5 Things Guaranteed To Annoy Your Wife

The grotesque nagging wife

The grotesque nagging wife (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One from the vaults….

If you’re married, or anything close to being married, you’ve irritated your wife.  Even if you think you are perfect and the epitome of unannoyingness, I promise, there has been a day when she strongly wished you traveled for a living.

It’s long been known that the two things most likely to break up a marriage are money and sex.   The former because there is too much, too little, or just the right amount going to the wrong places, and the latter because there is too much, too little,  it’s not with each other, or it is with each other, but you’d really prefer otherwise.   If your problem is the latter, I can’t help you.

If your problem is the former, I can help you understand some things you may be doing that are driving her batty.   Kill-you-in-your-sleep-and-pretend-it-was-the-dog type of  batty.

1.  Nagging her about her shopping, but buying whatever you want.  Gentlemen, this is known as a double standard.   Don’t do it.  In my house, my wife’s on an allowance.   It was her idea.  A few months later, I realized that I needed to be on one, too.   Naturally, her allowance is bigger than mine.   I don’t mind the disparity, because she still smokes.  If her allowance didn’t give her room to smoke and shop, her allowance would be nothing more than a polite fiction.  Whatever you do, find something that works for both of you and meets both of your needs, fairly.    Anything else will only build a resentment that will burn for a long time.

2.  Nagging her about her shopping, yet demanding she do all of the shopping.   My wife has a weakness: clearance tags.  If something is on sale, there’s a good chance it’s going to come to our house.   I have an aversion to shopping.  I hate it.   Our budget dies a little bit each time my wife shops alone.     We’ve come to an agreement.   Now, I do most of the shopping, so she doesn’t feel tempted.   I’m learning to embrace my inner material girl so we don’t have to have “discussions” every time she steps out for milk and comes home with $100 worth of clothes for the younger brats.

3.  Nagging her about her shopping.  Nobody likes being nagged.   If you’re having a problem that keeps repeating itself, talking about it more won’t help.  Neither will talking about it louder.   You need to find a way to communicate that she will hear and understand.    Different people communicate in different ways.    Find the way that works for both of you.

4.  Nagging her.   A wise man once said, if everyone around you is a jerkface, maybe the problem isn’t everyone around you.   Have you ever considered the idea that the problem might be you?   If nagging is the only way you have to deal with people, you need to work on that.  Don’t blame her.  Maybe you’re ticked off about something that isn’t irritating.  If that’s the case, she certainly has the right to be annoyed that you are nagging her.

5.  Going on and on about how much you’d like to be me.   Yes, I live the rockstar life, driving the station wagon with 6 disc changer and all.  Yes, I am the neatest thing since sliced bread, and even that was a close contest, but really, confidence is important.  You don’t have to be me to be cool.  You’re swell, too.   You’re right, this one isn’t about money, but it’s probably still irritating.

There you have it, my perfect solution to a happy marriage: don’t nag and quit trying to be me.     There are other important bits, like love, respect, and communication, but this is a good start.

What do you do that annoys your spouse?

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