The Spending Styles of the Rocky Horror Picture Show

Everybody has a spending style.  Like a fingerprint, it is unique to each individual, even if that individual is fictional.

Since it is the Halloween season, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a Halloween movie, I’m going to look at how those characters spend their money.

Janet Weiss – A Heroine

Janet is the stereotype of every suburbanite soccer-mom-who-hasn’t-gotten-married-and-had-kids-yet. She wants to keep up with the Joneses(“It’s nicer than Betty Monroe had! [Oh Brad!]”) and she is obviously impressed by and envious of people who have all of the trappings of the “finer things”.  If she has a credit card, you can bet that it is peeling on the sides from over-use.   While she wears conservative clothes and sensible shoes to go visit an old mentor, she’s almost definitely got a closet full of fancy shoes and a drawer full of real-baby-seal-skin g-strings.   If Brad were smarter, he’d run, and not just because of her loyalty issues.   She’ll never be content with a sensible car and modest house.

Brad Majors – A Hero

Brad is a pompous jerk who thinks he’s better than those around him.  He’s also extremely conservative and slow to accept change.   He’s going to give Janet an allowance and complain every time she spends a penny of it.   His investment portfolio is well-balanced and configured for long-term growth and he’s going to rub your nose in it at the neighborhood barbecue.   To shut him up, just ask why his kid was born with an accent and garters.

Magenta – A Domestic

What’s a domestic?  Magenta is the most financially responsible person in the show.   She’s third -in-command of an alien invasion, but still takes on a second job?  That’s a woman planning for retirement.   She’s not going to rely on anyone to support her.   She knows how to enjoy a party, without having to spend all of her money on a glitter-suit.

Columbia – A Groupie (as Little Nell)

Columbia is incapable of making a decision that wasn’t pre-formed by her peer group.  She’s doomed to chase every fad, hoping it will impress those around her.  While she’ll always be remembered for her glitter-suit or the corset that isn’t quite tall enough, she’ll never be happy or have a spare penny in case of emergencies.

Riff Raff – A Handyman

Riff Raff has jealousy issues.  He sees his boss and commander throwing a party and having a good time, but, instead of working towards being able to do that himself, he kills his boss and steals his house.  He is greedy, jealous, and deceitful.  Don’t ever turn your back on him, or he’ll steal your wallet, hit you over the head and bury you in the backyard just so he can pretend it’s his party.

Eddie – Ex Delivery Boy (as Meatloaf)

Eddie is out of his head (H-E-D).   He’s the tag-a-long who will keep buying expensive dinners that he can’t afford in an attempt to impress whoever is around to see him pick up the check.  He isn’t sure how to fit in, but he’s positive that he can buy his way there.    In reality, he’s dead(spelled right) broke and will end up getting screwed.

Rocky Horror – A Creation

Here is the true blank slate.   He’s just seven hours old, so he’s got no bad habits to break.  Unfortunately, he’s never had to learn any hard lessons, so his head is easily turned by an glittered bauble or babbling, half-dressed flake.   He’s incapable of making an informed decision about anything, so he follows everyone around getting whatever they like.   He’ll spend his entire life getting by on his looks, which will almost always be successful, until life catches up to him and he dies broke and alone.

Dr. Frank-N-Furter – A Scientist

Frank knows how to throw a party.  He travels 12 billion light years brings not only a keg, but the entire party house with him.   Who wouldn’t want to be his friend?   There’s a fancy house, a room to stay in if you drink too much, pretty people being built in the lab, and gourmet corn-fed delivery-boy being served for dinner.   Watch out, though.  He doesn’t tend to his job.  One day,  the credit cards will be maxed, the bank will foreclose on the house and send it back to Sweet Transexual Transylvania, leaving Frank penniless.  Who will be his friend then?

Which Rocky character are you?

           Science Fiction
           Double Feature.
           Frank has built and
           Lost his creature.
           Darkness has conquered
           Brad and Janet.
           The servants gone to
           A distant planet.