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A few years ago, I was playing a game a friend was developing. As part of the setup he asked me to tell him something I believed as a child but now knew not to be true. My answer? Girls don’t fart.
When I was at summer camp one year, a camp counselor gave me that glorious and confusing bit of knowledge. He sounded serious and I was young, with no sisters. Naturally, this entered my personal Canon of Life’s Facts. Over the next few years, I’d get into arguments with my friends that went something like “I don’t care if you have 10 sisters! You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Yes, I could be a little jerk. I don’t think that misconception was actually cleared up until high school. It’s not that I actively believed it, but I had no reason to think about it. That was just the way it was. Girls certainly didn’t fart around me.
 Stinky I’m married with three kids, two of which are beautiful(and gassy!) little girls. A belief doesn’t get more shattered than this one.
Now, some 25 years later, I find myself occasionally running into other beliefs that I’ve seemingly always had, but have no reason to keep. These are–or were–part of my personal Canon. Once accepted, even if they were only accepted implicitly, they have been unexamined and unquestioned. It’s just the way it is.
For many years, I thought debt was normal. Everybody had payments. Everybody used credit cards. Everybody lived beyond their means. Right? No. The reality is that it’s not everybody, and the people who are living beyond their means are living a broken system. Normal is spending actual money for things you can actually afford. Normal is not paying for the use of someone else’s money. Everything else is dysfunctional.
Another Canonical Misconception was that money could take care of itself. I didn’t know anybody with a budget. The closest anybody came was the “balance available” line on an ATM receipt. Couple this with an unquestioning acceptance of debt, and it’s no wonder how I ended buried under my credit cards. Having a budget is important. Knowing where your money has gone and where it is supposed to go is important. Without this, you’ll never be in control of your finances.
I’ve often thought that you get what you pay for. Assuming that more money somehow causes something to be of better quality or utility is dangerously expensive. There is a level that means something is so cheap it can’t possibly be worthwhile, but there is a huge spectrum of quality above the garbage price point. There is also a line above which no manufacturing can improve the cost and you are paying strictly for the brand or the ego boost. In today’s world, with stores and manufactures all around the world just a click away, it’s easier than ever to find a good deal for a good price.
These are just a few of the ideas I’ve held without question until they were shattered suddenly. Now, I try to examine my beliefs and make sure they still make sense in the face of my current knowledge and experience.
What Canonical Misconceptions have you overcome?
Update: This post has been included in the Money Hacks Carnival.
When we initially developed our budget, we built it tight. Every penny was accounted for and had a place to go. I was so proud.
 Money, money Unfortunately, there were some problems with habitual-even compulsive-shopping in our house. The change from “whatever we wanted” to “it’s not budgeted” was too much, too fast.
After a few months of arguments, we agreed to set up a “blow money” line item in the budget. That’s money that is absolutely unaccountable. When a purchase comes out of that fund, no questions are allowed. Whether it’s a new pair of shoes for her, or a new book for me, nobody gets to fight over it. Sometimes, it’s a nice dinner out, other times it’s another gadget for the entertainment center. It’s never a problem.
This provides two major benefits.
First, it balances the feeling of sacrifice. If my wife never gets to buy anything, while at the same time, she’s watching our friends and neighbors flaunt their rampant consumerism, it makes her feel like she is giving up the good life. We aren’t lacking for anything, but the trappings of middle-class “success” can be expensive. Having an opportunity to participate in that horrible rat-race lessens the feeling that we are missing out. Rationally, we know that the right thing is not to spend that money, but emotionally, it’s a necessity.
Second, it’s a safety valve. Our finances are under tight control, which can cause pressure. Finances are, after all, one of the leading causes of divorce. Having a way to release that pressure makes everyone happier. Habitual shoppers experience shopping the same way drug addicts experience their “high”. That includes withdrawal. The safety valve turns this from a “cold turkey” method of quitting to a weaning of the addiction.
Another minor benefit is that the blow money can serve as an opportunity fund to bridge the gap between the discretionary budget and a desired purchase. Last week, we ran across a curio cabinet that exactly matches our living room, but we didn’t have it budgeted. Out comes the blow money, which, combined a portion of the discretionary budget and some negotiating, made the new cabinet affordable, without busting the budget.
This isn’t a system that works for everybody, but it keeps us on track.
How do you handle the stresses of a household budget?
Saving is hard. For years, we would either not save at all, or we’d save a bit, then rush to spend it. That didn’t get us very far. Years of pretending to save like this left us with nothing in reserve. Finally, we’ve figured out the strategy to save money.
 Save your money First and foremost, make more than you spend. This holds true at any level of income. If you don’t make much money, then you need to not spend much, either. Sometimes, this isn’t possible under current circumstances. In those cases, you need to either increase your income or decrease your expenses. Cut the luxuries and pick up a side hustle. The wider the gap between your bottom line and your top line, the easier it is to save.
Next, make a budget and stick to it. There is no better way to track both your income and your expenses. I’ve discussed budgets before, so I won’t address that in detail today. Short version: Make a budget. Use any software you like. Use paper if you want. Make it and use it.
Pay yourself first. The first expense listed on your budget should be you. Save first. If you can’t afford to save, you can’t afford some of the other items in your budget. Cut the cable or take the bus, but save your money. Without an emergency fund, your budget is just a empty dream when something unexpected comes up. And something unexpected always comes up.
Automate that payment to yourself. Don’t leave yourself any excuse not to make that payment. Set up an automated transfer to another bank and forget about it. Schedule the transfer to happen on payday, every payday.
Now comes the hard part: Forget about the money. Don’t check your balance. Don’t think about it in any way. Just ignore it. For the first month or two, this will be difficult. After that, you’ll forget it exists for a few months and come back amazed at how much you’ve saved.
If you don’t forget about it, and you decide to dip into the account, you are undoing everything you’ve worked so hard to save. Do yourself a favor and leave the money alone.
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