How to Die Well

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Most people don’t die quickly.

As much as I would rather die suddenly-while putting a smile on my wife’s face-the odds are that I will spend my last hours or days in a hospital, unable to make the decisions about my care.

Will I be doing my vegetable impression after a car accident, or be left unable to speak during a botched Viagra implanantation in my 90s? I don’t know.

There is one thing I know about the end of my life. I do not want to linger for months, blind and deaf, on a feeding tube. I don’t want my family to spend the last few months of my life secretly ashamed of hoping for my burden to end. I’d like my end to be quick enough that the emotions they are feeling aren’t a sad combination of guilt and relief, just sadness at my passing and happiness at having had me.

That’s the legacy I’d like.

The problem is making my wishes known. If I’m lying in a hospital bed, asking to be allowed to die, they’ll consider me suicidal instead of rationally considering my request. If I’m completely incapacitated, I won’t even be able to ask.

I can certainly make my wishes known beforehand, but how will my family be able to communicate my desires to the doctors in charge and how will they convince the doctor that they aren’t just after my currently imaginary millions?

That’s where a living will comes in. A living will, also know as an advanced directive, is simply a formal document that explicitly states what you want to happen to you if you are too out of it to make your wishes known.

Aging With Dignity has put together an advanced directive called Five Wishes that meets the legal requirements for an advanced directive in 42 states.

The Five Wishes are:

1. Who is going to make decisions for you, if you can’t? For me, the obvious choice is my wife. She appears to like me enough to want me around and love me enough to do what needs to be done, even if it’s difficult. On the chance that we end up in the same car accidents, matching vegetables on a shelf, I’ve nominated my father for the unpleasantness. I don’t think I’ve told him that, yet.

2. What kind of treatment do you want, or want to refuse? When my Grandpa was going, he made sure to have a Do Not Resuscitate order on file with the nursing home, the clinic, and the hospital. He knew it was his time and didn’t want to drag it out.

3. How comfortable do you want to be? Do you want to be kept out of pain, at all costs, even if it means being drugged into oblivion most of the day? Do you want a feeding tube, or would you rather only receive food and fluids if you are capable of taking them by mouth?

4. How do you want to be treated? Do you want to be allowed to die at home? Do you want people to pray at your bedside, or keep their religious views to yourself? Some people want to be left alone, while others are terrified of dying alone. This wish also covers grooming. Personally, if I soil myself, I’d like to get cleaned up as soon as possible. I’ll have enough to deal with without smelling bad, too.

5. What do you want your family to know? This includes any funeral requests you have and whether you’d like to be cremated, buried, or both, but also goes beyond them. Do you want your family to know that you love them? You can also take this section to ask feuding family members to make peace or ask them to remember your better days, instead of the miserable few at the end.

The last 3 wishes are unique to the Five Wishes document, but they are excellent things to include. The most important part of advanced directive is the advanced part. You have the right to want whatever works for you, but your wishes don’t matter if nobody knows about them.

How about you? Do you have a living will? Does your family know what you want to have happen if the worst happens?

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Getting Back on Track

I should be ashamed to admit it, but we drove ...

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Have you ever set a goal…and failed?

At some point, it happens to all of us. After all, our reach should exceed our grasp, right? That doesn’t make it easy to admit failure, or to correct it. Did you let a New Year’s resolution lapse, or slip off of a diet? Have you started shopping indiscriminately again, or stopped going to the gym?

It’s okay if you did, but it’s time to fix it.

How can you get back on track after failing a goal?

1. Pick a day to start over.

Just like when you first started towards your goal, you have to decide when you’re going to get back on board. If you can’t decide, just pick the beginning of the next month. A new beginning is a great time to tackle your new beginning.

2. Recommit.

You failed once. Accept it and move on. Past behaviors don’t have to be an indicator of future performance. Just do better this time.

3. Announce it.

Somebody has noticed that you aren’t on the wagon. Your coworkers are seeing you eating candy, or your spouse has noticed you buying things you don’t need. Talk to these people. Tell them you’re going to redo the things you’ve undone. You’ll change the world, but you have to start with yourself.

4. Don’t be ashamed of your lapse.

Unless I have seriously misjudged my audience, you are human. Humans sometimes make poor decisions. Being ashamed won’t help you, but take the opportunity to learn from the past. Do you know what caused you to fail? Are there triggers to your behavior that you can avoid this time around? When I quit smoking, I tried to avoid rush hour, because I smoked heavily while I drove and I wanted to avoid being in car for as long as possible, minimizing one of my triggers. What cause your lapse, and can you avoid it?

5. Don’t do it again.

This one should be the most obvious, but the fact that it’s a problem means it’s not. Do whatever it takes to not make the same mistakes and uphold your goals. Don’t smoke. Don’t eat garbage. Exercise more. Whatever you’ve decided to do or not do, do it….or not.

Have you missed a goal? How have you picked it back up?

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Sunday Roundup: Spent weekend

Photographer: Frank C. Müller

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The problem with running a training class for a side hustle is that it sucks up half of my weekend, whenever I hold a class. I like my weekends. Unfortunately for downtime, I like extra money more.

30 Day Project Update

This month, I am trying to do 100 perfect push-ups in a single set. I’m recording each session in a spreadsheet. I am currently up to 50 in a set and 175 in a session, spread across 5 sets. This week, my elbow started hurting, so I took 2 and a half days off.

Weight Loss Update

I am on the Slow Carb Diet. At the end of the month, I’ll see what the results were and decide if it’s worth continuing. For those who don’t know, the Slow Carb Diet involves cutting out potatoes, rice, flour, sugar, and dairy in all their forms. My meals consist of 40% proteins, 30% vegetables, and 30% legumes(beans or lentils). There is no calorie counting, just some specific rules, accompanied by a timed supplement regimen and some timed exercises to manipulate my metabolism. The supplements are NOT effedrin-based diet pills, or, in fact, uppers of any kind. There is also a weekly cheat day, to cut the impulse to cheat and to avoid letting my body go into famine mode.

I’m measuring two metrics, my weight and the total inches of my waist , hips, biceps, and thighs. Between the two, I should have an accurate assessment of my progress.

Weight: I have lost 38 pounds since January 2nd. That’s 2 pound since last week.

Total Inches: I have lost 22.5 inches in the same time frame, down 1.5 inches since last week. My biceps, which are part of this measurement, have grown half an inch each since I started doing push-ups twice a day.

Best Posts

My mother-in-law hates dandelions, with a passion that just isn’t sane. I want to make her a meal that consists of nothing but dandelions.

When I got my first RSA SecureID card, I thought it was the coolest thing ever. If you’ve never had one, it gives you a rotating password that changes every 30 seconds, so nobody can guess you password for long. It was neat, and, apparently, not that secure.

The idea of a tortoise on wheels makes me smile.

I’d like to try to make yogurt. I can try whatever flavors I like. Poptart-and-broccoli yogurt just sounds….

I work really hard to save money on vacations, and this post is full of good ideas to help me do that.

eBay is making changes to their fee structure that will make it a lot cheaper to sell things. I’m guessing the back-the-customer-no-matter-what-at-the-expense-of-the-seller’s-getting-scammed policy was costing them some money.

The big box stores are pushing for Amazon to collect sales tax on all sales, in opposition to a Supreme Court ruling on the topic. It won’t make a difference in sales. Amazon will still be cheaper. And I’ll get a Canadian mail drop.

LRN Timewarp

This is where I review the posts I wrote a year ago. Did you miss them then?

I talked about teaching my kids the joy of delayed gratification. Interestingly, my son has since decided he doesn’t want an XBox 360, because the buy-in is too high, with having to buy games and controllers to match the console. We’ve also changed his allowance to savings ratio. Now, 25% of everything he makes hits his bank account. The rest is his to do with as he sees fit.

Last year at this time, it was scam week here. I wrote a post on debt scams and another on disaster scams.

Carnivals I’ve Rocked and Guest Posts I’ve Rolled

Money Problems: Boosting Your Income was included in the Totally Money Carnival.

Living in Debt: How I Sacrificed My Future was included in the Carnival of Personal Finance.

My post on spendthrift whiners was hosted on Faith and Finance. In return, I hosted his post on paper statement fees.

Thank you! If I missed anyone, please let me know.

Yakezie Blog Swap

Jacob hosted the Yakezie Blog Swap, which is a bunch of bloggers writing on the same topic and sharing the posts with each other. Here is his list of the participants this round.

He wrote about 3 of my financial pet peeves (spending too much money on drinks, financing expensive furniture, and active investing strategies) on Narrow Bridge Finance.

Robert from The College Investor wrote about how people making mistakes with their 401k accounts is a big “no-no” at Thousandaire.
Narrow Bridge Finance posted about how people not taking responsibility for their financial actions infuriates him on My Personal Finance Journey.
Prairie Eco-Thrifter posted about how sales tax is her biggest financial pet peeve at 101 Centavos.

101 Centavos posted about how wasting food makes his blood pressure rise at Prairie Eco-Thrifter.

LaTisha D Styles writes about how greedy banks upset her at Retire by 40.

Retire by 40 wrote about how bigger is not necessarily better at FSYA Online.

Bucksome Boomer writes about how advertisers that hide the real price of a product is maddening at The Single Saver.

The Single Saver wrote about parents who do not teach their children financial responsibility at Bucksome Boomer.

Kevin from Thousandaire writes about people having misconceptions about Roth IRA’s at The College Investor.

Time from Faith and Finance vents about financial institutions charging to send paper account statements, but still send out a plethora of paper junk mail at Live Real Now.

Jason from Live Real Now politely rants about how aggravating it is to see people whine about their less-than-ideal financial situations, yet do nothing about it, at Faith and Finance.

Money Sanity vents about people complaining about paying overdraft and bank fees, while at the same time, having no idea how much credit card debt they have or their checking account balance at The Saved Quarter

The Saved Quarter writes about people who are financially irresponsible and want to complain about how broke they are while showing off the new things they bought at Money Sanity

Barb Friedberg talks about how investment advisors that get paid to sell products (more salesman than investment advisors in my book) upset her at Happy Simple Living

Happy Simple Living writes about how companies and people that exploit others aggravate her at Barb Friedberg Personal Finance.

Get More Out of Live Real, Now

There are so many ways you can read and interact with this site.

You can subscribe by RSS and get the posts in your favorite news reader. I prefer Google Reader.

You can subscribe by email and get, not only the posts delivered to your inbox, but occasional giveaways and tidbits not available elsewhere.

You can ‘Like’ LRN on Facebook. Facebook gets more use than Google. It can’t hurt to see what you want where you want.

You can follow LRN on Twitter. This comes with some nearly-instant interaction.

You can send me an email, telling me what you liked, what you didn’t like, or what you’d like to see more(or less) of. I promise to reply to any email that isn’t purely spam.

Have a great week!

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Slow Carb Diet: How to Avoid Going Bat-**** Crazy

Space-filling model of the lipoic acid molecule

I received an email recently, asking “what kinds of things are you eating so that you don’t go bat-**** crazy?”

First, some background.

On January 2, 2011, I started Tim Ferriss’s Slow Carb Diet and, as of 2/18/2011, I have lost 30 pounds. The first 11 or so were water weight, but I’ve still been losing 4-5 pounds per week. This diet has a few—but only a few—rules.

  1. Eat nothing white. That means no sugar(including fructose), no flour, no potatoes, no rice(even brown), and no milk(or any dairy). Beer is white.
  2. Breakfast is high-protein.
  3. Cheat day once a week. On cheat day, there are no rules after breakfast.
  4. Meals should consist of 40% protein, 30% vegetables and 30% legumes(beans or lentils).
  5. If you get hungry between meals, you didn’t eat enough at the last meal.

That’s it. The rules are simple and don’t require that I refer back to the book for anything.

Here is a typical day for me on this diet:

For breakfast most mornings, I have 3 eggs and 2-3 sausage links. I bought brown-and-serve sausages so this takes 10 minutes to cook in the morning.

On the way to work, I have a diet soda if we have any in the house. If not, I skip it. I like pop, but I’ve broken my caffeine addiction completely.

For lunch, I will either have leftovers from the night before or some stir-fry with beans and whatever protein is convenient. I’ve been keeping pre-cooked brats(wurst, not kid) or polish sausages as a convenience food.

Several times a week, I make some stir-fry. I use a basic, flexible recipe.

  1. Chop whatever vegetables are on hand. We usually have onions, broccoli, a variety of peppers, and mushrooms. If I have celery, asparagus, or almost any other vegetable. Lettuce works poorly in a stir-fry.
  2. Put some oil in a hot pan. I prefer sesame oil, but I’m not picky. I’ll use whatever oil we have on hand.
  3. Cook the vegetables, stirring constantly. Cook them in the order of how long they take to cook. Onions are usually first. Celery tends to be last.. While they are cooking, I sometimes sprinkle ginger powder over the top.
  4. If you are getting sick of eating beans, toss them into the stir-fry, cooked. They mash and disintegrate, giving you the benefit and some flavor, without the mouth-feel.
  5. When the vegetables are cooked to your satisfaction, put them in a bowl. They will keep in the refrigerator for a few days.

I tend to cook the meat separately, as that lets me vary the meal more. I’ll make some chicken or steak ready to toss in the stir-fry before I re-heat it.

I vary the seasonings, vegetables, and oil to get different flavors I rarely make the same stir-fry twice. The real trick to keeping the food satisfying is to experiment with seasonings. They make a huge difference between bland and yummy. Seasonings can make or break a meal all by themselves.

If I don’t have any stir-fry or leftovers, I’ll bring some salad and a polish sausage. Most salad dressing is sugar-based, so I either go light on the dressing, or use balsamic vinegar. I try to avoid doing this more than once every couple of weeks. It’s boring and doesn’t taste that great. It’s okay, but that’s all.

I try to always have cooked beans or lentils in the refrigerator. They provide a significant part of my calorie intake. Beans are kind of a necessity. Vegetables taste better, but are a low-calorie, bulky food. You can’t stay full all day on nothing but lettuce. Beans get old. I’ll usually toss a few spoonfuls of salsa to change the taste. When I cook lentils, sometimes, I’ll cook it in beef broth with fried onions and garlic to make a tasty change.

For dinner, I have whatever vegetables we are cooking for the kids, a scoop of beans, and a protein that usually isn’t cooked for the family.

The protein source varies based on whatever was on sale when we went grocery shopping. It can be steak, chicken, or anything else. This week, we bought 16 chicken drumsticks. We spread them out on a cookie sheet and seasoned them 3 different ways, just for variety. Some got garlic salt, some got Italian seasoning, and some got a Greek rub. After an hour in a 350 degree oven, we had a delicious meal.

If I feel a need for a snack, or a craving for sweets, I just take a spoonful of peanut butter. It helps.

Exercise

I’m not doing any major form of exercise. I wanted to test the diet on its own merits, first. What I am doing is some timed exercises shortly before and 90 minutes after I eat, when I remember. The exercises are resistance-based and 60-90 seconds in duration. The purpose is to crank up my metabolism before the food gets introduced into my body, and then keep it up and running for a while afterward.

I use a mid-level elastic rehab strap, doubled-over twice. I do 75 chest extensions about 5 minutes before I eat. Most days, I forget to do them again 90 minutes later. There are any number of other exercises that would work, including air squats or push-ups.

Supplements

I am not your doctor. In fact, I am not a doctor in any capacity. Similarly, I am not a nutritionist, a dietitian, or even a board-certified snake-oil salesman. I have no qualifications here, in any way, shape or form. Follow this at your own risk.

I take 5 supplements.

Policosanal. This is an herbal supplement that is supposed to help with cholesterol, which is a helpful thing to do when you are on a low-carb, high-protein diet. More importantly, a side effect is weight loss. Hurray for helpful side effects!

Alpha-lipoic Acid(ALA). This is an antioxidant that helps your body produce vitamins C and E. It is also supposed to inhibit triglyceride and fat storage. To quote from the book, “ALA helps you store the carbohydrates you ea in your liver as opposed to in fat.”

Decaffeinated Green Tea Extract. This inhibits your body’s ability to store carbs as fat and it accelerates fat cell death. The second bit means it should help prevent the rebounding so many dieters experience.

Garlic Extract. This assists with cholesterol management and the inhibition of fat regain.

B Complex. I take a B complex vitamin with vitamin C. The B vitamins help balance out some of the things the rest of the supplement regimen does to cellular metabolism while giving your overall metabolism a boost.

I take the whole mess in the morning and again before bed. Shortly before lunch and dinner, I take the ALA, green tea extract and garlic extract.

Ice

As a pure body-hack, I ice my upper back every night. I have an ice-pack sheet that I place on my upper back for 30-45 minutes each night before bed. This lowers my core body temperature, forcing my body to work harder to maintain 98.6 degrees. That burns calories. An additional benefit: getting cold makes you tired, which helps with my chronic insomnia.

This combination of factors has resulted in my losing an average of .7 pounds per day, without meaningful exercise. It’s a violation of a number traditional dieting principles, but it’s working. Is everything I’m doing necessary? Useful? Possibly not. Over the next few months, I’m going to be experimenting with dropping individual pieces of the plan, to see if my rate of loss drops for any of it.

For now, it’s working, and doing so at a rate I like. Dieting usually sucks, because the results are so slow. This is much more satisfying.

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