machine in our rental house died. It was older than I am, so this wasn’t really a surprise. It was one of just two appliances we didn’t replace before we moved the renters in.

English: Melting metal in a ladle for casting ... — English: Melting metal in a ladle for casting Deutsch: Metall wird in einer Gießpfanne zum Schmelzen gebracht. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My wife–bargain shopper that she is–found a replacement on Craigslist. We got it in, then left the dead washing machine next to the replacement, as a warning to any other appliance that thinks it can shirk its assigned work.

This morning, we went over to pull the corpse of our washing machine out of the basement.

Now, I am an out-of-shape desk jockey, my wife is considerably weaker than I am, and a 40 year old washing machine weighs more than 200 pounds.

In the basement.

I’m Superman. Although at one point, I did trade 10 years of the useful life of my right knee in exchange for not letting that thing tumble down the stairs on top of me.

What do you do with a dead washing machine?We could have the garbage company pick it up for $25. Or we could leave it on the curb and wait for some stinking scrapper to take it.

Or…we could join the dark side and scrap it ourselves.

For the uninitiated, scrappers are the people who drive around looking for fence-posts to steal out of other people’s yards, or cut the catalytic converters out of cars parked at park-and-ride bus stops, or steal all of the copper pipes out of your house while your on vacation. Sometimes, they get scrap metal from legitimate sources, I’ve heard.

We decided to go the legitimate route and take the washing machine to the scrap metal dealer in the next town over.

It was pretty easy. We pulled in with the washer in the trailer. A guy on a forklift pulled up and took it, then handed us a receipt to bring to the cashier. She paid us in cash, and we were on our way.

$7.50 richer.

200 pounds of steel, and we made less than $10.

There are people who pay their bills by recycling scrap metal, but I have no idea how. Driving around looking for things to scrap would seem to burn more gas than you’d make turning it in.

Some people scour Craigslist looking for metal things in the free section.

Some people have an arrangement with mechanics to remove their garbage car parts.

Some people are only looking to supplement their government handout checks enough to pay for cigarettes.

Us? We’re going to leave scrapping to the scavengers.